Amber Smith (1) (1982–)

DNF @ 40%

The way Amber Smith has marketed this book is so bizarre to me. It feels extremely tone-deaf and unnecessary to write a second chance romance centered around a traumatized rape victim while they continue to navigate healing from their assault by pursuing a toxic relationship. The Way I Used to Be worked well as a standalone and I appreciated the way Smith demonstrated the ways in which SA victims experience lasting symptoms of emotional and psychological trauma but to continue the show more story in an effort to give Eden and Josh a "fair shot at a healthy relationship" feels so gross. The promotional content for this book honed in so heavily on the second chance trope aspect of this book, it almost feels as if the SA was set up as some kind of pity porn in order to catalyze the romance... I can't bring myself to sit through the rest of the audiobook. show less

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Honestly, I'm not sure many books have tugged at my heartstrings in the way this one has. It was deep, profound, and utterly heart wrenching.

At 14 years old, Eden was raped by her older brothers best friend. Kevin had been a fixture in her family's life for years, a second brother to Eden, trusted and loved. The book follows the roughly three years following the assault as Eden attempts to navigate this new world of "after" that show more has shattered her life, and is told in four parts, Freshman, Sophomore, Junior, and Senior, as Eden attempts to silently bear her burden. The effect on her relationships, both old and new as well as her sense of self is challenged as Eden slowly evolves into someone unrecognizable from the girl she was before the assault.

Everyone should read this book, boys and girls alike. It was so raw and gut wrenching and unfortunately all too common in our world today, and seemed to tell a story that is so often unspoken or quieted. Watching Edens spiral downward was emotional for me as a reader, I found myself setting the book down more than once to just stop and feel. Amber Smith perfectly captured the gravity of the subject matter with her prose and tone, the pages simply radiated emotion. To see Eden feel so betrayed by her own body and feelings, doubting her self worth and building that steel wall around her heart and mind, so heartbreaking. I don't think I've ever wanted to jump into the pages of a book more to rescue someone from themselves. One by one she destroyed every relationship of meaning, most heartbreakingly the one with herself. Without giving away the ending, I'll just say that Amber Smith really did the characters justice with the conclusion and I felt so proud of Eden for her courage. It was interesting to see the ripple effect throughout the book and all the various characters who were in some way indirectly affected by the assault. Alice Smith sends a powerful message with this book, one that I think everyone needs to hear. It is never your fault, someone will believe you, and have courage. show less

Originally posted here

I am really emotionally affected by this book. Eden's story is powerful because it echoes many similar atrocities experienced by women worldwide. The fear of being doubted and slut shamed by society are some of the main reasons many survivors do not come forward. The Way I Used to Be invokes hard questions about the world we live in.

Eden's negative transformation is sparked by the sexual assault by her brother's best friend and the subsequent way she is affected is show more pretty textbook. Drugs, check. Hyper sexuality, check. It was really tragic just to see Eden blame and hurt herself. The way her family and friends reacted to her sudden change of personality was abysmal and the whole situation just felt very realistic. The price Eden ultimately paid for silence was steep and she found herself unable to have a normal relationship with members of the opposite sex.

I was satisfied by the resolution to this story, I think The Way I Used to Be is a great book to start conversations about a lot of issues affecting teens. I would have liked to have seen Eden's journey healing from her experience and how she ultimately finds the strength to move on but that could probably be the subject of a whole other book. show less

From the opening paragraphs, you quickly become aware that something is terribly wrong. Then the realization. When what you could have been is suddenly ripped away from you and you’re filled with self loathing and anger, it changes who you were meant to be. This is a story for all the women who’ve put up with unwanted advances or touches, who’ve been intimidated, held down, or violated and have lived to continue on. It is a voice for those who don’t have one yet, for those who live show more their nightmare in silence, because there is hope in the telling.
Within this destruction though, is also the story of one girl’s fight for survival, her spiral downward and the eventual rock bottom that finally gets her the help she needs. Even as I was begging for her to “SAY SOMETHING! TELL SOMEONE!!”, the story unfolded as it should, and I was happy to have a sequel to continue with. Well done this, through the tears and laughter from the characters, and myself, a true survival and coming into oneself novel. show less