We All Want Impossible Things

This is a beautiful and very real story about friendship and death. Ash and Edi have been friends since pre-school and now, in their 40s, will be parted by Edi's terminal cancer. The book details Ash's visits to her friend in hospice, as well as Ash's struggle through what I thought of as a sort of mid-life crisis. I had a hard time warming up to Ash but I think it's because Newman does such a very good job of presenting her in all her flaws, insecurities, and grief. I teared up more than once while listening; I am lucky enough to share a friendship like Ash and Edi's and can't imagine my life without my best friend. I should note there is also some wonderful humor in the book, especially in the wise-cracks and observations of Ash's show more teenage daughter, Belle.

My thanks to Ellen for first putting this on my radar. show less

We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman absolutely wrecked me in the most beautiful way. I am not sure I have ever cried so hard reading a book. The story follows the heartbreaking journey of watching a best friend die of cancer, and it is as raw, intimate, and devastating as that sounds. So tragic, and yet somehow so full of love.

Edi and Ash are the kind of best friends everyone hopes to have in their lifetime. Their history, their shorthand, their shared humor, it all feels so real. They are both incredibly witty, and that humor becomes a lifeline throughout the book. It balances the unbearable weight of grief in such an authentic way. The jokes, the irreverence, the tenderness, it’s exactly how deep love and deep loss show more often coexist.

Newman captures anticipatory grief with such honesty, the small hospital moments, the exhaustion, the anger, the flashes of denial, and the desperate hope. Nothing feels dramatized; it feels lived in. She also beautifully portrays the ripple effect of terminal illness on family, partners, children, and friends — without ever losing sight of the central love story between these two women.

What makes this book extraordinary is that it isn’t just about dying, it’s about friendship, loyalty, shared history, and the impossible task of saying goodbye to someone who has shaped your entire life. It’s about the absurdity of the world continuing on while yours is quietly shattering.

This novel is tender, funny, devastating, and profoundly human. It left me gutted and grateful. An unforgettable read. show less

Terminal illness and loss in early middle age is portrayed with incredible humor and pathos in this outstanding short novel, which seems to be based on a true event. When Edi, first and current best friend to Ash, is stricken with ovarian cancer, everything about their past and their missing future rises to the surface in Edi's final days at a hospice that seems like a truly worthy last waystation. Ash is self-centered (to the point that Edi must remind her not to make herself the subject of the upcoming eulogy) and reacts to the pending loss of her BFF by throwing her husband overboard and desperately indulging in meaningless trysts, which Edi defines as "taking advantage of people with no boundaries". As selfish as she is, Ash glows show more as Edi fades, as do all the friends and family who provide loving tenderness in Edi's last difficult days. The combination of Ash's perverse thoughts and actions, filled with silliness and pain, with Edi's slide towards the unknown make this an exemplary read for anyone who has suffered a horrendous loss, and anyone who is facing the end of their own life. It’s almost a primer on how to do death right.

Quote: "She's super wholesome. She probably makes her own kombucha! Okay, that's a bad example. I actually make my own kombucha." show less

What everyone says about We All Want Impossible Things is true — somehow author Catherine Newman has written a laugh-out-loud funny book about dying. Ash’s best friend Edi is dying, and they decide to go to the hospice near Ash’s house in Massachusetts to keep Edi’s young son away from the trauma. Newman captures all of Ash’s craziness, love, and compassion along with a kaleidoscope of characters as they wait for Edi to pass. Based on a true story, Impossible Things feels real as Newman finds the humor and sadness and all the messiness.

We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman is one of those books that fits the description: I laughed, I cried.

The basic premise isn't particularly unusual, an old friend supporting and sharing another friend's last time on Earth. That is where anything usual about this book ends. Newman captures the moments that can make a time like this heartbreaking as well as life-affirming.

Like many of us who have served as complete or partial caregiver to a friend or family member who is dying, time is often the most important and the most difficult topic in conversation. What I mean by that is you're not sure whether to mention anything in your own future, or anything from your shared past, and when mentioning something in the present it show more can seem almost trite if you compare it to what the present looks like to your friend. That said, those are the things most of the people I have sat with want to talk about. Not endlessly, but in such a way that they feel engaged with the world around them and not separated from it. That is what, for me, propelled this story from moment to moment.

From memories they share to what is happening in Ash's present, they both find room to laugh and cry. From those emotions come, I think, the ability to place things in perspective, however difficult that may be. As readers, we are privileged to be invited along, and more than likely we thought about things in our own lives. I know I did. So I think at least some of the laughing and crying was along with the people I have spent time with as they were dying. And yes, I even spoke to a couple of them while reading (no, they didn't answer me back, at least not verbally. Though I felt lighter in my chest after sharing with them.)

I would highly recommend this to anyone who loves a well-written story that touches the heart. I also think most people who have experienced something similar to what Ash did will find this rewarding. Maybe a few will find it too difficult, but most will find it cathartic even through the pain.

Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via NetGalley. show less

This is a strange little book. One part grief, one part midlife crisis & one part celebration of life’s small moments. At first I wasn’t a fan. Ash is helping her friend Edi through hospice care & seems so unmoored and selfish. But the farther I got into the book the more I connected with it. We all deal with loss in very different ways. It’s easy for one person to hold everyone they love tighter and for another to wonder what they’ve done with their life and toss it all to the wind.

It’s certainly not a perfect read and it’s full of irksome moments, but I was left with a feeling of connection rather than frustration. I hated the overall arching hopelessness of the book though.

"I felt myself fill with fury like I was a show more bucket under a tap."

"A worldwide crescendo of grief, sustained day after day, and only one tiny note of it is mine." show less

This book made me ugly cry, but it also made me laugh out loud. Edi and Ash(ley) are life-long friends, since childhood and are now middle-age adults. Edi is dying of ovarian cancer, and when hospice is the only option, she chooses one near Ash's smallish MA town, so her 7-yr old son, Dash won't have to witness her decline. Edi's husband Jude stays with him, so the care and the visiting are all up to Ash and the wonderful staff at Shapely House. The two have such a deep, know-each-other-inside-out friendship - it's beautiful and hilarious as they guess each other's thoughts and finish each other's sentences. Their discussions are so unique and funny - the things they remember and think about, and Ash gives a running commentary of her show more own thoughts as she narrates the few week span of losing her best friend. It's also very real - all the bodily mess and functions that accompany the process isn't sugar-coated, but it is also recognized as natural and necessary, and there are just as many glowing moments as awful ones. Ash is also dealing with another loss - of her marriage to her husband Honey (name gets explained) - through her own fault, though they are just separated and he holds out hope. Her current stress sleeping around doesn't help, but she has some stuff to work through. Their teenage daughter Belle is a fabulous character too, calling out Ash on behaviors but also being amazingly supportive. I would love to hang out with these people and be part of their circle, in better circumstances, but they totally prove themselves in the worst. Example of writing genius: "Everyone dies, and yet, it's unendurable. There is so much love inside of us. How do we become worthy or it? And then, where does it go? A worldwide crescendo of grief, sustained day after day, and only one tiny note of it is mine." 150. "It's only occurring to me now that the dying and the loss are actually two different burdens....But now here was the actual end point, which you'd always known but then forgotten in all of the incarnated drama and suffering." 188. show less