Benefits
Better relationships
The experience of love
The capacity for intimacy
Freedom
Joy and happiness
Success in goals and dreams
Personal growth and healing
Leadership abilities
Good effects on others
Quality of life
Spiritual growth

“Each of these aspects helps in becoming a fully loving person:
• Connecting—making an emotional bond
• Truth-Telling—honesty that serves the other person
• Healing—repairing brokenness • Letting Go—giving up what should be surrendered
• Romancing—the unique love of being a couple.”


The Essentials of Receiving Connection (In Chapter 3)
1. Needing
1. Grace
2. Acceptance
3. Empathy - one of our most basic needs
4. Validation
5. Understanding
2. Asking
3. Taking it in “YOU MUST RECEIVE THE CONNECTION IN ORDER TO MAKE THE TRANSFER COMPLETE.”
1. Wholeheartedness - you cannot be ambivalent about it.
2. Using
4. The Disconnected State: “ Disconnection is the inability to feel and experience the warmth of connection over time.”
1. “The process by which we take in and use the attachment we have received in becoming a loved person is called internalization.”
5. God and Being Connected
1. The suspense movie The Butterfly Effect was mentioned.
6. Connection Before Change
7. The Role of Pain
8. The Abilities of a Connecting Person
9. Take the Initiative
1. Move fro the everyday to the emotional
10. Suspend Your Point of View
1. (This reminds me of Covey’s ‘Seek first to understand.’)
2. An example of getting lost in a movie - of empathizing with the protagonist.
11. Elements of the Connection Time
1. Deicide that for now, it’s not about you; it’s about them
2. Focus, focus, focus
1. Remember that our minds sometimes create distractions to get away from the connection.
3. While the person is talking, ask yourself, what is it like for him right now?
4. When you identify how the person is feeling, feel it yourself
5. Actions, words, and experiences
1. “Connecting is more than simple action and behavior. It cannot be summarized on a concrete to-do list … “
2. Connecting requires doing, saying, and experiencing.
6. Follow the Leader
1. Connection is a two-way street
2. (Don’t tell them how to feel)
7. A process more than an event
8. How long is enough
9. The context
10. The time apart
12. Taking the Next Steps
1. Demystify connection in your mind.
2. Start with people who have the ability to connect
3. Connection first, feelings second
4. Restrain the urge to advise
5. Trust God as the connector
13. (The end of Chapter 3)
-
This book has an abbreviated list of the Stages of Change
1. Precontemplation
2. Contemplation
3. Action
4. Maintenance
-
All six stages are as follows.

Six Stages of Change
by University of Rhode Island’s Cancer Prevention Research Center (James O. Prochaska, Pd.D.)

Precontemplation
The How-you-gonna-get-‘em-off-the-couch stage. Many people never move forward from this stage.

Contemplation
You’re waiting for that magic moment. You want to change (stop smoking, lose weight, wear sunscreen, cut back on alcohol use), and you’re thinking seriously about it.

Preparation
You have decided to take action within the next thirty days.

Action
You are practicing the behavior changes you thought about and prepared for.

Maintenance
You continue to work at practicing your new behavior, but it’s not a struggle any more. ... Some people simply remain in this stage.

Termination
Temptation no longer rears its head. No way will you ever smoke again. Fried food, forget it. Buckle up without thinking about it. You’re a regular in the Monday and Thursday aerobics class. This is the final step in true behavior change.

Chapter 6: Letting Go: Accepting What Is
(This reminds me of the excellent book by Sherrie Mills Johnson: [b:Count it All Joy|24485728|Count it All Joy|Sherrie Mills Johnson|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1424667356l/24485728._SX50_.jpg|44080270])
- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
1. Say good-bye to your demand
1. For the other person to change
2. For perfect justice and fairness
3. For one specific person to meet your needs
4. For someone to stay in a relationship who wants to leave it.
(Just reading this headline one could easily get it wrong about how devastating divorce is.)

Chapter 7: Romancing: The Attraction Factor
1. Creating Romance
1. Do the undone aspects of love in your relationship
2. Love and be loved by others besides yourselves
3. Require that both of you have choices and freedom
1. “love, by definition, requires two people—the lover and the “lovee.” The more evident it is that you are two separate people, the more the romance can grow.”
4. Insist on connection before and during romance and sex
5. …

Contents
Part 1: What Is Love?
1. Learning to Love
2. The Nature of Love
Part 2: The Key Aspects of Love
3. Connecting: Bridging the Gap
4. Truth-Telling: Solving Problems
5. Healing: Restoring the Broken
6. Letting Go: Accepting What Is
7. Romancing: The Attraction Factor
Part 3: Becoming a Loving Person
8. Putting it All Together
A Final Thought


There are a lot of anecdotes in here. We learn through stories, so that is fine. ( )

An excellent book on what love is and what it takes to accept love from other and to give it in return. The aspects of love that it deals are connecting, truth telling, healing, letting go, and romancing.
This is a book that for me is one that I will want to get and refer to again and again as I seek to grow in the many areas it covers. The authors advice and explanations all made excellent sense to me. It has a Christian persective but that is not overstated I think anyone would benefit from the basic principles it covers. Anyone who feels like they could benefit from forming deeper connections with other people should read this book. ( )

Love is everything . It is the center of one's life ,being, mind and body. Dr. Townsend shows us during the course of the book how to be more loving in the following areas: connecting, truth-telling, healing, letting go, and romance. While reading this it made me think of how I can make myself a more loving person and offer great suggestions that I plan on using in my daily life. I also found helpful the side sayings. for exapmple: Letting go is the ability to surrender and to allow what is real to exist. Letting go means giving up efforts to control mannipulate, or force someone to do something different. It is important to remember love is always there through rain or shine, positive or negative, happy or sad. to be become the person we were meant to be. ( )