When I picked up this book I expected it to teach you on ways to be the alpha male or something along those lines. After reading the first chapter, I was hooked.
I realized I have a few traits that resemble a Nice Guy, which is someone who doesn't know how to set boundaries and always tries to hide his mistakes. This book encourages people to be themselves, be comfortable with their flaws and mistakes, learn how to set boundaries, and put their needs first.
Some of his ideas are being repeated many times in the book but good self-help book nonetheless. ( )

I read this book because I’d heard it mentioned by a couple of people, who said it had some good and some bad. I found it had mostly the latter.

I’ll start with the positive, though, of which there were three main points:
First, Glover provides an excellent diagnosis of the “nice guy syndrome.” As a self-diagnosed, recovering nice guy, I found his assessments helpful. He pointed out behaviors that I need to watch out for and provided a fee helpful insights into their root causes.
Second, he points out that nice guys tend to operate on the basis of what he calls “covert contracts.” These contracts are essentially giving to get. His discussions on this helped me recognize how often I do this without realizing it and that I need to be better about simply giving out of love for others.
Third, he points out that nice guys operate from a paradigm that says, if they do everything right, they’ll avoid all conflict. That also means that nice guys then interpret conflict to mean they’ve done something wrong. As a Christian, it’s important to realize that this is untrue. According to Scripture, we’re actually more likely to end up in conflict if we are doing everything right.

As for the rest of the book, it’s not worth the time. More so, his chapter on sex included mostly harmful advice. Because he doesn’t have an overarching value system, he can diagnose problems but can’t give any helpful solution.

For example, Glover says he believes men should act with integrity, which he defines as, “deciding what’s right and then doing it.” I agree in theory but there has to be a measurement for what’s right. He explicitly says that men must decide for themselves what’s right. At that point, you end up with men simply deciding to do what they want and feeling justified in being self-centered. His principle works if you have Scripture defining what’s right but otherwise gives license to selfishness.

Most of the rest of the book is full of points like that. A good diagnosis of a problem and the underlying beliefs, but then terrible or half-true advice on how to actually solve the problem.

Overall, while his diagnoses were mostly true, he couldn’t provide any truly helpful solutions to these problems because he lacked a larger value system to decide what is right and wrong.

To sum up the points that are worth your time from a Christian perspective:
1. Be direct, not passive-aggressive. If you’re a “nice guy,” realize that your tendency is to be passive-aggressive. If you’re a man, God made you to be direct, so embrace it.
2.Recognize that conflict is a part of life and learn to handle it biblically. Stop making decisions based on conflict-avoidance; make them based on what the Word of God says.
3.Related to number 2, stop people-pleasing. Fear God more than man and be a man of integrity. Recognize what Scripture says is right and do it, period.
4.Give out of love for God and neighbor; don’t “give to get,” as Glover put it. Stop operating on unspoken agreements and be clear about your expectations, even if you think it won’t be received well. At least then you can discuss it with the person instead of getting upset that they didn’t uphold their end of a bargain they didn’t know existed.

My final point is this: don’t read this book. Its helpful points, listed above, can be found elsewhere, and I recommend that’s where you get them. Find some good, preferably Reformed, Christian resources on masculinity and read those instead of spending time wading through this sludge for a few gold nuggets. ( )

"Nice Guy Syndrome" - trying too hard to please others while neglecting one's own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness.

Don't be put off that Robert Glover found fame after he coined this phrase, and was interviewed by the most conservative elements in the media.

I listened to the audiobook in the background while I was doing something light - his clinical examples put in context according to his psychologist's framework were really interesting and I identified with many comments - a self-help book in a nutshell!

Caretaking comes up often, and the 'wrongness' of caretaking seemed to be particularly stark when seeing how these Nice Guys default to it and wield it. ( )

A really thought provoking book for me. If a book actually makes you re-think your behavior and to make changes at some point; then it's a winner. This was one of those books for me. Recommended. ( )

i read this kinda as a meme and its pretty mid ... i guess its not actively damaging or anything but who cares