Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction

3.5 stars. As a counseling intern at Salvation Army (SA), my supervisor recommend I read this book. SA counsels those with alcohol and substance abuse addiction; sexual addiction (as well as other addictions) can co-occur along side substance abuse and clients can have multiple addictions. I thought the stories in this book were interesting to read and it really gives you a glimpse of the addicts' struggle. It does a good job explaining what the addicts go through, their thoughts and emotions. The only thing I would have liked this book to include was research and statistics on the addiction and perhaps a proposed method of treatment outside of just joining a 12 step program.

Written from a secular perspective, he nevertheless acknowledges the spiritual side that is necessary to healing. There are one or two minor points with which I disagree, but otherwise this was helpful. He brings a tremendous wealth of clinical experience and knowledge to the table, and explains with great specificity the nature of sexual addiction, how it develops, persists, and can be broken. I suppose I should give a trigger warning for this book, but I think that should not scare off anyone who struggles with compulsive recurring sexual habits and might need this book. This book won't solve all your problems (only God can do that), but it may very well help.

I recommend this book to anyone enslaved to sexual addiction (in any form), show more anyone who wonders if they might be a sex addict, any family member of a sex addict, and anyone who wants to help their friend who is or might be an addict.

Understanding/knowledge is half the battle. show less

Overall, this is a quality book that explains sexual addiction and shows sympathy for the addict without ignoring the plight of the victim. The research is scholarly and documented, but the book is accessible for the average person.

Although there are parts of the book designed to help sex addicts, it is not primarily a therapy book. It does not contain various exercises to help the addict, instead, it refers addicts to the available 12 step programs, which are invaluable.

Its value is helping the sex addict recognize who he is, and that he is not alone in his struggle.

I do not agree with all of his assumptions, including that masturbation is morally neutral. Furthermore, some of the descriptions of sexual acts may arouse some addicts, show more but there may be no way to fully avoid this problem.

Take what you like, ignore the rest. show less

I am not an addict myself, but had a relationship with a sexual addict. I never really got to understand sexual addiction, though I really tried. Everytime when I thought I'd start understanding by reading tons of books about the topic, just a conversation with my ex-bf mixed it all up.
So the book, or better all books of Carnes, did help me to get an idea of what my ex was going through, though they didn't help me, to help him or to endure the pain it was causing in me.

Excellent book for the understanding of sex and love addiction. Used extensively in 12-step programs related to sex and love addition.