The Hostile Hospital

Just one more, okay? Just one more, then I'll stop.

Hospitals are hostile, it's true. Invariably when you are in a hospital you are being poked and prodded and tested and measured and sometimes they even knock you unconscious and cut you open or slice bits of you off and when you wake up you are in terrible pain and they don't let you eat for days. So a hospital seems like exactly the sort of place you'd expect to find the Baudelaires, sneaking around behind balloons with smiley faces, listening to Olaf's voices over the intercom, sorting through anagrams with alphabet soup and being obliged to cut Violet's head off with a rusty knife in front of an eager audience. Oh, come on, now, you know perfectly well you'd be disappointed if it show more were any other way. Monster. show less

Alright, I am hereby aborting my mission to finish this series. Here is my reasoning:

1. Every book has the same exact formulaic plot.

2. Every book has versions of same exact characters doing the same exact things.

3. The person who recommended I read these is no longer in my life*.

4. After reading 7.5 out of 13 books, I still know next to nothing about the overarching mystery.

5. Too much teasing. Snicket has to realise that if you keep dangling the answer in front of the reader's face and snatching it away about twenty seven thousand times, it stops being witty or suspenseful and just gets irritating.

6. I already feel like I've wasted enough time on this series, and with a TBR pile (both physical and online) that is growing at an show more exponential rate, I'd rather focus what precious little reading time I have on books I'm actually interested in.

*This makes it sound like the person died or something- rest assured, they are still very much alive, they just became a raging asshole. Oh, well. show less

“As I'm sure you know, it is rarely a good idea to get into an automobile with somebody you haven't met before, particularly if that person believes in such nonsense as 'No news is good news.' But it is never a good idea to stand around a flat and empty landscape while the police are closing in to arrest you for a crime you have not committed.”

On the run from Count Olaf, the police, and everyone who reads the error-riddled Daily Punctilio, the Baudelaire Orphans hide out at the half-finished Heimlich Hospital. Just as they uncover a possible clue about the fire that destroyed their home and apparently killed both their parents, Olaf, Esme, and the rest of the reprehensible crew show up. Danger, quick thinking, and near misses are, show more of course, sure to follow.

“There are many things in this world I do not know. I do not know how butterflies get out of their cocoons without damaging their wings. I do not know why anyone would boil vegetables when roasting them is tastier. I do not know how to make olive oil, and I do not know why dogs bark before an earthquake, and I do not know why some people voluntarily choose to climb mountains where it is freezing and difficult t breathe, or live in the suburbs, where the coffee is watery and all the houses look alike.” show less

I must say, what a dreadful hospital! It's only fitting for the plight of our poor orphans.

Oh, I'm sorry, you caught me thinking out loud. As long you're not "certain people," and after you catch me thinking out loud, you don't put me in a holding cell filled with flesh-eating lemurs, then I suppose you're allowed to catching me thinking out loud every once in a while. Do you hear that? It sounds like a I hear a typewriter. Do you suppose somebody is transcribing us talking right now? I suppose it may just be the old pipes clattering about above us, or the machine gun shooting range above that.

Did you read The Hostile Hospital yet? It's Mr. Snicket's account of the poor Baudelaire orphans, who really haven't had a break since their show more parents died in that miserable fire. This time, after fleeing the Village of Fowl Devotees, still the accused murderers of Count Olaf, who was not actually dead at the time, they find their only refuge: the Heimlich Hospital, which was only half a hospital, as there was an unfinished wing in which those poor orphans waited out the night each night during their stay.

But every cloud has a silver lining, right? I mean, they did learn a valuable secret, but at the same time came upon an even more mysterious mystery to go along with the other mysteries they have encountered.

And that cloud's silver lining attracted the only creature that would be so greedy as to seek out the silver linings of clouds, Count Olaf. I was so terrified when he and his accomplices came to the hospital and made matters worse for the orphans.

I certainly hope that those orphans have found their rest. Or at least a lull in the terrible events that plague them.

You haven't read it yet? Well, I would definitely recommend you do, provided you have read the preceding seven tomes happening before this one. You will probably be disappointed, but it will not be because of Mr. Snicket's writing. But what is life without a little disappointment? I suppose it's "enjoyable," but that is beyond the point.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must figure out what that rattling noise is... show less

1

By now (if you've read this far) you know that the Baudelaire children always fall into the terrible clutches of the evil Count Olaf and his minions, that they are very resourceful, and they always manage to escape in the nick of time, which can be a bit trying on one's patience. Each situation the children find themselves in is entertaining for adult readers because of the cleverness with which Lemony Snicket pokes fun of trends both social and literary. In the eighth book, for instance, the V. F. D. (Volunteers Fighting Disease) seems to be a parody of the many organizations in the 'real' world that "fight disease" by pushing various colored ribbons. Of course, that is unfair, as those real-life organizations do raise a lot of money show more necessary for research to fight certain diseases, and in that way are actually fighting against the disease, but in "The Hostile Hospital" it is reduced to an absurd degree, and while the V. F. D. seem just silly to children, to the adults reading this story, it is at least a little bit entertaining on a different level. Also, for the adult (or the extremely well-read child) it is mildly amusing to find among the patients at the hospital a certain Bernard Rieux of the Plague Ward, Cynthia Vane with a toothache, Clarissa Dalloway, who doesn't seem to have much wrong with her and Emma Bovary who is suffering from food poisoning.
Most intriguing are the hints that our narrator/author is part of the 'plot' in more than one way. There is mention of the "Snicket fires" and something about an eye tattoo on his ankle. The underlying story is now beginning to take precedence and converging on the Baudelaires' story. Can't wait to find out how it all ends. show less

It's such a duh to say that as always, Snicket is brilliant. Even if you're not familiar with the Series of Unfortunate Events books, you probably could have figured out how much I like this one from the five stars I clicked for it.

Sunny's dialogue hits moments of humorous perfection in this volume. Some of her attempts at speech are random syllables, as has been the case throughout the series; but as she gets older, many of her remarks hit home (though no one seems to notice but her siblings):

"'After all, a cheerful attitude is the most effective tool against sickness.'

'I thought antibiotics were,' Klaus said.

'Echinacea!' Sunny said. She meant 'Or well-tested herbal remedies,' but the bearded man had stopped paying attention to the show more children.'"

Later, the Baudelaire siblings are discussing the wicked Count Olaf and his henchpeople with their usual thoughtful thoroughness. As is frequently the case, the more you know about other people's books, the more you can enjoy the works of Lemony Snicket:

"'Well, the Quagmires were researching Count Olaf and his sinister plot,' Klaus said. 'Maybe Ana Gram is one of Olaf's associates.'

'It's probably not the hook-handed man,' Violet said, 'or the bald man with the long nose. Ana is not usually a man's name.'

'It could be the name of one of the white-faced women,' Klaus said.

'Orlando!' Sunny said, which meant 'Or the one who looks like neither a man nor a woman.'"

This particular volume in the series is also, if I'm not mistaken, the first to touch on a moral concern Snicket goes on to explore in great detail: How do we tell the good guys from the bad guys in any given situation?

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny have just realized that they spent most of this book tricking to people, lying to people, and disguising themselves. Just like Olaf and his associates. In the course of escaping villains, have the Baudelaires become villains themselves?

"'We're not villains. We're good people. We had to do tricky things in order to save our lives.'

'Olaf has to do tricky things,' Violet said, 'to save his life.'

'Different,' Sunny said.

Sunny's right. Fleeing from pursuit and resorting to lies only when the world refuses to hear the truth is fundamentally different from pursuing the innocent and telling lies because it beats getting a real job. But as is the case in real life, the innocent always feel guilty while the guilty feel nothing at all. Violet isn't convinced of the Baudelaires' moral superiority until she witnesses a vivid demonstration of it. And if you want the details of *that,* I'm afraid you'll have to read the book. show less