How to Survive a Horror Movie: All the Skills to Dodge the Kills

Funny and astute survival advice for anyone who suddenly finds themselves stuck inside a horror movie.
Your chances of living to the end credits depends on things like determining the budget of the movie your in, as good screenwriters and directors will make you work harder to live. You should avoid being a well-worn horror "type" like a nerd or slutty Goth chick, be smarter than an evil vehicle, and most of all, stay away from cabins in the woods. This last may be almost impossible, as filming in the woods is so economical. And babysitting is by far the worst activity to undertake if you suspect you're in a horror movie. In the chapter entitled "How To Survive A Night Of Babysitting", we find advice on such things as weighing that $7 an show more hour against your very likely prospect of being murdered.

In the real world, babysitting is a groovy way for young people to learn responsibility (and earn a little pocket money). In the Terrorverse, it's a plot device used to kill teenagers.
Babysitters are the juiciest of all slasher bait- more attractive than drunk gravediggers or horny campers.

After reading this, I can't help but count off all the cliches in a movie, but it's worth it because this is a really fun read. show less

I love horror movies. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I relish thriller and suspense novels. I guess if I can dress up as, watch, or read about fictional horrific things, it puts the problems I encounter in life into a better perspective. Sort of like -- Hey I can handle a flat tire during a snow storm...piece of cake. At least I'm not that babysitter who got the call about the killer being inside the house. See? Perspective.

But, I do have to say, it is disappointing when a story is clocking down to the Final Girl and characters are making rookie mistakes, especially if the tale is a sequel. You guys couldn't learn the rules in the first 8 movies?? Damn. Get smarter murder-fodder. Years ago, my husband and I used to pause movies to show more discuss the mistakes the characters were making and guess their mode of demise. Ooops....ran up the stairs and shut herself in the bathroom. Yeah -- smart move, cupcake. Ohhh, he's going down in the basement to flip the breaker switch? Alone? Another smart decision. Ohh look...the couple is going to walk through the woods to get help. Isn't that cute? Wrong!!!! Sigh....it's like they don't even have a clue. Even on television series there are similar moments that leave us shaking our heads. I remember well one zombie show we stopped watching because it drove us INSANE. None of the characters could remember to shut a damn door when they came inside. Ummm...hello? Zombies outside...neighbors being eaten....you SHUT the patio door. I can't sympathize with characters who screw up that bad....or a script that has such an obvious set up for munch-time. Bleck. We spent two episodes rooting for the zombies....and then stopped watching the show.

But I digress...I am going to review this book. Promise.

Because my family watches horror movies and critiques them instead of being scared, I knew I needed to read this book. It first came out in 2007...but obviously none of the victims in horror movies in the last 12 years read it. They are still making the same mistakes. So....this new and improved edition released in 2019 should help save lives, right? At least the general public now has a chance to find out a few things: 1. Am I in a horror movie? 2. What do I do if I discover I am, in fact, inside a horror movie. and 3. How do I survive to the end credits?

I had the best time reading this book! I found myself nodding and agreeing with the lists and advice. Very entertaining and fun to read! And I now find myself wanting to sit and binge watch some horror. The characters will still make all those bad errors in judgement....but in the end, it's just fiction, right? Right? *Looks around nervously* Was that a strange music stab? Are those really hooded figures chanting outside in my front yard? OMG...who drew that strange symbol on the floor of my office?

Uh oh.....

**I voluntarily read a review copy of this book from Quirk Books via Edelweiss. All opinions expressed are entirely my own. No lost campers were slashed during the writing of this review. Honest.** show less

What would you do if you ever found yourself trapped in a horror movie? First, you must determine that you ARE in a horror movie, then determine what subgenre of horror it is (and Grahame-Smith helps with all of this). Then, he has all kinds of tips that will help you make it all the way to the end credits (then you just have to hope you don't end up in a sequel!).

This was hilarious!!! I found myself smiling, giggling, laughing, and even nodding in agreement! It's a quick read. I was reading the ebook ; there were a few cartoon illustrations here and there, and I would be curious to know if they are in colour in the print book. It would have been nice to see them a bit larger, as well, but it didn't take away from the hilarity of the show more rest of the book! So much fun!! show less

I’ve never been a big horror movie fan, but this book gave me an appreciation for the genre that I feel I was lacking. Written by horror movie expert Seth Grahame-Smith, this is an entertaining “guidebook” that outlines the major genres, sub-genres, and tropes of horror films. It takes on a parody approach to surviving horror movies by instructing the reader on how to avoid the traditional pitfalls, what to do in different horror scenarios, and how to subvert the writers by changing genres. The illustrations are also quite excellent.

Something I found both fascinating, and cringe-worthy, was the abundant use of token and stereotyped characters that never really crossed my mind as I grew up watching these movies. The book points show more these things out with no applause, but I feel that a small statement could have been made about the apparent sexism and racism in older horror movies, and how more contemporary horror is stepping away from those toxic traditions to create a richer and more robust horror filmography.

The final chapter, on how to defeat Satan, was a real let down. It feels like the author just gave up. Even with the “change genres” approach, there could have been so much more than just “whip out your penis.” I can’t speak to horror films specifically, but there are plenty of films and books where Satan is defeated - a rousing game of chess, a fiddle battle, satanic spawn rebelling against daddy-dearest, divine intervention. And if you’re truly suggesting the only way to defeat Satan is by changing genres, then what better way than to divert to a Hallmark made-for-tv movie?

The best parts of the book were the Foreword by Wes Craven, the Appendix of recommended horror films with comments on each one, and the humor throughout the entirety of the reading. An enjoyable and funny book that gave me a new appreciation for a film genre, and excellent film recommendations. show less

I received this book for free from the publisher (Quirk Books) in exchange for an honest review.

This was such a fun read!

This book essentially makes fun of horror movies and all the cliches that come with them. For example, one of the things it says NOT to do is investigate strange things. The book explicitly states, “Investigation = mutilation” (pg. 36). Nothing good ever comes from checking something out. That’s just asking to be murdered.

The book also alludes to many famous horror movies, so horror enthusiasts will have fun catching them all.

The short forward/apology from Wes Craven was perfect. So on brand and a great way to kick of the book.

The illustrations and the list of movie recommendations were a nice touch as show more well.

The only critique I have is that I would have loved a concluding chapter to bring the book full circle. Or even a short paragraph stating something like, “Congratulations! If you’ve made it this far then you are one of the rare survivors of a horror movie…” I thought it was a missed opportunity and would have been the perfect place for one final joke about horror movies.

Overall, if you’re a fan of horror movies or just want a fun Halloween read, then read this book! show less

This is by far one of my most favorite sardonic horror books of all time! I mean who doesn't love a good guide on the horror genre!? I know I do!

This little book also packs a lot of punch with in the first few chapters. The artwork throughout the book is awesome and stands true to what is being described in each section of each chapter. I love chapter #2 the most, because it's called 'Slasher Survival School - Masks, Gloves, and Motels'. I feel that the second section called 'Surviving Summer Vacation', is the most fitting currently because it is summer. But also because who doesn't love those campy horror flicks where people go to cabins or take road trips or even sleep away camp plots and you just know how its going to turn out. But show more it makes you wanna go "hmm i wonder if I'm in one myself?". The good news is that this book lets you know, the bad news it if you are S.O.L. for you!

Haha, anyway, this book is a MUST OWN for horror fanatics, especially of the slasher genre of the 80's, because it has everything you love and more! Seriously, you won't regret owning this book! show less

While HOW TO SURVIVE A HORROR MOVIE isn't going to win any major awards from me, I did think it was an amusing little aside to break up the monotony of some of the heavier reads I've been indulging as of late. It's good for those familiar enough with the horror genre to know it's patterns and tropes, but not so protective of it that they aren't able to enjoy a little good-natured teasing. It's a light, quick book to amuse the reader, and then be forgotten.

Also, if you really did wind up in a horror movie, reading this book would probably actually help? The advice seems solid.

Warning: Harmful language for intellectual disabilities was used in the version I read. It's unacceptable and outdated and I hope later editions were more show more sensitive. It is not excessive, but the word was used once or twice.

For a more detailed review or to check out my other bookish content, fly on over to The Literary Phoenix. show less