Before I Knew (The Cabots, book 1) by Jamie Beck

August 2017

I received this digital ARC from Montlake Romance via NetGalley in exchange for an unbiased review.

Colby Cabot-Baxter has endured more than her share of emotional duress over the years but nothing compares to what she experienced the 2 years before she decided to open a CertainTea. She grew up in Lake Sandy, Oregon with her brother, Hunter and neighbors, Joe and Alec Morgan. They grew up together and eventually went their own ways.

Colby married Mark Baxter a gregarious man who refused to treat his bipolar disorder. Keeping the secret of Mark's health and impulsive behavior took its toll on Colby over the years. It was two years ago that changed their lives forever. One day Mark dared Joe to jump off a cliff above Punch Bowl Falls in Columbia River Gorge. Just weeks after the fatal dare, the consequential guilt prompted mentally unstable Mark to jump off the ninth floor balcony while Colby watched him plummet to his death.

The trauma from both deaths ripped the two families apart with the resentment, guilt and blame that escalated afterward. Trying to move on from the past eventually forces the two families to confront the pain from the past. When Hunter hires Alec to be the chef at Colby's A CertainTea it was anyone's guess how this would work out. Will Colby and Alec be able to work with each other everyday?

How do their families move on after such tremendous loss? Can they relinquish the anger and grief which has weighed them down for years?

I enjoyed this novel for its unique storyline whose characters are flawed in ways that are relatable. Mental illness is often unspoken or acknowledged which can have devastating consequences especially if not treated. The issues are delicately weaved throughout the story which gives it authenticity. ( )

The characters, the emotions, the trauma, drama, and everything in-between felt REAL. When Colby stood up to her opposition, you could feel her backbone strengthen, even as the aftershocks made her privately crumble. When Alec fought with the baggage he was dragging all this time, you could feel his white knuckled grip on life slacking or tightening. The friends and family they both deal with along the way felt like your family. They become a circle of friends you didn't want to let go come book's end, despite the troubles that plagued them along their journeys. You knew that whatever obstacle they encountered, they would find a way to overcome it. That doesn't mean their path to each other was lined in edible flowers , but then again the best things are always worth fighting for.

In the end, it was a book that was much more than promised in the best ways possible. From the chemistry of the characters to the cutesy creative restaurant name, the emotional tug of war to the bigger issues like mental health and suicide that are worked in flawlessly, there's a little something for everyone.


**copy received for review ( )

Colby Cabot-Baxter is a widow who is making a big change in her life. Leaving her law career behind, she's opening a restaurant despite knowing little about the business. Enter Alec Morgan, her old neighbor and a chef extraordinaire, hired by her brother to help her. But the death of his younger brother Joe and the suicide of her husband are only two of the many issues between them. Despite this, she feels a growing attraction to Alec, not realizing that he's always been in love with her.
There's a lot going on here. Both families are in a lot of turmoil from the events of the recent past and also the stresses of their new interactions. Alec is trying to reunite with his father who always favored Joe. Colby has always hidden the truth of her marriage from her family. And there's some setup for the next books in the series with Colby's brother and her half-sister. Ms. Beck does a nice job in juggling this engrossing story for the most part.
I look forward to the next books in the series. ( )

How do you recover from a tragedy? Or a second one a few short weeks later? Colby Cabot-Baxter is still trying to find out that answer. Her childhood friend, Joe, had welcomed her husband Mark with open arms. They became close friends & were together a lot. Mark dared Joe to jump off a cliff & Joe died while doing it. Overcome by grief & his illness, Mark took his own life. Now, 2 years later, Colby is ready to start living again. She's talked her father into backing her in a new restaurant & her brother hires Joe's brother Alec as the chef. Alec has come back to town to reconnect with his parents, mainly his mother. What follows is a long & winding journey of self discovery, grief, recovery, pain & happiness. Alec & Colby discover a chemistry that they try to fight, each for their own reasons. They both have to deal with family drama & reveal secrets before they can deal with the guilt. Ms. Beck has managed to give a realistic, painful portrayal of grief, mental illness & grief. I really enjoyed this emotional story. ( )