Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape

Two books I recommend that every human of every age read: 1. Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape by Peggy Orenstein. 2. Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity by Peggy Orenstein.

Should be required reading for all Preteens, Teens, New Adults, their Parents & Grandparents. It goes a long way to explaining the US's rape culture and the tacit complicity of which all of us are guilty. Knowledge is power. We, as individuals and as a society, can do much better.

"Girls & Sex" rings true. It makes me both sad and furious for any girl or woman of any age who lacks the sex education and self-confidence to demand a fulfilling and joyful sex life. This book is both a wake-up call show more and a sexual bill of rights for females. Good sex is a reciprocal act. It is not a performance on demand. It does not require acting, faking orgasms, or servicing men (or women) who show no consideration, interest or knowledge of your needs or wants. The best & most enjoyable sexual contact (of any kind) is when sober and is fully consensual. If you feel the need to be drunk or drugged in order to have sex, that's a serious red flag. show less

Peggy Orenstein has written a great book that parents of both boys and girls should read. It has its limitations; her pool of interviewees is imperfect, for example (with only about 70 girls, it can only do so much). Parents should steel themselves not to panic and start generalizing from stories; I started doing that.

The value of the book is in the way it asks us to reconceptualize how we discuss and present sexuality to teens, especially girls. Orenstein takes the expected shots at abstinence only education and purity, but she's also skeptical of sexuality as empowerment: the girls interviewed still use it in a performative way that is about the desire of those (usually boys) that they wish to attract. Is that really so empowering? show more The overall theme is how the girls haven't really been given the tools and encouragement to seek out sex and relationships on their terms, and to do what they want, when they want, with whom they want. They don't have adequate education about sex and sexuality for the most part--and what they do have is negative. They know how to avoid HIV and pregnancy, but they don't have a positive image of what they do want. Meanwhile, the boys have acquired the attitude that they are entitled to sex and that their own desires and pleasure is what counts, not that of the girls they see.

The final chapter is devoted to discussing what we need to do to change this and give our kids lessons about sex and sexuality that will lead to true self respect (not chewing-gum metaphors) and respect for their partners. We need to get past our own prudishness about talking about sex.

I'd give it 4.5 stars if I could. show less

Depressing and scary; Orenstein focuses on college-bound girls, a demographic close to my own heart, and finds that they don’t have a good vocabulary for figuring out what they want or a solid understanding that they have the right to enjoy sexual encounters. For the ones who have sex with young men, giving blowjobs is standard and even a way to keep emotional distance, as well as a way to avoid intercourse, but reciprocity is rare. At the end, Orenstein talks about how to teach girls that they deserve pleasure, and suggests that practicing scenarios—or even just figuring out in advance what you want and don’t want, and how you will say no and yes—can help them avoid regrets, even though they won’t necessarily avoid broken show more hearts. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention alcohol, because Orenstein emphasizes how girls can use alcohol to navigate the highly culturally policed line between slut (wanted to have sex sober!) and prude (doesn’t want sex at all!) in ways that are harmful and leave them more vulnerable to coercion. show less

Girls & Sex is an incredibly approachable book with a candidness to it that I think is essential for a text on such an uncomfortable topic. However, it is a very informal study and exploration which really only begins to skim the surface of such a complex, sensitive topic. One that, while compelling and emotional, presented me with a number of misgivings.

The objectification of women, sexualization of young girls, the issues of consent and sexual assault, and double standards surrounding women and sex are all topics I have strong opinions on. Yet when I read nonfiction I expect and look forward to being challenged. Girls & Sex touches on all of these important subjects, but in a manner that was primarily only validating to me, a show more reader that likely already agrees with Orenstein on most of these issues. My other primary concern with Girls & Sex is the limited scope of Orenstein's sample population. While she acknowledges a limited diversity in the ethnic and social backgrounds of her subjects, it gave me the impression in reading that this study was narrow and offered a picture of only a very specific sample of young women in America. Also problematic for me was Orenstein's decision to forgo any sort of in text citations. This is not only bizarre, but incredibly frustrating when wanting to clarify her references.

However, despite weak areas, Orenstein's reframing of how we discuss sexual development and intercourse with young people is critically important. Girls & Sex is flawed, but its messages on our need for fostering more open communication between parents and children while tackling issues of self-respect and lack of agency in young women are not. show less

This was a very interesting, if sad, read. Orenstein does a lot of good things with this book but she does miss some very important things too. The young ladies she interviews are mostly white, straight, upper-middle class. So her information is in that direction. But within that, she does give some excellent and insightful information. Orenstein lets the young women talk about themselves, for themselves and how they navigate this current culture. They define the current teen buzz words and what they mean in current teen culture. It was enlightening, scary, and very concerning, just in general, for me. What the young women know and what they do not know, what is rape, what is consent, and what is an orgasm are all in this book. show more Orenstein does offer some solutions to the fear of 'hook-up' culture but how many people will be willing or able to do them is the remaining question. An interesting read one way or another.

I give this book a Four of Five stars. show less

This is a very interesting read for anyone who works with young adults. It has some thoughtful insights that helped me to understand some of the behaviors of my students. I may end up recommending it to some of my college freshmen.

Food for thought on conversations I'll have with my kids in the future. Yikes.