The Relic Master

(audio) At the timie f the Reformation and Luther's 95 thesis', Dismas is a "relic hunter", a man who aquires religious artifacts for his wealthy clients; part of the true cross, a thorn from the Crown, the toe bone from a famous Saint. Its the end of the time of buhing indulgences to lessen your time in purgatory and owning a relic can take years off of your time. It is a very lucruative business, but times are getting tough and Dismas and his friend, the German painter Albrecht Durer, conspire to make a shroud (yes THAT shroud) that would beat all the other shrouds that exist. They plan to sell it to an unsuspecting, greedy noble. But when the true nature of the shroud is discovered, the story turns from the funny historical fiction show more novel I thought it was to a "Ocean-11esque" caper/thriller in the 16th Century, where Dismas puts a team together to try to steal the shroud back.

This was a very engaging, funny and satrical story that is just this side of plausible. Espcially, given the continued questioning of the authenticity of the Shroud of Turin, I continually thought that it was possible that Durer could have "painted" the shroud we know today. This is my third Buckley read, I've enjoyed everyone. Looking forward to reading more of his work.

Read by : James Langton

8/10

S: 2/13/18 - 2/26/18 (14 Days) show less

I received an advance copy from NetGalley for which I offer many thanks.

Thankfully Mr. Buckley has not given up politic satire. After the acknowledgements in the book I found the most concise and telling summary: "During the 2016 election cycle, he concluded that American politics were sufficiently self-satirizing, and decided to venture backward in time, to a more innocent, less cynical era and place, like, say, sixteenth-century Holy Roman Empire, where he found splendid material and characters, some of whom actually existed."

While I found the beginning overly complicated I couldn't help laughing when I came upon phrasing with regard to: pricing Indulgences.
"As soon as the coin in the coffer rings, The soul from Purgatory springs."

If show more you are acquainted with sixteenth century history many of the participants of this story will be familiar and if you were not at student of this century Mr. Buckley has done a fine job of fleshing out these characters. The story is well told and creates many anxious moments and reads as well as a modern day spy/intrigue novel.

For those with a cynical nature can we help but wonder how much has really changed? Well written Mr Buckley and thoroughly enjoyed. show less

(Reprinted from the Chicago Center for Literature and Photography [cclapcenter.com]. I am the original author of this essay, as well as the owner of CCLaP; it is not being reprinted illegally.)

So first, a shameful confession, that I haven't read anything by the brilliant writer Christopher Buckley since his 1994 Thank You For Smoking; and that's almost a punishable crime, given the half-dozen smart and cynical books he's churned out since then, an author who is nominally a Republican (he's the son of famed conservative William F. Buckley, and early in his career he was a speechwriter for the elder George Bush), but whose political satires tend to skewer the stupid and corrupt no matter what their particular partisan leanings. So how show more great for all of us, then, that Buckley recently declared it impossible to write decent political satire in an age of the Tea Party and Trump, and instead has released his first-ever historical novel, the delightfully wicked and profane Medieval comedy The Relic Master; for this is Buckley being just as naughty as he is with contemporary tales, but in this one lampooning no less than the entire Catholic Church, delivering what is essentially a zany caper about a pair of con artists who fool the church into buying what we now in contemporary times know as the venerated Shroud of Turin.

For those who don't know, the Shroud is supposedly the actual cloth that Jesus's dead body was wrapped in after crucifixion, seared with the outline of his naked body from the electricity that came from his resurrection; and back in the years after the Roman Empire but before the Renaissance, it was a crown jewel in what was at the time a booming business in holy relics among Catholic churches, literally hundreds of thousands of objects from the tiny (pinkie toes of minor saints) to the immense (splinters from the cross that Jesus was nailed to), that were tied in closely to the Catholic practice in those days of "indulgences," in which one could literally buy their way into heaven by paying museum-type admission fees to churches to go pray in front of such relics. That's a big part of what makes Buckley's novel so enjoyable, is that it's an extremely well-researched and factual look at all of these subjects and more, including the Martin-Luther-led Protestant movement in those years that was expressly a rebellion against such indulgences; but then Buckley wraps all these facts and figures into a very witty fictional story, one grounded in the real world where all the characters are quite aware of the semi-scams all these practices are, even the Catholic officials themselves, and where decisions over things like Luther's protection against popish prosecution are acknowledged as mostly political maneuvers that have little to do with actual religious piety. A fairly thick novel but one that I flew through in just a few days, this will be a hit both among existing Buckley fans and those who enjoy any good skewering of organized religion, and it comes strongly recommended to all but the most self-righteous Catholics.

Out of 10: 9.5 show less

Master Dismas is a relic trader, an honest one, or so he thinks. Because of one small misstep, instigated by his close friend Albrecht (Nars) Durher, his life spins out of control. Such is the basic premise of The Relic Master without giving away much else of the plot.

There are two completely different sides to this inventive novel by Christopher Buckley. The first one is that this is a carefully plotted romp through the renaissance full of colorful and outlandish characters we shouldn't take that seriously. The other perspective you can take is that this is a well developed critique of the Catholic Church and its practices in placed in the proper context and time. If this book were just a good yarn nobody would go to the deeper side show more of its telling. However, there is an aroma of something more, something more elaborate and well crafted. Some other reviewers have hinted to this duality in the novel but have used it against it, not altogether unjustly. The novel sometimes reads like an Umberto Eco work written by Dan Brown and Christopher Moore.

Throughout the novel such an enormous amount of historical detail is given that you can't help but wonder how the author meant the book to be read. Why so much research for a novel which is at it's core a medieval adventure about abbots and tarts. You're left with wondering what it would have been like if the language had been more in line with the historical dignity. Not that high language is always appropriate for an historical adventure, but this felt almost like a long joke or a detailed attempt and historically accurate toilet humor.

Having said that I enjoyed the novel tremendously having learned more from this work than many learned textbooks about the same period. show less

The quirky ensemble cast in The Relic Master reminded me of the equally unique citizens of Koblenz who are immortalized in the aldstadt of that city on the banks of the Rhine and Mosel. On the Mittelrhein Museum, below the clock there is the face of Johann Lutter von Kobern, a highway robber from the 16th century. At his hanging, he rolled his eyes, stuck out his tongue, and told the people if they built him a memorial he would bring them luck. So they did. Every half hour, the clock chimes, he sticks out his tongue and rolls his eyes. There are also statues of memorable local residents such as The Candy Man, The Peppermint Lady (an elderly, alcoholic who reportedly sassed the baby Jesus in the Nativity at Holy Mary’s Church), The show more Drummer Boy (another local drunk who walked around town drumming the alarm), and The Market Wife and Policeman (she is complaining to him about a neighbor’s dog who has urinated on her basket). Lastly, there is “the schaengel” (little John) at the Rathaus (old city hall). This sculpture of a little boy gleefully spits water at onlookers. When French soldiers occupied the city on 2 occasions, under Louis XIV and Napoleon, they often fathered children with local women. Many of the soldiers were named John, so their sons became known as "little Johns”.

I think the characters of The Relic Master fit in well with this group. We have Dismas, (the former mercenary and now earnest relic master for the pompous Archbishop of Mainz and Frederick the Wise, Elector of Saxony), his friend Albrecht Dürer (the preening and cantankerous artist),a beautiful apothecary damsel in distress, and the bumbling hitmen of the Archbishop. After the Archbishop discovers Dismas and Dürer have sold him a fake shroud of Jesus, he forces them to steal the “real” shroud being displayed in Chambery in order to save their lives. To keep them from running away, he sends along his henchmen. The group then sets out to travel to Chambery where they find another group also planning to steal the shroud. Along the way, they encounter many colorful characters with hilarious results.

It’s historical fiction, road story, and humor all set to the backdrop of Church corruption and the start of the Reformation. The history is well-researched, and the attention to detail is impressive. The dialogue is witty and snappy. I found myself laughing out loud many times, which caused the lady on the treadmill next to me to stare and give me “the look”.

I absolutely loved this book, and highly recommend it. In fact, I would love for someone to adapt it to the screen. I would be first in line to see it. show less

indulgences and fraud--a satirical romp through church history!

Set at the time of the Reformation and Luther's famous Ninety-Five Theses, Buckley has treated us to a walk through history (in this case, religious) that equals '1066 and All That'. Witty, humorous and telling. We are privy to the vagaries and voracities of the powerful--archbishops and electors, their purchases of artifacts that will increase the big business of indulgences and line their coffers. Buckley's portrayal of Frederick the Wise seems slightly more sympathetic. His collecting of relics appears more that of a genuine interest in the relics themselves, and a concern for their authenticity--he has the soul of a true collector. For Albert of Mainz indulgences are his show more way forward, they are about competition and power, the road to the Vatican and the supreme position. And now that Rome has issued a 'bull' decreeing that all indulgences sold by Albert have a special dispensation, indulgences in other parts of Europe are not as valuable in terms of the spiritual journeys of the faithful.
Dismas is a relic Hunter of exceptional ability and one who takes pride in his work. When he refuses to buy the supposed boat of St Peter, his patron Albrecht of Mainz is not happy. Albrecht's answer to Dismas' failure becomes obvious when Dismas next passes through.
Along with Dismas I am amazed at the sheer number of bones of saints, etc. that litter the religious houses of Europe and beyond. I am equally amazed by the various categories that relics cover--such as lapidary (from rocks Jesus walked on to stones thrown at the saints).
Meanwhile Dismas' other patron, Frederick the Wise, Elector of Saxony, is sheltering the now infamous Martin Luther. We know that these decisions are history changing moments.
With his friend and drinking buddy Albert Dürer, Dismas decides to forge the Shroud of Turin and sell it to Albrecht. Unfortunately Dürer lets pride take over and through a curious set of circumstances the shroud is exposed as a fake. Unhappy, Albrecht forces Dismas and Dürer to steal a replacement, the celebrated Shroud of Chambéry. A journey that is fraught with danger, betrayal and fraud. More interesting characters are added including the gorgeous Magda, a female apothecary.
The secondary characters are wonderful, the casual references to the now famed gives a human face to the past. The court painter Cranach 'dour...and rather full of himself', the loathsomeness of Tetzel as he eyes the main chance for procuring the best prices for indulgences penances, reducing the time of punishment for sins committed.
This journey is one of comic happenstance. An adventurous romp through a fascinating time in church history with a couple of delightful well meaning rogues directing the action.

A NetGalley ARC show less

And now, for something completely different...

In the past month (or so), I've read books on Copernicus, Galileo, Kepler, and the Enlightenment. It's a fascinating and transformative period in history. The Relic Master is set at the beginning of this time, and although it's not a scholarly work (actually, it's a bit of a farce), it provides comically distorted (but not entirely inaccurate) snapshots of some historic characters, and it captures something of how people of the 16th century lived and how they saw the world.

This is a quick and fun read about a Relic Master, a fellow hired to obtain 'holy' relics such as the bones of saints and other related artifacts for personages of wealth and power. Our protagonist's current assignment is show more to snatch a shroud, purported to be that of Jesus himself. Mayhem ensues.

You don't come across historical comic fiction often, which is kind of a shame. Although the 16th-17th centuries were undoubtedly a difficult time to live, there's a lot of comic potential in looking back at them from a safe distance. It's also important to read about them, even as fictional tales (provided they are not cleaned up and romanticized), lest we forget how far we have come and how much our lives have improved since then. show less