Richard Porter (1)

Drive my car
Rarely has a book been more perfectly titled than Richard Porter's "Crap Cars" (Bloomsbury, $15). The 50 cars featured each date back to their own horribly sad chapter in automotive history. Some are gone forever, some are still morosely chugging down the road, but none of them escape Porter's hilarious skewerings.

And deservedly so. The Nissan NX (No. 44) had interchangeable rear ends. The Chrysler Imperial (No. 35) was randomly dotted with so much chrome that it looks "as if it show more had been attacked by a toddler with an electrolysis kit." The Subaru XT (No. 30) offered all-wheel drive that worked only when the windshield wipers were on.

Not only cheap cars come in for teasing here. Hummers, Aston Martins, Maseratis, Jags — it seems even the luxury car-makers have a skeleton or two in their garages. Fans of a particular make and model can wail in protest — was the Volkswagen Beetle really deserving of the No. 5 spot? — but Porter shows no mercy. Bring this slim book on a road trip — the passenger can read it out loud to the driver, and in between howls of laughter, you can make a game out of spotting Crap Cars as you fly on past them. The car-crazed and the bus riders alone will cherish this little treasure.

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A witty and interesting account of the Top Gear years from long-serving script editor Richard Porter. He was an integral part of the production of the show from its revamp in 2002 to its unfortunately abrupt and engineered ending in early 2015. Consequently, he is well-placed to comment on everything that happened during that time and he is opinionated enough to have strong views on stuff but amiable enough not to come across as grumpy or biased. His chapters are topical rather than show more chronological which means there's no room for chaff or padding, which significantly enhances the flow of the book. His writing style is rather funny and reminiscent of Jeremy Clarkson's style (for example, Ben Collins' outing as the Stig "couldn't have been more newsworthy if we'd glued it to Cheryl Cole's sideboob" (pg. 123)) but this shouldn't come as a surprise as Porter wrote a lot of the words that Clarkson and co. said on television.

All this made And on That Bombshell a delight to read, and makes you remember just how good the post-2002 Top Gear was. It made some truly spectacular, hilarious and thoughtful television that appealed to a remarkably varied amount of the population. It was one of the few TV shows that embodied everything the BBC should be – popular, imaginative, genuine – which makes it even more depressing that the suits were so keen to destroy it, like a host attacking a virus. With the 'new' Top Gear being released soon (although, let's face it, Top Gear is dead and only the 'brand' name (ugh) remains), it's bittersweet to remember all that the show was. The new one is created by a bunch of faceless BBC commissars who have finally fulfilled their eternal quest to have the show presented by a woman and an ethnic minority, and hosted by the professionally-zany Chris Evans to bring 'wackiness' and 'irreverence' and other buzzwords used in focus group agendas. What a damn shame. (Interestingly, the insufferably right-on chief exec who pursued his vendetta against Clarkson has now left for a higher-paid job in America, strangely still in demand despite sabotaging his employer's most lucrative and beneficial programme. What a champ.)

Porter is far more diplomatic on this subject than I am. Not only does he come down surprisingly hard on Clarkson's role in the death of Top Gear, but he also makes some respectable points about both the benefits and the niggly hindrances the BBC brought to the table. In a useful analogy, he dubs the BBC "the piece of grit in the Top Gear oyster that enabled pearls to be made" (pg. 232) and, to be sure, the love-hate dynamic with the corporation did make a telling contribution to the spirit of the show. It will be interesting to see how the dynamic with Amazon influences the new Clarkson, Hammond and May show, announced a few days ago as being titled The Grand Tour. What can be certain is that it will be a damn sight better than the zombie camel now trying to pass itself off as 'Top Gear'. And I hope Porter will be a part of it.

All in all, Porter has crafted a fine farewell to perhaps the most unique television program of our time (a better send-off than the BBC allowed Clarkson, who was banned from the studio and not allowed to film a final episode to the show he had a leading role in, garnering 350 million viewers for the BBC worldwide). Porter is funny and likeable, and in this memoir he manages to keep the obligatory gushing about what wonderful people he worked with down to a respectable minimum. He provides consistently interesting insights into the production, and I finished the book with just one unanswered question: Am I the only one who quite liked the India special? show less

I am a stark raving mad Top Gear / Clarkson, Hammond and May fan as evidenced in many previous reviews and blog posts. Well, perhaps not totally. I don’t own every single DVD and book, I find Top Gear magazine a bit boring and I haven’t seen every episode 10 times. I have however, run after Jeremy Clarkson (I couldn’t catch him – he’s tall and I’m not that fast in heels) and searched out Hammond (couldn’t find him in a crowded room, we’re about the same height). I have met show more James May who is delightful (and obviously easy to find for short girls in high heels). One other thing I do love is the Top Gear books for kids, which are usually crazily funny. They’re often written by a fellow by the name of Richard Porter, who was the script editor for Top Gear from the old days (i.e. pre Hammond and May) until the bitter end. When I saw this book, I knew I had to read it. I gulped this book down shortly after opening the parcel. It is THE book for the Top Gear fan. It contains titbits that will delight the hard-core fan (such as what happened to Top Gear Dog) and the person who just happens to hang around the TV when the show is on (what did happen to the cool wall?).

The story starts at the beginning when Top Gear was a UK ritual but on a small scale – it was a serious show with a revolving panel of presenters. Then enter some bloke called Jeremy Clarkson, who started to make things a bit more interesting. Then the show disappeared from screens, leaving the young Richard Porter without a job. He decided to start a motoring website that was tongue-in-cheek (Sniff Petrol, which is hilarious) and was later approached by Clarkson and Andy to help build a new Top Gear. The book then moves on to the first series of ‘new’ Top Gear, which was fraught with issues and dodgy BBC offices. The team aimed high and with some juggling, came back to start series 2 with a different third presenter called James May and the motoring programme went from good to bloody fantastic as we all know.

There is also background details on the ‘specials’ (yes, that number plate was an accident). I was surprised to read of Porter’s dislike for the India special, which I quite enjoyed (yes, it’s silly but it’s also very funny). How did they choose where to go? Well, you’ll just have to read to find out. Porter also questions whether Top Gear jumped the shark (this always seems to be topic of hotly contested debate on any of the forums) and gives examples where that might nearly have happened. He also explains how you can’t make any form of television that doesn’t have some form of script. Plus, there’s also how you call up companies and ask to borrow a car – it was very funny to see the different responses as the show progressed.

And on That Bombshell will delight all Top Gear fans. It would also be a pretty nifty Christmas present for the fan in your house, as everybody else would pick it up for a read and then want to watch all the series all over again. It would entertain bookworms to the casual reader, plus there’s some great behind the scenes photos. If you consider yourself a fan, or have voted for Clarkson/Hammond/May in a ‘weird crush’ poll (all of them have won this title once), or just want to keep your dad out of the kitchen this Christmas, buy this book. You will not be disappointed!

Thanks to Hachette for the copy of this book.

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In my attempt to capture everything of the Clarkson/Hammond/May Top Gear years, I had to have this book. Why? It has the words ‘literally’ and ‘exploding’ on the cover. It’s also written by Richard Porter, who authors some pretty funny stuff. But this is not reeaaaaaalllllllly about Top Gear itself, it’s more of a self-depreciating humorous look at Britain with some pictures of the trio and the odd car or three. It’s definitely funny in places, but I don’t think it’s a show more definitive must buy for the hard-core Top Gear fan.

It’s also a bit confusing as to who is the audience for this book. Top Gear merchandise spans a wide range of ages, from picture books and dot to dot to books with no pictures for adults. I can see a Top Gear fan who doesn’t read all that much enjoying this book, any British person who enjoys a laugh at the vagaries of their country or teenage boys having fun. I guess it carries on the fact that Top Gear is quintessentially British, from James May’s endless cups of tea to Jeremy’s Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag. There’s no in depth look at any particular cars but rather an A to Z of Britain, starting with A1, The and ending with Zesty. It’s light hearted and gives you a giggle or three. There’s few digs at Australian and British rivalry in sport and comparisons between the British and other European nations. One thing that annoyed me was the crazy stock pictures – I don’t know why, it’s not logical! More Top Gear pics please!

It’s an easy read, and one I picked up on late nights or while grabbing a bite to eat. It would be a good rainy day read or for someone who doesn’t read that much.

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