Carrie Mesrobian

This book does start with sex and violence, but becomes so much more. Seventeen year old Evan has always searched for sex with no string attached. However, after an assault by an angry ex-boyfriend leaves Evan battered physically and mentally, he must reconsider how he approaches life and relationships, both romantic and not. For me, the most impressive thing about Sex and Violence is how Mesrobian portrays Evan learning to see girls and women as more than objects to get into bed, and starts show more to see them as people. She also does a fine job of portraying how Evan, who has for years specialized in needing no one, becomes part of a community where friends walk into each others' houses without knocking, albeit reluctantly at first. This is a fine, nuanced look at the issue of male sexuality and what it means to be a man in our society. show less

One of the Best Books of the Year


Trigger Warnings and Some Words about Sex in YA/NA fiction

This book addresses the aftermath of violence and sexual assault, as well as the devastating effects of PTSD. If the mentions of these topics are a potential issue for you I would caution you, but I wouldn’t discourage you from reading.

In fact, I feel this book should be on high school reading lists. It is one of the most honest and realistic depictions of teen sex (both positive and negative) I’ve show more read in a long time. When popular culture and young adult fiction are cramming romantic, and often times unrealistic, fantasies of teen sex down our throats at ever turn, I think it’s important to give kids a dose of realism.

Sex can be a lot of things. Fun, distracting, comforting, invigorating, even violent and traumatizing. It is a spectrum, ranging from beautiful to ugly. Often, especially in popular Young Adult and New Adult fiction, we only look at the two extremes of “making love” and sexual abuse. Sometimes we even see them in the same story, but rarely do I see them depicted with the honestly and realism young readers deserve.

I have nothing against escapism, but I believe it’s important to temper it with realism to foster healthy attitudes about sex and relationships. Especially, when the rates of sexual assault and abuse among teens is reaching epidemic levels. (44% of sexual assault and rape victims are under the age of 18. [source])

Sex & Violence covers the spectrum of sex, from casual hook-ups, to friendly make out sessions, and even brutal sexual assault. It also addresses the effects of sex on a young person, and creates a great opportunity to discuss sex, violence, emotional health, sexual and emotional boundaries, with young readers, be they students, siblings or your own children.

Review Proper

Evan Carter is always the New Guy. His father’s work keeps them moving all the time, all over the country, but Evan doesn’t mind (or so he claims). Being the New Guy allows him to perfect his strategy of finding the Girl Who Would Say Yes. What she’s saying yes to is, of course, sex.

See, Evan is a self proclaimed manwhore. He sleeps with a lot of girls, often deleting their phone numbers afterward. Or his father gets another assignment or job and they move to a new town with new girls who say yes. That’s his routine, his comfort zone, but everything changes when he sets his sights on Colette, his roommate’s ex-girlfriend.

This is not the same old romantic cliche about how all a promiscuous young men needs is the love of a good girl to cure him of his manwhoring ways. The world of Sex & Violence is realistic, where choices come with consequences, and how devastating they can be on everyone involved. Those consequences are what brings Evan and his father to Minnesota, to a cabin on the shore of Pearl Lake, where Evan meets a whole host of kids with their own problems and where he struggles to find find peace and to feel safe again. Through therapy and honest self examination Evan finds a the path to personal growth. Where he learns that girls and sex aren’t the answer to his problems. In fact, that meeting a great girl can sometimes makes things worse and his personal issues even more difficult to deal with.

One of the things that struck me the most about Sex & Violence was the beautifully constructed characters. From Evan and his quiet, quixotic father to Baker, the great girl next door, and even the “Stoner Guy” Jesse and Layne, Evan’s boss at the grocery store. None of them feel like characters. They feel like real people you meet throughout your life, at summer camp, while working a part time jobs or at trailer park kegger crowded with chain-smoking girls who have the scratch voices of 80 year old women.

Every inch of this story has life and authenticity, which makes it effortless to fall into. I fell hard, for Evan and the motley crue of friends, acquaintances, adults and coworkers who populate his life. Evan’s 1st person narration carried me through the story and invested me in his recovery process. It was an emotional ride, but not a melodramatic one. There’s violence, sex, arguments and breathless moments of sexual tension that left me blushing, but none of it ever seemed over the top. It felt like I was living life along side this brilliant, lonely, mixed-up young man who was so much better than he thought and deserved so much more than he had.

Sex & Violence is a journey, but much like life it ends as a new chapter in Evan’s life begins. Very much like life there is nothing tidy, romantic or simple about it. This is not a romance, or a fairy tale. Its a piece of life, in all it’s messy, beautiful wonder and it is absolutely worth your time to read it.

A bit of Feminist Fangirling and Final Thoughts

I am stunned by how many multi-dimensional, strong and complex women are in this book. Despite it being written from a male POV they still come through loud and clear. In fact, Evan’s life is populated by sexual empowered, outspoken and yet relatable women. Colette, Baker, Brenda (Baker’s mother), his own mother, even Jancita (his boss’ girlfriend and mother of his son) all have depth dimension and voices of their own. Several of the girls he’s involved with are sexually confident and one even complains that her boyfriend call her sexual aggressive.

Baker especially is opinionated and even rants about the patriarchy on several occasions, but she is no straw-feminists. In fact, her outspoken, non-stereotypical girlie girl behavior is what Evan finds attractive about her. She’s a “dork about history,” and easy to talk to, which he also sees as positives. I love how it’s the girls that challenge him, who are human beings that are most desirable to him. Which makes a lot of sense, since part of Evan’s growth is learning that other people are just as complex, flawed and fucked up as he is. This was nailed home in a scene where Evan’s uncle, Soren the very figure of masculinity and all the things Evan wants to be, but feels he can’t achieve tells him women aren’t objects and that they have minds of there own. I mean, Holy Feminist Subtext, Batman!

Sex & Violence’s take on the trauma of being the male/outside perspective of sexual assault, and how men cope the often unspoken sense of responsibility and self blame. It explores the prevalent sense of failure at not having protected the victim, that is deeply tied into cultural expectations of masculinity and strength. It also the exploration of how sex can be just as emotionally damaging for young men as it can be for women. How too often men and women use sex like a recreational drug to distract, numb or cope with other emotional traumatic issues. This is address in an honest and realistic way, with none of the typical slut shaming, abstinence propaganda or romantic fantasies that is so often employed in young adult fiction. In fact, we see how each one of those unrealistic belief systems and fantasies can be just as or even more damaging to kids.

I’ve been wanting a story like this for a long time, and as you can tell by my mile long review, it was absolutely worth the wait.

Disclaimer: I was given a free copy to read in exchange for an honest review. show less

Where to begin? Cut Both Ways is a book that I've been highly anticipating since I read the synopsis. If there's one thing that the literary world doesn't have enough of, it's books that place a spotlight on bisexuality, and how hard it must be to deal with as a teenager. Sexuality as a whole is concept that all teens deal with, whether their parents acknowledge it or not. I can only sit back and wonder what it must be like to realize that there are feelings there, for both sexes, and not show more knowing what to do about it. Carrie Mesrobian was brave enough to tackle this, and I really wanted to see how it all turned out.

Now, I think I need to premise this whole review with the fact that I strongly believe every reader deserves the opportunity to know what to expect before they get involved in a new story. I always appreciate authors who note trigger warnings and explicit content. Since I didn't know ahead of time that Cut Both Ways was going to be fairly explicit, I want to warn anyone else who has this on their TBR. There is a lot of sex in this story. There is sex between two males, and sex between a male and a female. It isn't always safe sex. There is no mention of the possibility of STDs, although pregnancy is mentioned. In truth, as a reader who reads all age groups of books, I would place this story more in the NA category than in YA. Some of these scenes are described in great detail.

On to characters. Will is truthfully still an enigma to me, even after finishing this book. See, our narrator doesn't actually tell his story. It's more like we're treated to an uncut stream of consciousness as it pours out of his brain. There are times where I appreciate this kind of raw story telling. It's often the best way to express real feelings. Where Will is concerned though, the problem is that he isn't only dealing with his sexuality. He's dealing with an alcoholic father. With an overbearing mother. With a step-father who treats him as though he doesn't exist. Will's thoughts became this huge, tangled mess that I had soon had problems pushing through. I wanted to feel for him. I wanted to understand him. I just couldn't find a foot hold. I felt more love for Brandy and Angus, than I did for Will. The two of them had their own problems, but they at least they had a better idea of what they were striving for.

What really pushed me away from this book though, is the way that bisexuality ultimately ended up being portrayed. I'll be the first to admit that it's easy for the teenage brain to focus on sex. It's fresh, it's new. Most of the time it's taboo. It didn't surprise me at all that Will couldn't separate his feelings for Brandy from the ones he felt for Angus. One he shouldn't want, the other he should, and yet both felt right. The big problem was that there were no actual relationships. Being with both of them, at least from the way that the story was focused, was more about casual sex. Feeling good. None of the work, all of the pleasure. If we're focusing on bisexuality, and trying to push it into the spotlight as being just as important as someone being gay, why trivialize it with casual sex? It makes being bisexual feel like just an easier way to find sex, and that's just not okay.

Apologies for the long review. I put a lot of thought into all my feelings about this book before I sat down to write this, and I'm still not sure I accurately expressed everything that I'm feeling. The bottom line is that I truly believe bisexuality is an important topic. I think it's something that teens need access to, in a way that makes them feel understood. Carrie Mesrobian has the right idea. I just really wish it would have been executed better. show less

I have been looking forward to reading this book, but I have to say, I was a bit disappointed.

While I was thrilled to see a book about a character that might be bisexual (I say might because the character never chooses to give himself a label), I was saddened to see his cavalier attitude towards cheating.

If this book were about a young guy dating one girl and seeing another girl... people would be all up in arms about him cheating.

Really...what the main character is being is disrespectful. show more

There's absolutely nothing wrong with experimenting... but be open about it!

I really wanted to like Will. There was a lot going on in his life... things that would challenge anyone. But, the fact that he wasn't being honest with a single individual in his life made it difficult. show less