Pretend I'm Dead

This was an oddball, prickly little book, but well done—it flirts with being what I call misery porn, but is saved by its utter unpredictability at every step.

The narrator, Mona, is somewhat of an aimless hot mess in her early 20s, cleaning houses, taking photographs, collecting odds and ends (both human and inanimate), staying home alone a lot, and musing at length on everything that crosses her path, But she's not really a mope so much as dry and prickly, even as regards her neglected, abusive childhood. Beagin's decision to stick to the third person is a good one, I think, taking the sharpest edge of indulgence away from Mona's voice. But what kept me along for the ride was the fact that you never had any idea where it was going show more at any given moment—a refreshing place to be as a reader. Also, I'm always interested in personal takes on housecleaning, fictional or non-, and Mona's engagement with what she did was all about the act of cleaning itself, rather than any class or societal implications—so, obviously fictional, but kind of intriguing nonetheless.

This read more like something I would have been into in my 20s, a disaffected Denis-Johnsonish type narrative, but young and female, and in parts I found myself annoyed by its haplessness. But overall the novel was just so weird that it stayed in my good graces. Even the format—four extremely loosely linked long chapters—made sense as a way to narrate a clearly very episodic life. I have the sequel and will definitely give it a whirl as well. show less

Quirky, quippy, grotesque - all covered in this brief adventure of a cleaning woman, a modern day slightly older-but-just-as-wiseass-Holden-Caufield, on the wrong path to nowhere. The novel begins in Lowell ("The Hole"), MA, where Mona volunteers handing out clean works to junkies and falls in love with one - the way older Mr. Disgusting. He's got his attractions - or maybe one - he's a good conversationalist when he's not nodding out. As is Mona - she's actually pretty hilarious and has a self-denigrating snappy remark for most occasions. She's also off her meds. When Lowell and Mona's time with Mr. Disgusting come to a pitiful end, she takes her chaos on the road to Taos, where she has internal discussions with God ("Bob"), and meets show more a psychic with true ability; a mindful neighbor couple (Yoko and Yoko); and an actual best friend. There are plenty of laughs here, but it's still a very sad recounting.

Quotes: "She'd always equated the viewing of other people's personal snapshots with hearing about the dream they'd had the previous night."

"Do you have trouble saying no to people?" "No", Mona said. "I mean yes." show less

Pretend I'm Dead by Jen Beagin

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


This was one I had actually read the kindle sample for and was very excited about reading. Then forgot about for months. But I finally got around to it!

I didn’t love it as much as I wanted to, it was fun in a grimy way but it just lacked something to get my really excited about it.

What I liked

- Mona has such a strong and distinct character voice that at first I didn’t realise that it was third person perspective until another character was introduced!
- Her life feels messy, and lived in in a realistic way. It’s chaotic, and concerning, but sadly believable.
- The supporting cast of characters are a bunch of fun oddballs (Mr Disgusting, Yoko and Yoko, Betty, Johnny), perhaps show more bordering on the cartoonish but I enjoyed that vibe.
- It is frequently funny. It was usually Mona’s response to other characters that had me cracking up. I really enjoyed the visuals when she was attempting to spy on Johnny.

What didn’t work

- The sample had got me hooked, and it does start very strong but I found it lost focus in the final two thirds (post-Mr Disgusting). The plot just becomes a little aimless, but then so does Mona.,
- This is not a book for anyone easily offended. While I do think that most of the wilder criticism I’ve seen in Goodreads reviews is reaching1 there are a few racist slurs, and it does deal with childhood sexual abuse in an uncomfortable way. Some of these things did feel like they were for shock value because ultimately to me the book felt it lacked substance.
- Something was missing. I definitely felt empathy and very sad for her shitty childhood, but I never felt connected or engaged with Mona. I struggled to relate to her I think. I was happy to be along for her journey but in the end I don’t feel like anything resonated.

I don’t think I’m going to remember this one in 6 months, but I’m interested to read Big Swiss still by the same author. If I can find it on a deal!

You can read this review and more on my blog



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(Reprinted from the Chicago Center for Literature and Photography [cclapcenter.com]. I am the original author of this essay, as well as the owner of CCLaP; it is not being reprinted illegally.)

Any book that starts with a young volunteer at a needle exchange developing a crush on one of her junkie clients, deducing from his refusal of sterilizing equipment that he's not sharing his needles and is therefore single and eligible, is definitely a book for me; and that's merely page 1 of Jen Beagin's remarkably subversive Pretend I'm Dead, all the more astounding for coming out from the esteemed academic publisher Triquarterly Books at Northwestern University. A nearly perfect combination of character, plot and dialogue, this short "novel in show more stories" tells the engaging tale of super-messed-up protagonist Mona, a twentysomething slacker in a pre-iPhone world who starts the book as the only young white house-cleaner in the entirety of New England, where she engages in such art-school-flunky activities as taking photos of herself as a murder victim in clients' homes just for her own amusement. As Mona's world starts expanding, then (including an actual romantic relationship with the junkie in question, trying heroin herself, then through a series of complicated circumstances ending up in Taos, New Mexico, now cleaning the trailer homes of burnt-out New Agers), our trainwrecky hero stubbornly refuses to learn anything from it all, but nonetheless starts becoming just a little wiser about the world almost against her best intentions. A feverish page-flipper that I burned through from start to finish in only 24 hours, the only reason this isn't getting a perfect score is that the storyline loses track of itself for a large chunk of the second half, the result of this book originally being written as four long self-contained stories and only afterwards being hooked together as one narrative; other than that, though, I can confidently state that this is one of the most enjoyable and emotionally moving novels I've read in the last year, a strong recommendation to one and all that will undoubtedly be making our best-of lists at the end of the year.

Out of 10: 9.7 show less

A metaphorical beast of a book with more extraordinary gusto than a sword-wielding tornado. Funny, f'ed up, peculiar, dark, sad and hopelessly hopeful, it hit me between the eyes like an airborne baseball bat. Triumphantly melancholy.

This story of an independent housekeeper, Mona, is told pretty straight forwardly, and exposes a very strange life. Several reviews and blurbs compare Beagin to John Fante, Charles Bukowski, and Denis Johnson, and it’s easy to see why. Mona had a bizarre upbringing and she doesn’t have friends or companions. Well, there was her “boyfriend” Mr. Disgusting. He was unique, disgusting, but—much like a Fante character—sweet. First, she’s in Massachusetts, but after Mr. Disgusting (a heroin addict) commits a drug suicide, she follows his suggestion in his suicide note (never finished) to go to Taos. The book is funny as it slowly exposes the abuse that has warped her life. She collects vacuum cleaners and loves to stage her own show more death with her camera and tripod in her client’s homes. She works hard, people like her work, and the story offers us a rich look at her viewpoint on the well off.

She lives in a house crudely split in half, and her neighbors are Nigel and Shiori (a Japanese twosome) who she ends up calling Yoko and Yoko. They are free-spirited hippies. Mona is fascinated by Shiori, fixated in fact. Mona’s dad, Mickey, lost an arm to a tire explosion. The loss of the arm to gangrene is oddly described as, “It was like watching a plant die.” She also has a sore back from the work, maybe it’s more. That’s described as, “She waited for her back to go out, which was usually how her despair chose to manifest itself.” She had taken photos of herself since she was very young, and her dad used to take nude photos of her. She’s 26 and Taos was a good move … thanks Mr. Disgusting.

Now, here’s a paragraph of reviewer’s comments. Shelf Awareness said of the book. “She listens and she learns. Beagin’s debut is grungy and ribald, melancholic and funny. Throw in a little wisdom, schmaltz and a few useful housekeeping tips, and Pretend I’m Dead delivers a real bang for the buck.” Scattered reviews on amazon swing violently from terrific to terrible. The summary line from Publishers Weekly was, “The result is a funny, touching look at loneliness and the search for belonging.”

The book is odd and different. The main character, Mona, just hangs in my mind. It’s always fun when a book offends the sensitivities of its readers. She knows of what she writes, as she worked as a housekeeper. To have been a more useful reviewer, I should have highlighted the housekeeping hints. This is a most unique read, that’s not for everyone, but a real treat for some. show less

Looking for something funny I happened upon a review listing "5 of the funniest books" this particular reviewer said he had ever read. Wrong! Unless I've misplaced my funny bone, this novel is far from funny. It is interesting but the premise, starting with dating Mr. Disgusting, is too dark to be considered even "black humour". When the protagonist Mona knows before hand where Mr. Disgusting is coming from it doesn't make it funny, just enormously depressing.