Fritz Lang (1890–1976)

This film is a lesson to the wise. Sometime in your life, accidentally or not, you may kill someone. So now, while you have plenty of time (I hope), you need to plan on how to dispose of the body. You'll need to have a primary method and at least one backup. For example, how long can you really count on an anchor to keep that body under the river? Maybe some rocks would help. And of course, you'll need to keep some sort of bag on hand for the body--some kind that won't rot in the water and show more come apart, exposing the--BODY!! You will want to hide this sack. Perhaps inside another sack. And PLEASE DON'T HAVE IT MONOGRAMMED! I know what you're thinking, but buying a wood chipper will look suspicious.

Why can't you appreciate your nice wife? She really wants to have a successful marriage, and even though she thinks your brother is a lot nicer than you are, all it will take is a few kind words to turn her around. Surely you can think of some. You're a writer!

Okay. Don't listen to me. Be crucified!

And, for god's sake, don't tell anyone your wife is having a baby when she isn't.

P.S. Curtains can be dangerous. show less

A criminal genius uses his mind-control powers to cheat at cards.

Wait, the criminal mastermind's great scheme is to... cheat at cards? He can control people's minds, he has a gang at his disposal, he's a master of disguise, and he uses all this to cheat at cards. And, naturally, when various unrelated people start losing at cards, the state prosecutor diverts all his attention to this important case. What the hell. It's good for 3 or 4 (out of 12!) acts, near the end - when Mabuse finally show more starts fighting. But then there's the other 3½ hours of the movie. It's the kind of corny, serial-ish writing that might be fun despite itself in a 90 minute movie. But this is 4½ hours long. Sinister raised eyebrows are fun and all, but after a few hours they do start to get tedious...

Concept: B
Story: F
Characters: B
Dialog: C
Pacing: D
Cinematography: A
Special effects/design: A
Acting: C
Music: C

Enjoyment: C minus

GPA: 2.3/4 show less

A mad queen uses Atilla the Hun to avenge her husband's death.

Action-packed - about half the movie is one big battle. And Kriemhild, who wasn't much of a character in the first movie, is iconic in this one (or would be if more people saw this movie).

Concept: A
Story: B
Characters: B
Dialog: C
Pacing: C
Cinematography: B
Special effects/design: B
Acting: C
Music: B

Enjoyment: C plus

GPA: 2.7/4

A woman challenges Death for the life of her fiancé.

It's divided into five segments, each with a distinct tone. The first three are pretty good - first a folktale-ish horror story, followed by a couple adventure-packed melodramas. Then it goes suddenly and horrendously racist. After that, returning to the original story for its conclusion, I'd completely lost interest in the movie. Sadly, one part bad movie plus four parts good movie adds up to one bad movie.

Concept: A
Story: D
Characters: show more D
Dialog: D
Pacing: C
Cinematography: A
Special effects/design: B
Acting: C
Music: B

Enjoyment: C minus

GPA: 2.3/4 show less