Marya Hornbacher

Marya Hornbacher pulls no punches in her book SANE: MENTAL ILLNESS, ADDICTION, AND THE 12 STEPS. This is recovery for the "dual diagnosed." She gives her honest take on what step work, recovery, and the struggles the mentally ill face in recovery. I'd say that for those with mental illness AND addiction, this is a bible for working the steps, a compassionate friend and companion to be always at your side. If I were bipolar, I'd trust her assessment because she has been through the mire and show more turned her life around.

Each chapter covers one step. Marya draws from AA's Big Book frequently and also AA's Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, and the Little Red Book. She sticks fairly close to the guidelines of the Big Book on the 4th step. Of step 7 she says she was "in no mood" to revisit her lists from Step 4, but she knew she had to do it, to face her past or end up "drinking and going insane again and again until it killed [her]."

I love how she voices her skepticism of the program's many slogans, promises, and what seems like hype and horse shit to many newcomers. But something kept drawing her back to the rooms, perhaps a belief that it was her last chance. In fact, the Big Book says that for many, AA is "the last house on the block." She also addresses the opinions of the un-informed in the rooms, those who don't understand that there's a huge difference between medication taken to regulate one's moods and sanity versus using mood and mind altering substances to get high or "take the edge off", as they say. This is crucial; I've sat through many a meeting where addicts get into it passionately about whether it's acceptable to take prescription drugs for ANY reason...it's a mess. Sadly, the loudest opponents in the room are often the least qualified to say anything on the topic. There's a lot of ignorance on this topic and Marya attempts to dispel that. At any rate, she encourages those who take psychotropic medications to control their mental illness NOT to be dissuaded from recovery by those in the rooms who are ignorant of mental illness's ravages and demands.

Marya is one tough chick, facing down her demons and winning. She's a recovery warrior and a good writer. This is the 3rd book I've read by her and I look forward to more updates from the field. show less

This was recommended in the goodreads review section of a fiction book that mocked people with eating disorders and was praised by Roxane Gay. Many people recovering from eating disorders understandably were deeply offended, and one of them recommended this memoir instead. Memoirs aren't my thing, and me giving three stars is common. Five stars for this actual content. Three stars for the way it was edited. The book could have been a hundred pages shorter, or even more, and lost nothing. The show more style took some getting used to. It switched back and forth between past and present without warning. It switched between first and -second- person -within the same paragraph- so often that I came to expect it. At first, I had a hard time interpreting whether she used "you" royally to confer a sense of immediacy or intimacy, or if it was herself in second person trying to distance herself from her body and choices around it in a way that's consistent with her state. Often, it was both. This is both a memoir and a social commentary, and the two are weaved together so tightly that it can be...a lot at times.

Hornbacher is bipolar. Someone asked if I'd read her memoir about it, and I said no. I have the same thing. I don't need to read about it. I've been stable on medication for awhile, but am fully aware of what I'm like off of it. This is a book about eating disorders and has a few pages dedicated to treatment. It's also inseparable from her experiences with bipolar disorder, such to the point that sometimes I felt like I -was- reading a memoir about bipolar disorder before she was medicated. But eating disorders; I don't have one that I know of. So I read this. I learned a lot. I'm glad Hornbacher was so willing to share so much of her life, especially with all the gritty details. I've never seen a fiction book handle this topic with such respect nor gravity, and I wish those authors would read this memoir first. Highly, highly recommended. show less

This was an incredibly difficult book to read.

On the surface, that seems obvious. Reading the experience of a woman living with bulima, anorexia, and a plethora of other mental health issues, is going to be a difficult read. But that's not what I mean.

Hornbacher wrote this memior at age 23. She ends the book (I did not read the modern reprint with her "updated" ending) rather solemnly, admitting that she is not cured, there is no answer, and essentially she cannot give an ending. She wrote show more this only 4 years after her nearth-death experience, and only 3 years after her suicide attempt. This memoir was written by someone still deeply in the grip of the things that had led her to that point in her life.

So the uncomfortableness comes from the outsiders perspective. She insists, over and again, that she had a "normal", "good" childhood and that her eating disorder just appeared out of the blue from no where.

She then goes on to detail a childhood filled with emotional trauma, surrounded by family members with mental health and food issues of their own, and as the reader we find ourselves frustratingly yelling, "it's there! it's all there! I can see it happening to you as you're writing it but you cannot see it!" Near the end of the book she still refers to her family has relatively normal, just "messy". It feels like a kick in the gut.

I have not read Hornbacher's other books. I feel almost honor-bound to do so now, to not always have my memory of this author entrenched in her view of herself at 23-years-old. None of us deserve that. show less

Sunday, October 15, 2006
Good reading
Last Saturday I was digging through the shelves for something to read. A trip to the bookstore wouldn't fit into the agenda. My little town's library is usually closed by the time I can get to it, and nothing on my shelves appealed. This meant raiding the womanchild's room. C., getting rather annoyed with my shuffling around in her room while she was there, asked what I was looking for. My response sent her into action, and she gave me a stack of books show more and the order to read them. The kid did good.

First on her list was The Center of Winter by Marya Hornbacher. This book tells the story of a family hit by mental illness and suicide. It's a tale told as cleanly and starkly as the cold plains in which it is set. The central theme is the quiet courage it takes to keep living when it would just be so easy to stop. The book is peopled with rich characters and filled with tiny details that make it real. I found myself wanting to button the character's sweaters, give them their medications, and refill their drinks. These people needed someone to take care of them but found the ability within. I was both rushing to the end, desperate to find some evidence of recovery and hope and unwilling to put the book down. I'm going to enjoy re-reading this book. Hornbacher is also the author of Wasted, the best book on living with an eating disorder that I've ever read. show less