Alligator Candy: A Memoir

(23) Oh dear. This hit me where it hurt. The author is a journalist who grew up in Tampa, Florida in the 1970's with academic parents that let them roam free - biking, roaming the woods, unscheduled time - way before cell-phones and play-dates. Much like my childhood. But the worst nightmare came true when his 11 yo older brother was abducted and murdered coming home from the neighborhood 7/11. This is the authors memoir about living through that as a 4 year old and trying to recapture memories of his beloved brother. How his family dealt with the unimaginable horror and loss. His quest to know his brother, the killers, the whole gruesome story more completely as he matured and had his own children. It was absolutely heartbreaking as a show more mother of 12 year old boys. Absolutely soul-destroying.

As I was reading I kept saying -- shut the book; put it away; you don't have to finish this. But I did. It was almost a Buddhist instinct to hold the most painful thing imaginable close to my heart and imaging it happening, wallow in it, and then try to let it go. The beginning of the book with the recounting of the tragedy as David remembered it and his hazy recollections and childhood freeze-frames of Jonathan were lovely. But the last 1/3rd of the book, I felt stylistically were a miss. Very repetitive and inelegant. But by that point I was emotionally hooked and both could not read on, nor put down. I could not get over the narration of looking through photo albums leading up to Jon's murder and scrutinizing his expressions - did he know? did he have a premonition? ... Just haunting for me to the point where I have to stop my mind from going there.

So kudos for the power of this gripping memoir about horror, yet resilience in the face of tragedy. I liked that it presented a way of envisioning a life after death that was not hokey nor religious, but contemplative: full of doubt and meaning. I decided I really liked this author personally in so much as one can through a book. Again - the wheels came off at the last several parts, so impossible for me to truly rate commensurate with the 10-star emotional impact. From a generation and current life circumstance standpoint - this resonated. This is the second memoir from an author who grew up middle class/working class in 1970's suburbia much like myself that I really enjoyed ('Hollywood Park' but Mickel Jollett being the other excellent book.) Another recently read memoir that rocked me like this one: 'Wave' by Sonali Deraniyagala. Both excellent reads. show less

"We had that conversation about the candy I wanted, the Snappy Gator Gum. And then he was gone."

So writes David Kushner of his brother Jon, who was kidnapped and murdered in 1973 at the age of 11 (the author was only 4 years old). In his brave and powerful book, Kushner shows the effect of the murder on his family and maps their grief in the decades since the crime. He examines his own confusion and guilt and how he has fought to come to terms with those feelings. How does a family survive a crime like this and find a way forward?

But more than that, this is a memoir of Jon: "I wanted to be my brother's brother. I wanted to be the writer of his story." He feels a compulsion to research and write the story of his brother's murder as a way show more of understanding and coming to terms with the crime. But it's an also an act of love: for Jon, and for his entire family. The process is very painful and difficult. It's a deeply personal and unflinching book, and it's not always easy reading. This is a courageous act of journalism: to delve so deeply into such painful family history. He needs the knowledge, even the worst. He spares us (and himself) nothing, not even the unbelievably gruesome details of the crime.

Kushner also writes of his own parenthood and his fears for his children. As he teaches his daughter to ride a bike, he wonders, like any parent: "How would I find the strength to give her the freedom she needed? How could I let her go into the world knowing that anything could happen? How could I survive if anything did? When I asked my parents how they did it, they said they always wanted me to get the most out of life. But now, as my daughter wiggled her feet on her pedals, I had no idea how they could have possibly endured." Reading his account, it's impossible not to admire his parents for the remarkable job they did raising David and his brother Andy with love and freedom after Jon's murder, refusing to shelter them or be overprotective, despite their grief and fear.

The parts of the book that are least successful are Kushner's discussions of modern parenting, generally. He tries to explore how crimes against children and resulting parental fears have changed the landscape of childhood forever, depriving children of independence and freedom. This never gets much beyond surface analysis and to me was a distraction from his powerful personal story.

(Thanks to Simon & Schuster for an advance copy via a giveaway. Receiving a free copy did not affect the content of my review.) show less

A sad memoir about the death of an older brother, tragically murdered when the brother was just 11. Alligator Candy deals with the grief of a tragedy, as well as how you cope with the day to day life following the tragedy. David Kushner's parents deal amazingly well with the tragedy, while it affects them, they are still able to find joy in life. David and his older brother, Andy, experience the loss of their brother, Jon, in varying ways. This is a story of remembering and holding onto their brother. It is also a story of overwhelming grief. It is the story of how innocence and freedom have become missing in the youth of our world today because we are terrified of what could happen. It is the story of two brutal men who shattered this show more innocence. While I thought most of the book was poignant, I also thought there were times when the writing seemed strained and dragged along. I can't imagine the horror and sadness of this family, having lived through the tragedy, but I believe that their family was amazingly resilient at how they went on with their lives, while never forgetting Jon and all the people that came together to aid their family. show less

Alligator Candy is about the disappearance and murder of author David Kushner’s brother in 1973 and I think I was simply not in the mood for such a grim book. The author was only 4 years old at the time of his brother’s murder and a good portion of the book is how he, at age four, perceived what was happening to his family. As he got older, he did put the pieces together by reading newspaper accounts and talking to other people, but really, it was a senseless, horrible crime for which there could be no explanation.

I found this a harrowing memoir about a very dark time that this family endured. The story itself was rather repetitive as the event is gone over multiple times although from slightly different angles. I was also taken show more aback at the overwhelming guilt that the author carried most of his life because he wondered if his brother was only at that place, at that time, because he had asked him to bring home some special candy.

Although Alligator Candy did not particularly enlighten or inform me, I sincerely hope that the author found some peace from writing this memoir and reconnecting with his grief. It was quite obvious that he was trying to lay his fears to rest and close this chapter in his life as he has now become the father of young children himself. show less

The author was four years old when he asked his older brother Jon to buy him some gum when he rode his bike to the local convenience store. Jon never came home. Eight days later Jon’s mutilated body was discovered and life was never the same for David, his parents or his other brother. This is their story after the murder. David’s memories of the time were vague due to his age and what people felt he could handle, so years later he used his reporting skills to go back in time to discover the truth behind Jon’s death. In doing so he uncovered many things, including what really happened, how the case was solved and what memories he had were true, while others were not. This is a family that remained together and strong despite what show more happened. Kushner attributes this to his parents’ ability to remain connected with others, sharing their pain and grief, while remaining compassionate people themselves. We often read about the victims in such tragedies, but this book shows how everyone who knew such a victim was affected by his death. But for the grace of God… show less

A cross between a memoir and a true crime story, David relates the story of his brother, Jonathan Kushner, who was a murder victim at the age of 11. Interestingly, he shows the murder through his own eyes at various ages . . .he was only four when his brother died. As an adult, he fully investigated the story, and the end of the book fills in all the specifics. The book is well written, and David tries to build suspense by only delving out the crime details in small amounts throughout the book, but somehow it lacked emotion for me. The author tells how he feels, but somehow the emotional depth isn't conveyed to the reader. At least it wasn't for me.

Once I got into it I found it hard to put down. The author took his time getting to the details of what happened to his 11-yo brother.