I Was Born for This

Fereshteh “Angel” Rahimi lives for the Ark, an internationally famous boyband. They show her love is real when she can’t see it anywhere else in the world. When she and her friend Juliet finally get tickets to see the Ark live and meet them in person, Angel knows her life is finally going to make sense; she is finally going to be happy.
Jimmy Kaga-Ricci, frontman of the Ark, is losing control. He loves his fans (really, he does). He loves sharing his music worldwide. He loves the support he gets and the reassurance he gives as a famous, out trans man. He is living his childhood dream alongside his best friends. But the higher the Ark’s fame rises the more his anxiety consumes him, the more he has to play up the persona his fans show more fell in love with, and the more he’s cut off from his family and struggles with his friendships.
As the concert grows closer, Angel’s friendship sours, and her parents' doubts keep raising questions she can’t answer. Leaks to the press and the impending signing of a new contract widen the cracks in Jimmy’s closest relationships and swell his anxiety and paranoia to new highs. When an act of violence throws Jimmy’s and Angel’s lives together, it sets off a cascade that allows both of them to redefine themselves.

I didn’t connect with this one as much as some of Alice Oseman’s other books. In part, I think it’s because I have never really gotten the sort of fan culture that is the main focus of the book. Both the main characters have some interesting internal struggles – Angel with throwing herself into one interest to avoid the fact that she is dissatisfied and doesn’t know what she wants with her life and Jimmy with allowing something he loved to grow into something that leaves him trapped and cut off from everything else in his life. But it was hard initially to get attached to Angel when she was entirely defined by an uncomfortable and unexamined parasocial relationship. It also may have been because I wasn’t fully satisfied with the resolution of their character arcs. The ending started to do a lot rather quickly leading into what’s framed as a happy or at least hopeful resolution for all the characters, but I don’t know, it didn’t feel to me like I fully saw them reaching the place where the ending implies them to be, character-wise. That said, I enjoyed much of the middle section of the book as the characters and the nature of fandom (from its worst to its best aspects) were given more depth. I always feel like Alice Oseman does a good job at giving all her characters complete, rounded inner worlds that draw together their surface behaviors/thoughts/motivations with the underlying ones they might not recognize in themselves. show less

I borrowed this from the library only because it's the last book of Alice Oseman's I haven't read. I didn't expect to love it as much as I did. Oseman is the Queen of writing fandom experiences, teenage angst, mental health struggles, and online friendships, and found family. The diversity in this book is so delightful. Bliss Lai is a fantastic side character. I hope she pops up in later works. A love letter to fangirls.

I didn’t like this quite as much as Radio Silence but that was a given going in. That one just connected so much, y’know? But this has almost everything I liked in that book, just a lesser amount—diverse and rounded characters trying to find their place, a lot about passionate fandom and when it goes wrong, friendships and everyday heroism.

There’s a lot in this about the power and nature of friendship, and the power and nature of platonic love. The members of The Ark might not always understand each other or be as supportive as an adult might be, but they’re still friends (and, I’ll point out, not quite adults). Angel’s relationships with her internet friend Juliet and later with Jimmy are equally imperfect but in show more different ways. The band’s fans keep using “love” in a way the band finds distasteful and Angel struggles to articulate. I don’t think Oseman deals with the messiness of all that as well as she did in Radio Silence, but it feels realistic all the same, with no real right answers.

The other big theme is self-love. Again, I don’t think Oseman hit this quite as well as she could’ve, because some of the fandom stuff relating to it didn’t ring quite true and I’m not sure Angel’s arc for this is as strong as Jimmy’s, but the main point, that you can’t move forward or grow until you care about yourself, is accurate and important.

Otherwise, a lot of the story felt very real—the anticipation of the concert, the pressure and surrealness of celebrity life, fandom meetups, Jimmy’s anxiety, the way conversations happen, and so on. You get a real sense of how claustrophobic and scripted Jimmy’s life is, and how lost Angel feels. I also liked how Angel’s faith and Jimmy’s trans-ness (and their races and orientations and mental health) were presented casually, central to them without being them, that none of the above was ever questioned or turned into slurs, and I liked that Jimmy’s family is his grandfather, because you never see that in YA. With a genuine role in the story too!

So yeah, I liked this. Didn’t love, but definitely liked. It’s a good read with a good message, another good take on the “fandom YA” subgenre, and I enjoyed my time reading it. Blew through it, really. Will definitely be reccing this, if not as hard as Radio Silence.

Warnings: Alcoholism. Fears of suicidal thoughts. The worst of fandom, including stalking and internet hate. Blood. Panicking crowds. Character with an anxiety disorder, though it doesn’t seem presented in a triggering way to me.

7/10 show less

CW: MC with severe anxiety, portrayal of panic attacks

Not what I was expecting, after reading all of the available [b:Heartstopper: Volume One|40495957|Heartstopper Volume One (Heartstopper, #1)|Alice Oseman|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1541887843l/40495957._SY75_.jpg|62811229] novels, with their sweet, slow burn romance. I Was Born for This is considerably darker, with a focus on the benefits and risks of fandom for both the fans and the objects of their love.

Fereshteh "Angel" Rahimi, whose adoration of the boy band The Ark is the only thing that gives her life meaning, has a much more interesting journey than Jimmy Kaga-Ricci, the band member and other POV character, who can't understand why show more achieving the fame and fortune he dreamed of isn't making him happy. The two MCs are on a collision course with each other, and although their time together is very brief, they both emerge significantly changed.

The secondary characters, especially the two girls who Angel meets, are extremely engaging, and it's nice to see some helpful parental figures (the author is the same age as my youngest child, so I admit to being quite a bit outside of the target demographic). Plus I liked the fact that although Jimmy is trans, his queerness is not a central plot point.

This isn't the story of two boy band members who are secretly in love with each other. Neither is it the story of a boy band member who falls in love with a fan. It's a messy story about growing up and realizing your own value, whether you're a superstar with a million screaming fans or an ordinary teenaged girl with a mediocre report card and no idea what comes next. show less

Rock band and fan stories are common. What sets this apart are several unique and interesting elements. The three band members are straight, Bi, and transgender. Two of them have been friends since fourth grade. One has a secret girlfriend, one has a drinking problem, and one suffers from severe anxiety attacks. Then we get to the fans. Angel has been one since she discovered the band on Youtube early on. She's Muslim, but struggles to keep up with parental expectations, unlike her older brother who's studying to be a doctor. Angel isn't sure what she wants for a future and right now, getting to meet and greet the band is the only thing on her radar.
Told in rotating chapters among the band members and Angel, readers are carried toward show more the night of the big concert that's to be preceded by a meet and greet. The closer the date becomes, the greater the tension, and the more readers learn about the backstory of each character. Add in a chance meeting between Angel and another important character, a complete freakout leading to a near tragedy in a downpour and you have a classic 'compulsively readable story.' show less

CW: Anxiety, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism

This was a book of two halves for me. I wasn't connecting with either Angel or Jimmy so it felt like I was just going through the motions of plodding through the book. But then! Then they met and everything changed for me. The short interaction in the bathroom was utterly compelling reading and from then it was unputdownable.

On a side note I would love to know when the word unputdownable came in to existence. It's specific to readers and reading and feels like quite a recent creation. I love it because it sums up the feeling one has when they are bleary eyed in the wee small hours of the morning desperate to see how everything turns out. Anyhoo, I digress.

Angel's discovery that these famous show more musicians are just people trying to navigate this thing called life in their own muddled way, much like the rest of us, was lovely. Her awakening meant she realised how important it is to also invest energy in things that are real and right in front of us, and to value making connections with our friends and loved ones. I also loved the dynamics between the boys and the unashamed love they have for each other. A lovely book. show less

Knowing that this book wouldn't be featuring the Solitaire cast of characters, I was a little nervous going into it. Would I like these characters just as much? Would the story, one that felt almost too close to where I was as a teenager, resonate with me? What would Oseman's take on fandom be?

Strangely enough, the things I was concerned about didn't end up coming to pass. Oseman portrays fandom culture not with the scorn of someone removed from it or on the receiving end, but more so as an appreciator. The story itself definitely hit close to home for me - I was an active member of fandom as a teen/young adult - but not in the harsh way I'd feared. In fact, I wish I'd read this as a teenager in fandom; maybe things would have ended show more differently for me if I'd had a book like this to help guide me along the way.

The one sticking point for me was the characters. The story is told from two perspectives by two different narrators, Angel and Jimmy. Angel reminded me of the wonderful friends I made in fandom, in all the best ways, and I enjoyed her sections very much. Jimmy, on the other hand, really got on my nerves - I'm guessing it's because I too struggle with severe anxiety, and seeing myself on the page felt too bizarre to me. I didn't dislike Jimmy; I just got frustrated with him the same way I'd get frustrated with myself. That's a testament to Oseman's writing: I can't say the characters don't feel real and don't have their flaws.

I'm so glad I read this book, and I wish I hadn't put it off just because the Solitaire cast weren't featured. I should know by now to trust Oseman to provide real, solid characterization and a plot that keeps me reading into the wee hours of the morning. show less