Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

This book resonated with me. The authors’ strong but crucial message for women is told with warmth and humor. I loved the references to pop culture, including everything from Star Trek to Jane Eyre. They cover body image, the importance of sleep, completing the stress cycle, and more.

“We get exhausted and we wonder if we can accomplish any of the things we hope for, without destroying ourselves in the process.”

This book spoke to me on such a deep level. The authors beautifully describe why women are overwhelmed, over-stressed, and over-giving at every opportunity. Every woman I know is burnt out and worn out, yet we #persist, because we're told we have to. Because to do otherwise is seen as a massive moral failure.

The concept of being a Human Giver vs. a Human Being was mind-blowing, and it made so much sense. Women are socialized to seek a relationship to feel 'complete', while men are taught to value independence and sovereignty.

As women, we're told we're responsible for everyone else's feelings and so we go through life trying desperately not to disappoint anyone. What we're not taught, however, is how to take care of our own emotional and show more mental well-being. How to rest without guilt, and how to treat ourselves as though we were someone we loved.

The Nagoski sisters have handed women the key to minimizing stress and managing their emotions. But most of all, they've let us know that we're not crazy, we're not "weak", and we're not broken because we can't keep up with the demands we've been conditioned to put on ourselves show less

Disclaimer: I received an ARC from the publisher.

Burnout recognizes the reality of daily life in a way that other self-help books don't, as far as I can tell (it's not really my genre). It's not about "self-care" as it's come to be known, just performing little relaxing rituals that do nothing to address the underlying problems. It's about "completing the cycle", which is something I will pay more attention to doing now, and learning to acknowledge and manage both stress and stressors in a science-based yet compassionate way.

Especially useful is the concept of "Human Beings" vs. "Human Givers". I don't think it's quite as strictly sex-based as they claim, but it is MOSTLY sex-based, so discussing it this way (i.e., addressing women show more specifically) is fine. Nonetheless, I think my male partner exhibits many of the symptoms of being a Human Giver, too - maybe more than I do, even - and these practices would be just as useful for him. The Nagoskis address the fact that it's not as easy as changing our mindset once, and the problem is solved - the patriarchy (ugh) and the BIC put continuous pressures on us every day. The game is rigged, and knowing that it's rigged (and therefore our struggles are not a result of our own failure to be positive enough) makes a huge difference in how we approach problems.

All this being said, I'm not exactly the Average Woman the science or advice is geared toward - i.e., a mom in a professional career. The book is still helpful, but a lot of the ~relatable~ stories and advice just aren't applicable for me personally. And for some reason, the idea of trying to personify my "madwoman" made me super uncomfortable and I couldn't get a grasp on it at all. Oh, well.

Definitely recommend this read to both women and men. If nothing else, it will articulate your feelings using real research, and offer a few suggestions for working through them. show less

"Burnout" got my attention with the title. As a working mom who is always feeling a bit overwhelmed, I knew many other women share the same struggles in taking good care of ourselves and trying not to do too much. Stress becomes an albatross that few can remove from their necks, and I figured reading a book like this might provide some insight on how to better balance this crazy life.

What I found were two women who have experienced both the negatives and positives of stress. It is not really how much stress we take on, but how we deal with the stressors. I could list many examples of times when I knew I was doing too much, but still kept pushing myself. Often I found I ended up sick or feeling sad. There are many reasons why women show more can't stop saying "yes" to all those things vying for our attention, and Emily and Amelia take turns addressing why, specifically calling the big issue "Human Giver Syndrome." We give, and we give and we give...but never take anything for ourselves or think of self-care. So we end up facing burnout.

This is a mainstream publishing book, so be prepared for some coarse language, but honestly, I just kept pressing on through that to get to the good stuff. And believe me when I say there is a LOT of useful, helpful information here. I would recommend this book to any woman who finds herself continually putting herself last, even to her detriment. I learned a lot about the physical and physiological reasons why long term stress can be deadly, and I think this should be read by those who think that you can keep running at this pace with no ill side effects. These authors are new to me, but I believe I will look their other books up. This is one to read through slowly so you can benefit from the information given and put those new skills to work.

I appreciated the opportunity to review early from #NetGalley and Penguin Random House. All opinions are my own and I was not required to leave a review. show less

Had I not already read Come As You Are and listened to the authors' (great) interview at Smart Bitches, Trashy Podcast, I probably would have found some of the material in Burnout helpful. Distinguishing between dealing with stressors and dealing with the STRESS strikes me as really important, as does understanding a wider range of stress responses than fight/flight.

But I think the stress and trauma chapter in Come As You Are does it better in fewer pages.

I struggle with all of Emily Nagoski's work because I find the ideas compassionate and helpful, but I also find the insistent emphasis on helping women, specifically, both personally alienating and intellectually unconvincing. I wish these texts could be more thoughtful about which show more experiences, dynamics, and needs are human being things, which ones are assigned-female-at-birth-in-our-culture things, which ones are woman things, and which ones are straight woman things -- because gender does definitely matter to our experience of stress, stressors, and our sexist, heteronormative, mysogynistic, body-hating society, but in specific and sometimes complex ways. show less

Burnout: Secrets to Unlocking the Stress Cycle examines stress from a variety of angles to help give women a clearer view on why they might be struggling with stress and what to do about it. (Spoiler: though your inner voice might be saying it's because you're lazy, dumb, or have bad time management skills, that's probably not the answer.) The authors start the book by looking at the internal, individual factors that lead to burnout. They move into the external factors that affect women's experience of stress with a particular focus on impossible-to-meet social standards, explaining that by recognizing those influences, women will be less likely to internalize them and judge themselves unfairly. They finish the book by emphasizing major show more strategies (though actionable plans are also discussed throughout the book) to cope with and even flourish in spite of life's challenges.

The book's major strength is the authors' humorous, encouraging voice that can explain scholarly research comfortably. They keep a strong focus on the reader's objective, which is to obtain effective strategies for feeling better. Each chapter ends with a few bullet-pointed major points, which is handy for readers who want to reference a tip later. The comprehensive nature of the advice, which moves from identifying an emotion or behavior, to the science behind it, to research-backed ways to address it and become healthier, makes this book feel different than other books that might talk about how exercise reduces stress without explaining why, or prescribe greater willpower without explaining the influence of sleep on motivation.

In sum, this book was like talking to a very smart, funny sister or best friend who has some great real-world advice and your best interests at heart. It was definitely worth my time.

-Review provided by my wonderful colleague Cara Marco! We received this book as an ARC from Goodreads. show less

I tend to be a little bit wary of self-help books, especially if they make pop culture references because I feel like that dates them, but Burnout quite concisely describes the reasons for stress (we tend to freeze or flee or 'just grit your teeth and deal with it' without actually completing the stress cycle to release) and ways to alleviate that in our lives. It neatly packages a lot of what I stumbled into through my university's CAPS after nearly crashing and burning in grad school about self-compassion and recognizing it's okay to be kind to yourself, including thatinternal critical voice as part of yourself as well.

I tend to skim through other reviews before posting mine, just to see if I'm on a similar wavelength as other show more readers and this one seems to be polarizing- alas, I do wonder if some of the negative reviews would be less harsh if they became aware of the impact that systemic patriarchy has on nearly every aspect of society, and how there's a lot of stress on being a "Human Giver" as the Nagoski sisters put it. show less