Richard Ferber (1)

Our baby would basically only go to sleep two ways: being nursed or moving (e.g., rocking, walking, swing, stroller, car). This meant he was co-sleeping at night and for many of his at-home naps. As he hit 25 pounds, he became impossible for me to put to sleep, as he was too big for the swing, and he was uncomfortable to carry around. But placing him in his crib for a moment resulted in tears.

After two times where he fell out of our bed after sleeping in it, we decided to do sleep training show more for his safety and health. (He was about ten months at this time.) A little bit of research, and I felt like Ferber's "graduated extinction" method seemed like a good fit for us, and the local library had his book. I'm glad I read it, because even though I had read brief explanations of the Ferber method on-line, the actual book explains why it works; the discussion of sleep associations was in particular very useful for making us understand exactly what we were doing. The first night felt rough; he took about 45 minutes of constant screaming before he fell asleep around 8:45pm, and then he woke up at midnight and didn't go back down until 4am! But subsequent nights got better, and though (I write this about two weeks in) he still cries when going into the crib, he's usually asleep before the first check, and when he wakes up crying, he puts himself back to sleep. As I guess so many parents say, we were surprised how easy it was! Hopefully he continues to improve.

The one downside is that Ferber has very little discussion of nap training, just saying to do basically the same thing as at night. On day one of nap training, we couldn't get him down for his morning nap in 30 minutes; Ferber says to give up at that point. We tried for longer that afternoon, and he took a very short one. But the next day we could not get him to nap at all and he was cranky and sleep deprived and utterly terrified of every aspect of his bedroom. Ferber provided no insight, seemingly believing your baby would catch on quickly enough that this wouldn't be an issue. Some Googling for "ferber naps" brought me a recommendation for The Sleepeasy Solution, which the library also had. It's basically an un-cited rip-off of Ferber (the authors' claim to expertise is that they're sleep consultants to famous Hollywood people, as though having been hired by Ben Stiller is somehow meaningful), but there is a more extended discussion of naps, which suggests waiting to do nap training until nighttime sleep training is well established.* I also skimmed Good Night, Sleep Tight by the self-proclaimed "Sleep Lady" who suggests that if you are delaying nap training, try to put your baby to sleep other ways than the association you are trying to break. (So we've been using the stroller during the day when we can, because the primary association we want to break is nursing in bed.)

But other than that deficiency, Ferber has been a real useful guide for us. He's matter-of-fact, thankfully not fluffy, and empirical, but he's sensitive to the emotions involved. Plus he gives you nice charts to fill out! If you think total cry-it-out is too much, and you want to understand the why of sleep training, not only the how, this is the book.

ELEVEN MONTHS LATER POSTSCRIPT: He eventually became a pro sleeper-- never crying at night, just lying down and going straight out. Naps took longer to establish, but we did get there in the end. Somewhere along the way, though, he just stopped napping in the crib, I think because it didn't happen enough to be reinforced (since he naps five out of seven days at daycare). As I write this addendum, I just checked the book back out of the library and we are implementing his strategies to reestablish nap training, and to get rid of some night waking issues that have recently emerged. Hopefully Ferber works his magic again!

* I found the book hard to take seriously when it suggested thinking really hard at your baby when he's crying it out during graduated extinction, so he can receive your good vibes. show less

Neither a warm and fuzzy book nor as mean-spirited as its critics would have you believe. While attachment parenting books tell you that leaving your child to cry even for a few minutes will damage your relationship, possibly forever, Ferber concedes that any arrangement with which both parents and children are happy is a fine one. Hard-core attachments parents won't read the book, but even parents who don't think they're comfortable with any crying may benefit from reading it. While Dr. show more Sears is a pediatrician and Elizabeth Pantley is just a mom with a good idea, Ferber is a children's sleep expert and the information about the nature of sleep is helpful as an adjunct to something like The No-Cry Sleep Solution. It's important to note that his progressive waiting approach is actually meant to be a gentler approach than true "cry it out," in which a parent simply closes the door and lets the child howl as long as it takes. show less

Could be subtitled "How To Get Out of Your Child's Way So He Can Get Some Sleep." I skipped around and read the relevant (to me) parts, mostly on sleep associations and creating healthy habits/sleep hygiene, and then bookmarked the Ferberizing chart (page 74, for those in need). By the third night, we were looking at each other and asking "was it supposed to work that easily?"

Whether or not you believe in crying it out - read this book. Ferber suggested method for breaking sleep associations is conterversial (and misrepresented) and in all honesty I am not sure it is for me. That said, I learnt more about sleep from reading this book than I did from any other book and regret neither buying nor reading it. This book goes through how to set a schedule for your child and delves into more setting more realistic expectations of sleeping hours and explains how to show more detect sleep disorders that go beyond wanting to feed at night. Do not dismiss this book off hand based on someone else opinion of CIO - this book can teach you a lot. show less