Someone I Used to Know

Smashing the patriarchy, one Pinterest board at a time!

(Full disclosure: I received a free e-ARC for review through NetGalley. Trigger warning for rape, obviously.)

“Ms. Lawrence,” he says, taking off his glasses. “I understand how you feel—”
“Really?” I snap back. “How did you get over your rape?”

"The reason men like Ariel Castro and Elliot Rodger and Aaron Persky exist is because men like us never called them out on their bullshit the first time they showed it.”

THEN: Ashley Lawrence and her older brother Derek used to be BFFs. Until they weren't. But even all Derek's conventionally crappy older brother behavior - ditching his younger sister, giving her a mean-spirited nickname, and just generally shunning her at show more school - couldn't foreshadow his reaction when Ashley is at first sexually harassed, and then raped by his football teammate Victor Patton as part of a "team-building" scavenger hunt. When called to testify, Derek partakes in the same rape culture that paved the way for Vic's violation of Ashley: He dismisses the scavenger hunt as "just a game," and says that he doesn't think Vic should be punished too harshly. For raping his fourteen-year-old sister. Needless to say, the rape and its aftermath cause something of a rift in the Lawrence family.

Told from Ashley and Derek's alternating perspectives, in a series of then/now flashbacks and present-day narration, Someone I Used to Know explores how toxic masculinity, the idolatry of the high school football team, and rape culture more broadly contributed to Ashley's rape, and shaped the community's reaction to the resulting trial, Victor's conviction, and the (short-lived) cancellation of the football program.

NOW: It's been two years since Vic raped Ashley at homecoming; much has changed, but also not. Bellford High School is about to re-institute the football program, and Victor is getting out of prison after serving just sixteen months of a paltry two-year sentence. The Lawrence's marriage is on the brink of collapse, as mom and dad both have different ideas of how to deal with Ashley and Derek's feud, for lack of a better term.

For me, this was one of the more interesting (and frustrating! parents, gawd!) parts of the story, since I have a younger brother I haven't spoken to in twenty years or so. The rift has nothing to do with sexual assault, thankfully, just him generally behaving like a dick. It was illuminating to see the effect it had on the senior Lawrences, though I was disappointed that mom and dad didn't more firmly come down on Ashley's side, given the circumstances.

Ashley is an amazing, take-no-shit protagonist who turns to activism to deal with her trauma: with the help of Sebastian, the only truly "nice guy" on the football team, she starts a club called Bengals Against Rape, and challenges her community to "Raise the BAR" when it comes to their treatment of girls and women. Likewise, Derek - now in self-exile at college in Long Island, hundreds of miles from home - joins Guys Against Rape, where he's disgusted to be just one of six men at the first meeting.

Whereas the bulk of the story feels authentic and believable - depressingly so - Derek's sudden discovery that RAPE CULTURE IS REAL! and complete 180 from rape apologist to #1 DEFENDER OF WOMEN FOR ALL TIME! strained my credulity a bit. That said, I understand the need to end things on a somewhat hopeful note, and the one Blount struck isn't too far out there. And, to be fair, Blount is quick to point out Derek's flaws, which cannot be wholly and immediately covered up by his good intentions. More so, we all have work to do, a concept that's adeptly illustrated by this one really great brainstorming scene between Ashley and Sebastian (where the latter reminds the former that not all rape victims are female, and it's important to acknowledge them too).

In sum, Someone I Used to Know is a pretty great - by which I mean insightful and illuminating, if damn depressing - exploration of rape culture, from "innocuous" and ubiquitous "sex sells" advertising to rape "jokes" and "jokey" rape threats; from sexual harassment to rape apologism, and everything in between. What Vic did to Ashley definitely falls on the more extreme end of the spectrum, but the various and sundry "smaller" slights that came before and after are all part and parcel of a culture that enables and excuses violence against women.

http://www.easyvegan.info/2018/11/06/someone-i-used-to-know-by-patty-blount/ show less

Oof, this book. This is a difficult topic to write about, but it's so important when it comes to opening a dialogue to have stories like this out there, and while it feels weird to read a book about a 14-year-old being raped and say "this book is important, and everyone needs to read it," well...this book is important. And everyone needs to read it.

The use of dual narrators, telling the story from both Ashley and Derek's perspectives, was an excellent approach. As Derek and his friends learn, it can't just be women, male victims, or people with sisters/wives/daughters fighting this fight...men with no other stake in the game besides a desire to be a good person need to become allies, and what better way to help young men along that path show more than to give them a role model like Derek? Watching Derek grapple with his mistakes was almost as painful as reading Ashley's story, but it was also inspiring to see him learn from them, ask questions, and start to become a better, stronger person. We need more narratives like his in the world.

With Ashley's story, the court excerpts at the start of chapters were a punch to the gut, and they help the reader right away to get into Ashley's head and try to feel what she was and is still feeling. Her chapters were hard to read at times, but they should be hard to read. I don't want to meet the person who reads this book and doesn't struggle through it.

One thing that really hit me hard was her realization that there is no justice. No matter what happens, nothing is going to fix what happened to her. She will always have to live with it, it will always be a struggle, and nothing about that is just or fair. Another heartbreaking piece of her narrative was the question of why the bright future of a high school football player was more important than her bright future. That is a narrative that is spun so often in cases like this...look at Brock Turner as a real-world example. He's so talented, he has such a bright future, something like this shouldn't define the rest of his life! But...it's fine that it will define the rest of his victim's life? He chose this, they didn't. Nothing about that is acceptable, and the fact that so many people don't even think about the victim in cases like this is disheartening.

Ultimately, I think what makes this book most important is that nothing about it felt like fiction to me. Every word, every experience was real. Ashley, Derek, and their family may be made up, Vic may not have ever existed, but the things that happened to them have happened to other people. Do happen to other people, every day. Read this book, then share it with someone you know. Build more allies. Put less pressure on women to attempt to police the behaviors of others and shift that responsibility where it belongs. Books like this can help change the world. show less

Two years ago, Ashley Lawrence, a freshman in high school, was raped by a senior football player during Homecoming week. Since then, it has driven a wedge between her and her brother, Derek. They were once very close, but now Ashley hates him and can’t even stand to look at him. Derek is carrying around his own guilt about the night of the rape and feels partly responsible for what happened to Ashley. With both Ashley and Derek at odds, the rest of their family is feeling the strain. Can Ashley and Derek ever learn to forgive each other so that their family can start the healing process?

Someone I Used To Know really packs an emotion punch in regards to rape culture and the term “boys will be boys.” It is a shame that till this day show more society often places blame on the victim. Why were you wearing that outfit? Why were you with him alone? Why were you walking at night by yourself? She was asking for it. She is lying. We have all heard these statements before. When a woman is raped why is she the one always targeted as if she did something wrong? If you want blame someone, blame the rapist. They are the ones at fault. Women are harassed every single day by men. Sometimes men don't even realize what they are doing is wrong. Cat calling a woman as she is walking down the street, touching someone inappropriately as a joke, listening to your friends talking about what they want to do to a woman even if they are joking is still wrong. Most people call it “locker room” talk or boys will be boys which really goes to show how society views rape culture.

Ashley tackles a lot of these issues when she returns back to high school. She is determine to tell her story and make more people aware of rape culture and what we can do to stop it. Ashley really shines here in her determination. Yes, she is still triggered and has anxiety attacks, but she wants to make a difference. Ashley is such a realistic character and I love how Patty Blount shows her day to day struggles and never sugarcoats anything. Ashley as a character is raw and uncensored and I can really see how she grew as a person through the story.

Derek was also an interesting character for me and sometimes, in the very beginning, I hated how he treated Ashley, but at the same time, I can also see how much he craved his independence and wanted to do things with friends that didn’t include his sister. I also had to remind myself that he was still very much just a teenager and acted like a teenager. But, I can see how traumatized he was after his sister’s rape. That moment where he finally gets it and understands that what happened to Ashley wasn’t her fault. You can feel the guilt he feels for his treatment of her. He really has the most growth in this story and I was proud of him for finally owning up to what he did and the ways he went about fixing it.

Someone I used To Know is raw and uncensored. It is a story that every high school student, both boys and girls, needs to read and understand how rape culture affects our society. This story tackles real life issues and is told in a brutally honest way. Patty Blount has such a knack of pulling out every emotion in you such as tears, sadness, anger, and finally relief for characters in a story I have come to treasure. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. This is a five star read and one that will remain on my keeper shelf. show less

***Trigger Warning: deals with rape and especially its aftermath and recovery

Two years ago Ashley Lawrence was raped. The trial against the boy who raped her played it down, convicting him of sexual assault, which carries a lesser sentence. Now he's getting out of prison earlier than expected. For two years, Ashley's had to try and learn to cope with her trauma. She has a strained relationship with her family, is estranged from her brother Derek, and still gets flak at school for 'being the one who got football cancelled’. Two years ago, Ashley Lawrence was raped. Today, she's taking back control of her life.

Told from both Ashley, and Derek’s viewpoints, and alternating between two years previous, and present day, Blount’s show more Someone I Used to Know is a psychological exploration of trauma and recovery. It is a story about how one incident can come to define your entire life. In Ashley's case, it was a horrific violation of womanhood. And it's a story about learning to live beyond that incident. It will shape you, yes, how could it not? But it doesn't have to define you. It was nice to see Ashley's viewpoint balanced by her brother's experiences. She struggled with the trauma, but Derek’s struggled with guilt. I had never really considered that there are 'secondary survivors’ to rape, those people closest to the victim, who deal with the feeling that they should have seen it coming, or stopped it from happening, that they could have done more.

The intense emotions that Ashley and Derek both felt were imminently believable. Beware! You will need tissues! Several times I found myself completely choked up. I wanted to yell at Ashley and Derek, to shake them and tell them to be honest and open with each other. I'm glad they finally did. Part of Ashley’s rage at her brother had to do with accidentally overhearing Derek say something, and misunderstanding what was behind it. I grok how damaging that can be, and it dredged up dark memories for me. They're ones I've come to better understand over the years, but it can still stab a needle in my heart.

It's really disgusting to think that Vic got away with raping a young woman, and how people seemed to think he the injured party. Or that people brushed her rape off as being Ashley's fault. Reading this also really helped me find perspective on my broken friendship thanks to Dumbass Trump. I chose to break with people I had been friends with for decades, when I learned how rabidly Trump they were, this being right before election. In one case, this opened a dialogue to discussion. In the other two, they supported Rump’s misogynistic and sexist comments by saying it was just 'locker room talk’ that 'all guys do’ and people (like me) should stop making a big deal about it. I realised I didn't know these people as well as I thought, and that our core values were very different. They told me I was overreacting, and got mad at me. I was horrified. Had this male friend every spoken about me like that, with his male friends? And how could the female friend agree? How could they support a president who thought sexual assault was okay and acceptable? And yet, deep down, some part of me kept wondering if I had overreacted. Reading this helped me be at ease, knowing that no, I hadn't. I'd acted on my ethics and morals.

From helping others truly understand the emotions caused by trying to cope with such trauma, to exploring rape culture and how males passively or actively support it and how they can start putting an end to it, there are many great lessons buried in this book. Highly recommended!

***Many thanks to Netgalley and Barclay Publishing for providing an egalley in exchange for a fair and honest review. show less

Someone I Used to Know is a painful book about the aftermath. Two years ago, Ashley was raped by her brother's teammate. And two years later, she's still haunted by it. Her relationship with her brother and her family has been completely fractured, and Ashley can't get dressed in the morning without thinking - does it look like I'm asking for it?

I really thought this would be a five-star book for sure, and it definitely started off that way. It was painful; I could imagine everything the main character was going through, and every time something reminded her of her past, it was chilling to read.

But as the book went on, it all became a little formulaic. Dialogues became unrealistic and it seemed almost as if I was reading an educational show more pamphlet, and the author was trying to input random facts into conversation. While I do love the realism and research behind it, I think integration could have been done better, and it was unnecessary to state them so obviously - the story could have spoken for itself.

I definitely liked Derek and Ashley as main characters, but Sebastian was a bit "meh" for me. Don't get me wrong - I'd love someone like that in real life, but there wasn't much background to him and it seemed like he was just there to be "the nice guy" and "the moral support." I get that the book was focused around Ashley's story, but having a character there that seemed to serve a single plot purpose was surprisingly noticeable.

Nevertheless, this book definitely tugged at some heartstrings. I'm not sure if it's just the topic, or my overactive imagination that tends to think about different outcomes and write my own story in my head, but I won't lie - I shed a few tears. For anyone who likes to read about social issues and the like, this is a great young adult book to pick up. show less

“All this time, I thought I was a man, but I wasn’t. I was a pretender, a wannabe. Now these protestors are daring me to be a real man, a man who’s not afraid to tell other dudes when their jokes aren’t funny, when they’re coming on way too strong…and a man who’s not afraid to hear it when he’s the one being a jerk.”

This started out as a pretty strong story; Ashley dealing with the aftereffects of her rape, victim blaming, back-lash from destroying a high school football team, and the strain on family members. Her brother, Derek, deals with his own self-loathing for the way he reacted to her accusation and the blowout afterward.

The characters are mostly believable. Ashley struggles with PTSD, her family is torn show more between helping her heal and reaching out to the estranged Derek, and Derek morns for the little sister he lost and struggles to understand it all.

Half way through the book it became less about the characters and more about how much information the author could squeeze in. There are teachable, moral filled stories that have lessons added for the readers benefit, and there is this type of story; full of information dumps and riddled with the author’s opinions instead of the subject matter instead of letting the plot and characters lead the story. Derek going to meetings about on campus rape culture became a long winded, preachy, information dump for the readers. I don’t exactly enjoy a book that just preaches at me. show less

If I could give this more than 5 stars I would in a heart beat! This I'd an amazing book that I am thinking about purchasing and making my teenage boys read. I also feel that this book should be read by every English 1 class as a freshman.
I can not personally say that I have dealt with this situation (rape) and luckily I have not known anyone that has been raped. But this book makes you look at things in a totally different way.
A young girl starting her high school years, who looks up to her junior brother, just wants to fit in. wants her first boyfriend her first kiss etc. The high school she goes to is HUGE on football (which most high schools are). But at her high school the varisty players play a scavenger hunt for points. The show more points can range from a few to hundreds depending on the "task". Well a varsity player has his eyes on this freshman. She thinks it's the real deal and doesn't heed other people's warnings. Finds herself under the bleachers and in a BAD spot. A boy that has liked this girl for a while catches on and runs to her brother and they find her in not the best of shape. They end up pressing charges against the senior but thanks to the brother the abuser doesn't get much time.....
Moving forward they start to bring awareness to the community and start a pledge against rape through out the high school and the colleges. show less