The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

I was recommended this book by my counsellor, and I have to be honest; it's way better than I expected.

This book is a great tool if you're looking for some "simple fixes". Keep in mind, all relationships take work. This book gives suggestions on how to help understand your partner's (and your own) love language. Love languages are the ways your partner feels "love" through the things you do, the things you say, and how you act. It's a very thoughtful idea that is simple in nature, but a little harder to do in practice. If you're feeling hopeless and just want some different ideas, this book is excellent!

I really liked the book because it felt like I was chatting with the author. It's very conversational and it's very to the point. show more There's "real life" examples of couples, and it sometimes seems too easy. Some of the situations definitely didn't resolve that easily, but I am guessing that the tips of trying to understand what makes your partner feel loved helped develop their relationships.

Is this the end all, be all way to save your marriage or relationship? No. Can it give you ideas to understand why your communication skills aren't on point? Yes. Maybe you don't realize that you partner feels loved when you run errands for them. Maybe you don't realize that your partner needs a lot of quality time, one on one. Lots of people can't see what's in front of them! This book is a great way to remind the simplicity of the 5 ways you can appreciate someone.

The book is uplifting and suggests that relationships can be mended (and they definitely can, in some circumstances). I do not think this will help everyone. I don't think this should be the way someone fixes their relationship (get counselling, the works as well as reading this book).

Are there negatives? Absolutely! The gender roles seem very... stereotypical. What housewife doesn't want to just be someone to does all the chores to make her husband happy? Gee golly! Men crave sex more than women do, in fact women don't normally crave sex at all! Men might cheat, but women can get over it. Yeah, lots of problems. And of course, only heterosexual couples are talked about. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt to say somehow in his whole career he ONLY dealt with heterosexual couples... It's a super big, ridiculous benefit of the doubt... But I'm hoping that's it. Oh, and a pinch of religion in there.

*If you can't sense my sarcasm in the last few sentences, please re-read and add a sassy, sarcastic tone.

Overall though, I enjoyed it. I think it's a great way to help teach people some basic concepts in a fun and engaging way.

Four out of five stars. show less

We were pretty disappointed in this book (my husband and I read it together).
Although he might have something worth while to say about the 5 love languages we couldn't really pay attention to those without cringing in pain at his awful gender stereotypes. Firstly, he does not include homosexual couples in this book at all. He presumes that everyone is heterosexual. Then repeatedly made it seem that women were more in need of emotional support than men, one-sidedly using stereotypes about how women cry etc without recognizing that men are emotional beings as well. However, what was the worst part for us however was in the 'act of service' section. The husband fully expected his wife to be a stay at home, work all day doing house chores, show more no career wife. Rather than addressing this as the problem (as Betty Friedman did in The Feminine Mystique 50 years ago), Chapman told the couple that the wife needed to make sure she did 4 things for the husband everyday and in turn he would *help her* with 4 things of his choice. Why doesn't he just do four things for her? There's still an expectation that she will be doing at least twice as much housework. There is no equality in that marriage. A woman's place is not in the home. Only a patriarchal oppressor would force a woman to stay home and do housework when she aspires to do greater things.
Overall, Chapman was greatly disappointing. He really needs to take a Sociology of Gender class before he writes another book because his views are very outdated... but considering he's an 80 year old man perhaps we can cut him some slack.
Sincerely,
Not impressed at all show less

My sister had told me about this book & at first I just blew it off thinking it wasn't really worth reading. Then I found a copy one day & started skimming through it with my husband...WOW!!! Wanna talk about spot-on??!! I am still amazed at how accurate this book is & what a difference it makes when you love people the way they feel love! I thought this would be hocus pocus nonsense but it's awesome & I can't recommend it enough!!! My husband & I had been married about 14 years, or so, at the time & had an awesome marriage - this made it even better! I am able to do little things for him that have a HUGE impact on him & that make him feel loved. You won't be sorry you read this!!

Love language was such a hot topic a few years ago, and everyone was asking each other what their love language was, whether it was quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and receiving gifts. It was good to read this book to learn the origin of the idea.

For the most part, Chapman gives sound advice on communicating more effectively with your partner. I think the idea of breaking it down to five love languages makes it more simpler for people to understand and implement in their daily life, but some of the examples he gave in the book seems pretty absurd. It is definitely one of those books where you have to be a little critical in heeding its advice and only using the parts that may apply to your situation show more instead of taking it as face value. show less

A wedding gift from my sister, who claimed it was a "must-read" for everyone married. I have to admit, it was probably the most important book I've read in many years, as it teaches you how to make a marriage successful again after you've "fallen out of love." Fortunately, I read it while I was still in the fairytale "in love" phase (which fortunately I'm still in) so that I'm not disillusioned when humdrum reality sets in, which is inevitable.

Chapman has identified that we all have a different way of expressing love and different ways that we prefer to receive love. If your "love language" does not match up with your partner, you're in for some trouble. Identifying your "love language" (and your partner's) allows you to communicate show more effectively what you need, and what you need to do for your partner, to "keep the love tank filled". Sounds corny, totally. But I found it very insightful and true. show less

I expected this would be a dull book about relationships that didn't have any substance, but was pleasantly surprised to find that is was a practical, easy to read book that I actually enjoyed.

Your love language is the way that you feel most loved and cared for.
Most people love how they want to be loved, and this usually doesn't align with how their partner wants to be loved. The key concept is that there are 5 love languages, everybody has a primary language, and by targeting the primary love language of your partner you will fill their emotional love tank and strengthen your relationship.
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch

Guidance is provided to work out what your primary love show more language is. There are some religious references and quotes, but they were infrequent enough that I found that it did not detract from the key contents. show less

I don't read a lot of self-help type books, but I often have the same problem with the ones I have: they have a center of good information wrapped up in annoying presentation. The 5 Love Languages fits that description. The idea at the core of the book--that different people communicate love differently--seems like a pretty good one, but I found that "save your marriage by learning your spouse's love language" presentation irritating, both because it's oversimplistic and because it unnecessarily limits the usefulness of this information--this approach to thinking about communicating would work with anyone you care about and certainly isn't relevant to couples only if things are bad between them. I also found Chapman's discussion of some show more thorny issues (like abuse, like depression) waaaay too simplistic and lacking in the appropriate level of outreach (which could be as simple as offering contact information for support groups) to readers who might need help.

If you can get past those presentation irritations (or if they don't bother you), there's some good info here. Over years of counseling couples (it's unclear to me whether Chapman has any training in counseling or if he just has a lot of experience through religious organizations--I think it's the latter, and while that means I probably wouldn't seek him out for therapy, it doesn't, in my mind, disqualify him from sharing what he's learned through that experience), Chapman realized that not everyone expresses love in the same way and not everyone "hears" expressions of love in the same way. He lists the five ways he's observed couples express (and receive) love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. He claims that for most people, one of these ways will be more effective than the others (and that one or two of them will have little effect whatsoever). Problems can arise if one tries to express her love in a way (a "language") that is ineffective for the recipient. So, if one's "love language" is quality time and one's partner (or mother or friend or whoever; I maintain that there's no reason this should be limited to romantic partners) spends very little time with one but gives one lots of gifts, one will not feel very loved. It's kind of a simple concept but I can see how individuals could easily miss that their way of saying "I love you" just isn't being heard.

I picked this up because it is everywhere, and my curiosity about it eventually just wore me down. Not a bad read, and does have some good advice at the center. Worth a spin through, but probably good choice for taking out of the library. show less