The Natural Laws of Good Luck: A Memoir of an Unlikely Marriage

First know this: it isn't all light-hearted fun. True, there are darling, funny moments when you can go "Aawww" at Zhong-hua's antics, and I will be the first to admit that he is indeed an endearing guy. However, Ellen Graf's take on her marriage to a man with limited English from a world very different from her own is very realistic and oftentimes harsh. Zhong-hua's struggles to become acclimated to a country that to him makes no sense most of the time has your heart aching. He struggles to learn proper English, he has a hard time finding long-term employment, and people are often very harsh with him because they don't understand his intentions. Then there's the matter of his health, and the invasive surgeries, and still, the man keeps show more picking himself up. Zhong-hua is a realist, but he also appears to be an optimist.

Marriage is hard work. Ellen and Zhong-hua's marriage is no different. I laughed out loud more than once (the deer incident had me reading aloud to B. in bed, and we both had a great big belly laugh afterwards), but by the middle of the book I realized that Ellen is speaking from the heart about those that endure many hardships and keep striving to win. It doesn't matter that we don't know what the prize at the end will be. It's that we keep striving to try to enjoy life with "hearts of fire." show less

Graf takes a leap of faith in marrying the brother of a Chinese friend. This unlikely couple follows a rollicking relationship trajectory, from love to disbelief to wonder to confusion and back again. I found myself getting impatient with both Graf and her husban Lu Zhong-hua at many times in the book, and then had to sit back to consider where that impatience came from. Was it because I found the two of them to be incredible (and not in the best sense of the word) or was it because they had decided to forge a relationship under circumstances that are, to me, simply impossible? As much as I enjoyed learning about their relationship (despite my sometimes-impatience), I found that what I took away from the book was a deeper understanding show more of the challenges all of us in marriages make on a day-to-day basis. Highly recommended. show less

When I requested the Natural Laws of Good Luck, I was expecting a tender love story that explored the melding of two disparate cultures. I was not disappointed in this expectation. What I hadn't expected was that this book would be so dang funny. Several times I found myself laughing out loud at the antics of Zhong-hua, Ellen Graf's Chinese husband. Graf expertly describes the cultural clashes that occur when two people who barely know each other, who grew up on opposite sides of the world, and who barely speak the same language decide to share a life. As someone who will likely embark on a cross-cultural union in the future, I found this book a hopeful reminder that it is possible for two committed people in love to overcome the show more obstacles created by life and culture. show less

I really liked this book. It took me a few minutes to get used to the author's voice, which was a little unconventional, but by the time I got to the meat of the book -- the bicultural differences between her and her husband -- I was enjoying myself. The author is excellent at capturing Zhong-hua's sometimes hilarious, sometimes insightful fractured English and his philosophical worldview, which he developed after years of suffering under Chairman Mao. I thought a number of his aphorisms and thoughts were wonderful ways to deal with stress. Also, I think most people would find this book relatable - who hasn't sometimes been stunned by the differences between husband and wife in a marriage?

Erica Melnichok:
Marriage today comes in many variations. In my late twenties and a newlywed myself, I’m a bit “traditional.” But what if I were divorced, facing middle age, and searching for love? What would a marriage look like to me then? For Ellen Graf, she took a chance and married a Chinese businessman, with a past of his own. He moved from China to her upstate New York farmhouse and so began their “unconventional” marriage. Despite the language barrier, a host of cultural misunderstandings and financial crises, Ellen and Zhong-Hua were able to face these challenges and their new life together with humor, patience, and love. Ellen now eats rock fungus and Zhong-Hua learned how to drive, albeit often following his own show more rules! At times, The Natural Laws of Good Luck can read like the funniest of humor memoirs, but at its heart is a story of acceptance, love and renewal at midlife by taking a brave leap into the unknown. Rather inspiring, really, no matter what “type” of marriage you may have yourself. show less

I requested Ellen Graf’s memoir, The Natural Laws of Good Luck, from the Early Reviewers program because I am also an American woman married to an Asian (Japanese) man and I thought the book would be one I can relate to. Although the suspicion that Ellen was the partner doing almost all of the compromising in this bicultural marriage nagged at me, I still found the book engaging. Remembering the traffic in Beijing that had inspired my own terror as a pedestrian there, I had to laugh at the descriptions of Zhong-hua’s driving lessons with his total disregard of conventions such as lanes and traffic lights. “Just watch, see, look at. OK- go. Not OK- not go…Which side open, which side drive.” I felt Ellen’s alarm at his daring show more motto, “Maybe OK. Try!”
Another part of the book I found fascinating were the references to Maoist China. Zhong-hua’s anticdotes about his childhood under Mao were scattered throughout the book and were quite interesting. show less

The Natural Laws of Good Luck: A Memoir of an Unlikely Marriage written by Ellen Graf was a delightful read and I am grateful to the LibraryThing Early Reviewer program and Random House for providing me with the opportunity to read and review it. At its core, the book is the melding of two cultures.

When Ellen found herself 46 years old with only one child at home, she discovered she was lonely. Her Chinese friend offered for Ellen to marry her brother in China. Ellen took a huge leap of faith and went to China to meet her potential husband. Without speaking the same language, the two get married and muddle through Chinese legalities to return to Ellen's New York mountain home in wedded bliss. The most interesting passages in the book show more deal with how this marriage progresses with the blending of a free spirit and a traditional Chinese man! As I read the book, I wondered if some of the Chinese tactics might minimize silly spats in my own marriage? Great book! show less