Rules for Ghosting: A Novel

5 stars

POV: 3rd person, present tense

Ezra sees ghosts, although he tries really hard not to and no one he is close to knows, not even his ex-boyfriend turned friend. It makes it hard to deal with his family, though, who own and operate a funeral home, which is just across the yard from their house. When Ezra's family implodes after his mother hijacks a holiday, Ezra ends up working at the family business to help out. (And to earn some money while his job is on hiatus.) But things aren't going well for the family business, and Ezra's new, attractive downstairs neighbour also helps at the funeral home as a volunteer.

I was about 3/4 of the way through this book when I realized it was present tense. Which, I intensely dislike present show more tense, so if I didn't notice that it was, especially 3rd person? Really good writing. I was so immersed in Ezra and what was going on in his life and how everything was coming together and falling apart at the same time that piddly little things like tense didn't even register. I loved all of the characters, whether they had 1 line or more. Everyone was clearly drawn and had a place and purpose to the story. And watching Ezra come into himself and out of the shadow of his family and expectations was marvelous. Slowly, slowly, Ezra started to believe in himself and that he was worthy of attention and help just the way he was. I liked that the characters weren't perfect, that they made mistakes, but that they kept going and understood that no one was perfect. Overall, this was a great reading experience and I definitely look forward to more from this author. show less

Three and a half stars. The title and cover alone were enough to get me to check this out from the library when it came in. I read the synopsis more thoroughly when I actually grabbed it. From that, I was expecting this to be a wild, zany rom-com that I would probably be annoyed by.

I was not expecting the tender romantic drama this wound up being. I was blindsided by the realistic, sympathetic portrayals of grief and stunned to learn about angles of widowhood that never occurred to me. I stared incredulously at the words on the page when the adult children were mad at their mom, and even more so when -they called her out- on her continued behavior. When this happens, whether in media or IRL, I feel like people are pressured to sweep it show more under the rug, especially when both cheaters are of the same sex but their spouses are not.

I had never heard the phrase "grief rebound." I set the book down and puzzled over whether I had been a grief rebound for a widow (? they were engaged when the other partner died) I had dated for a few months, over a decade ago. I remembered conversations we had and realized I had not been a rebound, simply because my date had dated people before me after their fiancee died.

There's a lot of heavy themes in this that I thought were handled realistically or like, better than other authors would have. As such, I couldn't read the book in one sitting. I rolled my eyes when a certain emergency event took place because it moved the book into soap opera territory, but at least everyone was okay. The roommates were supposed to be the funny ones but they were annoying. The banter did not land with me. The dog was there to be cute but somehow I didn't care. Just eh, fine, cool. But all of this needed to be there, otherwise the book would be far darker and I would have wondered at finishing it.

I adored the portrayals of Judaism and observant practices in this. I grumbled at some flippant moments but understood, and they did fit. If they hadn't been in there, this again would have been a different book. Inwardly I cheered at the characters discussing their varied relationships to Judaism and Jewishness.

I'm eager to check out other works of the author. show less

Rules for Ghosting exists at the center of a complex Venn diagram of genres: paranormal, queer, family drama, romance, comedy. It's the story of Ezra and his family and the family of friends he's building alongside. Ezra's a pre-surgery trans man who's spent his life being the problem solver for everyone in his family. He also happens to see ghosts—which partly explains why he fled his family's funeral home business early on. He's trying to give up his habit of fixing everything—and apologizing for everything—and is at the start of a potential romance with a dreamy man. A dreamy man whose husband died a year ago, and that husband's ghost has been appearing to Ezra, asking Ezra to "fix it," but what "fix it" means is unclear. Add show more to that an early scene played out on the first night of Passover: Ezra's mom reveals that she and the Rabbi's wife have been lovers for years and want to leave their husbands to live together. There are yet more complications, but this gives you a taste of the ground Rules for Ghosting covers.

I love a book with an interesting premise and Rules for Ghosting is definitely that. Shelly Jay Shore writes the way some jugglers juggle, keeping a mix of chainsaws, hearts, family memories, bottles of wine, risks taken and risks fled, and a very large dog up in the air simultaneously. At times, this becomes a bit exhausting for the reader, but the exhaustion is well-balanced with the unfolding of the book's characters and the challenges they face. One I started, I knew I wouldn't be putting it down.

If you're looking for a good beach read that offers a sort of 21st Century queer comedy of manners, Rules for Ghosting is your book. Maybe you haven't been looking for such a book, but take a moment to ask yourself "should I start looking?" If the answer is yes, then, again, Rules for Ghosting is your book.

I received a free electronic review copy of this title from the publisher via NetGalley; the opinions are my own. show less

Thanks Dell for the gifted book.

I loved RULES FOR GHOSTING. I laughed and was in tears. On the whole, this was a heavier read, definitely not a lighthearted romance. Trans representation and Jewish culture were approached with care. Despite literal (and figurative) ghosts being a major theme, the paranormal aspect didn’t feel out of the ordinary. The breadth of topics covered was ambitious, but worked out. I recommend RULES FOR GHOSTING for readers who enjoy queer reads that lean more toward being character-driven.

The Friedmans’ family funeral business is complicated for protagonist Eli, who just happens to be able to see ghosts. Rules for Ghosting follows this young trans man as he navigates a new living situation, unexpectedly having to help with the family business, and figuring out how he can help the dearly departed. Part family drama and part romance, this well-written book provides insight into Jewish life (and death) and the very real struggles of a trans person as he works through new relationships, dysphoria, and the consequences of being the family fixer.

This review implies that the book is more tragic than it is. It’s on the literary fiction side of the James-Patterson-to-John-Irving spectrum but is by no means a “hard read.” show more I particularly appreciate Eli’s journey through his issues with self-worth and imposter syndrome. The sex scene is tender and deals with a type of relationship too-rarely portrayed. This book is lovely. show less

Rules for Ghosting is first and foremost a novel about love, and how that love can become grief without us ever learning truly how to process it.

Ezra Friedman is a trans, bisexual, Jewish man who sees ghosts and with his family in the funeral business ghosts abound. Just when he feels like his life is on a track he likes, great job, new roommates (with zero ghosts in the apartment), a solid friend group, and his family more settled into their routine, it all implodes in one day with his job stability going out the window along with his parents' marriage. With that Ezra finds himself back in the family business, and seeing the volunteer, and his new neighbor, way too often.

This novel is about love and grief and how to two can be so show more deeply interwoven that we don't fully see it till it explodes in our faces. With the messy family dynamics, the queer central core, and the messy relationships and found family that the book reenforces this novel had everything it needed to be a tear jerker. I found myself more than once deeply connecting with the emotions of Ezra and his need to both care for everyone else, and self-hatred that left him feeling as if he did not deserve anything good.

I would pick this one up if you are looking for:
- Found and Birth family dynamics
- Moving on after grief
- Possessing grief from multiple sources
- Queer and Trans MMC's
- Extremely Diverse and queer core
- Ghosts but not spooky or scary
- Queer RomCom vibes

I received an advance review copy of this book, and I am leaving this review voluntarily and all thoughts and opinions are wholly my own and unbiased. show less

You had me at "Jewish, trans undertaker sees dead people, including the ghost of his new boyfriend's late husband."

Okay, to be accurate, Ezra Friedman is only filling in temporarily as the office manager for the Friedman Memorial Chapel; it’s more than a little awkward for his mother to keep working there after she drops a bombshell at the family Passover seder that she and the rabbi’s wife are in love and both leaving their husbands. Ezra has avoided his family’s funeral home since he started seeing ghosts at a young age, starting with his beloved grandfather. Now he needs to be there daily, which gives him numerous opportunities to see his crush Jonathan, a Chapel volunteer who is still grieving the loss of his beloved husband, show more Ben. Ezra suspects that Ben hasn’t let go yet either—because Ezra can see his ghost. And unlike the other specters, Ben can talk, and he has a lot to say.

Shelly Jay Shore does a lot of things well in her debut novel, including explaining traditional Jewish funeral rituals and posing questions around how trans individuals are welcomed into the gender-segregated ones such as taharah (ritual cleansing and dressing of the body). Ezra is a troubled but sympathetic character whose role as the family’s emotional caretaker is starting to take its toll. The love story is a tad underdeveloped but it improves as the story progresses. The book’s overall tone is serious but not melodramatic, with flashes of wry humor sprinkled throughout. I was afraid that the plot had the potential to succumb to farce, similar to the 1945 movie Blithe Spirit, but thankfully no hijinks ensue.

On the minus side, the novel’s 400 pages are overly stuffed with subplots. Ezra moves into a house whose residents include his asexual/demisexual former boyfriend. The other housemates, mostly queer, become his found family. The funeral home faces financial issues and looming threats of corporate buyout. Ezra and his siblings struggle to reconcile their anger at their mother with their respect for her authentic queer truth. Jonathan has secrets about his marriage, and Ezra has secrets about the literal ghost in their new relationship. And there's a cute, slobbering pit bull mix named Sappho.

So depending on what you are hoping to find in the book – Family saga? Queer love story? Jewish fiction? – you may be disappointed, but you will not be bored. I give the author credit for penning such a distinct debut. Maybe next time she be more parsimonious with her ideas, and not try to cram them all into one story.

ARC received from Net Galley in exchange for objective review. show less