Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland

I have long been a fan of Dave Barry. Back when I was a young lad pondering what it was that made women so different from us male types I happened upon this cogent observation by Barry, then a columnist for the Miami Herald.

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base."

Wow! How could I not make the source of such wisdom one of my go-to guys when it comes to the subject of, well, just about anything.

So when Barry’s publisher announced that he was going to write the definitive book on Florida aimed at correcting everyone’s misconceptions about the state that gave us Miami Vice and President George W. Bush, show more my immediate response was, ‘Count me it!’

Starting out with the sober dedication ‘To my fellow Floridians. Don’t ever sober up,’ Barry, a longtime resident of the Sunshine State, described how he has in recent years been receiving an ever-growing number of calls from journalists asking what is wrong with Florida. These calls have even been coming from states such as Indiana, the state with ‘people who cannot explain their nickname’ or even Kentucky, once known ‘for having a statewide total of 23 teeth’. And so, ‘without doing any research’ he set out to figure out why all the other states are now laughing at Florida. His answer was quick in coming. It was the presidential election of 2000, where for day after hellish day the nation’s eyes were focused on Florida’s apparent inability to decide who it voted for until finally the “U.S. Supreme Court ruled, in a seven to two decision, that Florida should be given back to Spain.”

This event gave the rest of the nation, and may Floridians including Barry, the impression that Florida was a ‘subtropical festival of stupid’ prompting Barry to search, again without research, a scientific explanation for Florida’s stupidity. He quickly realized that the answer lies in its climate and geography. The warm climate, with the assistance of Disneyworld, attracts millions of visitors each year to Florida. The smart ones usually find their way home but the stupid visitors, not realizing that Florida is surrounded on three sides by water, find themselves unable to return home and end up staying. As explanations go, I found this pretty plausible.

Of course, not all of the people who move to Florida are stupid and Barry takes plains to explain this phenomenon. His chief explanation is that, while states like California, New York and Illinois pay high taxes for their corrupt and inefficient governments, Floridians can enjoy its corrupt and inefficient government for a lot less money.

The last half of the book actually did require Barry to hit the road and do some research. In this section he travels the state visiting and reporting on all of the wonderful places that make Florida unique. These places include:
Tarpon Springs: The Sponge Capital of the World,
Cassadaga: the Psychic Capital of the World,
And, of course, Gatorland, ‘The Alligator Capital of the World’ and ‘home of the Screamin Gator Zip Line’.
With all of these world capitals, it’s surprising that Florida has any room left for any other attractions but Barry manages to find some. There’s Dave Shealy’s Skunk Ape Research Center, and the Weeki Wachee Springs State Park, home of the World-Famous Weeki Wachee Mermaids .

For those who read this book and decide that Florida is the place to be, Barry also paid a visit to The Villages, ‘the world’s largest retirement community and the fastest growing city in the United States’. If what the stories Barry has heard are true, it is also a place where “you can lead a wild, carefree, and passionate lifestyle, possibly involving sex, even if you are a really, really old person, defined as a person my age.”
After scouring Florida to in search of a smorgasbord of non-Disney-owned attractions to delight and amaze his readers, Barry returned home to Miami to “man up and do something manly”. For him, that could only mean a visit to Lock & Load Miami, south Florida’s ‘premier machine gun experience and state-of-the-art shooting range, offering the nation's greatest variety of fully automatic firearms with over 25 fully automatic machine guns available for use in packages and a la carte,’ (gift certificates available). He hoped that his wife would want to join him on this part of his research but she declined, leaving him to muse that “I am a huge fan of females as a gender, but they tend to display a baffling lack of enthusiasm for violent destruction.” ( I told you Barry’s insights regarding the differences between the sexes are first rate.)

Barry ends up his tour of Florida with a trip to Key West, or at least the fifty some-odd bars that make up the southernmost tip of the eastern seaboard. Fun fact. All but three had musicians hired for their ability to play Jimmy Buffet songs.

Bottom Line: Dave Barry is a master of making the most ordinary scenario hilarious. Take that skill and apply it to a topic that is already strange and you have a book that is guaranteed to entertain. This review is based on the audio recording ably narrated by Dick Hill.

*Quotations are cited from an advanced reading copy and may not be the same as appears in the final published edition. The review was based on an advanced reading copy obtained at no cost from the publisher and the fine folks at LibraryThing in exchange for an unbiased review. While this does take any ‘not worth what I paid for it’ statements out of my review, it otherwise has no impact on the content of my review.

FYI: On a 5-point scale I assign stars based on my assessment of what the book needs in the way of improvements:
*5 Stars – Nothing at all. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
*4 Stars – It could stand for a few tweaks here and there but it’s pretty good as it is.
*3 Stars – A solid C grade. Some serious rewriting would be needed in order for this book to be considered great or memorable.
*2 Stars – This book needs a lot of work. A good start would be to change the plot, the character development, the writing style and the ending.
*1 Star - The only thing that would improve this book is a good bonfire. show less

Dave Barry is a funny writer, Florida is an interesting place, and I'm a wistful displaced Floridian, so this was easily a five star book for me. I particularly enjoyed the chapters on Dave's visits to Weeki Wachee, Spongeorama, Cassadaga, and Gator Land. "The Villages" sounds like the sort of place that made me want to leave Florida, but even that is presented with affectionate humor, so that you can imagine how such a place might have appeal. "Lock & Load Miami," the machine gun shooting range, was another really funny chapter, and my husband, who had to put up with my chortles and hoots as I read the book, thought it sounded like one of the more entertaining of Dave's day trips. A quick, funny read.

Assuming you occasionally read things on the Internet, you've probably run across some mockery of Florida Man, or Florida in general, a place known for weird and wacky happenings. In this book, Barry offers up an honest but affectionate take on his home state, from roadside attractions, to retirement villages, to Miami's hottest nightclub. It's a quick and fun read, not as out-and-out hilarious as some of Barry's earlier books, but it frequently had me chuckling aloud. I started out listening to the audiobook, but I didn't care for the narrator (not Barry; I think comedians should, if possible, read their own books, but I can't say I've ever heard Barry, so I suppose he might be the exception to the rule). I switched to the ebook show more version and enjoyed it much more. So, if you're looking for a humorous take on some of Florida's lesser-known attractions, this book is a good read, just not a great listen. show less

My brother-in-law bought this for me shortly after we moved to Florida; I read a lot of Dave Barry in my youth but probably none for the past two decades. The first two chapters are the best parts, where Barry mounts a defense of Florida and then provides a history of it. Lots of good jokes that I subjected my wife to.

The remaining chapters are a series of visits by Barry to weird places in Florida, where he chronicles his adventures. The jokes here aren't as dense as in the first chapter, but I was still entertained, especially at his visits to the Weeki Wachee mermaid show ("no other nation on Earth possesses the capability to put on a more powerful display of underwater mermaid patriotism") and the Villages (a retirement community show more where supposedly old people have lots of sex, but Barry can't find any, just old people belting Jimmy Buffet karaoke). He also visits the skunk ape museum, a fancy night club, a shooting range, and as many bars on Key West as he can. It probably took me less than a couple hours to read, and I enjoyed the experience. show less

I needed something light and non-fiction(ish) last night and this was perfect. I've never read Barry before, but I knew I was in for fun and maybe a laugh or two. I not only wasn't disappointed, but I now have the urge to, next time I'm home, shove MT in the car and subject him to all the wacky, tacky tourist traps from my childhood.

The introduction and first chapter read almost like a stand-up routine; the majority of pure hilarity is found here the beginning. The rest of the book is definitely humorous but reads more like a Bill Bryson book, only much less British.

What I liked best about the book though, was that Barry points out what is obvious to those of us that are true natives to Florida: all the weird, crazy stuff that the show more other 49 states laugh at Florida over is pretty much always perpetuated by people who came from those other 49 states. If y'all would just stop shipping your nut jobs south, Florida would be as normal as the rest, but it would also be a lot less fun. show less

It’s been a while since I’ve read a Dave Barry book – so I had forgotten the cardinal rule: NEVER read a Dave Barry book in public! I made that mistake (doctor’s office) – and risked being taken off to a DIFFERENT kind of doctor’s office. Put Dave Barry together with the very strange things that seem to happen only in Florida…and the even stranger news stories that always seem to start with “A man/woman from Florida…” The radio show I listen to every morning even has a regular segment “A man from Florida…”

“Best. State. Ever.” Was fantastic. This book was so funny – not only when Barry tries to explain why so many strange stories come out of that state…but also when he travels around the state visiting show more various tourist traps (shooting a machine gun, visiting an alligator zoo, etc.). He has a deep appreciation for his state – but absolutely does not hold back when it comes to some of the crazy things that happen there.

(His comments regarding the 2000 recount debacle were one of the best parts. Made me laugh out loud and wince at the remembrance at the same time.)

I let my 13-year old son read this first (because, let’s face it, Barry’s humor is really at that level) and then I spent a day enjoying it (while also cringing just a bit at the few parts I wish my son HADN’T read) – and then passed it to my husband.

If you like Dave Barry – you’ll love his latest book. Just remember the cardinal rule…. show less

As a Florida resident for more than two decades, I consider myself an unofficial Floridian. I wasn’t born here but I’ve seen Central Florida grow from orange groves and trailer parks to a thriving, often underestimated destination for serious foodies and cultural tourists alike. So I love to get my hands on books about where I live to get both insider and outsider perspectives.

Barry’s book is like one big collection of tongue-in-cheek dad jokes. It’s a humorist’s love letter to the weirdest state in the union. Some of his one-liners are cringe-inducing because of their sheer corniness but most of his observations are typically spot on and hilarious. Barry goes on a tour of some of the weirder parts of Florida, most spots show more I’ve heard but would rather pretend they don’t exist. I think every Floridian should read this book – you’ll spend the whole time nodding and chuckling in agreement. show less