Before I Let You Go

Two sisters, two very different life outcomes. Lexie is a doctor engaged to Sam who is also a doctor. Annie is a drug addict. Lexie is not surprised when she gets a call for help, from Annie, in the middle of the night. It’s not the first time it has happened. But now Annie is pregnant and that changes everything.
”There is no off switch to the love between sisters” - Lexie Vidler

Who isn’t intrigued by dysfunctional family stories! I could clearly see from the Facebook discussion for this book that so many readers could relate to the sisters on different levels – unparented children (when the parent is not mentally present), drug abuse, sibling connections.

The story is set in Alabama where there are strict laws on drug use in show more pregnancy and any woman who is reported with drugs in their system whilst pregnant faces criminal charges for child endangerment with a penalty of a jail term. This causes a moral dilemma for Lexie. Should she protect her sister from authorities or protect the unborn child.

”What Annie is facing is a nightmare – but she is my sister. I’d never want her to face this alone.” - Lexie Vidler

Lexie has bought Annie up since the sudden death of their father when their mother became mentally detached from the world. Lexie saw every one of Annie’s problems as a failure and she needed to fix it. Lexie was not used to accepting help and kept shutting Sam out however Sam was sensitive and supportive, never judgemental, he knew how to rein Lexie in when she was going too far. I was so glad that Rimmer didn’t disappoint me and Sam stayed a constant until the end. *sigh*

Lexie and Annie’s story is intense and relatable, it will make you angry and break your heart; it opens up a lot of moral issues for discussion.
The dual narration, present day told by Lexie and the past through Annie’s journal entries, had this reader switching allegiances as the full story was revealed.

I will finish with this quote from Annie. It just killed me.
” How many thousands of dollars do you sink into a person before it stops being selfless and starts being ridiculous? How many times do you bother to revive someone who is nothing but a drain on you and society?” – Annie Vidler. show less

I need a moment after finishing this book to pick my heart up off the floor along with the Kleenex. I loved this book!

Two sisters, Annie and Lexie. They are raised in a normal happy household with a loving mother and father. Until the worst happens. Their father died and their mother became a shell of the person she used to be, totally wrapped up in her grief. Lexie became the mother figure to Annie and the two sisters became as close as two sisters could.
When their mother, Deborah, comes out the fog, meets and marries Robert, it should have been a happy ending. But Robert, part of a religious sect, took them to live on the commune and life as they knew it ended. Rules upon rules became their life.

Two sisters; Annie, spirited and show more defiant, Lexie while unhappy and in disagreement followed the rules until her 16th birthday and then walked away and didn’t look back. Annie didn’t fare as well but escaped at 14 and the two sisters were together again.
Two sisters came from the commune. One became educated as a doctor and was in a long term relationship. The other became a train wreck who destroyed everything she touched and to whom drugs became her new best friend.

One night, after two years of no contact, Annie called Lexie in the middle of the night; scared, in pain and pregnant and Lexie is once again drawn into the chaotic life of her sister. But there’s a difference now, Annie wants to get clean for the sake of her baby.

Two sisters and one baby. Both want the best for the baby but that comes at a price for both. While Annie struggled in court mandated rehab, Lexie struggled to be a temporary mom to a drug addicted baby.

This book was raw and honest and emotional. I found it to be very accurate in the portrayal of a drug addict and didn’t sugar coat the struggle of both Annie and her sister who loved her. It’s a heartbreaking tale that you can’t stop reading.

This was the first book of Kelly Rimmer that I have read, I have already downloaded others of hers. Five stars for me. show less

Even with all the research she does I am just overwhelmed with how Rimmer can get into the minds of her characters and really portray them in such a completely realistic and believable way. And the total story is so absorbing and definitely a page turner. I just wish she had 20 more books out there for me to read. Her book subjects are so current, sadly, in the issues she presents from so many different angles so that you are given a complete picture.

Before I Let You Go by Kelly Rimmer is a heartbreaking yet thought-provoking novel that sensitively and realistically portrays addiction.

As children, Lexie Vidler promised her father she would always take care of her younger sister, Annie. For the past six years, this promise has been increasingly difficult to keep as Annie's drug addiction worsens. Two years ago, Lexie finally cut off all ties with Annie but when her sister makes a frantic 2 AM phone call, she cannot refuse to help. Because this time, Annie is pregnant and her unborn baby is in jeopardy. So with her fiancé, Sam Hawke, at her side, Lexie is drawn back into the chaos that always surrounds Annie.

Neither Lexie nor Annie are particularly likable characters (which is show more painful to admit since the storyline is so captivating). Lexie is a successful doctor but her relationship with Annie is so incredibly dysfunctional. Lexie is determined to take care of her sister's latest mess on her own despite the fact that Sam is willing to help and should be included in making decisions since what is occurring directly affects him as well. Lexie's stubborn refusal to let him help becomes tiresome as does her conviction that cleaning up her sister's messes is HER responsibility not Annie's.

It is always frustrating when an adult refuses to see that a childhood request to take care of a sibling is not a lifelong sentence or commitment. This is especially true since Annie's addiction is NOT Lexie's responsibility and she has become the worst enabler as she makes excuses for her sister and refuses to hold Annie accountable for her actions. Lexie has put herself into incredible debt as she continues to pay for rehab and while it is understandable that she desperately wants to help Annie kick her addiction, she refuses to acknowledge that ANNIE has to decide she wants to get sober. Without this commitment and a dedicated effort to understand why she turns to drugs to cope, Annie will never maintain her sobriety. Annie's journal entries provide incredible insight into her past and how her inability to deal with her horrific ordeal set her on the path to addiction.

Before I Let You Go is a deeply affecting novel with a topical storyline about opioid addiction. Kelly Rimmer never downplays the effects of addiction on the addict's family and she accurately portrays the heartrending withdrawal that is experienced by a baby born to a drug addicted mother. This insightful glimpse of drug addiction and its effects on the addict's loved ones is an engrossing novel that is emotional, heart wrenching and ultimately, healing. show less

This novel is earning very positive reviews on GoodReads but there were times as I read it that I wanted to scream in frustration. The relationship between Lexie and her younger sister, Annie, was not a healthy one. Lexie's obsessive need to control and fix things became annoying very quickly and I soon lost all time for her. Annie's story, by comparison, was heartbreaking and the events that led to her drug addiction broke my heart.

However, the character I adored the most was Sam, Lexie's long-suffering fiance. That man was a saint and far too good for Lexie. He was kind, patient and supportive despite the numerous times Lexie kept him in the dark or yelled at him. Personally, I would have walked out and left her to deal with the show more situation on her own. An exasperating read. show less

This was SO well-written, emotional and heart-breaking. The story of two sisters, Anna, who struggles with addiction, and Lexi, who struggles with how to be emotionally honest with those around her. Anna calls in the night, pregnant and medically in trouble. The two sisters are drawn back together in yet another attempt to help Anna’s sobriety stick, this time with a third life in the mix. Told in dual perspectives and dual timelines with Lexi narrating in the present, and Anna telling the heartbreaking story of their past, this is one of the best books of the disease of addiction and its effect on families.

Trigger Warnings: drug use, child abuse, sexual abuse, overdose

Please excuse typos/name misspellings. Entered on screen reader.

Before I Go is a poignant novel about family and unexpected changes. The story begins with Annie reaching out to her sister Lexie right before the birth of her (drug addicted) baby. Lexie agrees to kinship care while Annie deals with the legal ramifications of doing drugs while pregnant (and also agreeing to rehab).

The present situation is told from Lexie’s POV while Annie’s chapters delve into the past. Their dad died when they were young and their mom remarried a man name Robert who brings them to a religious community which strongly resembles a cult. Through Annie’s “journal” entries we learn of the suppression, control, and abuse they (Annie especially) suffered at the hand of Robert and others.

As Lexie adjusts to taking show more care of an infant, Annie struggles in rehab. They have a very codependent relationship that was interesting (and often times frustrating) to read about.

I have to say I grew irritated with the way Lexie treated Sam, her fiancé. He was so kind and supportive of her family situation and yet she just kept pushing him away and being defensive. At one point Sam tells her “sometimes, I think you don’t know me at all,” and honestly, many times it felt that way.

The ending is bittersweet yet fitting. Rimmer created an emotional, moving novel that tugs at your heartstrings. show less