Being Lolita: A Memoir

Not sure about others, but in junior high, I had a massive crush on my homeroom teacher. Happily, it never would have occurred to me (or to him) to act on it. Teachers were firmly planted in the fantasy realm, and hanging out with them in school was harmless flirtation, a way to get to know an adult man who wasn't related. Alisson Wood wasn't as lucky as I was. Coming from a background of cutting and general unhappiness and benign neglect in her home, she was ripe to be preyed upon by a high school English teacher who was chosen to be her writing coach. Through much of the narrative, she parcels out the blame equally, but it takes becoming an adult for her to realize how the teacher N. was grooming her when she was still a child. He show more insists that she read Nabokov's classic, to help her understand their roles, but Alisson cannot see the misery and violence inflicted by Humbert on Dolores Haze (Lolita's real name) until she's older and teaching the book to her own students. This was a painful, well-written tragedy and perhaps should be required reading for all high school students, boys as well as girls, because these narcissistic predators certainly exist everywhere.

Quote: "We'd been having the nonspecific, circular fights couples have when they're about to break up." show less

I received an advance copy from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.

This was very painful to read, because although Lolita is one of my favorite novels, it is fiction. This is the true account of a teenage girl who was groomed by her high school teacher, a grown (but immature) man who seemed to think Lolita was a manual for seduction and romance. I am glad the author wrote it with over a decade of perspective on the situation. My favorite parts were towards the end when she talked about reading Lolita in college, and its effect on her life after the predator was out of her life for good. In a way, the memoir is a cautionary tale, but I also think it's impossible to convince a teenager that she isn't a grown woman with the agency show more to make her own choices. So it's also a tragedy, because I know it happens all too often, and will continue to happen. If you like coming-of-age memoirs, I recommend it. show less

Book Challenge: Diverse Reads



In August, I've set a personal challenge to read thirty books in thirty days. The aim is to reignite my passion for reading and elevate my reading achievements. To keep things interesting, I'm diversifying my book choices throughout the month, ensuring I don't get stuck reading and reviewing thirty thrillers. Today's pick was a memoir, and completing it within a day proved to be quite a challenge. Being Lolita starts with Alisson in her Senior year of high school. She had spent the previous years battling depression and after years of treatment a successful year at a special needs school, she is determined to finish high school at the school where she started as a freshman. Reintegrating back into the school show more is as difficult as one would expect. Students whisper about her past and she continues to feel isolated. A new English teacher, Mr. North, swoops in and makes her feel seen and heard. As the months progress, their relationship morphs from a mentor/mentee relationship into a romantic relationship.
Unlike "Lolita" or "My Dark Vanessa" which are fiction, "Being Lolita" is a memoir. While we will never live inside Dolores Haze and understand what she felt when her stepfather abducted and raped her, Wood exposes her memories of being a pretty yet isolated seventeen year old groomed for a sexual relationship with her twenty-seven year old English teacher, who she refers to often as simply, “the teacher” to highlight the disparity in power.

Wood uses Nabokov’s "Lolita" as a framework for understanding what happened to her, but if you’re looking for a long, slow seduction with a gradual descent into depravity, this isn’t it. The majority of Wood’s memoir is about the abusive relationship between herself as a recently graduated young adult and her former teacher than the predation upon and sexual grooming of a teenager (although she was only eighteen years old at the time of their first sexual encounter).
"Being Lolita" is an evocative coming-of-age narrative that delves into the tumultuous journey of a young girl seeking attention and affection. Tragically, she discovers it in the hands of someone who should have been her protector, but instead, becomes the catalyst for the erosion of her innocence. Alisson, our protagonist, finds herself entangled in a web of manipulation woven by Mr. North, unable to recognize the toxicity of their relationship due to her lack of experience with healthy connections. This poignant tale sheds light on the consequences of vulnerability and naivety, urging us to ponder the importance of guidance and understanding in a world where innocence can be easily exploited.
In a profoundly eye-opening manner, this book underscores the insidious impact of microaggressions on individuals coping with mental health challenges or special needs, severely damaging their self-concept. As we navigate our lives, it compels us to reflect on the urgency of this issue, making it essential for everyone to pause and ponder. Empathy and compassion are paramount in our interactions with one another, as we can never truly fathom the burdens others are silently carrying. This book serves as a poignant reminder of the significance of understanding and supporting one another, fostering a more compassionate and inclusive world for all.
"Being Lolita" presents a captivating memoir interlaced with intriguing parallels between the protagonist's relationship with Mr. North and the infamous novel "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov. As Alisson's perception of her connection with Mr. North evolves, so does her understanding of the controversial literary work.

Wood's poignant narrative not only sheds light on her heart-wrenching experiences but also serves as a powerful inspiration. Her transformative journey has led her to a career dedicated to empowering girls and women while educating others about the dynamics of unhealthy relationships. It's a book that will stay with you long after you've turned the final page, urging you to reflect on the intricacies of human relationships and the resilience of the human spirit.
Trigger Warnings: Abuse, Sexual Assault, Child Grooming, Rape. show less

I finished reading this book on Tuesday, and I had to wait a few days so I could process what I read. Being Lolita by Alisson Wood is a memoir and it was painful to read. Alisson was a lonely teenager in her senior year of high school. She had mental issues in previous years, she was suicidal, had cutting issues and most certainly had low self-esteem. She got to a point where she was feeling better about life and herself but She was still lonely. Enter the predator, Mr North. This "man" preyed on a young, emotionally unstable young lady. In her book, Alisson takes you thru the timeline of their "romance", while comparing it to Nabokov's Lolita. Mr. North compared her to Lolita and had her read the book. The authors way of writing about show more this painful subject was part inspiring and part horrifying. Alisson was expertly hunted by Mr. North, and though she says in her book that she had to tell him about her past, I still believe that he knew and used it to his advantage. I hate saying that I enjoyed this book because the subject matter is so hard to read, especially if you have been a victim of abuse, but I always enjoy an especially well written book! Thank you to Alisson Wood for sharing her story with us, I hope it was cathartic for you! ❤️
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Thank you to Netgalley, Flatiron Books and Alisson Wood for the eARC and hard copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are mine. ❤️ show less

Insightful. A companion to Claire Dederer's Monsters. Wood is now a literature professor. When she was 17, she was groomed and abused by a high school teacher who considered Lolita the greatest love story ever told. she charts their relationship, but also brings a sharp eye to analyzing the book and other cultural touchstones. Very worthwhile.

Did you have a cute teacher in high school that you used to dream about?

So did Alisson. And when her English teacher handed her a copy of Lolita to read, her relationship turns from teacher-student to that of a romantic relationship. Looking back, now a college professor of creative writing, she realizes how dangerous the situation was. How easily she was pulled into his manipulative ways and the effect words have over us.

This was a disturbingly applicable read for today's world. It's hard to look back over our lives and see the truth, but that is exactly what Alisson has done. Her writing is powerful and her warning should be heeded.

Thank you Netgalley for allowing me to read this and give my honest opinion.

Incredibly well written, but absolutely disturbing and vomit inducing.