Debora Harding

Debora Harding’s book “Dancing with the Octopus” is a memoir ostensibly about her horrific experience of being kidnapped and raped at the age of 14 while having a knife held to her throat. I say “ostensibly” because the backstory to this, as if it weren’t enough, was about the dysfunctional family she grew up in, most notably about her abusive mother who never did seem to be able to be the mother that Debora and her three sisters deserved. Contrast that with Debora’s complex show more and ultimately sad father who tried his entire married life to establish some sort of peace in the family while “sticking his head in the sand,” as Deborah put it, rather than confronting the damage his wife was doing. As I was reading this book five years after it first came out, I heard President Donald Trump claim that a “little fight” a man has with his wife isn’t really a crime. I mention this because in the interview with the author at the conclusion of “Dancing with the Octopus” Harding mentions the damage Trump has done with “his dismissal of assaults on women as irrelevant.” She also says, “Donald Trump and my mother are very similar in personality,” citing the inability and, in fact, participation in such assaults (note: this book was written during Trump’s first term before he was found “liable for sexual abuse” in 1996 and ordered to pay E. Jean Carroll $5 million). My only negative comment about Harding’s book is something that has become very popular in today’s memoir writing: skipping back and forth in time periods. I’m not quite sure why authors avoid chronology in favor of this type of jumping, but I find it confusing and can’t really see a reason for it other than style variety. That said, Harding is a gifted writer who showed great courage in her ability to put these horrible memories down on paper for those of us lucky enough to have grown up in [relatively] normal families. For this Debora Harding has my admiration and thanks. show less

It pains me to say that I did not like this memoir very much. Pains me because I believe it took a great deal of courage for the author to put her story out in the world. However, in many such cases, I feel strongly the motivation to help others by telling the author's story. In this case, I felt none of that, nothing insightful to guide others.

The writing is chunky; lots of skipping around in time with very short chapters. It was hard to feel any depth of emotion when constantly directed to show more "but look over here". She kept the reader at a distance. Nonetheless I was drawn into her story...it just took a long time. While reading, I was frustrated that it took a long time to discover what, if anything, her husband knew of her past trauma. It was not clear how she knew about her attacker's past actions, thoughts and feelings.

In an interview, the author disclosed that her son died at 14 in a bicycle accident. Even though he died while she was writing the book, this isn't mentioned. The fact that she was kidnapped and raped at 14 caused her additional trauma. That would have made a better, more honest, starting point and anchor for her story. show less

Debora was a child raised by a cold, possibly sociopathic but definitely alcoholic, mother. Looking for love, belonging, and acceptance, Debora finds solace in her church. This is where she finds herself, in her church parking lot just near her junior high school, one cold, snowy day, when she is abducted. It's just before Thanksgiving in 1978, in Omaha Nebraska, and life for Debora will never be the same. Her cold and dysfunctional parents expect her to carry on as usual, but she begins to show more experience PTSD from her abduction and sexual assault. Working through her trauma, Debora must come to terms with her childhood, the abduction and assault, and the fallout within her family from these occurrences. It is a story of strength, survival, and healing. show less

A "true crime" drama, a memoir of PTSD from a serious assault and family dysfunction. This ebook was riveting and hard to stop reading. It moved around in time but the transitions were always clear.

Recommended!