Modern Romance: An Investigation

I really enjoyed this well-researched, easy-to-read and fun book on modern dating. I experienced both the more traditional dating scene in in 1990s and the modern landscape in the 2010s: different experiences to be sure but lots of similar aspects as well. From my perspective, Ansari does a good job of capturing the similarities, differences, pitfalls and attractions of dating, especially in a modern era.
I also enjoyed how he showed the longevity of relationships and how they shift over time. There is definitely a lot to be learned, especially at a time where there is pressure to "live your best life" at all times.
The jokes are sometimes cringey but I definitely did laugh out loud, and they made the book all the more pleasurable to show more read.
I would definitely recommend it to anyone the dating scene and beyond, even if this book was already published 10 years ago. show less

Aziz Ansari teams up with sociologist Eric Klinenberg to explore love and marriage - what makes our "modern romance" in the age of texting and online dating different from generations before?

I mostly enjoyed reading this book. The humor sometimes fell a little flat, and I would've preferred a less comedic version of the same statistics. And I ultimately came away with a different take than Ansari did about his own findings: he concludes (and I'm not really giving anything away, I could see this throughout earlier chapters) that while maybe relationships have become more difficult now because we are looking for soulmates, we ultimately have a better chance of having the excitement of passionate love, and it's worth it. My take? I saw a show more parallel (that he doesn't draw in the text) between what he terms the "good enough" long-lasting marriages of yesteryear with the companionate (long-term, like family) love that grows even as passionate (excitement and like a drug of a new relationship) love wanes in a long-term relationship. While I have experienced the benefits of emerging adulthood (that time between moving out of your parents' house and settling down), and cultural acceptance of not marrying, and wouldn't say technology is all bad, either, I think that one of the downsides of having more potential dating options than "the girl next door" has made us less likely to be content in general. So, I ended up reading against his narrative a lot of the time even while I was taking in the information. Interesting, but not life-changing stuff. show less

from Laura:

Comedian Aziz Ansari and sociologist Eric Klinenberg explore the history of dating and courtship rituals in Modern Romance. Topics covered include online dating, marriage, texting, sexting, cheating, snooping, soul mates, monogamous vs. monogamish, and more. The pair conducted research all over the world and it was fun to hear about the different ways that other cultures define and pursue relationships.

Ansari's delivery is much like his stand-up: timely and topical, rapid-fire and a little abrasive, but not *too* crass, and of course, very funny. As a listener (rather than a reader), I was treated to some audiobook asides that made me laugh pretty hard. He performed some quotes from his focus groups with funny accents, show more something like: "I don't remember what she actually sounded like. I just imagined that she had a southern accent because she said 'tizzy.'" Also, "I've always wanted to use the word 'whopping' to describe a statistic, and I think we can all agree, that statistic? Is whopping."

"Firm takeaway from all our interviews with women is that most dudes out there are straight-up bozos." I enjoyed the subsequent liberal use of the word "bozo" throughout the book. Also, "bing-bong."

From the introduction:"This is the audiobook of my book, Modern Romance, and I'm gonna read it to you. God, you're so lazy! You don't have time to read it yourself, you want me to read it to you? Alright. Um, this should be fun! [pause] I wonder what you're doing right now. Are you like, curled up in bed with some tea by a fire...have you thrown this MP3 on? Ooooh...that sounds nice. Alright. Are you getting irritated that I haven't started the book yet? What if I spent another five minutes talking about how lazy you are for not actually reading the physical book? No, I'm not. Here we go."

I think this book is better enjoyed via audio than print, if you don't mind being occasionally berated by Aziz for listening to it rather than reading it. show less

This book surprised me. I expected it to be another memoir/biography/essay collection by a famous comedian/actor. I've read a lot of these and would have been satisfied. However, this book is actually a thoughtful and somewhat rigorous look at the experience of dating in the modern world.

How has technology changed the dating landscape? Does online dating services make it more difficult to find love? Are people happier now or less happy? And what does the rest of the world think about these issues? Using interviews and panels around the globe, Aziz tackles a complex issue with humor and thoughtfulness. I totally respect Aziz for choosing a topic for his book other than himself - although I would totally read that book too.

Surprisingly well-researched, insightful, and funny, Modern Romance - a team effort between Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg - is a great read/listen for anyone who is interested in how romance and relationships have(n't) changed along with modern technology (i.e. the Internet and smartphones). There is solid social science here, from other books and studies in the field (e.g. Helen Fisher, Stephanie Coontz) as well as original research conducted with reddit and at Aziz's live shows. The authors even conduct interviews at nursing homes to get stories of how elderly people met their spouses.
Though most of the authors' research was conducted in big cities or online, they also examine the dating scenes in Tokyo, Paris, and Buenos Aires.

One show more of the main takeaways is that more choice is not always better, and that the Internet - and/or simply living in a big, walkable city where other "options" are constantly on display - presents more choices (or at least the illusion of more choices). If your goal is to find a mate and settle down, your best bet is to give fewer people more chances - go on more third dates than first dates. Many people are successfully meeting online through dating sites or apps, but the old-fashioned way - meeting through friends, or friends of friends - is still good too.

Quotes - TK

I listened to the audiobook (highly recommended!) but Amazon's "Look Inside" feature is disabled for this book so I can't quote accurately from my scribbled notes.

"There were rooms in my heart [I didn't realize were there until I had children]"

From the Conclusion: We have different tools for communication and connection now but face-to-face contact is still the best. show less

I have to admit, when I pick up a book written by a "celebrity" I immediately and skeptically assume there's a ghostwriter. But although Aziz Ansari's co-author and research partner Eric Klinenberg is an NYU sociologist, I'm convinced Ansari actually did much of this very entertaining writing. The two spent two years conducting focus groups, researching and interviewing about individuals' and couples' use of modern and cutting-edge technology with respect to finding, maintaining and ending romantic relationships, and the results are at once unsurprising, intriguing and somewhat worrying. There are a number of laugh-out-loud passages -- recommended!

This book was wonderfully hilarious, incredibly interesting, and although it was non-fiction, it sparked a wide range of emotions in me. Aziz Ansari is such a funny comedian, and I loved his sense of humour in this book so much, that after I finished reading it, I watched hours of his stand up comedy. I love it! His personality jumped off the page and I laughed out loud multiple times. It was kind of embarrassing when I was reading it on the bus... but moving on...

Modern Romance talks about what it is to date and fall in love in the modern age. It covers all kinds of topics, such as comparing love and dating in the present day to fifty years ago. Although fifty years is not a long time, the change has been incredible due to the show more introduction of technology to our dating lives. In fact, one of the main focuses of this book is the impact of technology on dating and I was transfixed. I don't know why, but I found this whole topic incredibly interesting! As someone who didn't really date all that much before I found the guy I'm with now, I was fascinated by the modern dating world. Honestly I was in the middle of wishing I got to explore this world a little more, but ultimately I found myself being incredibly thankful that I've found my person, because this new world seems very scary! 😛

Even though I gave this book five teacups without hesitation, there was one tiny negative for me, but I know that it is entirely a personal hangup. Near the end of the book, Ansari starts researching and discussing open relationships. It made me kind of uncomfortable because I didn't like the idea of an open relationship at all! I couldn't knock any stars off the book for it because it is an aspect of modern romance and it is definitely worth an investigation. Plus it was interesting to read about people who enjoy or have experienced an open relationship. The fact that I wouldn't want one doesn't take anything away from this book or my opinion of the people who do agree to open relationships.

Now on to more parts that I loved! I really enjoyed reading about online dating, dating in different cultures, and the interviews with the older and younger generations. The interviews in the nursing home were hilarious to read, simply because of Ansari's account of interacting with the elders. Also, looking at early courting text messages between people made me nostalgic for my own, and I actually went through my early chat logs with my boyfriend. It made me very giddy 😊

One of the major thought-provoking observations Ansari makes is the fact that the modern generation is so obsessed with finding the perfect person, that they often let awesome people slip through their fingertips. The older generation seemed to just marry the first person who came along, and they worked hard, fell in love, and developed strong friendships. With online dating and seeking perfection, we always have that thought in the back of our minds that there could be someone else, someone better, someone who doesn't leave dirty socks all over the apartment! It was so interesting to realize that slight imperfections could now become deal breakers because, due to online dating, we have a seemingly infinite amount of fish in the sea. As Ansari states, the bigger pool could be a contradictory downfall that seriously hinders us from finding "the one."

One aspect I would have liked to see explored a little bit more was long distance relationships. I (unfortunately) had to suffer a long distance relationship for six months, and I would have liked to see the research, or the impact of technology on those kinds of relationships. I could probably write my own book on that topic 😛 Long distance sucks, and personally, I was eternally grateful for the technology at our fingertips to keep in touch. I would definitely like to read a book about the relationship dynamic and technological impacts of long distance relationships, although it might just drag up some bad memories!

So, needless to say I highly, highly, HIGHLY recommend this book. It is the perfect combination of funny and informative, and it is definitely one of the best non-fiction books I've read. This will certainly be one of my favourite books of 2016! show less