Mary V. Borhek (1922–2016)

This book is extraordinarily antiquated and relatively religious-focused (even though it passes as secular). An awful lot has happened in the 20 years since this book was published, so keep that in mind if you read it. I don't know what it's like to come out as a teenager, and I don't know what it's like to come out in a very religious, right-wing or disapproving family, but this book assumes that everybody hates gay people and that coming out will be a very difficult thing to do, and that show more all parents and loved ones will go through a period of grief after learning their son/daughter/sibling/friend is gay. The author also throws around a lot of references to God and coming out in a religious context which might be annoying if that is not an issue that you consider central in your life.

However, it does offer some interesting points to think about when you come out. These points include how to approach the topic, when to do so, how to phrase things, to consider that the reaction you get from your parents/siblings may be different from what you expect, to be patient during the entire process, and to respect (but not necessarily agree with) the reaction that you get from who you come out to.

This book also offered some interesting perspective on why people might not discover their gay identity until later in life, which is very applicable to my situation, so I appreciated that it was included. This is a topic that I find to be lacking in many books about being gay, that assume that everybody knows from a young age. It's great to have somebody acknowledge that not everybody knows they're gay from their teenage years, and it's possible, especially for women, to assume that you're straight and just doing something wrong when it comes to relationships! So as disappointing as this book was, it completely redeemed itself to me by making me feel validated as a woman questioning her sexual orientation later in life. show less