My Secret Garden: Women's Sexual Fantasies

In 1973, Nancy Friday published a large collection of answers to an ad she placed looking for women to tell their deepest darkest sexual fantasies. Apparently at the time, people didn't believe women even had fantasies, or it made them uncomfortable to admit it. Many women who did have them thought they were freaks, and many men thought himself so sexual proficient that no woman he touched would "need" to fantasize.

The book is structured with Fridays's pseudo-psychological commentary interspersed with the fantasies that she collected through letters, phone calls, and interviews. She must have edited them heavily, because the word patterns, word choice, and tone are the same throughout the book. There is a vast range of fantasies, so show more something for everyone I suppose, but they all have the same voice. Overall, the book felt very dated, and not just the places where the woman fantasizes about getting it on with a guy wearing a flowered shirt and purple velvet bellbottoms. A lot of the fantasies were unintentionally sad, as they revealed young women who had poor sex education and are now in horrible marriages. The racism made me uncomfortable. And I was surprised to hear about so many women who got married at 18 or 19. I think this is a relic whose time has passed.

So, in conclusion, I didn't find the analysis that I was looking for, and the fantasies bored me. I was surprised to see it tagged as erotica here on LT, and even more surprised to see reviews on GoodReads that talked about how sexy and titillating they found it. To each her own, I guess.

Why I Read This Now: I was doing some research for a project I'm working on and had been following internet rabbit holes when I came across it. I remember this book being mentioned in women's magazines extensively through the late 70s and 80s but I never paid it any attention. Thought it might have some insights.

Recommended for: students of gender studies and sexuality, students of the 1970s, people who are 40 years late learning that woman enjoy sexual fantasies. The text is available free online.

Rating: I'm sure it was great in its day. An update of Friday's project might be interesting. Otherwise, this one is past its best before date. show less

This is a fun little book. As others have stated, it purports to be about "research" but I also know it was the kind of book I used to find stuffed down under the basket of magazines in my parents' washroom. My step-dad was into this stuff.

Because yeah, it's also basically light porn. Yeah, it goes some places I don't dig (mutilations, and a shocking amount of sex with dogs, donkeys, and horses). But most of it, while I'm sure it was mind-blowing for the 70s, is now stuff you can access with a few clicks of your mouse (after putting your browser into incognito mode).

As for the subject matter and the writing...the writing is average, and most of the fantasies are quite truncated, seeming to finally get to the good stuff, and just...end. show more The subject matter is quite enjoyable, and as a guy, got the desired effect out of me on several occasions.

I guess the thing that I found the most shocking about this is the premise that women weren't expected to have rich, sexual fantasies in the first place. I mean...what? Guys can, but women can't?

Pardon the pun, but...fuck that.

I've never understood this stupid, arbitrary split between the sexes when it comes to sex. A young male is encouraged to go out and "sow his wild oats" (and what a stupid expression that is), where a young woman is supposed to stay away from exactly that sort of guy, keep her legs crossed and never think of sex.

A guy who's had a lot of sex is a stud, or a cocksman (yet another ridiculous expression) and is admired. A woman with a similar amount of experience is a skank, a slut, a whore (or "hoo-er" as my mother used to say). Why? Why is that?

So, if this book helps to break down those stupid stereotypes, and lets someone feel better about their thoughts, fantasies, and sexual cravings, then good. The book has done its job.

But yeah, it's also a fun read. show less

Warning: if words like cock, fucking, cunt & prick in being used to describe sexual body parts and/or actions, then this book is not for you. This author is VERY blunt (which in my opinion you have to be when being honest about sex). I can honestly say that after reading this book I feel better about myself as a woman as well as a sexual being with sexual thoughts, needs and even... dare I say... fantasies! I agree wholeheartedly with the author that women's sexual fantasies have been repressed, surpressed and denied for far too long. By the way guys, our fantasies don't stop short of a cliche rape scene 😉 I HIGHLY recommend this to women who seek to validate their sexual urges and definitely to men who wish to understand the female show more side of sexuality a bit more. We have a lot more in common than it seems guys. 💘 show less

This 1973 book was groundbreaking for its time but badly needs updating and a better grouning. It could be seen as a collection of dirty stories, yes, but it also does give insight into the female psyche and I wonder how much would still apply today. Part of the problem is I feel this isn't very grounded or representative. Friday seems to have collected the fantasies of a rather small range of women demographically.

Friday wrote she advertised for female fantasies in a magazine and newspaper and collected over 400 of them. Are these educated women? Wealthier than average? Is there racial diversity in her sample? Lesbians and bisexuals in proportional numbers? How much of this is true cross-culturally or does this only hold for show more Americans? And how much has changed since 1973 given the impact of the feminist movement? She divides the fantasies into 16 "Houses" of the most popular stock themes. Would Rape Fantasy still be number three decades after the heyday of the bodice-ripper romance? Would "Pain and Masochism" rank higher in our age of Fifty Shades of Grey? Would "Big Black Men" still make it on the hit parade or would it come lower or higher since it's less "forbidden" for white women?

All that said, a friend of mine interested in gender studies says she'd still be interested in this book because she knows of no more recent or rigorous study on the subject--which rather astonishes me. show less

Caitlin Moran mentioned this book in [b:How to Be a Woman|10600242|How to Be a Woman|Caitlin Moran|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1405909800s/10600242.jpg|15507935], and I was intrigued so went looking for it and found it's available as a free download from the Internet Archive. The fantasies are mostly fun - with a few disturbing exceptions where fantasy and reality overlap. These days its contents aren't all that shocking, but it must have been considered outrageous when it first came out in the 1970s.

"My Secret Garden" is a collection of many women's fantasies. First published in 1973, it was rather outspoken at the time. Nancy Friday breaks fantasies down into fifteen main rooms: anonymity, audience, rape, pain, domination, terror, the forbidden, transformation, earth mother, incest, animals, big black men, young boys, fetishists, and other women. Towards the end Friday also includes some women who played out their fantasies, and some who actively engaged in fantasy with their partner.

Friday tends to include her thoughts in between sections, and occasionally when introducing people. I found her thoughts tended to be writing for the heterosexual female reader, and not necessary for the book. I think the book would have been more show more interesting if it was just women's fantasies and chaptered by different themes.

All in all, this was an informative, interesting, and erotic read. show less

Reviewed Feb. 18th, 2013

Like so many older books on sex that purport to have a sociological raison d'etre. In this case, the (at the time) ground-breaking discussion of women's fantasies but in actuality it's just a not-very-well written collection of extremely dirty stories that unless you neither fancy women nor are one, are probably going to get you hot, just as the author intended.