Elena Dunkle

I'm going to be honest and say the first couple chapters of this book had me nervous. It's difficult to write a book about illness without glorifying said illness and I was worried that this story wouldn't cross the thin line from glorification to warning. As a person who has struggled with mental illness (still do some days) and eating issues, the first couple chapters were a bit triggering. Luckily, I pushed through and found myself pleasantly surprised that Elena's story was, far more show more than glorifying, honest and eventually hopeful, just like struggling with your health in real life. I appreciated the author's note in the end, though I would have preferred it in the beginning. On top of the honesty, I found the book to be very well-written without being too wordy or over-complicated. Descriptions of trauma were clear without making me relive my own trauma. I don't know if I've ever read a recovery memoir this honest. show less

This is a hard book to review. While it was clearly cathartic for the author to write, it does not seem to know what it wants to be for the reader. Is it a warning? A guide for others seeking help? An inside look at a disease? The author's note implies it wants to be none of these, but because it isn't guided in one of these ways, it's hard to know what to take away.

I will say that many memoirs of eating disorders really glamorize the disease and the societally desirable thinness it show more produces. This book is quite successful in avoiding this, which the author says is her intention. She avoids specific numbers and tactics that readers might interpret as directions. I understand this choice. It necessarily leads some segments to see under-detailed, but that cost is probably well worth it if it means more women don't use this as a manual. show less

Elena needs to know her number, the all-important number. It tells her how good she is, how worthy she is. It makes her relieved if she is stressed. But when she is in the hospital, they don't let her see her number. They just make her eat and eat, and won't let her exercise. They try to tell her how much she is hurting her body by restricting her eating, but it does not matter to Elena. She doesn't see the problem. She just wants to be her best, and being her best does not include eating. show more As Elena bounces in and out of hospitals and therapy, her life continues to spiral out of control, at least to outsiders. To her, this is normal. But she finally does recognize she has a problem - and gets the help she so desperately needs. I like how this story is told; we can feel the desperate need of Elena to know her weight, but we don't find out the actual number, because it really doesn't matter to the story overall - what matters is the feeling of desperation. We don't get descriptions of how she looked, nor are there any photos as part of the book, but again, even though I was interested in that, it didn't take away from the feelings Elena had while she was in the midst of her darkest time. I liked how she showed her transition from not believing she had a problem to understanding the depth of what was happening; it happened over time, as it would in life, not just in one quick chapter or overnight. I was drawn in by Elena and wanted her to get better, and cared about her life. I want to read Hope, the book by Elena's mom, to see how the perspectives compare. show less

Elena's memoir was one that was difficult to read. I checked the back of the book to ensure that it wasn't written by her mother posthumously with her diaries.
She's shockingly honest without glorifying her illness. It took her years of treatment to see her eating disorder and years more to even try to tackle it. Brave, difficult, sad, enlightening, and truthful. On her website she talks about how she's still working on her recovery every day.