Autobiography of a Face
by Lucy Grealy
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Description
"Lucy Grealy's ruthless self-examination, rich fantasy life, and great derring-do inform this powerful memoir about the premium we put on beauty and on a woman's face in particular. It took Lucy twenty years of living with a distorted self-image and more than thirty reconstructive procedures before she could come to terms with her appearance after childhood surgery left her jaw disfigured. As a young girl she absorbed the searing pain of peer rejection and the guilty pleasures of wanting to show more be special. Later she internalized the paralyzing fear of never being loved. Heroically and poignantly, she learned to define herself from the inside out." "This memoir arrives at a time when the worship of beauty in our culture is at an all-time high, a time when more and more women seek physical perfection. Lucy Grealy awakens in us the difficult truth that beauty, finally, is to be found deep within."--BOOK JACKET. show lessTags
Recommendations
Member Recommendations
joaldo I recommend reading Autobiography of a Face first, then Truth and Beauty. Autobiography of a Face should be enjoyed for what it is, without being in some way 'tainted' by the harsher view of Lucy's friend, Ann Patchett. Reading Ann's book next will then give the reader a completely different perspective on the poet herself, her work, and on their friendship.
30
betsytacy An aspect of both memoirs is how the author dealt with a facial disfigurement. In Grealy's case it was the removal of a large part of her jaw after developing cancer at age nine. In Moss's case the disfigurement was caused by malnutrition, the result of growing up in an impoverished family with an alcoholic father.
mojobee autobiography, disfigurement
Member Reviews
When still in childhood, Lucy is diagnosed with an invasive form of cancer that requires surgery to remove part of her jaw. Of course, before it comes to that, there are many many days in the hospital and countless tests. Being ill becomes not only her entire life, but a large part of her identity. No one fully explains to her what's happening and she has no sense that the forthcoming surgery will alter her appearance forever.
Following the surgery, she must endure over three years of chemotherapy treatments as well as radiation. Essentially, her entire life is consumed by her illness. What's worse than the pain and nausea, is the slowly dawning realization that her face is no longer socially acceptable. People openly stare at her and show more groups of young boys torment and verbally assault her on a daily basis.
Forced to confront the nature of her identity and the cruelty of mankind, she finds herself compelled to pursue surgery after surgery to correct her face sufficiently to recover anonymity. Even though she knows there is great injustice in her treatment, she still needs to live in this world that finds her unacceptable. Much meditation of beauty, ugliness, and society's pressure to conform follows.
This memoir is not for the faint of heart. However, in it's painful detail, I found myself encouraged by what a person can live through. The author calmly narrates what many of us have feared. It's extremely comforting to look directly into the heart of nightmare and death and not flinch away. Ms. Grealy has suffered in ways that most never will. She's been through astonishing pain and cruelty but has not died of it. Her story has power and beauty and much to teach everyone. show less
Following the surgery, she must endure over three years of chemotherapy treatments as well as radiation. Essentially, her entire life is consumed by her illness. What's worse than the pain and nausea, is the slowly dawning realization that her face is no longer socially acceptable. People openly stare at her and show more groups of young boys torment and verbally assault her on a daily basis.
Forced to confront the nature of her identity and the cruelty of mankind, she finds herself compelled to pursue surgery after surgery to correct her face sufficiently to recover anonymity. Even though she knows there is great injustice in her treatment, she still needs to live in this world that finds her unacceptable. Much meditation of beauty, ugliness, and society's pressure to conform follows.
This memoir is not for the faint of heart. However, in it's painful detail, I found myself encouraged by what a person can live through. The author calmly narrates what many of us have feared. It's extremely comforting to look directly into the heart of nightmare and death and not flinch away. Ms. Grealy has suffered in ways that most never will. She's been through astonishing pain and cruelty but has not died of it. Her story has power and beauty and much to teach everyone. show less
What a wonderful reflection on a difficult life! At the age of 9, Grealy was diagnosed with cancer and subsequently had half of her lower jaw removed. Following this surgery, young Grealy had radiation, chemotherapy and multiple surgeries to repair her dentition and to attempt to reconstruct her jaw. Throughout her childhood and young adulthood, the author essentially defined herself by her illness and treatments, and anticipated that her life would "begin" when her face was fixed.
Grealy's style is frank and open, and the reader must admire her relative fearlessness. As an adult writing about her unusual childhood, she honestly assesses her actions and motivations and gives us a picture of a bright, resilient girl. The bulk of the book show more is spent on her childhood, and the last few chapters rush through her young adulthood and the continuing surgeries, one of which finally restores a portion of her jaw.
Though most of us never have to face disfigurement such as Lucy Grealy did, as a reader I could still identify with her childish belief in "if only." If only her face were not disfigured, everything would be perfect in her life. If only she had a beautiful face she would find love. If only her family were not so "different," life would be ideal. I believe most humans have some glimmer of this belief: if only I were more attractive, more intelligent, thinner, wealthier, THEN everything would be perfect. I found the end of this book to be a bit of a letdown, mostly because I had bought into Grealy's assumption that everything would be fine once her jaw was repaired. Of course it did not live up to her expectations and of course she now has to learn, as all of us do, to live with the cards she's been dealt.
In spite of (or perhaps because of) her hardships, Grealy has been academically and intellectually successful. She is an accomplished poet and teacher, she has had vibrant friendships, she has been able to travel and live in various places, and she seems to have a full life. I did feel that the story ended a bit abruptly. After laying her childhood bare, Grealy seems to have held back with regard to her adulthood. Perhaps her recent experiences are too recent for her to view clearly and comment on.
The bullying and teasing Grealy suffered did not play as large a role in the story as I had expected, although it was clear that the taunts deeply affected the author and her sense of self worth. I was appalled at the behavior she described. I know children can be mean and see depictions of teasing and bullying all the time, but I did not experience this sort of behavior (or I was blissfully unaware of it) and I did not inflict it. I cannot understand people who have no empathy, especially for someone whose appearance and situation are so obviously out of her control.
Overall, I found this to be a thoroughly engrossing and ultimately uplifting memoir. Highly recommended!
I did mark a few passages that stood out to me:
One had to be good. One must never complain or struggle. One must never, under any circumstances, show fear and, prime directive above all, one must never, ever cry. I was nothing if not harsh. Had I not found myself in the role of sick child, I would have made an equally good fascist or religious martyr.
+++
Gradually my earliest memories of Ireland transformed into pure myth. Where I was now was not only no good, it was getting worse all the time. The flawless times of the family were past; I had missed them simply by being born too late. I began a lifelong affair with nostalgia, with only the vaguest notions of what I was nostalgic for.
+++
I resolved to Believe, even in the face of this lack of response. Was it possible to prove my worthiness by repeatedly asking the question, even in the brunt of this painful silence? In the same way I was sure I could prove my love, and lovability, to my mother by showing her I could "take it," I considered the idea that what God wanted from me was to keep trying and trying and trying, no matter how difficult it was. My goal, and my intended reward, was to understand.
+++
In my carefully orchestrated shabbiness, I was hoping to beat the world to the finish line by showing that I already knew I was ugly. Still, all the while, I was secretly hoping that in the process some potential lover might accidentally notice I was wearing my private but beautiful heart on my stained and fraying sleeve. show less
Grealy's style is frank and open, and the reader must admire her relative fearlessness. As an adult writing about her unusual childhood, she honestly assesses her actions and motivations and gives us a picture of a bright, resilient girl. The bulk of the book show more is spent on her childhood, and the last few chapters rush through her young adulthood and the continuing surgeries, one of which finally restores a portion of her jaw.
Though most of us never have to face disfigurement such as Lucy Grealy did, as a reader I could still identify with her childish belief in "if only." If only her face were not disfigured, everything would be perfect in her life. If only she had a beautiful face she would find love. If only her family were not so "different," life would be ideal. I believe most humans have some glimmer of this belief: if only I were more attractive, more intelligent, thinner, wealthier, THEN everything would be perfect. I found the end of this book to be a bit of a letdown, mostly because I had bought into Grealy's assumption that everything would be fine once her jaw was repaired. Of course it did not live up to her expectations and of course she now has to learn, as all of us do, to live with the cards she's been dealt.
In spite of (or perhaps because of) her hardships, Grealy has been academically and intellectually successful. She is an accomplished poet and teacher, she has had vibrant friendships, she has been able to travel and live in various places, and she seems to have a full life. I did feel that the story ended a bit abruptly. After laying her childhood bare, Grealy seems to have held back with regard to her adulthood. Perhaps her recent experiences are too recent for her to view clearly and comment on.
The bullying and teasing Grealy suffered did not play as large a role in the story as I had expected, although it was clear that the taunts deeply affected the author and her sense of self worth. I was appalled at the behavior she described. I know children can be mean and see depictions of teasing and bullying all the time, but I did not experience this sort of behavior (or I was blissfully unaware of it) and I did not inflict it. I cannot understand people who have no empathy, especially for someone whose appearance and situation are so obviously out of her control.
Overall, I found this to be a thoroughly engrossing and ultimately uplifting memoir. Highly recommended!
I did mark a few passages that stood out to me:
One had to be good. One must never complain or struggle. One must never, under any circumstances, show fear and, prime directive above all, one must never, ever cry. I was nothing if not harsh. Had I not found myself in the role of sick child, I would have made an equally good fascist or religious martyr.
+++
Gradually my earliest memories of Ireland transformed into pure myth. Where I was now was not only no good, it was getting worse all the time. The flawless times of the family were past; I had missed them simply by being born too late. I began a lifelong affair with nostalgia, with only the vaguest notions of what I was nostalgic for.
+++
I resolved to Believe, even in the face of this lack of response. Was it possible to prove my worthiness by repeatedly asking the question, even in the brunt of this painful silence? In the same way I was sure I could prove my love, and lovability, to my mother by showing her I could "take it," I considered the idea that what God wanted from me was to keep trying and trying and trying, no matter how difficult it was. My goal, and my intended reward, was to understand.
+++
In my carefully orchestrated shabbiness, I was hoping to beat the world to the finish line by showing that I already knew I was ugly. Still, all the while, I was secretly hoping that in the process some potential lover might accidentally notice I was wearing my private but beautiful heart on my stained and fraying sleeve. show less
Lucy Grealy was nine years old when she was diagnosed with cancer (Ewing’s sarcoma) and underwent surgery that removed a third of her jaw. She spent the next five years battling the cancer with chemotherapy, radiation, and countless surgeries that were intended to re-shape her jaw. The treatments were brutal, something a child (or anyone, really) should never have to endure. Lucy spent these years in and out of hospitals, where, ironically, she felt most comfortable, as she was among other young cancer patients, and her plight was understood, even validated. It was when she finished her treatments and left the safety of the hospital (though she continued the chemotherapy as an outpatient), was when her life shifted, and she was forced show more to face the grim reality that her conception of who she was, pre-cancer, was inexorably changed forever.
Lucy eventually achieved remission from the cancer, but the aftermath of her illness was where a different journey began. Inevitably, when she returned to school, the vicious teasing, taunting, and bullying was relentless. Lucy did her best to keep her head down (literally), and silently endured the kind of cruelty only known by children, where being different in any way was tantamount to social purgatory. Lucy comes to accept that she is permanently disfigured, and will never truly fit in. Moreover, she realizes that she has endured more hardship than her peers, and finds comfort knowing she was strong enough to survive, and silently wonders if any of her schoolmates would have been strong enough to handle the physical and emotional pain she endured.
From her teens to young adulthood, Lucy underwent countless procedures in an effort to reconstruct her jaw. All of them failed. Her doctors tried grafts and bone reconstruction, but they never held and all were reabsorbed. All hopes that her face would take these procedures left her with hope that was eventually dashed, again and again.
Finding one’s identity is a central theme of the book. Much of Lucy’s identity was tied to her face. In an image-obsessed society, she cannot help but feel like she has failed, that she is a freak, and keeps hoping the next surgery will be the one that works, that her appearance will be nothing like the grotesque facial deformity that has dominated her life. She struggles with yearning to fit in, all while harboring a secret satisfaction that she is “special” in a very distressing way
Lucy was a highly gifted writer. She mainly wrote poetry before turning to memoir, and this book is indeed a poetic meditation on identity, the destructive effects of beauty standards, grievous suffering, and, ultimately, self-acceptance. Lucy was truly a fighter. She was a brave, searingly perceptive, and unabashed soul. Tragically, she died at 39, from a drug overdose.
I first read this book when I was 14. I was grappling with my own fears and insecurities related to how I felt about my own face, my body, my outward appearance, feeling, like many other teenage girls, that I was ugly and imperfect. Lucy’s account certainly put things into perspective. I love this book immensely, and I reread it almost every year. Needless to say, this is one of my most treasured books I own. show less
Lucy eventually achieved remission from the cancer, but the aftermath of her illness was where a different journey began. Inevitably, when she returned to school, the vicious teasing, taunting, and bullying was relentless. Lucy did her best to keep her head down (literally), and silently endured the kind of cruelty only known by children, where being different in any way was tantamount to social purgatory. Lucy comes to accept that she is permanently disfigured, and will never truly fit in. Moreover, she realizes that she has endured more hardship than her peers, and finds comfort knowing she was strong enough to survive, and silently wonders if any of her schoolmates would have been strong enough to handle the physical and emotional pain she endured.
From her teens to young adulthood, Lucy underwent countless procedures in an effort to reconstruct her jaw. All of them failed. Her doctors tried grafts and bone reconstruction, but they never held and all were reabsorbed. All hopes that her face would take these procedures left her with hope that was eventually dashed, again and again.
Finding one’s identity is a central theme of the book. Much of Lucy’s identity was tied to her face. In an image-obsessed society, she cannot help but feel like she has failed, that she is a freak, and keeps hoping the next surgery will be the one that works, that her appearance will be nothing like the grotesque facial deformity that has dominated her life. She struggles with yearning to fit in, all while harboring a secret satisfaction that she is “special” in a very distressing way
Lucy was a highly gifted writer. She mainly wrote poetry before turning to memoir, and this book is indeed a poetic meditation on identity, the destructive effects of beauty standards, grievous suffering, and, ultimately, self-acceptance. Lucy was truly a fighter. She was a brave, searingly perceptive, and unabashed soul. Tragically, she died at 39, from a drug overdose.
I first read this book when I was 14. I was grappling with my own fears and insecurities related to how I felt about my own face, my body, my outward appearance, feeling, like many other teenage girls, that I was ugly and imperfect. Lucy’s account certainly put things into perspective. I love this book immensely, and I reread it almost every year. Needless to say, this is one of my most treasured books I own. show less
When Lucy Grealy was 9 years old she was diagnosed with cancer, requiring a third of her jaw to be removed. While chemotherapy and radiation eventually made her cancer-free, reconstructing her jaw would be a very long and complicated process. Lucy faced her many surgeries with courage; dealing with friends, classmates, and adolescence in general was another matter entirely. More than anything, Lucy wanted not just to be accepted, but to be loved and desired. This book, published when Lucy was 31, is her story of personal growth. But it is so much more than a “disease memoir.” My edition included an afterword by her best friend, the author Ann Patchett, who does a far better job than I could at explaining this book as a work of show more literature, dealing with universal truths in the context of Lucy’s illness:
This is a book that understands how none of us ever feel we are pretty enough while it makes us question the very concept of beauty. It touches on our fears that love and approval are things we will always have to struggle to keep. It takes something so personal and so horrible that it is, for most of us, completely beyond our comprehension, and turns it into a mirror on ourselves.
Lucy was a poet and writer, who sadly died at age 39. Her talent is evident in the way she used her personal story, her quest for “beauty,” to create that mirror. I only wish we could hear more from her. show less
This is a book that understands how none of us ever feel we are pretty enough while it makes us question the very concept of beauty. It touches on our fears that love and approval are things we will always have to struggle to keep. It takes something so personal and so horrible that it is, for most of us, completely beyond our comprehension, and turns it into a mirror on ourselves.
Lucy was a poet and writer, who sadly died at age 39. Her talent is evident in the way she used her personal story, her quest for “beauty,” to create that mirror. I only wish we could hear more from her. show less
This was a difficult book to read, but one which I found beautifully written despite the emotional and physical pain suffered by the author throughout her entire story. As a child of nine, she was diagnosed with Ewing's sarcoma, which is a cancer that was treated with radical facial surgery. In order to prevent a recurrence of the life-threatening cancer, she had to undergo two and a half years of chemotherapy. Following that, she endured years and years of mostly disappointing plastic surgery on her jawline. She never felt that her face was sufficiently acceptable in the view of others although she was able to make friends after high school, attend college and direct her career toward writing.
This book made me want to be her friend. show more She always seemed so lonely and misunderstood because of her appearance. Her greatest solace during her younger years was with her companionship and work with horses. Both of the horses that she once owned met untimely ends. It all seemed so unfair.
In this book, the author mentioned a lot about flap procedures for plastic surgery. As a surgical oncology nurse back in the 1960s and 1970s, I remember patients with those flap procedures. They were horrible. Fortunately the author never had any of those that were proposed to her, but the surgical procedures which she did have (there were so many!) had terrribly disappointing results. It all seems unfair to me that a child had to suffer such a fate and continue to endure hardships as what this author faced year after year. She was a very brave person for telling her own story with such eloquence. show less
This book made me want to be her friend. show more She always seemed so lonely and misunderstood because of her appearance. Her greatest solace during her younger years was with her companionship and work with horses. Both of the horses that she once owned met untimely ends. It all seemed so unfair.
In this book, the author mentioned a lot about flap procedures for plastic surgery. As a surgical oncology nurse back in the 1960s and 1970s, I remember patients with those flap procedures. They were horrible. Fortunately the author never had any of those that were proposed to her, but the surgical procedures which she did have (there were so many!) had terrribly disappointing results. It all seems unfair to me that a child had to suffer such a fate and continue to endure hardships as what this author faced year after year. She was a very brave person for telling her own story with such eloquence. show less
Lucy Grealy was nine years old when she was diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma, an aggressive bone cancer, in her right jaw. The surgery and chemo helped save her life but left her with disfiguring scars.
What is more important to your sense of self that to recognize yourself in the mirror? What if the face you saw in the mirror was one you could not bear to look at? A face that could not possibly reflect the you inside?
Grealy became a renowned poet, and her way with words shows here. She writes so eloquently and honestly about what she went through and how she felt growing up “ugly.” She writes about being the “special” kid in a family of four, getting more of her parents’ attention, skipping school, good friends, how she show more dealt with bullies, and how she became addicted to the pain killers she was prescribed following major surgery. Her life was not all tragic, however; she also remembers moments of joy and humorous escapades.
The memoir was first published in 1994. The edition I had included an afterword written after Grealy’s death in 2002, by her friend and fellow Iowa Writers Workshop student, Ann Patchett. show less
What is more important to your sense of self that to recognize yourself in the mirror? What if the face you saw in the mirror was one you could not bear to look at? A face that could not possibly reflect the you inside?
Grealy became a renowned poet, and her way with words shows here. She writes so eloquently and honestly about what she went through and how she felt growing up “ugly.” She writes about being the “special” kid in a family of four, getting more of her parents’ attention, skipping school, good friends, how she show more dealt with bullies, and how she became addicted to the pain killers she was prescribed following major surgery. Her life was not all tragic, however; she also remembers moments of joy and humorous escapades.
The memoir was first published in 1994. The edition I had included an afterword written after Grealy’s death in 2002, by her friend and fellow Iowa Writers Workshop student, Ann Patchett. show less
At age 9 Lucy was diagnosed with a cancer of the jaw. In this nonfiction memoir she chronicles her 5-year battle with the cancer and then the years that followed, during which she has dozens of reconstructive surgeries. More than the disease though, it's about Grealy's battle with learning to accept herself and feel comfortable in her own skin. It's about the universal struggle of feeling ugly. Grealy's story is a tragic one, but it's also beautiful.
"Beauty, as defined by society at large, seemed to be only about who was best at looking like everyone else."
If you find a copy to read, male sure it includes the afterward by author Ann Patchett that was added in 2003. Patchett was one of Grealy's best friends and later wrote the book show more "Truth and Beauty" about their friendship. I think she sums up Grealy's book perfectly with this...
"In the right hands, a memoir is the flecks of gold panned out of a great, muddy river. A memoir is those flecks melted down into a shapeable liquid that can be molded and hammered into a single, bright band to be worn on a finger, something you could say, "Oh this, this is my life." Everyone has a muddy river, but very few have the vision, patience and talent to turn it into something beautiful." show less
"Beauty, as defined by society at large, seemed to be only about who was best at looking like everyone else."
If you find a copy to read, male sure it includes the afterward by author Ann Patchett that was added in 2003. Patchett was one of Grealy's best friends and later wrote the book show more "Truth and Beauty" about their friendship. I think she sums up Grealy's book perfectly with this...
"In the right hands, a memoir is the flecks of gold panned out of a great, muddy river. A memoir is those flecks melted down into a shapeable liquid that can be molded and hammered into a single, bright band to be worn on a finger, something you could say, "Oh this, this is my life." Everyone has a muddy river, but very few have the vision, patience and talent to turn it into something beautiful." show less
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Author Information
2+ Works 2,328 Members
Lucy Grealy, an award-winning poet, was born in Ireland in 1963. She lived in the UK and in Germany but spent most of her life in New York, where she grew up, and where she died in 2002. She also published a collection of essays, As Seen on TV: Provocations
Some Editions
Awards and Honors
Work Relationships
Is abridged in
Common Knowledge
- Canonical title
- Autobiography of a Face
- Original publication date
- 1994
- People/Characters
- Lucy Grealy
- Dedication
- For my friends, whom I love
- First words
- My friend Stephen and I used to do pony parties together.
- Quotations
- Everybody from my mother to the characters I read about in books (who were as actual and important as real people to me), was always looking at someone else’s life and envying it, wishing to occupy it. I wanted them to stop... (show all), to see how much they had already, how they had their health and their strength. I imagined how my life would be if I had half their fortune.
Animals were both the lives I took care of and the lives who took care of me. Horses neither disapproved nor approved of what I looked like. All that counted was how I treated them, how my actions weighted themselves in this ... (show all)world. - Last words
- (Click to show. Warning: May contain spoilers.)I wanted to tell the man I was with about it, but he was involved in his own thoughts and I did not want to interrupt him, so instead I looked with curiousity at the window behind him, its night-silvered glass reflecting the entire cafe, to see if I could, now, recognize myself.
- Original language*
- Engels
*Some information comes from Common Knowledge in other languages. Click "Edit" for more information.
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- Genres
- Biography & Memoir, Nonfiction, General Nonfiction
- DDC/MDS
- 362.1969947160092 — Social sciences Social problems and social services Social problems of and services to groups of people People with physical illnesses Services to people with specific conditions Diseases Other diseases
- LCC
- RD661 .G74 .A3 — Medicine Surgery Surgery Neoplasms. Tumors. Oncology
- BISAC
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- Reviews
- 74
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- (3.84)
- Languages
- Dutch, English, French
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- Paper, Audiobook, Ebook
- ISBNs
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