Grief Is for People

Crosley's memoir about the death of her friend and burglary of her home is honest, bitter, angry, and heartbreaking. I loved that she didn't shy away from the hard parts of grief. She didn't wrap it up in a tidy bow and give a life lesson at the end. There are layers of pain when it comes to missing someone, being angry they are gone, and feeling guilty for your life continuing. Grief is not simple. This is a painful book, full of her scorn for those around her, but it's a truthful one.

TW Suicide

“Grief is for People” is a complex book in many ways. It’s a book about grief, the grief the author experiences because of the death by suicide of perhaps her closest friend, a man who started as her boss in the publishing industry and later became more a friend than a work colleague. The book is a parallel story line telling the story of her relationship with book publicist Russell Perreault while at the same time recounting the story of her apartment break in while she was gone when she lost her jewelry, much of it family heirlooms from family members she loved and at least one she hated. Working through these traumas makes up the bulk of this short book. The writing is typical of anything Sloane Crosley writes: masterful. If show more you enjoy good, out of the box writing, this book will appeal. And even though it’s about loss, it never becomes maudlin. In fact, just as Crosley goes to the edge of maudlin, she turns to clever comedy to pull herself (and her reader) out of a funk. It’s a very interesting book, one that came be easily read in one or two sittings. show less

Works better as a memoir than a self-help book. Nominally written to process the 2019 death by suicide of Crosley's best friend/mentor, book publicist Russell Perreault. Come for the grief, stay for an insider's experience of the crumbling publishing industry, including Crosley's close connection to the infamous James Frey memoir [b:A Million Little Pieces|1241|A Million Little Pieces|James Frey|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1483206985l/1241._SY75_.jpg|3140930], which was lauded by Oprah before being exposed as mostly fraudulent. Worth reading for Crosley's skill at making you laugh while she's breaking your heart.

In the fall of 2019, Sloane Crosley's jewelry is stolen during a break-in at her apartment; a month later, her former boss and best friend Russell dies by suicide; a few months after that, a pandemic spreads across the globe, and New York empties, becoming eerily quiet. In this memoir, Crosley grapples with these events, the first two of which especially are tangled together, "bookends" of loss. Her writing is sharp as always.

Quotes

And no one is obliged to learn something from loss. (5)

You become numb when you swallow too much sadness at once. (25)

Life needs volunteers or else it will start calling on people at random. (32)

Grief is for people, not things. (34)

It's not such a nice world. Bad things happen. Sometimes they happen all at show more once. (38)

PTSD employs a math opposite to that of denial: Instead of your brain convincing itself that nothing has happened, it convinces itself everything has and still is happening. (48)

To mourn the death of a friend is to feel as if you are walking around with a vase, knowing you have to set it down but nowhere is obvious. (78)

Because what is the idea that something exists, even if you can't see it [object permanence], if not the very definition of faith? (81)

Russell could not stomach sadness but he could not stomach earnestness either. (108)

Heavy is the enchantment of places you know you will never see again. (116)

If a rising tide lifts all boats, a whirlpool pulls them all to the bottom. (143)

Perhaps this is the plainest definition of anxiety: mourning what isn't gone yet. Anxiety is an ever-present stage of grief, a shadow attached to the heels of its more famous siblings. (155)

The anxiety may have been a blanket but the sadness was a knife. (168)

How do I keep you buried and keep you with me at the same time? (185) show less

[3.75] In an interview on “The Daily Show,” Crosby described her book as a “suspenseful story about grief, and it’s also a funny story about grief — and I don’t think you get a lot of those.” She’s correct. Her candid and raw reflections on the suicide of a dear friend are engaging and oftentimes even entertaining. There’s no doubt this work will help many readers to more effectively navigate their own losses. Crosby refers to a number of self-help books, acknowledging that there is “no shortage of books on grief and bereavement." She aptly notes that many start to "sound alike." To the author’s credit, this book stands out as she creatively explores the stages of grief by tapping into her daily experiences, doubts show more and insights. True, giving readers a bird’s eye view of her mental mindset doesn’t always provide the most cohesive and linear narrative, but it does speak to book’s credibility and authenticity. show less

Just beautifully written, even sometimes funny, despite the grim subjects. I'll have to read more from her.

A sprightly book about grieving and loss, full of snappy lines and trenchant observations, arranged in the Kubler-Ross stages of grief (Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Acceptance) although the last is simply Afterward as Crosley never really accepts her loss. Drawn in from the first page by the burglary of her jewelry, as I've had the same happen to me, I admired her chutzpah in pursuing leads to find the missing pieces as well as the hollow feelings, the frustration.
But most of the book describes her friend Russell, who was also her publicist boss at Knopf Vintage, and her grief at losing him: "I am disgusted by the universal truths of grief, by the platitudes. I don't want to make my way through the coming stages..." Her show more losses left a hole in her heart which "was like a wind tunnel that whistled straight through until dawn."
The end of the book describes New York City in quarantine and any urban dweller can identify with it ("What about the cabdrivers? What about the umbrella guys who manifest at the first drop? What about the theater? What about zoos?..flea markets?") making her feel like her "life had been petrified in ash."
She's a smart, talented writer and I read her book straight through, but, for me, her "trademark wit" interferes with the story. show less