Julie Anne Peters (1952–2023)

By the time she is 15, Daelyn Rice has tried—and failed—to kill herself more times than she’d care to remember. Stuck in a neck brace and unable to speak after a botched suicide attempt, Daelyn takes comfort in Through-the-Light.com, a website for people who are extremely serious about suicide. There, Daelyn slowly reveals the years of suffering at the hands of heartless bullies that drove her to hate herself so much she wishes herself dead.

In the real world, however, there are still a show more few weeks to go before she finally “Completes.” And a dorky but endearing boy named Santana keeps trying to talk to her on the bench where she waits for her parents to pick her up every day after school. But Daelyn is hurt beyond repair. It is too late for someone to reach her…or is it?

BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I’LL BE DEAD tore my insides raw. As I read, I screamed. I cried. I threw the book across the room. I apologized and cradled it delicately in my hands. I also chuckled and fell in love with the characters, flawed as they all are. Julie Anne Peters is nearly unmatched when it comes to writing about difficult, taboo, controversial, and absolutely necessary subjects, and her latest book is a terrifying masterpiece that deserves to find its way into everyone’s hands.

Daelyn is not an easily likable protagonist. I hope to God that very few of us out there can actually understand where she is coming from, a dark and frightening world so terrorized, so beaten, so loveless that, for her, suicide is a form of salvation. And yet, as she slowly reveals to us her bullied past, we invariably find ourselves at once within her, shocked into silence at what we experience being her, and at her side, emotionally invested in attempting to give her hope. It’s a powerful duality of readers’ position that only the most skilled of novelists can achieve.

And indeed, Julie Anne Peters’ incredible writing skills are brilliantly showcased in this book. Daelyn’s voice is cynical and snarky without being overwhelmingly pity-inducing. Peters’ prose is short, to the point, and lyrically sweet. Sometimes succinctness is the greatest form of power.

I can’t end this review without pointing out how absolutely lovely Santana is—but I’ll let you find that out for yourself. Needless to say, I wish I could place a copy of this book into the hands of everyone between the ages of 12 and 18. Perhaps if everyone were allowed this candid look into Daelyn’s hurt, bullying and suicide—bullycide—would be hopefully less of a terrifyingly real problem. show less

Like Laurie Halse Anderson's "Wintergirls," Julie Anne Peters' "By the Time You Read This, I'll be Dead" is an emotional and intense read. The story is told from the point-of-view of Daelyn, a teen who has tried and failed to commit suicide multiple times in the past and who joins a secret website dedicated to helping it's members find the willpower to take their own lives. The book is a countdown (23 days total) until Daelyn plans to make another attempt, with the intention of succeeding show more this time. Slowly the reader begins to see why Daelyn is in so much pain; the constant bullying from her peers at school and online and her belief that her parents, despite their very obvious concern, would be better off without her. However, there is a shred of hope in the form of Santana, a quirky home-schooled boy who is drawn to Daelyn and reaches out to her, in spite of her consistently cold rejection of him.

This novel is extremely difficult to read. The extent to which Daelyn takes her self-loathing and the torment she experiences at the hands of her peers is painful. Yet teen suicide is a major issue today, especially with regards to its realtionship with bullying, and Peters addresses this topic honestly and unflinchingly. Teens in the latter half of high school might want to read "By the Time You Read this I'll be Dead" and it could be beneficial for them to know they are not alone. However, this book might want to be read under the supervision an adult, as discussing its contents seems necessary.

***Spoiler Alert***

Perhaps one of the most difficult and upsetting aspects of this novel is the ending. It is unclear whether or not Daelyn goes through with her plan and attempts suicide again. Although this is probably the more realistic way to finish the story, it is hard to relinquish the hope that Santana has had an impact on Daelyn and that she has begun to heal. show less

Luna is a transgender girl at the tail end of high school. She's a computer genius, managing to earn an evidently substantial income from doing computer work on the side. She lives with her younger sister, Regan, and her parents. Dad is a former jock, working for Home Depot. Mom is a self-centered almost prescription drug addict. And Luna is not out. With the exception of her sister Regan, she is known by her given name, Liam, and is known as a boy. To everyone.
What makes this book a little show more different than the bulk of transgender themed middle grade or teen books out there now (and there have been many of late) is that Luna is not the narrator or the protagonist. That would be Regan, the sister. There is a great deal about Luna's need to be her true self; but the story line is more focused on Regan, and how constantly worrying about her brother/sister is affecting her own life. She has a boy interested in her, and she wants desperately to date him, but in one way or another, Luna keeps inadvertently getting in the way. Regan feels she can't ever really live her own life, because she's always obsessing about Luna/Liam.
I wanted a more dynamic conclusion to the book than I got, but otherwise, a good read on a relevant subject, from a different perspective than most of the other books in the genre. show less

I adored this book when I first read it. It touched on so many themes and managed to subvert a lot of tropes. I was really impressed. When Mike debated what to do with her future, I rolled my eyes and muttered away, bossing around a book character. When that happens, it just means I'm really into a book and I really care. I was glad when Mike did what I wanted, although her method of reaching the decision broke my heart. I hated her love interest with a passion, but I wanted Mike to be show more happy. I laughed when her love interest chanted along with the crowd at her game--you hate baseball and this small town, but look at you, going along with the crowd. I liked Mike's relationship to her older brother, and I remember thinking I wouldn't mind reading a book from his perspective. I thought the mom was kinda--she wasn't really a big character in the book. Sure, Mike worried about her, but it was her -brother- that was close to her mom and handled a lot of the things around her. That really interested me. And the tropes the book played into--they were done right. I'm so glad this book was written. show less