Tan Lines

My first thoughts upon finishing this book were that it was wonderfully fun and trashy brain candy--the perfect beach read. From the Chapter One's shocking and wickedly funny opening sentence to the Page Six-style epilogue, Tan Lines drips with sex, drugs, name-dropping (both brand and celeb), backstabbing, and a cast of delightfully shallow and deceitful characters who will do all sorts of shocking and reprehensible things for booty calls, money, or notoriety. Good summer reading indeed.

But something interesting happens throughout the course of the novel. Although the narrative never undergoes an awkward shift from campy, racy fairy floss to serious literary fiction drama, there's a lot of actual character development in store for Tan show more Lines's three female leads. I went from loving to hate the characters (Oh my god, grow a spine! Don't let him walk all over you!; I can't believe this chick calls herself a feminist and goes and does that! Where does she get off?--the literary equivalent of throwing popcorn at the screen) to rooting for them and sincerely hoping that they got their happy endings. And again, all of this happened without the story becoming Margaret Atwood-style SRS LTRY BZNS. It started and ended with the poolside novel I wanted to read, but with a much meatier and intelligent execution than most. You could do a whole lot worse than this for a good lazy day read. show less

Liza Pike is a lipstick feminist with a bestselling novel, a weekly guest spot on a political newsmagazine, a ticking biological clock, and a gorgeous husband who never touches her. Billie Shelton is a one-hit-wonder trying to salvage her dying career by seducing her producer. Kellyanne Downey is an aspiring actress with a past she would like to forget, whose bills are currently being paid by a 60-year-old married man. These three college friends who normally get together for one weekend a year are about to spend an entire summer season living together in a rented house in the Hamptons. The community - and the men - will never be the same.

This novel is trashy beach fluff personified. It has a blurb by Jackie Collins, and a dedication to show more Jacqueline Susann, so that should be a warning to potential readers who are looking for style and substance. It is, however, a whole lot of fun. It's a bit like reading a gossip magazine - you know you really shouldn't be interested, but somehow you can't stop. There is enough sex to make it a perfect read for lounging by the pool on vacation, and the plot moves quickly enough that it is impossible to get bored.

In novels like this, often the main characters are so one-dimensional that it is difficult to root for them. Liza and Kellyanne, however, are intriguing, with many facets to their personalities. The author gives them each struggles that are easy to identify with, so the reader is able to sympathize with them, even as we watch them make really stupid mistakes. Billie is harder to like - I found myself uncomfortable much of the time when reading the sections about her. Good characters always need some flaws, but she has so many that it almost makes her irredeemable. I actually felt relieved when she rather abruptly dropped out of the novel near the end.

If you are looking for a fun, fast read to take on vacation this year, I think this novel would certainly fit the bill. Don't expect a literary masterpiece - just get hooked by the first line, and enjoy the ride. show less

Liza Pike has the perfect life. She is married to sexy, firefighter Justin. Also Liza is a regular on the TV show The Roundtable where she does her best work. She takes on the biggest names in the industry business of entertainment. Liza is a feminist who is huge on women’s rights. Her latest victim is movie director Harrison Beck of “Watch Her Bleed”. Harrison’s latest movie is a slasher movie. Some people applaud Liza’s feminist ways but others aren’t so pleased with her and want to shut her up for good but who could it be? There are numerous people who don’t like Liza like Harrison who Liza has commented on national television about his manhood, than there is her husband Justin; they haven’t had sex in years and when show more Liza states this fact in front of one of her co-workers, Justin is mad. When Liza starts receiving death threats she doesn’t take them too seriously as she knows she has made enemies in the business and doesn’t care. So are the threats just someone’s way to put Liza in her place or are the threats for real?

Kellyanne Downey is young, beautiful, and blonde. She is also the mistress to rich developer, Walter Isherwood. Kellyanne wants to be a successful actress. She gets approached by Brad “Bonzi” Lucas, producer for a reality show called “Soul Mates”. Kellyanne agrees to be a contestant on the show not realizes what a sleaze Brad is. Brad decides that he is going to make Kellyanne out to be the drunk slut of the show unless she sleeps with him. All Kellyanne wants is some respect and to be loved is that too hard to ask?

Billie Shelton is a famous rock star. Unfortunately Billie’s star is falling fast, that is until she is given a second chance. Amy Dando, Billie’s manger introduces Billie to Todd Bana of Olympic Records, who wants to work with Billie. Todd tells Billie that the
White Tiger, a songwriting group has some songs that they think would be great for Billie. The only hitch is that Billie would have to change her image from rock star to pop star. Billie experiences the high life when Todd has her try cocaine for the first time. Now between drinking and drugs, it will be a miracle if Billie completes her next album.

So these three friends decide to try and get away from their hectic lives and spend the summer in The Hamptons.

Ok so Tan Lines has been labeled as a great beach read and I say Tan Lines is a great read anytime. It has laugh a minute humor, fun, intrigue, adventure and three sexy women. Each one of the characters Liza, Kellyanne, and Billie were outstanding in their own ways. The nice part I liked about this book was that they all tried to band together to help each other out. Tan Lines is a book you can tell your girlfriends about and have them talking about it for a long time. Plus the most amazing thing is that Tan Lines was written by a man! J.J. Salem has just become a new favorite of mine. There has only been one other guy author where I have found his writing style to be so dead on with women’s’ personalities that it was scary. I can’t wait for J.J. Salem’s next novel Bikini Wax to drop. In the mean time if you haven’t picked up a copy yet of Tan Lines make sure to ……run not walk to the nearest bookstore and get yourself a copy today. show less

Wow. This book is incredibly raunchy! However, that's what makes it a great summer beach read in the tradition of Judith Krantz and Jackie Collins. Sex (gay AND straight), drugs, rock & roll, reality TV - you name it, this book has it. Definitely not a book for the faint-of-heart.

It's a quick read, and even though the 3 main characters are annoying in the beginning (you wonder how they can be so stupid), you do become invested in the story and in finding out how they are going to fix (or in one case, ruin) their lives.

What really annoyed me, however, was the constant references to brand names. Did I really need to know the brand name of every piece of clothing Liza put on for a date, including her bracelets and fragrance, not to mention show more her shoes and bag. I don't mind a brand name here and there, but in this book they were constant, and the book started to read more like a luxury goods catalog.

The ending was a bit rushed and disappointing. As I got towards the end of the book I actually wondered if I was missing a bunch of pages, because I couldn't believe the story was going to be over in just 10 pages. The Page Six style epilogue wrapped things up just a little too neatly. show less

A decadent rock star, feminist commentator, and sugar daddy's mistress share a place in the Hamptons and... things happen. Unabashedly trashy, and I loved it. The author's next book was supposed to be "Bikini Wax" but he just came out with "The Strip," so I'm not sure if the title changed.

After reading the first line of J. J. Salem’s novel, Tan Lines,

There are eight thousand nerve endings in the clitoris, and this son of a bitch couldn’t find any of them. p. 3

I knew that the book might not be the pick-of-the-month for the church book club. Even so, if you can get past the sex, drugs, rock and roll, and often funnily foul language – this is a fantastic book.

Reading Tan Lines reminds me of a few things. First, if you are from the Northwest Florida area, the Pensacola Beach regulars are lovingly called “beach trash” which implies in all its Southerness that these folks are often socially flawed but endearing and loved none the less! This description might be used to describe many of the characters found in the show more novel. Second, upon reflection, Tan Lines reminded me of an updated Valley of the Dolls, published in the 1960s. In this Jacqueline Susann novel sex, drugs, name-dropping, and social climbing were the downfall of key characters.

Read the rest at LibrarysCat Book Blog show less

Okay, I am a huge chick lit fan and I have to say that I have been thrilled to read Tan Lines by J.J. Salem. This book is extremely raunchy and pushes the envelope on almost every level, but it is such a wild ride of a read that you don't care - I just got on the bandwagon and kept reading to see where it would lead me.

Right from the beginning you just KNOW that our three leading characters, Liza, Kellyanne and Billie are heading for a huge fall - but somehow I just could not wait to find out just how low they would all need to go before they figured out that the road they were on - WAS THE WRONG ONE!!!!

If the old saying is true, then you understand why these three ended up finding each other.

What I also loved about this book is the show more fact that the girls, although confused and extremely sexual, still managed to convey a strong sense of girl power!!! and I am all for that. Interestingly enough, the men in this storyline are definitely backstories and the main focus is on the females - kind of like Sex and the Story - which this book reminded me of (except that I did not feel the love among the three friends all that much). This story was told with humor and honesty and although I can't say that I loved any of the main characters - they were wonderfully written and I totally enjoyed living through them.

Although this book may be shocking to some, there is actually a morale to this story. I also thought this book had the absolute best opening lines...caught my attention IMMEDIATELY.

If you are looking for a great chick lit read, then run to get this one. show less