Ian Kerner

As a woman, I know that I am not exactly the target audience for this book, but I decided to read it along with my husband. I thought this would be much better than guessing what the book was teaching men, and also open an effective line of communication on the subject. Even though I had read several positive reviews for the book prior to buying it, I was still very surprised by just how good it actually is. She Comes First is without question, the best non-fiction sex guide that I have read show more to date. It really hits the nail on the head when it comes to helping men understand a woman's body and what makes her tick, and the most amazing thing about that is it was written by a man.

In my opinion, one of the things that make this book work so well is the author's holistic approach to the female mind and body. Mr. Kerner has such a good grasp, not only on a woman's anatomy, but also on how a woman thinks, that I almost felt like he was inside my head while reading the book. The author's genuine care and concern for women resonates loud and clear throughout the book, and he makes a great case for why the woman's pleasure should come first. Any man who can read Mr. Kerner's words and truly take them heart will, in my opinion, have no trouble creating a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship for both partners. The other thing that sets She Comes First above some other books is that it is a well-thought-out work, which never seems like a cheesy sex manual. I've seen a number of sex books which seem more like porn than realistically helpful instruction books. She Comes First keeps everything very simple and real. Mr. Kerner writes in a very down-to-earth style that is easy to relate to and understand. He does use a lot of literary analogies, which may not be everyone's cup of tea, but the information contained in them is still quite comprehensible even if the reader is not an English major. Also, while many sex books incorporate full-color photos (which is fine sometimes), She Comes First sticks with ordinary line drawings which keep the reader's focus on the substance of the text while enhancing the words with helpful illustrations. In addition, the chapters are very brief (generally only a few pages long), and several of the ones on technique include repetition in the form of quick reviews at the end of the chapter, making it perfect for the ofttimes shorter male attention span.

My husband was certainly willing to read She Comes First, but since he already reads quite a bit about sex and relationships on the internet, I think that he was perhaps a little skeptical that he would learn anything new and more importantly, that it would actually work. Well, I can honestly say that both of us were pleasantly surprised by just how effective the techniques can be. If this book could teach my husband, a normally attentive lover, a few new tricks, I can only imagine what it might do for other men who aren't quite as skilled or considerate. Of course, that's with the caveat that they are open-minded enough to not think they already know it all. In fact, I even learned a few things about my own body of which I wasn't previously aware: Who knew that the clitoris wasn't just the “love button,” but an entire network of eighteen different parts, all of which contribute to experiencing sexual pleasure? I sure didn't.

She Comes First is first and foremost an instruction manual for cunnilingus, as well as an argument for why this is the most effective way to pleasure a woman. Still, there are also chapters on incorporating manual stimulation (a very important complement to cunnilingus), transitioning to intercourse and practical information on safe sex, in addition to parts that touch very briefly on things such as toys, light bondage, and sexual concerns such as premature ejaculation. The first half of the book is primarily about female anatomy, while the second covers step-by-step techniques. I would warn any man who might be tempted to skip the first section to get to the “good stuff”, thinking that they already know these things, to think again. A woman's body is much more complex than it may seem at first glance, as I demonstrated with my earlier comment about the clitoris. If there are things that I didn't even know before reading this book, then it's pretty unlikely that men would either, and truly understanding the female body and all of its inner workings is key to being able to effectively pleasure it.

Overall, She Comes First is a book that I would highly recommend to both men and women. Any man who wants to have a happy, healthy sex life and truly know what a woman wants should definitely be reading this book. Women should also do themselves a favor by encouraging their lover to read it, or at the very least, leave it lying around where it can be easily found. She Comes First has definitely earned a permanent spot on my bedroom shelf, and I am eagerly looking forward to reading the companion book, Passionista (the retitled release of He Comes Next). Ian Kerner is also a regular contributor to several magazines and newspapers as well as making appearances on various television programs such as The Today Show. Now that I know his philosophies definitely match my own, I'll certainly be looking up his articles and interviews as well. All I can say it that if Mr. Kerner makes a habit of practicing what he preaches at home, his wife is one lucky lady.;-) show less

DSI: Date Scene Investigation. It's an excellent concept based off the ever more popular forensics shows. Under the guise of the DSI, Ian Kerner investigates common dating and relationship problems and exposes the personal issues underlying them.

While the acronyms and abbreviations can be a bit strained at times and the scenarios are quite over the top, they are nonetheless snicker-inducing and quite enjoyable. I was highly amused just reading through this book. However, I have some doubts show more as to whether it would be actually useful as a self-help book. Kerner's recommendations lean heavily toward "a course of individual therapy", which is not particularly helpful in terms of SELF-help.

I had a good time with this one, but it's neither engaging or practical enough to keep around past the first read-through. show less

How could anyone have anything negative to say about this book? It is exactly what it claims to be: a no-nonsense guide to pleasuring a woman. It offers a close examination of the anatomy of the clitoris as well as step-by-step guidelines and tips for mastering oral sex. Though it is clearly geared towards heterosexual men, I think this is a book everyone could benefit from reading. More knowledge is always better and familiarity does not equate to complete understanding. Easy to read and show more comprehend. show less

Ian Kerner, Ph.D., is the hottest, hippest sex expert of our time, he frequently works with couples to address issues that are common in the bedroom. Kerner has made frequent appearances on the Today Show, radio broadcasts, and on the pages of Cosmo, Redbook, Maxim, and Men's Health, he also dishes out dating advice for LifetimeTV.com. He is also the cohost of the series Love on the Rocks on the Discovery Health Channel and is the author of She Comes First, He Comes Next, and Be Honest -- show more You're Not That Into Him Either. Kerner is certified to counsel patients by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) and has a Diploma in Sex Therapy from the American Board of Sexology. He is a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, The International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health, and The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSIS). Kerner is a graduate of Brandeis University, and also holds advanced degrees from New York University, and The American Academy of Clinical Sexologists. Kerner is a Thomas J. Watson Fellow and a recipient of the Erwin J. Haberle Award in Clinical Sexology.
He currently resides with his wife Lisa Rubisch, in NY City were he was born and raised. Together they have two sons, Owen and Beckett, and a Jack Russell Terrier named Houdini.

I was l so looking forward to receiving this book, I could hardly wait.
When it finally arrived I spent an entire evening browsing the selections available:

Getting Started

Doing without/The Science of the Detox/It's All in The Mind? Learning How to Read Your Love Map

The Couple's Detox

Couples Preparing for the Detox/ Modules 1-6/ Couples Rejuvenation

The Singles Detox

Background to the Singles Detox/ Modules 1-6/ Singles Rejuvenation

Next I checked out several reviews by others to try and get an accurate picture.

You see I am not part of a newly married couple and hoped to get a book I could read through together in bed with my other half that would give us some new ideas to spice up our love life. We are neither prudes or perverts but enjoy sex and are open about discussing it.

While reading and looking through the book I found myself to be both curiously adventurous and also titillated by this provocative tone. And, okay, a little embarrassed at
first. But I did not let that stop me. Then a bonus, my husband was immediately interested in exploration just from the cover itself. The book was already fun for me, then even more fun as a couple going through it together and trying things out, really good! There are steps that are easy to follow, exciting to try. Though "educational," there was nothing clinical about this straightforward book. It's nice to give one's imagination a bit of a boost. It was enjoyable from beginning to end. I'm thinking it'll be a nice reference book. I do plan to re-visit, frequently. There were a few things I've yet to discover. A few things that reintroduced me to my own coyness, something that my sophisticated mask was ashamed to admit still existed.

Kerner gently guided me to be kind to myself, see and appreciate my relationship with me, relax with my partner, and get even comfortable with intimacy. With his wonderful insights I began to know I am doing it right. It simply got easy to laugh with myself, share with my man and enjoy "Ultimate Sex" in every way. So I highly recommend this book, My husband and I are now a dynamic duo having great sex and a magical relationship.

This book gives you a different perspective on the way you and your beloved mate communicate intimately in the bedroom...(or any room, for that matter!) I thoroughly enjoy the new things I have learned, and recommend to any couple (because everyone has intimacy difficulties from time to time) to share this book with your partner! show less