Derek White

I wanted to like this book. I really did. A new world filled only with magical people transplanted from Earth. they use their powers openly and everyone is equal and gets along. But someone is stealing their powers and it's up to one woman and her unicorn familiar to figure out who it is and how to stop them.

the premise is good. I described the book to a few people and they were right into it.

but then you start reading it. And it's okay the first few pages. a little clunky and weird show more dialogue formatting but you can get passes that. As the story progresses though? you realize that all the characters talk the same way. there is no distinctive voice. And it's wooden and it seems the author wants to get info across to the reader so someone asks a question that just reads awkward. Also it is over explained. there are various levels of magic and the system on how to progress is explained at least 5 times in the first 100 pages. there are also various love stories with instant "I love this person fully for the rest of my life" and those story lines just seemed forced and unnatural.

I don't know, the whole execution of the story as a whole read like my 14 year old self's writing with no distinctive voice. it saddens me because I love the idea. I'm hoping this was the author's first novel and the writing will improve in subsequent stories. show less