When I'm Gone

When you die, all of your memories, and dreams for the future--for yourself and for those you love--go with you. Unless, that is, you write some of these things out, intending them to be read after your death. People who have done this are occasionally featured in the human interest segment of the news and we viewers think how poignant and heartbreaking but wonderful it is for the family to have these things in their loved ones' voices and handwriting after they are gone. But what if it isn't just memories and dreams in the letters left behind but also secrets, including one so large that it can only be told after one person's death? In Emily Bleeker's newest novel, When I'm Gone, there is such a secret, one slowly revealed through the show more letters that keep trickling in for the duration of this heartfelt and difficult tale.

Luke Richardson was married to the love of his life. He's known his wife Natalie since they were children and she was there for him during the worst day of his life. Losing her to cancer has gutted him and he has no idea how to go on and be the parent that their three children need. But he's all they have left and with the help of Natalie's best friend, Annie, and the young college student, Jessie, who Natalie wanted him to hire as a part time nanny/babysitter for the kids, he has a small network of people to help him get through. When he finds a blue envelope, addressed to him, in his wife's handwriting on the day he returns from her funeral, he feels as if he's got a piece of her back.

As the letters keep coming at random intervals, Luke holds them tight to his heart. They tell him things he knew and things he never knew. They relive the Richardsons' relationship and marriage, give him hints on how to help their children in their grief, and remind him to keep living and moving forward even when he doesn't feel ready. But they also start to raise questions in his mind about what he thought he knew and the Natalie he was sure shared everything with him. He is driven to revisit painful times and memories, to wonder who the people Natalie mentions so frequently are, and what secret she hints at is, revealing it so slowly and cautiously. As Luke grapples with his feelings over the uncertainty the letters inject into his memories of their life and love, Natalie's best friend Annie, who has been a rock for Luke, is also struggling. Luke's concern for her brings terrible memories of his childhood flooding back, memories of the terror and abuse he and his mother suffered at his father's hand. And finally, in his grief Luke and Natalie's oldest son Will finds a box of his mom's stuff with an envelope from a home for unwed teenagers postmarked around his birth and draws his own conclusions about what the missing letter must say, sending Luke on a mission to uncover the truth, for Will and for himself.

Using letters from Natalie allows her character to be fully fleshed out in her own voice rather than just as a reflection from those who love and miss her. This gives a depth to Luke and Natalie's marriage that might otherwise be missing and helps the reader understand why Luke feels so hurt and surprised when he discovers that he might not have known his wife as well as he thought. The conceit of the letters also gives the reader an understanding of the sorrow, anger, acceptance, regret, and the other ten billion emotions that run through a person living with terminal cancer and not just the grief and devastation of those left behind. Bleeker portrays her characters' emotions beautifully, weaving the horrible and the sublime, the mundane and the extraordinary together very well. The novel touches on so many bigger concepts: love, friendship, abuse, terminal illness, family, hope, and healing. Natalie's secret is eventually revealed and while some readers might question why she kept it so long, especially with such a loving husband, especially when telling could have alleviated suffering, it is ultimately a surprising and satisfying one. The end comes a bit quickly for all of the emotion leading up to it.

This is a story that will break your heart but one that will also leave you with the feeling that life can and does go on, even happily sometimes. A fast read about the safety net of people who hold your heart, loving, moving on, and embracing forgiveness, this is a book that celebrates life, no matter how messy or short, and readers coming to it for the first time will have a hard time not reading it all in one big gulp. show less

Though a lot of books explore the themes of losing a loved one, I felt that this book delivered incredibly well.

There was a huge subplot beneath the grief and Luke dealing with losing Natalie, a component with elements of mystery that left Luke struggling to find answers to questions he hadn't known he needed to ask. The way various characters acted reflected the information they knew and made the conclusion even more powerful.

I figured out the final twist only a few pages before it happened and was absolutely stunned. Though I think the secrets that were kept didn't seem incredibly realistic given the strength of the relationship between Natalie and Luke.

The emotions displayed were very real and I found it fascinating to see the anger show more and the regret Luke displayed. Often it's hard to get a read on how people feel following the loss of a loved one but this did a good job of keeping everything real, but also relatable. Luke's relationship with the letters Natalie had written especially were intriguing--his reliance on them contrasted with his occasional desires to burn them.

I also found the afterlife component intriguing and the way the author dealt with various different sorts of healthy and unhealthy relationships.

This book had me tearing up, at points had me in complete suspense, and kept me intrigued the whole way through. This is a solid book, more than just a romance.

I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. show less

Emily Bleeker's new novel, 'When I'm Gone,' is about Natalie Richardson. But the thing is, Natalie is dead. But through letters and secrets slowly being uncovered, she's continuing to control the way her husband and those that she left behind are able to live. Yes, they loved Natalie dearly, but this new information is making it hard to believe that Natalie was the person that they all felt they knew.

What would you do if you started to receive letters from someone who had recently passed away? Would you be freaked out? Would you relish in this continuation of their presence? Would you follow the instructions for you that they had laid out when they were still here? These are the things that Luke Richardson is faced with. And on top of show more that, he has to figure out how to be a single dad to 3 children. He misses his wife, but when does he reach the point in time where he just lets her go?

'When I'm Gone,' is one of those books that's so well written and engaging that you start to read it and suddenly you're 200 pages in. I finished it in less than two days, and I actually felt like I had hardly spent any time with it. That goes to say, this one is just that good. It's got a mystery feel, but don't be surprised when you shed a tear or two. I also thoroughly enjoyed the fact that I didn't always know whether to like the characters a lot. I'm all for a dynamic character, but these took it to the next level. I loved them one moment, hated them the next, and was back to rooting for them again before the next chapter.

Trust me on this one, it's an emotional ride but one that is very well worth it.

What did I think?: This isn't a book that's like a lot of things I read. I'm normally attracted to mysteries, but this wasn't a flat out mystery. And the twists were a total surprise which was so much fun. It was happy, sad, angering...everything that makes a book just that much better.

Who should read it?: I think this is better answered by saying that if you've just lost someone close to you, it's probably best to skip over this one as it might hit a bit too close to home. But if you love mysteries, but are looking for something a little deeper that pulls on those heart strings a bit more than most, you'll probably be glad you gave this book a chance.

*I was provided a copy of this book in exchange for this honest review



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I was in the mood for a good cry when I picked up this book, but what sounded like another Tear-Jerker was surprisingly much more. When Luke is left to raise his children alone after the untimely death of his wife he is totally lost without her. Suddenly letters begin to mysteriously appear written by his wife before her death, but who is sending them? Her best friend claims no knowledge of them but she is keeping secrets too. Luke begins to suspect his wife had secrets from him and what he uncovers is not at all what I was expecting. There are lots of twists and turns in this well told tale.

I received an advance copy for review

Wow! WRECKAGE- Bleeker's first book- was more powerful, but that is the only book I can really compare this to - this book is *that* good. And it may even be as good as/ better than WRECKAGE - which is about the highest praise I can possibly give. Certainly in this genre, *possibly* in books in general. At first, you're in it to see how Luke and family cope - you're introduced to them on the first pages as they enter their garage after Luke's wife's (and the kids' mother's) funeral. While hints are dropped to the mysteries to come early, you really don't get to the mystery aspect of this until around halfway in - then it starts building on itself, as Luke and family are finally healing enough for Luke to start asking questions and being show more more observant. From then on... watch out! show less

At first I thought this was very much like PS I Love You - letters from the now deceased loved one arriving on a pre-defined schedule... This one wasn't all-romantic though. The letters started out with small talk, how she hated her cancer, that she didn't want to go and pass on, especially with the children to be left behind, but there wasn't really any choice. What she had was time, albeit very little, that she spent writing to his soon to be widowed husband. Only she kept the letters a secret, arranging for their delivery starting on the day after her funeral, with the last one to be sent on the first anniversary of her death. She thought that after a year, with all the other letters as a prelude, he would have been well prepared for show more the big reveal.

The story has a very good twist. I thought I saw what was coming, only to be blindsided. Pick up this book if you're in the mood for a lot of family drama, grief over the loss of a loved one, surprises, and moving on. show less

When I'm Gone/Emily Bleeker Dear Luke,First let me say—I love you…I didn’t want to leave you…
Luke Richardson has returned home after burying Natalie, his beloved wife of sixteen years, ready to face the hard job of raising their three children alone. But there’s something he’s not prepared for—a blue envelope with his name scrawled across the front in Natalie’s handwriting, waiting for him on the floor of their suburban Michigan home.
The letter inside, written on the first day of Natalie’s cancer treatment a year ago, turns out to be the first of many. Luke is convinced they’re genuine, but who is delivering them? As his obsession with the letters grows, Luke uncovers long-buried secrets that make him question show more everything he knew about his wife and their family. But the revelations also point the way toward a future where love goes on—in written words, in memories, and in the promises it’s never too late to keep.
Though a lot of books explore the themes of losing a loved one, I felt that this book delivered incredibly well.
 
There was a huge subplot beneath the grief and Luke dealing with losing Natalie, a component with elements of mystery that left Luke struggling to find answers to questions he hadn't known he needed to ask. The way various characters acted reflected the information they knew and made the conclusion even more powerful.
 
I figured out the final twist only a few pages before it happened and was absolutely stunned. Though I think the secrets that were kept didn't seem incredibly realistic given the strength of the relationship between Natalie and Luke.
 
The emotions displayed were very real and I found it fascinating to see the anger and the regret Luke displayed. Often it's hard to get a read on how people feel following the loss of a loved one but this did a good job of keeping everything real, but also relatable. Luke's relationship with the letters Natalie had written especially were intriguing--his reliance on them contrasted with his occasional desires to burn them.
 
I also found the afterlife component intriguing and the way the author dealt with various different sorts of healthy and unhealthy relationships.
 
This book had me tearing up, at points had me in complete suspense, and kept me intrigued the whole way through. This is a solid book, more than just a romance.
 
I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. show less