Judith Frank

When I read a book this wonderful, I always wish I had more of a way with words, so I could do the book justice. I desperately want to convey the essence of this book to you so that you can share the love and awe I feel for it. I’m not someone who always loves flawed characters. I sometimes even find them annoying. But in this book, when I say the characters are flawed, what I mean is that they are created with flaws and strengths and likes and dislikes and feelings that are so believable show more and so self-consistent that it seems they could step off the page. I thought the author also did an incredible job showing that gay couples are just like any other couple without diminishing the extra pressures put on their relationship by the prejudices some people have towards gay couples.

At first, I wasn’t sure I liked Daniel very much, but as we get into the story and share his perspective, my heart ached for both halves of this struggling couple. The author flowed seamlessly between their perspectives, as well as the perspective of their adopted daughter. Throughout the book, the author connects what’s happening to Matt and Daniel back to greater issues, such as the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and gay rights. She made me do a lot of thinking about these issues but I never felt that she was moralizing at me. Instead she just gave these issues a human face. I think there are parts of this book which could make many people uncomfortable, including some (necessary) description of the characters’ sex lives and perhaps the characters’ views on Israel. I think that’s a good thing though, making this a book which will push peoples’ boundaries. It’s also moving and beautiful and so, so wonderful. Even if you’re nervous about the topic, perhaps especially if you’re nervous about the topic, I highly encourage you to give All I Love And Know a chance.

This review first published at Doing Dewey. show less

If Jodi Picoult were a Jewish lesbian, she might have written All I Love and Know, which packs multiple issues into a well-written story of love, gay rights, parenting, and the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. I had a little trouble with the author's frequent head-hopping; the POV shifts quickly and without warning, sometimes several times on the same page. But I was engrossed by the portrayal of characters thrust into a situation they never expected and are woefully unprepared to confront. Of show more the two gay men who suddenly become parents, Matt is the more sympathetic one, even if he is a tad narcissistic and makes some ill-advised choices. Daniel is wracked with grief at the loss of his twin brother, but he is such a prick to Matt for so long that he almost completely lost my sympathy. But my heart completely went out to six year old Gal, who barely has the words or emotional capacity to deal with the loss of both of her parents and a move to a different continent. Frank does a great job of showing how, over the course of one year, she gradually starts to heal.

The Holocaust survivor Israeli grandparents (wouldn't they be too old to have been the parents to Daniel's sister-in-law Ilana?) and the clingy American grandparents are slightly stereotypical but are given a few moments to show they are real human beings coping with tragedy as best they can.

The author presents both sides of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, but her strong liberal politics and pro-Palestinian stance may upset some readers.

All in all, an engrossing and powerful read. Highly recommended. show less

There is so much about All I Love and Know. It is not just a story about a gay couple becoming parents. It is not just about a Jew and a Christian couple trying to reconcile their differences. It is not just about the ongoing Israeli/Palestinian conflict. It is not even solely about the loss of a beloved brother and the gap that leaves in a family. It is an amalgam of all of these scenarios and more. To separate out the story into its parts means to lose other key elements of Matt and show more Daniel’s relationship, to trivialize the various hardships of the characters, and to simplify a scenario that is anything but simple. One must take the good with the bad, the controversial topics with the safe, and look upon Daniel’s and Matt’s story as the sum of its parts.

The sum of All I Love and Know is a complex, eye-opening story about the issues gay couples face as couples and parents, the ongoing struggles for acceptance, and the compromises they must make to achieve a semblance of normalcy in a world not quite ready to accept them with open arms. More importantly, it is a story of grief and love. The loss of his twin leaves Daniel reeling in unimaginable ways that have deep-seated consequences for their future, just as Matt’s ambiguous role within the family leaves him struggling to find an acceptable balance between his own grief and his support of Daniel and his loved ones. It is a fascinating dichotomy, one that threatens to tear them apart rather than bring them together as parenthood should.

Daniel and Matt are an adorable couple, but they are also very real. Each is highly flawed, opinionated, unwilling to compromise, and completely lost in the new roles into which they are thrust. There is a beautiful gentleness to them both which endears them to readers even when their behavior is questionable. While they are without doubt the main characters of the story, there is an aspect of the underdog about them both, as if to say that even though they have come so far and overcome so many obstacles to obtain happiness together, the universe is not quite done stacking the deck against them. It is as if someone or something wants them to fall apart as a couple rather than live happily ever after. Their battle against these unknown factors is what makes the story so poignant.

All I Love and Know is not an easy novel to read. The frank nature of Matt and Daniel’s life together may cause conservative readers to squirm. Also, Ms. Frank does not shy away from controversial topics or sharing her strong opinions about such topics through her characters. However, in so doing, she forces her readers to learn more about a certain topic, to form an opinion, and to become actively engaged in the story. One can read and love ALL I LOVE AND KNOW without having to agree with Ms. Frank’s political statements because her ultimate goal is not to win people to her side but to inform. It is a crucial distinction that still requires on open mind and open heart while reading.

For all of its controversy, All I Love and Know is a simple and beautiful story at its core. Such emotions as grief and love transcend lifestyles and religions, something she tries to repeatedly emphasize. Matt and Daniel and their experiences together and apart in Jerusalem and the United States break down barriers and stereotypes and put the human back into humanity. It is a stunning, simple story that allows readers to ignore the intricacies of the world and focus on the quintessential core values – love and respect. show less

When I won this book for Early Reviewers, I was pretty excited because it was one of the books in the batches that intrigued me the most. It certainly did not disappoint! All I Love and Know was not the book I expected it to be; when one review on the cover spoke of it being like Jodi Picoult, I thought there would be court room drama in getting custody of the children, but the book does not end there. It goes on to deal with aftermath of a huge tragedy: the challenges of raising someone show more else's kids, the psychological and physical grieving for lost loved ones, events that morph your relationship with your significant other, and the complex relationships we all have with each other. I will say that the ending does not feel quite as natural to me as the rest of the book. However, I appreciate that the book explores the hard and harsh realities of when life does not go according to plan, and how to live after the loss of a brother, father, and son. show less