Patricia Wants to Cuddle

Ladies and Gentlemen: Her
 
This book follows Renee, Lilah-Mae, Vanessa, and Amanda, the last four contestants of “The Bachelor” style show, The Catch, and Casey, the producer. The show where women from all over fight to win the right to marry THE Catch…right? To spice up the second to last week of the show, they take a trip to the remote and affordable Otters Island or, as our very own Lilah-Mae would say, “a remote and luxurious getaway in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.” But why is it affordable? Why is it so remote? Could it be that it’s an island run by lesbians that worship Bigfoot’s sister, Patricia? Can you imagine? Can you imagine if the crew accidentally crossed the line to Patricia’s territory? show more
         Just as the book is separated into three parts, I’m going to do the same with this review because I want to talk about a couple of things.

There is No Exit to This Stage
 
One of the first things I loved about this book was the behind-the-scenes of reality TV, and not just any Reality TV, the “I came here for love from someone I will only meet a hand full of times before we commit our lives to each other” reality TV. Each of the four contestants plays a trope in the show: the ditzy fashion blogger, the hot mean girl, and the good Christian girl. Writing in Third Person and giving us dual POV was a brilliant choice for this part of the book, which is seen in most of it. This gave us everything going on from every angle, much like a reality show. We see feuds behind and on-screen and how they’re made, motives for being there, and grudges for everyone. I won’t spoil anything because, though it’s not a central plot point, I think the way these feuds heat up throughout the book was gold. But because we get insight into the production, having the POV of Casey, we see how those fights are manufactured and how our thoughts are forced onto us by the production team. I thought this whole theme was perfect and honestly made me want to watch one of these shows to see the tricks in action.
 
 
The Lesbians are Taking Over!
 
One of the main things Otters Island is known for is how LGBTQIA friendly they are, specifically lesbians. We meet Margert “Call me Maggie” Davis, the Landlady of the house the contestants are staying in. I loved how we got little snippets of Maggie’s and her late wife’s relationship and how it started when the world wasn’t ready to accept their type of love. Knowing that they found Otters Island in a time of need for acceptance and how everyone has gotten there the same way was beautiful. However, this is where my only problem with this book lies. This part of the book did not get as much attention as I would have liked. Don’t get me wrong; I cried tears of joy through all the horror simply because of how much I wished this place was real. But I wanted more. The book cast most of the attention on the girls and how they slowly became more paranoid about the strange environment, which I loved! But I thought the author could have done much more with this lesbian-controlled island scenario.
 
 
Patricia!
 
Ladies and gentlemen: Her. The new love of my life, Patricia. I don’t want to say too much about this beautiful creature because I don’t want to spoil anything. I just wanted a section just for her so I could tell how amazing she was. Patricia, I wish every day that you were real. Just know you’re real in my heart.
 
 
After reading this review, I think it surprises no one that I loved this book. If you breathe air, I recommend you read this. This book made me laugh, happy, and drop my jaw to the floor. I think Samantha Allen did a fantastic job here, and I can’t wait for her next book. She is now an auto-buy author for me. show less

This one was surprising. Based on the title and image alone, I had a lot of presumption going into it. None of them were correct. This managed to be an emotional story about love, a classic slasher film, and a heartwarming tale of finding your place in the world all at once. There was so much going on, I al.ost wished it was a bit longer to fully flesh out all of the storylines.

That font! That cover! I knew this book would be a special little thing. The book begins with the final four contestants on a reality dating show heading to Otters Island in the Northwest of the US to finish production on yet another season of 'The Catch'. The story is told switching perspectives between the four contestants remaining on the show and one of the producers of 'The Catch'. The bachelor tends to be not QUITE a catch (putting it more mildly than this book would). I don't want to say much else about the plot. The book is snarky and honest... perfectly pairs with the show UnREAL and horror movies, but this book has a little something more. I will say, I don't really have much experience with "reality dating shows" except maybe show more watching a season or two when they were first starting. The book is a sendup of our times and "reality" now, though if the reader has already been disillusioned or "seen through the filters" of reality TV or social media, this book might not have a ton of new things to say to you (and be preaching to the choir). But this is a fun, unique summer book! show less

This book was BONKERS. It starts as an inside peak of a reality dating show ala The Bachelor and then goes completely off the rails (in the very best way) about halfway through. I wouldn't necessarily read it again, but I also won't forget it.

Ok, how do you feel about The Bachelor? Cryptids? Horrifically funny violence? This book is so weird and also so, so amazing.

I wanted to like this more than I actually did. The premise is fun, but the execution left a lot to be desired. Over half of the book is just about the reality show, with Patricia making only the briefest of appearances. Once she appears, she immediately works her was through the entire cast and crew but one, rapidly killing them in graphic ways. Also there was the mystery about hikers who went missing decades earlier? There wasn’t really much of an explanation or justification for any of this. Also — Patricia doesn’t really want to cuddle! The book would have been stronger if Patricia had appeared earlier and more often. She can still be mysterious, people almost seeing or hearing something. People could start to go missing. Ramp show more up the tension and draw out the killings. show less

Loved the mix of found footage and multiple PoV. The penultimate week of filming on a 3rd rate bachelor rip-off makes the perfect setting for a slasher. That there are still some unexpected genre twists before the end of this short book is just icing on the cake.