Kate Carroll de Gutes

This collection of 29 memoir/essays won both the Oregon Book Award in literary arts and a Lambda award and it is clear why. Kate Carroll de Gutes has a deft hand with her memories, paring away what is extraneous to reveal crystal-clear insight into the hazards of growing up butch and the continual process of coming out. Her pieces on marriage ending rang true for me, although she was faced with the response, "But it's not a REAL divorce, right?" and I never had to confront that particular sharp prejudice. Her essays on aging parents feel fresh--and painful. But there are also plenty of moments of humor. You want to spend time with this woman after reading her work: can't we have a cup of coffee and talk some more?

Her bold approach has encouraged me to be more courageous in my own writing, and that is a tremendous gift for one writer to hand another.

I did wish for a table of contents, which would have aided me as I hunted for the titles of the essays I loved best, which include the wonderfully named "Sir Ma'am Sir:Gender Fragments" and "Can You Hear Me in That Closet You're In?" and "Yellow Sorrow". And the brief pieces with a focus on clothing did little for me. But those are minor quibbles. Overall, highly recommended!… (more)

In 2016, Kate Carroll de Gutes won the Oregon Book Award, for Creative Nonfiction, and a 2016 Lambda Literary Award for memoir. I totally enjoyed that memoir Objects in Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear which is a collection of short essays, that link together as a whole. This book has the same structure; a group of short essays or prose pieces about a year of de Gutes' life; the year that her mother best friend and mother all died within 10 months.

I didn't think this book was as good, the essays can be uneven. But there are some real gems in here, honest and vulnerable. This one is from "Death is Like This"

"Death is like this: it's exhausting is what it is. It's sitting at your kitchen table at 6:30 am, because you can't sleep. Your middle sister, Sue, is propped up on one elbow, sprawled across your Ikea sleeper sofa, her makeup from the day before streaked across her cheeks, skin showing through in spots where her CPAP mask rubbed off the carefully layer foundation of vitamin C serum, BB cream, Bare Minerals and blush. Eyes clumpy with mascara as much from lack of sleep as from crying all the way to your house after you left your mother unconscious at the care facility.
Death is like this: two sisters drinking a pot of coffee at 6:30 in the morning, and one saying to the other, "Kate, we've got to get $15,000 out of mom's checking account before the Feds notify the bank that she's dead."… (more)

This book is stunningly honest, emotionally rich, and humorous. Kate Carrol de Gutes faces difficult truths about her past, present, and future thoughtfully and compassionately. I found myself reading and rereading sections to figure out how she delves into her own memories and lived experience with such exactness and clarity. I recommend this book highly. Read it to understand what it is like to live through loss, finding healing in moments along the way. Read it to discover the writer's rich emotional landscape that may just broaden your own. Read it to feel less alone in the world.… (more)