The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family

A friend of mine recommended this book to me, warning me that it's FILLED with the author saying "the 'f' word." She knows me well enough to know that doesn't bother me in the slightest--I think it was more a case of her wanting me to be proud of her for getting through all the swears! :)

I absolutely loved this book. I really enjoy memoirs, and Dan Savage speaks my language (including the abundance of 'f' words!). I found it interesting to hear his take on why or why not same sex couples should get married, why he and HIS partner, in particular, should or should not get married, and what his mother, his siblings, his & his partner's son, and everyone else in the world has to say on the topic!

I think it's fair to say this book is meant show more to be read & enjoyed by those who are more liberal-minded, i.e. those who are supportive of our LGBTQA members of the community. However, I also feel that it would be a good read for those members of the conservative crowd who are maybe curious about same sex marriages or maybe who just need to have a little reassurance about why "breeders" (heterosexuals) should marry, as well. (Or, as the case may be, SHOULD NOT marry.)

There's also a lot of talk about tattoos, with an emphasis on whether or not to get a loved one's name tattooed on your body. (Hint: not a good idea.)

I truly enjoyed this book, and I'm going to really try to find the time to listen to Savage Love more frequently (Dan Savage's advice column, via podcast). show less

I picked this up on impulse at the library. I've always had very mixed feelings about Dan Savage. Those mixed feelings were often reconfirmed while reading this book. While examining his own feelings on marriage, Savage reflects on the variety of relationships on display in his own family, and the way marriage, or alternative arrangements, have worked well (or not) for them. There are some moments of tender compassion here, especially for his grandmother -- a woman who seemed to sink into drinking and depression to deal with feeling trapped by the roles society offered her (she wanted to become a doctor - became a stay-at-home mother instead.)

But Savage's writing voice has always leaned toward the asshole side, and that side is on full show more display here as well, from bitching that of course taking 4 weeks off for vacation seems reasonable to Terry, who's had the past 250 weeks "off," to sniping that South Dakotans are terrified of "subways, sodomites, and sit-ups." Of course, everyone bitches about their spouse/partner sometimes, and Savage has some real fears about being attacked/arrested while driving through the Great Plains. And he does show his own vulnerabilities now and again, too. But seriously, don't get me started on his bitching about brides.

What I enjoyed most about this book was the analysis of what modern marriage means. The steps taken toward and against gay marriage. What campaigns both for and against say about straight marriage.

Worth the read. But glad I didn't buy it. show less

I enjoy Savage's writing. I was predisposed to like this book. Unsurprisingly, I did.

Savage has a gimlet eye which somehow manages to also be warm and sweet. His struggles with the nature of marriage and his own personal relationship to it are seasoned with family vignettes and hilarious walk-ons by his mom. The evolution of Savage's son's understanding of what it would mean for his dads to be married is also pretty amusing. The indictment of the present political climate as it pertains to gay life is searing and painful.

Recommended.

Very clever, but that's what I expect from Dan Savage. I did not, however, expect such a sweet story. Written in 2004, just when the gay marriage debate was really starting in this country, it was interesting reading it this many years later, when so much has transpired. I think anyone would be lucky to have the kind of marriage that Mr. Savage enjoys with his husband.

Savage tells a wonderful story of his journey from being oblivious to marriage, to trying to get his son on board for the marriage. This must be the sanest man in America. How would you or I respond if one of our children announced he wanted to be gay when he grew up (but doesn't want his two gay dads to marry)? Well, now I know how to respond. Thank you, Dan Savage, for solving that situation for me with wit and aplomb. Savage has gone from being the American Wise Old Uncle to a downright Paterfamilias. He's Emily Post, Judge Judy, and Ruth Westheimer all rolled into one, but with different gonads (although I'm not sure about Judge Judy). He speaks with an authority and sensibility one wishes one saw on Capitol Hill.

This book, written in an engagingly casual and friendly, chatty style, was very enlightening in several respects. The first is of course the current viewpoints on gay families, relationships, and marriage as seen from Savage's viewpoint, including some very good political and historical points. However, a large majority of the book is also based around the essence of commitment in any relationship, and what marriage means to couples today, whether straight or gay. It is an invaluable and satisfying read.

I was passing through the library and saw it staring at me from a face-out rack, and I thought, well heck, Skipping Toward Gomorrah was entertaining. I had meant to read his autobiographical stuff for a while. And he hasn't let me down so far. It's about him and his partner, their son, and the extended Savage family, as they deal with the marriage issue. Note -- not the "gay" marriage issue in particular, although of course that comes up... but he's a Catholic, and each member of his hideously huge family, gay or not, has a unique kind of relationship. Single; married; divorced; remarried; committed but not cohabitating; cohabitating but not married; married, cohabitating, and sterile... etc. Dan Savage is a writer that I absolutely show more love. He makes you feel like you're riding along in his head, or at least having a conversation with him, instead of seeing the story through a screen of carefully crafted words. show less