Too Fat to Fish

Narrated by Artie Lange and friends. I never heard of Artie Lange and I am no fan of Howard Stern's show. I picked up the audio version out of curiosity after reading an article about a librarian being invited on to Stern's show after she gave the audio a starred review. This is actually highly entertaining and hilarious storytelling, very appropriate given that he's a comedian. Crude at times, yes, but dang funny. Artie Lange comes off as a lovable mess whose addictive personality disappoints time and time again. (I was getting pretty impatient with him myself.) His surprising and abrupt departure from the audio production (completed by his friends) is even in keeping with the kind of life he leads. Truly a mess of a man but still a show more fun story for my work commute. show less

One thing I learned from reading this book is that Artie Lange is an asshole. He may not be the kind of asshole that makes you hate him, actually it is quite the opposite, but an asshole nonetheless. He is a walking contradiction of selfishness and generosity, self-destruction and achievement, mean oaf and gentle giant. To put it simply, he is a damn mess. When this man is on drugs in the throes of addiction, he literally turns into a monster.

While Artie does not cover a whole lot of new ground in the book, especially if you listen to the Stern Show with any regularity, he does show a more intimate and sensitive side of himself than his on-air persona lets on. Some of the stories were new to me and some I had heard many times. One show more thing is certain, he is a great storyteller. I don't care how many times I've heard them, these stories are still good.

The stories he told about his childhood and his family were extremely touching, and I cried my eyes out when he talked about his father's death. Not just little tears either, I was balling. When a writer can do that to me, he gets a thumbs up in my book. Of course, he would have gotten my thumbs up regardless based solely on the fact that he actually threw produce at people in a grocery store during a drug-induced failed escape attempt. Unbelievable.

The other thing I learned is to stay off of the hard stuff. show less

Lange is a tortured character. While he claims that his drug use, gambling addiction and alcoholism stem from his father's paralysis after an accident in Lange's teen years, it's more likely that the roots of his addictive personality run much deeper. Full of fascinating - and distressing - stories, Lange can tell a compelling story. Sadly, much of the addiction stories feel like a cop-out -- Lange blames his issues on his father's injury and early death, and never seems to truly desire to change. A true creative genius, I fully expect to read about his death in the paper within one year, because his self-destructive behaviour shows no signs of stopping, and is in fact, escalating. It's a pity, too, because he still has some great show more stories to tell. show less

My first recommendation for this book is to treat it like swimming. Don't eat directly before, during, or after reading it. Lange makes it clear throughout that he is not holding back - and that includes the more unpleasant details.

That being said, I was rather surprised to find I enjoyed this book. Unlike the majority of people who will pick up this book, I really didn't have much of an idea as to who Artie Lange was. I don't listen to the Howard Stern show and I have never seen his movies or his comedy acts. So when I realized that I was about to read about the experiences of a drug addict, I was fully prepared to dislike Lange.

Not to say that I didn't have moments where I would have happily throttled his neck. The sheer amount of show more frustration that came from reading about Lange's self destructive lifestyle and how it nearly cost him all the success he built was intensely aggravating. I can't even begin to imagine how his friends felt.

And that's the surprising part of this book. There are people who truly care for this man. At first I did not understand it. In these pages I saw a representation of a selfish jerk who didn't deserve a tenth of the success he had achieved. He was destructive, violent, and brought suffering to all those around him.

But as I read through the book, I saw glimpses of a genuine and caring man. For all of his vices, for all the feuds and arguments he has had because of his various addictions, this seems to be a man who bears no ill will to anyone else. He is constantly surprised that he has managed to hold on to both his success and his friends. He has a strong and supportive family who love him dearly. Furthermore, he isn't afraid to own up to the most humiliating and shameful experiences of his life - and once you've read this book you'll understand why I fully believe that Lange was being brutally honest, though slightly self indulgent.

As much as I went into this book expecting to detest everything about Lange, I came out unable to. In fact, I think I kind of like the guy. I am, however, thankful that it was not me who had to pull him constantly from his own messes. Lange's success is, in exceptionally large part, due to the loyalty of his friends and family and they deserve all the kudos that Lange can send their way. One trait of Lange's that find admirable is his willingness to get back up and try again. He falls frequently, but he doesn't tend to stay down. If it wasn't for the fact that his downfalls were so often self inflicted, I would be calling Mr. Lange quite the role model.

I do have trouble identifying with Artie as his internal demons are ones I've never had to face. But his persistence is admirable and the opportunities we are given to see behind his crude facade are heartening. I can't say this book changed my life, though it may encourage others who have faced similar problems in their lives, but it was certainly a worthwhile read. I've read several celebrity biographies and it was lovely to read about a man who is actually grateful for the gifts he has received. That alone makes it refreshing. This book isn't just a story about Lange, it is also about the friends and family who were strong enough to pull him through when he was at his weakest.

I only hope that he succeeds in overcoming his issues and that any setbacks he experiences in his recovery are temporary. show less

If you are considering picking this book up and are expecting it to be funny, think again! This book is absolutely not funny. In fact, it is a steaming pile of misery and despair seasoned throughout with self deprecation.

The beginning is actually quite sweet; a picture of his idyllic suburban Newark childhood with a devoted and loving father who was his best pal. From about the age of 18 onward it was one huge roller coaster ride of living hell. Do I feel sorry for Artie Lange? No, not really. His hell is one of his own making, stoked up by his own horrible and usually selfish decisions over and over and over again. Do I empathize with and wish him well? Sure.

So, why the two stars? The writing wasn't bad. Admittedly (by Mr. Lange) the show more book was "co-written" with some dude who used to work for Rolling Stone and has "co-written" a couple of other books for recording artists. Ahem, I dare to say that Artie didn't "write" much of this book, but rather provided the material. Fine. Then it should have been FUNNY. Misery can be told in a way that is funny. Sedaris does it. Nearly all stand-up is relating misery in a very funny way. This book was NOT funny.

My other problem with it was it was so "kiss ass" at the end of every story was the (eventually expected), "But, so'n'so's such a great guy/gal, really great. He/she saved my life! I love you, ______" It reminded me of the drunk at the party you may not even know well, but they keep telling you how much they love you...in very slurred speech. Everyone the guy has met or worked with received this same blah blah blah (Apart from Tom Cruise and that Kelly person who is married to John Travolta...big shock there.) Maybe they are all the greatest people ever, that just makes me wonder why he is such a misery guts even more. I've worked with a LOT of wankers over the years, people you'd be tempted to wish ill, very very ill. So, if he's only ever been surrounded with all of these GREAT guys from the days on the docks to the Stern show...what the hell, man?

The only slightly funny bit was when the bookie is screaming at him and his buddy threatening to kill and rape a vast number of people; all the while with his Ash Wednesday cross on his head. I still never laughed out loud, or even chuckled. The story was too crowded around with horror and depression, it just couldn't break free. (Thanks for the Ash Wednesday education, Bun. Without it prior to reading this book, I wouldn't have understood the only slightly funny bit in it! I would have missed it altogether.)

If Artie "writes" another book, which he alludes to at the end of this one, I will not read it. I've had a close enough look at Mr. Lange, thank you. Quite close enough. show less

I had high hopes for _Too Fat to Fish_. It came recommended by various standup comics I knew who were aware of my love for brutally honest and funny storytelling. I'm not a fan of Howard Stern's show or MADtv, but I knew of Lange through some of his standup -- I knew he was a colossal fuckup (that how he refers to himself in this book), with an aptitude for getting in deep shit, barely living through it, and telling the tale afterwards. This is well trod territory in standup, Richard Pryor being probably the greatest example. This kind of thing is in my wheelhouse.

There are some great stories in the book: the "too fat to fish" tale is hysterical, the one where Lange scores cocaine off a dealer while dresses as a pig (complete with a show more prosthetic snout) was surreal, losing his virginity to a Brazilian hooker in the back of a handicap enabled van was great.

Unfortunately, too little of the book is comprised of these kinds of stories. Most of the book details Lange's various fuckups over the years in a self pitying tone that drove me crazy. I understand that he was going for honest storytelling, but I don't really care about Lange's suicide attempt, or his drug problems, or his maudlin meditations on his late father's impact on his life, no matter how honest.

The self-indulgent flavour of the book isn't limited to those I-am-such-a-sad-sack tales. There is also a bizarre chapter documenting Lange's involvement in a movie, which consists of shameless name dropping for 20 pages with absolutely no payoff whatsoever. I know Artie Lange is an interesting person with thousands of anecdotes and a vivid storytelling style -- but I just don't care about the time he played pool with Chevy Chase or couldn't get through a scene with Don Rickles because he laughed so much.

The things left out hurt the book almost as much as the stuff he included. Lange included nothing at all about his own work in comedy. Nothing about the material he performed as a struggling open-mic-er, nothing on his sketch work before the fame – hell, there’s nothing even about the stuff he did on MADtv. I would have loved to learn more about Lange’s comic sensibility, but all we get are some vague words about honesty being the key.

I’m still not sure how to rate _Too Fat to Fish_. I just finished it and the disappointment is acute. I’m probably forgetting some of the good stuff and maybe exaggerating the bad. But I can tell you that the potential for so much more is there, and that is what is going through my mind when I think about this book. show less

Artie's self-deprecating tale of his life and addictions is witty, wry, and a fun read if never enlightening or uplifting.