Sara Zarr

Thanks to the author & HarperCollins Children’s Books for a gifted copy. All comments and opinions are my own.

I truly enjoyed this poignant, honest, and beautifully written story about a seventh grader who is an only child of a single mom in recovery. The story is told in the first person, which provides evocative realism as Kyra worries about her mom’s sobriety.

In addition to worrying about her mom, Kyra has several issues she’s dealing with, so she reminds herself “It’s okay to show more dream and have hope.” Then she thinks: “But it’s hard to dream and have hope when your best friend has new best friends who don’t even know her, and your mom might be relapsing but you’re afraid to ask, and the one person you mostly want to talk to is the same one with all those new best friends.”

The story focuses on the concerns of middle grade issues – popularity, friendships, clothing, body image, bullying, homework. Kyra is old enough to be home alone, but at the same time she still needs more supervision and reassurance than her mother provides. In fact, she realizes that she is often the one caring for her mother – preparing meals and grocery shopping, reminding her mom to charge her phone, waking her up in the mornings. On some level she knows this isn’t how her life should be, with her taking on so many adult responsibilities.

I liked the way the author uses the cooking analogy to describe Kyra’s wish for order and predictability. When she cooks, she says “I clean up first. That’s how real chefs do it: they start with a clean kitchen and keep a tidy work area. Also, they lay out all the ingredients instead of taking them out as they go. You don’t want to find out halfway through a recipe you don’t have everything you need. I wish life could be like that. With a tidy system and a way to make sure you have what you need for any given situation and a clean area before and after.”

Kyra’s voice stayed in my head both while reading the novel as well as after I finished. The author writes from personal experience, which gives the story authenticity and will resonate with its intended young audience as well as adults.

I'm an enthusiastic fan of Sara Zarr and couldn't wait to read this book from the time I first heard about it. In the interest of full disclosure, I have known Sara since she was ten years old. I hope my five-star rating encourages you to read this powerful yet sensitive story of a young girl learning about herself, life, and family. show less

Seventh grader Kyra shoulders a lot of responsibility. Her mom, Meg, has been sober for about five years, but Kyra still does her best to take care of her mom - making sure she has her phone charger, packing her snacks and water, making sure she wakes up on time, and even sometimes helping with her Meg the Maid cleaning services. Meanwhile, Kyra worries that something is off with her mom lately, and something is definitely off with her best friend Lu, who has become friends with some eighth show more graders and doesn't seem eager to bring Kyra into their social group. (Lu's dad is an alcoholic, also; Lu and her older sister Casey live with their mom and stepdad Steve, who is Kyra's mom's old friend.) Kyra, Casey, and Lu all attend a support group for kids of alcoholics, and group helps, but when Meg stops going to her own groups and stops talking to her sponsor, Kyra knows something is wrong - and she's right.

Achingly realistic portrayal of what kids of alcoholics live with, as well as how friendships change in middle school. But Kyra does have help and support, and Meg resolves to recover from her "slips."

Quotes

I used to like it when Mom would say aloud what I was thinking in my head. It was like she was in my thoughts with me. Lately I don't like that so much. I want to have my thoughts and feel like they're all mine instead of as though we're always sharing them. (24)

HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (avoid getting into emotional topics) (29)

"I love you, honey."
She does? How? She doesn't know me. (phone call with Grandma, 61)

It's just a bad feeling, watching your best friend become best friends with someone else, and being too scared of pushing them away even more to say anything about it....It feels like a secret we both know but won't say. (84)

Is life never fun for her now that she doesn't drink? I mean, it's not that fun for me, either, but not every day can feel like vacation. (120)

In group we've talked about trying not to interpret silence, that just because someone is quiet doesn't mean anything bad....The other thing I know from group is that it's not my job to change someone else's mood. (126)

The worry is a fruit fly that keeps reappearing after I thought I killed it. (144)

"I don't think people know how much better it feels to just talk about the one thing you're not supposed to talk about." (Owen, at group, 180)

"No one person can be everything. We all need enough people who are each good at being a friend in their own way. No one has to be the best." (Mom to Kyra, 189) show less

Poor Sam. She needed a hug throughout almost this entire book, and not the one-armed youth leader kind. She sufferes from knowing a lot of people but being close to very few. She's also dealing with the absence of her mother, and her mother's long-time alcohol abuse, all alone. Her dad doesn't want to talk about the situation, or at least he doesn't want to talk about it with Sam, and Sam can't talk to anyone else about it either, not even her best friend Vanessa, without hurting her show more father's reputation. They just keep telling people her mom is "sick" and not letting anyone in the house. Luckily for Pastor Charlie's image, no one wants to come over anyway since it's August and their air conditioner is broken. When Jody is kidnapped, Sam is clearly upset (she's mad at life, not heartless), but it does give her something besides her mother and crumbling family to focus all of her energy/super-power-strength-worrying-skills on.

It's when the youth group is all gathered praying for Jody's safe return that Sam realizes that she doesn't know anymore if anyone's listening. How could a just and loving God let Jody be kidnapped? How could He let Sam flounder through her life feeling so abandoned and alone? Sam struggles through this by herself as well. A daughter who may have lost her faith could be more damaging to Pastor Charlie's reputation than a wife in rehab. But Sam's doubt isn't a rejection of God. She desperately wants to feel the closeness and comfort that her youth group friends feel, especially when she has such a lack of both in her day-to-day life. She just can't muster it, and so she feels isolated and wrong. Though Sam's situation would undoubtably be helped by talking to her church friends or youth leader, the fact that she doesn't feel she can go to them is ultimately realistic. Even if she had sought guidance, this is something so personal that she has to deal with it alone.

And she does, with the search for Jody, a budding relationship with Nick, fights with Vanessa, and unreturned voicemails left for her mother all buzzing in the background.

Though it is a heavy read, I highly recommend Once Was Lost, especially for regular youth group attendees.

Book source: Philly Free Library show less

Sara Zarr is fast becoming one of my most favorite authors.

Where [a:E. Lockhart|173491|E. Lockhart|http://d.gr-assets.com/authors/1267209040p2/173491.jpg](I hate comparing authors by the way) is also writing realistic contemporary young adult fiction but doing it in a humorous light-hearted way, Zarr approaches darker topics and writes in a very emotionally compelling way. I love both Zarr and Lockhart and despite that they are both writing in the same "genre" it is hard to imagine they are show more actually writing in the same genre. If that makes any sense .... but both authors bring such a realistic flavor and almost tangible reality to their books that it does seem they are contempories of each other.

How To Save a Life centers around three women -- a high school daughter (Jill), a widowed mother, and a pregnant high school drop out (Mandy) hoping to give her baby up for adoption to the widowed mother. Jill's father recently passed away suddenly and his loss has left a huge hole in her life and her mother's life. Jill is hurting, has alienated her friends and boyfriend and is maybe interested in a different boy. In contrast, Mandy has been mistreated and neglected by her mother and others all of her life. Mandy has a dark secret and is running from her mother. Each woman is struggling and suffering, but the girl in this story that truly needs saving is Mandy.

The story begins with Jill judging Mandy and hating her. She sees what she wants to see, she judges Mandy for being less educated and seemingly simple. Mandy is desperate to fit in, to be wanted but is convinced she is unwanted. She is struggling with her love for her unborn baby and her belief that she will be a useless mother.

How to Save a Life had me crying at points. It had me unable to turn off the audio book (the narration is great). It had me pondering the effect that parents have on their children even with the smallest interactions. It had me thankful for my bed, my couch, the food in my refrigerator and my mother. We see Mandy's amazement at a leather couch, a soft clean bed, and a refrigerator full of food. And it had me wondering -- how I can help kids who are abused and neglected in the way that Mandy was.

But don't worry, I think if you don't want to be emotionally affected this is still just a good story to listen to or read. If you want the deeper message, it is there. Zarr is great at exploring issues of sexuality and teens. I cannot wait to read her other books. show less