The Household Guide to Dying

This book was an excellent portrayal of one woman's attempt to deal with her oncoming death by mapping it out for other women. As Delia wrestles with the realities of a terminal cancer diagnosis, she tries desperately to keep her family life as normal as possible. When she suddenly leaves her family to drive halfway across the country in search of her past, Delia finds more and less than she had hoped.

This poignant look at Delia's last months was unexpectedly funny in parts- I found myself laughing in spite of myself at certain points. Delia's relationship with her husband and children rang true, her love for them tempered by occasional annoyance and understandable frustration as she grows weaker. When Delia brought home her coffin for show more her family to decorate, it was both shocking and completely perfect.

Though I wasn't certain about the way some of the plotlines came together (can't say more without spoilers), the actual ending of the book more than made up for any earlier faults. Delia's death was handled with amazing sensitivity and actually brought tears to my eyes. Highly recommended. show less

Delia Bennett is dying. She's the author of a series of "Household Guides" (to cooking, to laundry, to gardening, etc) and so has the brainwave - in between writing a list of what needs to be done for a potential future wedding for her eight year old daughter and endlessly leaving notes for her husband so he can manage the house to her exacting standards - to write a "Household Guide" to dying, encompassing everything a totally anal person needs to know to make their passing easier for themselves and their family. (Choosing a coffin, wills and wishes, the funeral, etc.)

As a totally anal person, I appreciated this. (I didn't quite take notes, however some points were filed away for future reference.)

There's a lovely sense of humour in show more this book: I loved the idea of laundry being sexy (although it so patently isn't); so many moments were spot on (yes, some of us enjoy mowing because it's a space of completely child-free time); and it was hard for me not to smile in self-awareness at her detailed list making.

However, I took away 1/2 a star for making me blubber pathetically. I left my copy on a workmate's desk, with a post-it note at the start of Chapter 42, with "don't read this chapter" on it.

When I was questioned elsewhere about why blubbering pathetically made me take away 1/2 a star, not add 1/2 a star, it's because I get all mean when I feel emotionally manipulated to that extent. This was more subtle than a Spielberg movie, but I still resented being pushed that far emotionally. (I pay Spielberg back by not crying during his movies, and by eternally calling him "Senor Spielbergo", a Simpsons reference.)

Plus, it left me with piggy red eyes, and I've got a very shallow streak. show less

rabck from Mysscyn; if you skip the section about the blood sausage, which was just gross, this is an excellent book. Delia is the author of the Household Guide to xxxx series, and a columnist. She pitches the idea of The Household Guide to Dying to her publicist, as the last book she'll write as she's dying of terminal cancer. The book is intended for "what to do pre-death" and this book follows her journey in writing it - including interwoven chapters of her life as a young single mother of Sonny, who is tragically killed at age 8 & you can tell that until now, she never reconciled that loss. It's also the story of her life, relationships and family. Very well written, quite humorous at times and definitely NOT morbid at all.

Although the title of this book sounds like it might be a hard go, the subtitle is “a novel about life” and that is the overwhelming message of this book. All of us will die at some time but how we live before then makes all the difference.
Delia is dying of cancer. She had a double radical mastectomy two years ago but the cancer returned and metastasized and chemotherapy is just postponing the inevitable. Delia is married to Archie and they have two daughters, Estelle and Daisy. The girls are old enough to know their mother is dying but young enough to not be sure what that means. Delia stayed home after the girls were born and looked after them and the house. She is a consummate house cleaner and cook and laundress and makes show more everything she does look easy. She is so good that she does an advice column for a magazine. She has also written a series of books called Household Guides in which she imparts her advice for laundry, the kitchen and other topics. Now that she is dying she is writing The Household Guide to Dying. As she writes it she realizes she has some unfinished business to take care of and it entails a long journey to the northern area of Australia. The book is structured so that portions of her trip are interspersed with her life at home getting ready to die. There are also samples of her advice column sprinkled here and there so some people might find the book disjointed. I enjoyed the various levels which allowed us to get to know Delia over time, much as we might if we met her in person.
I won’t say that this book isn’t sad; there were parts when tears came to my eyes but there were also parts where I snorted with laughter. I thought frequently of two good friends who died recently of cancer leaving behind children and a husband. Like Delia, they faced death with grace and courage and lived life to the fullest while they could.
I think this book would be a wonderful read for a book club. Lots of meaty discussions could be had about the revelations and the subject. show less

The book is comical at times, and heart-breaking at others. The main character is so full of courage that I find it hard to believe she could accept her death so readily (especially at the end), who in real life can really be so strong? But I liked how the story flowed, I liked how each chapter was fairly short, I liked that the author tried to make dying seem humourous and not such a big deal.
I enjoyed this book very much, and wish all of us can have this type of preparation and "closure" before we die, I think it would make it easier to die, and maybe then we can accept death as readily as the main character in the book.

If I was to choose one word to describe my feelings while reading it, it would be - confronting. Wow, reading it is like they say people are when coming up to a car crash scene. You know you don't want to see but there is this morbid curiosity to look.

This books rips apart the insulation that we wrap ourselves in when it comes to the subject of death. Its uncomfortable reading some parts and some bits are downright macabre but she also makes you feel a bit less afraid of death by tackling the subject so matter of factly.

I also loved the way she imbueds mundane tasks as washing, ironing and cleaning with such reverence and meaning. It made me want to get the mop and iron out!! (scary)

She is a wonderful writer.

I was quite amused when I saw the American cover for The Household Guide to Dying on the Internet. Debra Adelaide’s publishers, apparently out of fear that the title might put readers off, have added the cheery caption ‘A novel about life’ to counteract the macabre subject matter. The novel does, indeed, begin softly enough, as our narrator’s particular but gentle voice guides us through a visit to the family chickens. Adelaide, however, makes no attempt to hide the awful truth, which strikes without warning or euphemism, just as it did for Delia Bennet. While the writing may flow easily from page to page, with engaging personality and enjoyable wit, there are a number of quite confronting passages to remind us that death is by show more no means an easy subject. Like Delia, readers will have to accept that.

It is fortunate, then, that their guide to the ups and downs of dying is perfect for the task. Our picture of Delia does not form immediately, but Adelaide’s characterisation rings true throughout, creating a slightly obsessive, wry but still tender and very human narrator. As the quintessential Australian superwoman, she will have mothers across the country laughing and nodding in unison at her anecdotes of household chaos. These priceless passages are interspersed through chapters of reflection and storytelling, as three different time periods in Delia’s life run simultaneously, each contributing to the others and helping to balance life and death, humour and heartbreak. Then there are Delia’s written admonishments of hapless letter-writers, and the no-nonsense passages from her Household Guides, indicative perhaps of her meticulous personality, or perhaps of the professional façade she creates.

With its many narrative techniques, its control, its dignity and authenticity, Adelaide’s writing is a worthy addition to modern Australian literature. My sole criticism is for the lack of quotation marks, which hovers initially on the verge of pretentiousness, but is easily accommodated once the novel has gained some momentum. It is a thoroughly well-constructed look at a difficult subject, and one which never reduces itself to excessive or contrived sentimentality. Not too sickly, not too bleak – the balance, I think, is perfect. show less