Jonathan Van Ness

Summary: Sully is all but out of their small town of Hearst, Pennsylvania. An internship with a fashion influencer secured in New York City, they’ve sold their car, quit their thrift store job, and are ready to ditch the isolation of being one of the only openly queer people in a conservative town for the glitz, glam, and freedom of the big city. Then, day of, their flight is canceled and they’re told, actually, they will not be needed. Sully is crushed, furious, and, worst of all, show more confronted with their lack of a plan B. Crawling back to the thrift store they love to beg for a job back while they reassess their whole future, Sully finds first that their job has already been filled, then that a vintage, luxury handbag worth enough to set them up in New York City for months is just sitting there, going for seventy bucks.
They take it, of course, but nothing so perfect comes without a catch. When examining the bag to authenticate it, out pops the ghost of Rufus, an amnesiac drag performer from the fifties. With that Sully finds a new purpose for their summer – uncover the secrets of Rufus’ past and untimely death so he can move on and Sully can make bank selling his purse. Joining with Brad, the only other out queer kid in Hearst and the new owner of Sully’s car, (who’s looking less bland and more enticing by the day), Sully and Rufus uncover the hidden side of Hearst’s history.

Reflections: There’s so much campy fun here in Sully’s narration and this whole situation, but it gets real as well, making room for discussions of the dark parts of queer history, the weight of always sticking out and always feeling like even close friends don’t understand your identity, the judgments about who’s the “right” kind of queer.
The main throughline was about recognizing the queer community and history that exists and has existed everywhere even when hidden, divided, or suppressed. It came through most prominently in the investigation of Rufus' past which neither shied away from the horrors enacted against queer people in the recent past nor presented those times as unerringly bleak -- showing a vision of queer joy and community tucked away in unexpected places. But it also showed up in Sully's relationship with Brad. Where they had dismissed him as bland, boring "Bread" and underneath that, resented him for the traits that made him easier to digest for cishet society (masculinity, a simple binary gender, "acceptable" interests in sports and politics, etc.), they came to see him more as a person who shares their struggles than a measuring stick for acceptability.
Throughout all this Sully's humor, wit, and occasional pettiness keeps the tone light and fun, which helps support the overall optimism of the story even in its darker moments. show less

I got the audiobook version of this and listened to Johnathan Van Ness talk at me for the whole day, and it was like spending time with a good friend. I laughed, cried and learned more about famous gymnasts and ice skaters than I anticipated.

Van Ness is a breath of fresh air who tells her truth while using her stories to bring light to injustices faced by the LGBTQ+ community and more.

Queer stories with a hint of the supernatural are one of my favorite genres. I really enjoyed the story, though i felt it took a while for the mystery to begin getting solved. Sully was a bit annoying at the beginning, but i loved their growth throughout the story. This story makes me want to look more into the queer history (and herstory and theirstory) of my town.

This is one of those memoirs I’m grateful for, but I can’t help but wonder how much more powerful it would be if written later in life with more distance for reflection. Knowing how much Jonathan has grown professionally and personally since 2019 makes this feel like only part of the story. His voice, in narration and perspective, is unmistakable and engaging. The book opens with the fear that we wouldn’t love him if we knew more, setting the stage for some dark personal truths, and show more Jonathan delivers. His grace in reflecting on himself and his family makes him all the more lovable. My heart broke for him over and over, losing his stepfather, his HIV diagnosis, but he turns each moment into an opportunity to educate, never feeling forced. I was lucky enough to see him on tour where this book leaves off, and of course, I love him even more now! If you’re a fan or just getting curious, this one is well worth a listen. show less