Don't Cry for Me

This is a tough book. Written from the POV of a Black man to his estranged gay son, he reflects on his life and his failure to be a supportive father as he lies dying.

There are some EXTREMELY dark things in this book. Stuff the narrator often couches in “life was different back then,” or “life was different in the country,” or some other such excuse for why people treated one another badly in their pasts. And sometimes that’s understandable—people were less educated, people were living harder, Black people in particular had less of everything in every regard.

But the failings continue throughout, and it can get very frustrating to read someone come right up to the edge of epiphany only to chicken out and want credit for “I show more tried.” “I almost called you.” “I almost visited.” What are these almosts and near-attempts to the person who needs them to be complete?

In the end it is a really well done and thoughtful exploration of a single, lonely, unmoored man trying to navigate his own mistakes and regrets. But it is so heavy. show less

In his introduction, Daniel Black explains that His father died when the two of the had been separated for years. Black wrote Don't Cry for Me as a way of imagining his father's life in the years when they hadn't had conduct. Isaac, the son in the novel, is gay and Black, as is Black the author, and that was a key factor in the distance between him and his father. Jacob, Isaac's father knows he is dying of cancer and writing out his life's story for his son, not so much as an apology, but as a truth telling—a way of offering Isaac a piece of his past that he can choose to hold onto or release as he sees fit.

Initially, I was dubious about this premise, which suggested a great deal of wishful thinking; however, Black created a father show more and son pair who were both strong figures, complex, and almost constantly in conflict. In his letter, Isaac describes his life as a child, when he was raised by his maternal grandparents, his courtship, marriage, and that marriage's dissolution, and his life on his own.

It isn't a spoiler, I think, to say that a big piece of Jacob's story is coming to realize how violent and limited his concept of manhood was. As he reflects during his time alone and reads (cameo appearance here for Alice Walker's the Color Purple), he comes to see other versions of manhood, even if he's unable to adopt them as his own. The fact that Jacob acknowledges his inability to change is what keeps this novel from functioning as a wishful thinking. A father and son have a chance to come to know each other, but there is no forced happy ending.

Don't Cry for Me offers readers both an understanding of a specific father-son relationship, and it also opens up the ways in which readers can consider their own intergenerational family relationships. This book allowed me to rethink some issues I've been confronted as my parents (now in their 90s) age. I can thank Black—and his creations Jacob and Isaac—both for the powerful story his novel tells and for insights of my own that resulted from reading Don't Cry for Me.

If you are someone who appreciates family stories, particularly cross-generational ones, who has experienced, wants to learn more about the pressures that race in the U.S. can place on Black families, or about the ways gender identity and sexuality can affect family relationships, this is a book to read sooner, rather than later.

I received a free review copy of this title from the publisher via EdelweissPlus; the opinions are my own. show less

As Jacob Swinton lies dying, he begins to write a letter to his only son, Isaac, from whom he has been estranged for many years, as he attempts to reconcile with the gay son he was not able to accept. Jacob tries to explain himself, telling stories about his childhood in rural Arkansas on land purchased by his great-grandparents after they were emancipated from slavery. Through the telling, we come to see how certain values and perspectives were instilled in him about manhood and family. Through this letter, he attempts to construct a place in which he and his son might find peace with each other. This fictional confessional illuminates the lived experiences of Black fathers and queer sons through a reckoning and reconciliation. show more Beautiful prose; so beautiful that it made it hard to believe they were meant to be the words of a barely educated man, even if he did take to reading later in his life. show less

This was truly powerful and although not my normal read I am so glad I got to read it. It's difficult to form words to really express my feelings without someone getting offended but I will start with an obvious statement that I am neither black nor African American and of course I cannot image the struggles that is meant to be expressed in this book in a lot of areas; however I will express what it made me feel as a parent, a daughter, a Hispanic woman but above all as a Human being.

The journey that this father goes through and sums it up in some letters for his estranged son is, I want to say heartbreaking but not because I feel sorry for the father in the sense that I would personally cry for him but I feel sorry that he didn't show more realize the mistakes he made a lot sooner.

I will say that this book although fictional really made some things sink in further in my own personal experiences with my own parents, children and life overall. We always try to do better than what our own parents did in raising us and sometimes don't always succeed. But let that be a lesson in it self that we need to continue to grow and get better.

Many of us live our lives not fully thinking of the consequences our decisions will have on not only our lives but in the lives of those we come in contact with.

Jacob, in his way did his best at least in his perspective he meant well and did the best he could, I am sure he did he didn't realize that it was up to him to break generational misguided teachings, instead he made some of them as a parent himself. However, his son also didn't take it upon himself to try to educate his father and maybe try to mend things. I understand why and can even relate, man can I ever relate.

I highly recommend this book, it touches on some deep topics that so many people still till this day can't discuss without hate or anger. It really opens your eyes and heart to things you may already be aware of and things you may not.

With Father's day this month, although I normally do not celebrate it I am thankful to have read it. I can't remember who recommended this book to me but I am thankful, it really is a 5 star rating.

“I find it funny that, at funerals, all dead people go to Heaven, regardless of how they lived. Perhaps this is black people's way of rewarding themselves simply for having been black and survived - even for a while.”

“You must learn to uproot unwanted seeds without destroying the entire harvest. This is the son’s lesson. Nurture good sprouts, Isaac. Toss weeds aside and never think of them again. Just remember that sprouts and weeds are planted together, and weeds have a valuable function. They teach you what to avoid, what not to embrace. There is no good planting without them." show less

Very powerfully told, this is the story of a black man who lived in rural south and moved north when he grew up. Raised by his grandma and grandpa, he thought being a man meant other family members were under his control. It wasn’t until his divorce and his estrangement from his gay son, along with cancer than made him turn inward and start looking at his own behaviors as causes for what happened to him. A friend gave him a copy of a Toni Morrison book to read, and it got him reading many more books about the black experience. But in the end, although he wanted to reunite with his son, he felt the damage been done and it was a useless gesture. A sad conclusion to the book filled with letters Jacob wrote to his son.

In Don’t Cry For Me by Daniel Black, a dying father writes letters to his estranged son telling him family stories dating back to slavery. Yes, it is depressing, and at times veers into preachy and melodramatic, but mostly a powerful narrative about the history of Black Americans through the stories of one family. Black’s writing shows moments of real skill as he crafts a family damaged by their failure to understand each other and the burden of their history. Don’t Cry For Me is an excellent book for readers looking for literary fiction about the Black American experience with LGBTQ+ themes.

"If you still don't understand why I'm telling you all this, just keep reading. A man's history is all he has."

This is the story you hope you get from the parents who have been cut off by their adult children. This is a story about a father, dying and alone, writing to his adult son. Written in letter format, father to son, you slowly learn of all the regrets the father feels for all the ways he's wronged his son. It's heartfelt but also a tough read. There is a lot of abuse framed as generational and racial trauma. It was eye-opening and heartbreaking and, while I didn't enjoy it, the story was movie and compelling. But it's written easy, as light as this topic can be. It was a very fast read and left me with a little hope.

I show more appreciated the added concept of death in this story. It was a lovely addition. show less