The End of Your Life Book Club

Will Schwalbe's memoir is a unique tribute to his mother, Mary Anne, a strong woman who worked tirelessly to help others, and who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. One day during her chemo treatment, Will asked, "What are you reading?" So the two-person book club was born, as Will and his mother discuss books they both read over the course of Mary Anne's treatments.

The books are just a starting point for larger discussions of life, courage, love, and so much more. Each chapter is the title of a book, whether the book they're discussing or one that thematically ties into the subject of the chapter. Will intersperses memories of past days with the treatments and his mother's decline, painting a picture of a really wonderful woman I show more feel like I got to know just a little bit through his eyes. The book is sweet but not saccharine, sad but hopeful. I may very well give it to my own mother to read and discuss with her. show less

Will Schwalbe's mother is dying of pancreatic cancer. As he sits with her at her chemo appointments, they talk about the books they read. Very early on in the book, they start a book club of two, picking books to read together, specifically so they can discuss them, specifically so they can learn more about each other, specifically so they can draw closer together in his mother's last years, and, specifically, though not consciously so they can begin the healing process even before the end has arrived.

With a synopsis like that, I'm sure it comes as no surprised that I cried.

I am years and years away from having to face any sort of similar situation. At least, I assume I am. Hope I am. Trust I am. Perhaps the real reason that this book show more hit so hard is that none of us actually know when we will be in a situation like this, on either side of it. But, it is my hope, that when I do find myself in such a situation, books will bring me the same amount of comfort in brought Mary Anne and Will Schwalbe.

Things I loved about it:

1. Mary Ann(e) Schwalbe. Such a beautiful woman. So strong. So true to her convictions. So full of action, and life, and energy. So very unlike myself, but so like the woman I would like to be.

2. Books. Of course. This book is a book for people who love books. In fact, if the only books you read are the most popular ones - you know, Hunger Games, Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey - and if you aren't the type to constantly have a book on the go and have no idea what that's like, you may not even enjoy it much. If you do, this book will make you love books even more. It will make you go out and buy more bookshelves.

3. The beauty of death. This one is hard one. I guess what I found beautiful is how Mary Anne faced it, unwilling to stop living even though she was dying, even right up to her last few days.

4. Besides the books, this was my favourite thing: The End of Your Life Book Club is a profoundly spiritual, profoundly religious book written by a man who "just [doesn't] think about religion." (98) Schwalbe may not be a religious man, but he's written a book that is so beautifully moving, spiritually, a book that can provide great comfort about life and death from a religious perspective.

5. I guess, in relation to point 4, in conclusion of point 4, I adore how true Schwalbe is to his mother, how much he honours her through this work, even though his belief system does not necessarily line up. It's a beautiful tribute to his mom.

I think this might be the next book I recommend to everyone I meet. I'll be passing it on to my parents next. I'm not sure what they'll think of it - neither of them really read much non-fiction, and their parents didn't read much, as far as I know, - but I hope that in some ways, it will give them a glimpse into the gift they've given their children by reading so much, the same gift Mary Anne (and her husband) gave to her children. show less

A beautiful book about the connection through books a mother and son were able to make it the years leading up to her death from pancreatic cancer. I lost my mother to cancer six years ago, and I really envy how Will and his mother Mary Ann were able to find a common language to discuss the questions of life, death, and the possibility of the hereafter.

I wish my mother and I had had that common language. And I wish my stepfather, through his own bitterness and lashing out, hadn't poisoned my process of mourning by making some very cruel statements. I'm still processing the loss six years later, as a result.

Reading this book may help bring peace to many people. I recognize how good it is, but it's brought up a lot of angst for me. But show more at the same time, it's helped me to rid myself of a lot of misplaced guilt that I had been placing on my own head. I do tend to do this; to beat myself up unjustly. I need to stop doing that.

But I remember the time in the hospital room when my mother and I acknowledged death's approach and our love for each other. No one else was a party to that conversation but her and me. And no one can judge that or take that away from me. show less

This book has 70 reviews here on LT, most of them glowing and rhapsodic about how wonderful and inspiring and heartfelt it is. This will not be one of those reviews.

First, to summarize, Will Schwalbe and his mother, Mary Ann, formed a book club of two to share books and their thoughts on them during Mary Ann's battle with pancreatic cancer. They usually met at Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital in NYC where Mary Ann received her chemotherapy treatments. Okay premise, I lost my mother to cancer so I can relate, I like books about books, this should be just fine... Except it wasn't. It wasn't fine, it wasn't relatable, and it wasn't even a book about books. It was a hagiography of one woman who assumed Christ-like proportions and show more all-around perfection in the eyes of her son. Passing mention is made of the books they read, sometimes a couple of paragraphs are devoted to them, but the books are really a vehicle for the pedantic Mary Ann to deliver her Very Important Life Lessons to her naive and child-like son. (I don't actually believe he is naive and child-like, but the way he wrote about their discussions, I always pictured him with a wide-eyed sense of wonder, gazing up at his mother in hero worship.) And then those V.I.L.L. are delivered to us mere mortals courtesy of her son, who isn't much of a writer and likes to tell rather than show. This is obviously a book with a message, but the message is so clumsily delivered, I was embarrassed for both of them.

Other annoyances:
- These people occupy the rarefied world of upper class NY but of course manage to say all the right things about helping others and doing good but it all rang incredibly phony.
- I found Mary Ann incredibly patronizing and holier-than-thou, and while I didn't quite wish she would hurry up and die, I did almost stop listening a few times after some of her more annoying moments.
- Every time Will went on and on or felt the need to mention AGAIN all the wonderful things his mother did, I felt like the implicit message was that she had more of a right to beat cancer, more of a right to live, than some poor schmuck who just, you know, works hard every day to support his family. It's not like he's going to change the world or anything...

I really should stop because it is just making me madder and madder. And lest you think I am a complete monster, please know that I did tear up at the inevitable conclusion because cancer is a horrible thing and no one should have to die like that. Not Saint Mary Ann, not my mother, and not the millions of other people who fight daily to beat it but whose stories aren't told. Would that they had the connections to get a book published - I think their stories would be a lot more interesting.

PS: the narrator of the audio edition - Jeff Harding- was pretty bad. Every female voice sounded like the Church Lady from Saturday Night Live. show less

Mary Ann Schwalbe had a big life. She was a professional woman, mom, and took action to make the world a better place through work with refugees and a myriad of causes local and international. Mother to three kids, her son Will writes this book about their book club as they navigated treatments for pancreatic cancer.
The books they read kicked off conversations about their lives, beliefs. The story is structured a bit chronologically through her illness and the books they read, but uses those things as a jumping off point to talk about conversations and memories.

From the first pages we learn that Mary Anne Schwalbe is dying of cancer. Her son Will's nonfiction book chronicles this trying time in their lives while also delving into Mary Anne's past. It deals with grief and joy in equal parts, giving a balanced look at one woman's reaction to being diagnosed with a serious illness.

One thing I loved about this book was the focus on life and not death. Yes it is about his mother's struggle with terminal cancer, but it's truly about the life she lived before she was ever diagnosed. She was an incredible woman! She gave herself and her time to so many causes. She started international organizations to help refuge women and children. She raised her own children to be unique and intelligent individuals show more who take risks in life. She was kind and generous with both her time and her money and she expected a lot from the people around her.

I love that reading was such an integral part of Will and his mother's lives that sharing the books they were in the middle of was a natural part of their interaction. As he comments at one point, people always used to discuss what they were reading but nowadays it's safer to ask what people are watching on TV , because they might not be reading anything at all. The Schwalbes take the lessons they get out of different books and apply them to their lives. They discuss them in detail and compare notes about themes and outcomes. When you read about other countries or lifestyles it allows you to live a bigger life. They recognize that and expanded their horizons with each new book they chose.

"...books are the most powerful tool in the human arsenal, that reading all kinds of books, in whatever format you choose - electronic (even though that wasn't for her) or printed, or audio - is the grandest entertainment, and also is how you take part in human conversation.”

Will's description of his childhood was captivating to me. I'm sure some of it can be attributed to seeing things through rose-colored glasses; our memories often become sweeter with the distance of time. But the fact that reading and culture were part of their lives was undeniable. That's not always the case with families, but if I have kids that's how I would want to raise them.

BOTTOM LINE: As I've said before, I'm a sucker for books about books. This is one of those, but it's also about living a life worth celebrating and remembering. It's about refusing to lose hope or give up. It's inspiring, but not in a saccharine way. I loved it and have already picked up a few of the books that Will read with his mother.

"He was the smartest and best read person any of us have every known, but he wore his learning so lightly and had such curiosity about other people that he had the ability to make everyone around him feel smart and well-read."

“Mom had always taught all of us to examine decisions by reversibility--that is, to hedge our bets. When you couldn't decide between two things, she suggested you choose the one that allowed you to change course if necessary. Not the road less traveled but the road with the exit ramp.”

"I often forget that other people's stories aren't simply introductions to my own more engaging, more dramatic, more relevant, and better-told tales, but rather ends in themselves, tales I can learn from or repeat or dissect or savor.” show less

This was my 100th book of 2012 and possibly my best nonfiction read of the year (with [Klee Wyck] by [[Emily Carr]] being the other contender). Will Schwalbe has created a lasting memorial to his mother Mary Anne Schwalbe with this book. Mary Anne was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the fall of 2007 with no possibility of surgery. Chemotherapy provided a partial remission so she survived for almost 2 years, not the 6 months that is common. Will would attend the chemotherapy sessions with his mother and they started the book club in order to give themselves something to discuss while they waited. Like any other book club they would read the same book and then talk about what they liked, what passages stood out for them and then show more branch out into other discussions that the book had made them think of. Quite a few of the books they read I have also read which made me feel like I was a member of the book club. Of the ones that I haven't read there are a few I would like to: [Crossing to Safety] by [[Wallace Stegner]], [The Lizard Cage] by [[Karen Connelly]], [People of the Book] by [[Geraldine Brooks]] and [Unaccustomed Earth] by [[Jhumpa Lahiri]].

Mary Anne Schwalbe had been a teacher, a university admissions officer, a refugee advocate and, at the end of her life, was working at getting libraries into Afghanistan. She touched thousands of people that she kept in contact with during her illness. But her family, husband, two sons and a daughter and their partners and their children, were the focus of her life. This book club with Will was her special time with him and I imagine she had other special links with the rest of the family. What a gift that was. I've lost two close friends to cancer this year both of whom were book readers. I would have loved to have been able to read this book with them. There are many messages a person could take away from this book but I particularly like this bit from the very end of the book:
Mom taught me not to look away from the worst but to believe that we can all do better. She never wavered in her conviction that books are the most powerful tool in the human arsenal, that reading all kins of books...is the grandest entertainment, and also is how you take part in the human conversation. Mom taught me that you can make a difference in the world and that books really do matter: they're how we know what we need to do in life, and how we tell others.

Highly recommended show less