Heidi Murkoff

I must admit, I was a noob at parenting. Being the youngest of two, I had absolutely no idea what it was like to take care of a baby. Fortunately, my wife was the oldest of her siblings, and as such, she had a little more parent-fu than I did. However, I found that books written by people on how to not be a noob parent tend to help.

While ultimately, I didn’t like Murkoff’s book, I felt that it (or even something like it) was indispensable for the first few months of parenthood, not for show more any other reason than the fact that Googling just about anything having to do with babies tends to lead to chat forums that are truly terrifying for somebody who thinks that his newborn is as fragile as a hydrogen-filled balloon.

The advice I heard, quoted by Cory Doctorow is: “Pick one book, any book, and only one book.” My take on this advice was that instead of reading every single book you can find in order to be a super parent, all I really needed was a life jacket to keep me afloat as I was hurled into the sea of parenthood. Eventually, though, my inner parent-fu would arise to the surface, and I’d start swimming. The first few weeks were fraught with “what do I do?”s. I’d madly flip through the book, using the index and my best ability to turn my question into something that might have and index entry. I would mark each entry with a finger until I ran out of index entries or fingers, and then read, read, read. Finally, I’d realize: “Oh, that’s natural.” And everybody would get on with their day.

So, as far as parenting books go, this book is possibly just as good as Dr. Spock’s book which is just as good as any other parenting book. Ideally, you should generally agree with the overarching premise of the book (that is, don’t read “A Secular Humanist’s Guide to Raising Offspring,” if you’re a devout Christian, or vice versa). After enough page turning and baby care, your parent muscles will start to come to life. You’ll no longer need diagrams for changing a diaper or burping a baby or knowing which cry means “I’m Hungry” or “I’m Tired” or “Entertain Me.”

That being said, while I owe this book a surmountable debt for helping keep me afloat during the wavy days of noobery (for at least myself and my daughter), in the end, it was not much more than jetsam when my inner parent took the helm.

As I read the book, no longer looking to it like the guru on the hill, but more like any other book of advice, I realized: this book is very preachy. While not taking a definitive stance on any parenting issue unless the APA has done so, the book occasionally uses its rhetoric to imply that certain modes of parenting are “better” than the alternative, which, when going against my inner parent (and more importantly, my wife’s inner parent) didn’t jive. That added to the fact that our baby’s cognitive development is outpacing that of even the exceptional babies in the book led us to wonder what other passages may just be appealing to the lowest common denominator. Like examining your life jacket’s innards and wondering: “how did this sludge save my life?”

It’s because you were kicking your feet and waving your arms.

If you are soon to be a brand-new parent, or looking for a gift for the brand-new parent, this is possibly the least risky path you can go. It wembles enough to not offend most people, but provides a comprehensive (if not logically grouped) coverage of the first year of baby’s life. While ultimately, I found it a good floatation device, your mileage may vary. You may find, however, that any book will do. The important thing is that you’re comfortable, you’re relaxed, and you remember to kick. show less

Time Machine
4.0 out of 5 stars I Am Buying A Second Book..., May 12, 2005

I see that there has been a great deal written pro and con about this book. Let me then say just a little more in its favor as well as say why I am buying a second book for my family.

In its favor: We have quite a few baby/toddler/preschooler books on our shelves but this remains one of my favorites for the first year. The main reason is it's readability. It is easy to read and reread-which is something first-time show more moms tend to do (or at least it's what I did). In particular, I was absorbed by the milestones; alternately pleased or concerned as the months came and went. But what fun to be able enjoy this new aspect of life with my babies.

Book 2 Project: One of things I did as the months passed was to write down when my children reached their milestones. I am buying another book in order to copy my remarks so that I will have one to give to each of my children so that when they have their own babies they can compare and contrast their children's development with what is written in their personal books.

Summary: not all of the information in What to Expect is without controversy. Personally, I don't think that there is anything wrong with the family bed and extended breast feeding. We did one but not the other. In any case, my advice would be to not let any single book be your only source of information. Read, read, read. Go to the library with your newborn. A good habit to develop for later on. Include a healthy dose of Brazelton, Sears, Leach and even Spock in your diet.

And don't be afraid to add this excellent book to your shelves. show less

I'm surprised this book doesn't have more reviews, seeing as the series is mandatory reading for all new parents. Like its predecessor, the main section of the book is divided into chronological sections, taking each new month in a child's life and focusing on the benchmarks and questions associated with that time.

But why am I explaining the content of this book? Pretty self-explanatory. The real question for a nonfiction selection like this is whether it is useful.

Yes, yes it is. With the show more thorough index and table of contents, you can find almost any information on typical first year issues and problems with kids. The text is very accessible and user friendly. I read it all the way through, because I am compulsive like that, but I can continue to use it as a reference now, just looking up the section I need. With more children on the way I plan to use this book time and again.

If you have special concerns, this book probably won't address them, definitely not in depth, and I wouldn't rely on this exclusively - it's never a good idea to use just one reference guide. For a good overview of typical parenting issues during the first year, this book is indispensable. You can go without it, but why would you want to? show less

Complete beyond the point of usefulness

I believe this is pretty much a complete book about pregnancy. It is addressed to both moms and dads. It's an alright book, it is meant for everyone, so you probably won't go terribly wrong picking it up.

And that is also it's fault: it is for everyone.

"What to Expect..." will address every possible situation and will cater to every opinion. Everything is possible, nothing is wrong, there are only opinions, everything is normal. So you will come across show more statements like this (paraphrasing):

"In the 3rd month you might get morning sickness. Which is not necessary in the morning, nor must it be real sickness. Don't worry, this is normal. Although some women don't go through this. If you are one of them, don't worry. That is also normal, just enjoy your pregnancy!"

The book is riddled with bad puns and not because of a weird sense of humour the author might have - it's because simple wordplay is for everyone. And the goal is to appeal to the lowest common denominator. You will get entire pages dedicated to the use of drugs during pregnancy. Again, there is no judgement. Nothing is completely wrong. You should give up on drugs. You might consider drinking less. If you are a victim of domestic violence, you should probably seek help.

This is usually dubbed "America's Pregnancy Bible", but I believe that is only applicable to the thickness of the book. "What to Expect..." is unopinionated and for everyone. show less