The Hibernator leaps into March

Hi! I'm Rachel, 39yo homemaker and caretaker of aging parents. I have 2 step-kids: D (9yo) and M (6yo), one biological son IL (3 months old this month). I have three cats: Myra, Puck, Hero.

My reading goal for the year is 150, including children's books for IL & my own reading.

March plans (which are very subject to change):

1. Bright We Burn, by Kiersten White - Complete
2. Much Ado About Nothing, by William Shakespeare - Complete
3. Alan Turing, by Andrew Hodges - Pearl Ruled
4. Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley - Complete
5. Oliver Twist, by Charles Dickens
6. How to Twist a Dragon's Tale, by Cressida Cowell
8. Burning Bridge, by John Flanagan - Complete
9. American Overdose, by Chris McGreal Complete
10. Washington Black, by Esi Edugyan Complete
11. The Earth Moved, by Amy Stewart Currently Reading

2019 books read

1. Grave Peril, by Jim Butcher
2. America's Champion Swimmer, by David A Adler
3. Harry the Dirty Dog, by Gene Zion
4. Brown Bear, Brown Bear What do You See?, by Bill Martin Jr and Eric Carle
5. Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed, by Eileen Christelow
6. Clifford Cares, by Normon Bridewell
7. On the Night You Were Born, by Nancy Tillman
8. Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What do You See?, by Bill Martin Jr & Eric Carle
9. Frozen: Melt My Heart
10. Where's Spot, by Eric Hill
11. The Elephant and the Bad Baby, by Elfrida Vipont
12. Tiger in my Soup, by Kashmira Sheath
13. Good Night, Alfie Atkins, by Gunilla Bergstrom
14. Bedtime for Frances, by Russell Hoban
15. The One and Only Ivan, by Katherine Applegate
16. Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne
17. Vote Loki, by Christopher Hastings
18. The Overstory, by Richard Powers
19. Rosie's Walk, by Pat Hutchkins
20. The Very Hungry Caterpillar, by Eric Carle
21. The Merchant of Venice, by William Shakespeare
22. Summer Knight, by Jim Butcher
23. Ruins of Gorlan, by John Flanagan
24. Gulliver's Travels, by Jonathan Swift
25. Between the World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates

2019 books read

26. Christopher's Garden, by Elsa Beskow
27. The Wolf, the Duck, & the Mouse, by Mac Barnett
28. Now I Rise, by Kiersten White
29. Snail Mail, by Julia Patton
30. The Tale of Emily Windsnap, by Liz Kessler
31. Madeline, by Ludwig Bemelmans
32. Worst in Show, by William Bee & Kate Hindley
33. Rise of the Earth Dragon, by Tracey West
34. Mrs. Mo's Monster, by Paul Beavis
35. Grandma's Purse, by Vanessa Brantley-Newton
36. Citizen: An American Lyric, by Claudia Rankine
37. Saving the Sun Dragon, by Tracey West
38. Bright We Burn, by Kiersten White
39. Much Ado About Nothing, by William Shakespeare
40. Secret of the Water Dragon, by Tracey West
41. The Burning Bridge, by John Flanagan
42. Emily Windsnap and the Monster from the Deep, by Liz Kessler
43. American Overdose, by Chris McGreal
44. Washington Black, by Esi Edugyan
45. Power of the Fire Dragon, by Tracey West
46. Song of the Poison Dragon, by Tracey West
47. Flight of the Moon Dragon, by Tracey West
48. Search for the Lightning Dragon, by Tracey West
49. Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley
50. Roar of the Thunder Dragon, by Tracey West

In order to increase the variety of fiction books I've read, I modified a list of genres and subgenres off of Wikipedia, and hope to read one of each. (Of course, I will read many of some.) This project started in October 2018, and I try (but will not force myself) to fill as many in as possible by the end of 2019.

Adventure novel
Romance - Much Ado About Nothing, by William Shakespeare
Historical romance –The Witch of Willow Hall, by Hester Fox
Contemporary romance
Historical fiction - The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Historical Mystery
Holocaust Novels
Prehistoric fiction
Literary fiction
Mathematical fiction
Metafiction
Slave narrative - Washington Black, by Esi Edugyan
Occupational Fiction
Political fiction - Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley
Pulp fiction
Christian fiction
Christian science fiction / fantasy
Contemporary Christian fiction
Historical Christian Fiction
Islamic fiction
Jewish fiction
Saga - The Conqueror's Saga, by Kiersten White
Fantasy
Epic / high fantasy
Ancient history fantasy
Medieval fantasy - The Ranger's Apprentice, by John Flannagan (series incomplete)
Low fantasy - The One and Only Ivan, by Katherine Applegate
Urban fantasy
Paranormal romance
Comic fantasy - Gulliver's Travels, by Jonathan Swift
Contemporary fantasy - The Tale of Emily Windsnap, by Liz Kessler (series incomplete)
Dark fantasy
Magic realism
Retelling myth/fairy tale
Superhero fantasy - Black Panther: Nation Under Our Feet, by Ta-Nehisi Coates
Horror The Wasp Factory, by Iain Banks
Supernatural / paranormal
Ghost story
Monster literature
Vampire fiction
Werewolf fiction
Occult detective - Dresden Files (series incomplete)
Science fiction
Alien invasion
Post-apocalyptic – The Passage (series incomplete), by Justin Cronin
Cyberpunk
Biopunk
Steampunk
Dystopian
Hard science fiction
Military science fiction
Parallel universe, aka alternative universe
Alternative history - Library of Alexandria (series incomplete)
Space opera
Speculative cross-genre fiction
Climate fiction (cli-fi) - The Overstory, by Richard Powers
Slipstream
Weird fiction
Suspense fiction
Crime fiction
Detective fiction
Mystery fiction
Thriller
Legal thriller
Medical thriller
Political thriller
Spy fiction
Psychological thriller
Techno-thriller
Urban fiction
Westerns
Women’s fiction
LGBT fiction

So, based on my new budget, I decided to work on reading books I own. Here is my Audible library that I will choose from:

nonfiction
Alan Turing - May
American Eden
Autistic Brain
Chasing the Scream
Darkness Visible
Democracy in Black
Discipline and Punish
Enrique's Journey
Furiously Happy - May
Incognito
Invisible Man Got the Whole World Watching
Lights and Sirens
Meet Me in Atlantis
On Human Nature
Psychopath Test
Rabid
The History of the Ancient World
The History of the Renaissance
The Life of Elizabeth I
The Meaning of Human Existence
The Moral Animal
The Radium Girls
The Souls of Black Folk
The Swerve
White Trash
Selfish Gene

fiction
Brave New World
Norse Mythology - May
Golem and the Jinni
The Poet X
The Lathe of Heaven
No Country for Old Men
The Sorrows of Young Werther
Simon vs. Homo Sapiens
Room
Witches of Eastwick
Veronika Decides to die
Ordinary People
The Return of the Native
The Twelve
Invisible Man
Bluebeard
Breakfast of Champions
Tale of Two Cities
The Serpent of Venice
Master and Commander
The Merry Adventures
The Jungle
Far from the madding crowd
The Complete Sherlock Holmes
The End of the Affair
Foundation - May
The Copper Gauntlet
The Iron Trial - May

I decided since I'm stuck at home today I'd prep my March thread! Yay! IL is sleeping much better so far today (probably because I switched back to the nipples he likes). Another thing I will do today is the second module of training for a new crisis texting hotline. I volunteered for one before, and loved the work, but the politics got to be a bit much. This is a national hotline which is done remotely from home. Training started yesterday and will last 6 weeks.

Happy new thread!

Happy new thread, Rachel! It will be March before you know it. Loved the meet up photos on your last thread.

Hi Rachel!

Happy new thread! Very cute picture of IL.

I have Alan Turing on my shelves, bought it as soon as we saw The Imitation Game. Sigh. I really do need to read it, but March is already shaping up to be very busy book-wise.

Happy new thread Rachel.

I'm glad your mostly enjoying your reading so far this year. Nothing worse than wasting time on bad books when your so busy with the kids.

Happy New Thread, Rachel.

Fun to see the toothsome IL (I assume?) up top. I had missed that you're taking care of your aging parents. Not easy - especially while raising three young children! Hats off to you for doing it.

Happy new thread

Oh my, little Ian is growing up. How does that happen so quickly? I've been reading about your parenting woes, Rachel. You are doing a fine job. Eating issues are so tough to deal with. M is not going to starve, but I know how frustrating these power struggles can be. Hang in there and enjoy the baby. Also, it sounds like you may be doing a crisis hotline at home. Good for you! I admire your willingness to help others. Just don't forget to take care of yourself.

Happy New Thread, Rachel. IL is so cute! So kind of you to train to do crisis hotline work from home. I did crisis hotline work in my community back in my late 30's . I enjoyed, but it was draining to do it by myself. I much preferred it if I had a another person working on the other phone. It was nice to debrief with another person . Ah, it's a texting hotline . I'm afraid I can't text that fast. Take care of yourself. You are caring for so many others.

>8 drneutron: Thanks Jim!

>9 Familyhistorian: Thanks Meg! That's sort of what I thought when I made the thread early. Why not?

>10 karenmarie: Hi Karen! I've had Alan Turing in my Audible Library for years, to be honest. I've just finally decided to get to it by using a random book selector. :) So I totally understand how you can get a book and then not read it!

>11 fairywings: Hi Adrienne! Yes, I'm fairly lucky in my choice of books this year ... but I guess I have so many good people to suggest books to me, that I am starting with a good selection. :)

>12 jnwelch: Thanks Joe! Yes, that is IL at the top. I have been taking care of my parents for a while now, though at the moment they are generally pretty easy - drive them places, make appointments for them, and such. It's a lot of work, but not as emotionally straining as it was when dad was having TIAs and mom was first diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

>13 figsfromthistle: Thanks!

>14 Donna828: Hi Donna! Yes, everyone keeps saying he won't starve himself, but I guess that depends on your definition of starve. If he's already borderline malnourished and has been going down in BMI, that's starving himself in my book. (Though his BMI hasn't gone down since December, I found out yesterday, so we're doing something right.) The problem is that anorexia runs in the family, and anorexia can be highly genetic.

Lately, I have been doing a good job of giving myself a little extra reading time instead of HAVING to have a clean house. I know that's not going to last forever, but it's good to feel that I can relax sometimes and take care of myself. There's just so many people I'm taking care of! On the other hand, the volunteering generally makes me feel better in the long run. In a way, it's a kind of long-term self-care (even though it means I have to increase my short-term self care after volunteering).

>15 vancouverdeb: Hi Deb! Thanks! :) I haven't tried doing it by myself, so I'm not sure how I'll feel. The way this system works is that I can log online on my computer and take texts through their website. I am typing on my computer, they are texting. If I need to debrief or just lighten the mood by chatting with a coworker, I can do that online, as well. It's just one more window I can have open. We'll see how well it works.

Joining in with the chorus of admiration for your care and parenting and parenthood work, Rachel.

Happy new thread too, incidentally.

Happy new thread, Rachel!

>17 PaulCranswick: >18 FAMeulstee: Thanks Paul! And Anita!

***

M is back in school today, so I am finally able to get out of the house to run some errands that have been piling up. Yay!

Happy new thread, Rachel!

Happy new thread!

Hi - back to recommended books - I forgot about Dr. Seuss and blackface.

Because the books are mostly so good and few other memorable rhymes have risen up to replace them,
it's not surprising to see photo shop cropping up: Chinese and African people become unstereotyped!

Though the blackface and minstrel can never be excused, they may now revert to the unmemorable author name and not to Dr. Seuss?

Happy new thread, Rachel. What a cute topper. He looks older than three months.

Happy new thread, Rachel.

>20 brodiew2: Thanks Brodie!

>21 foggidawn: Thanks foggi!

>22 m.belljackson: Blackface can't be excused, there is plenty of his literature that can be appreciated that lacks racist connotation. I always considered Dr. Seuss more of a young children's author though? (Like 4-5 years old.) Do you consider him to be for older kids?

>23 BLBera: Thanks Beth!

>24 Ameise1: Thanks Barbara!

Phew! Kids are off to school! M took 48 minutes to get dressed today, so he didn't get breakfast. Luckily, public schools serve breakfast these days, so he can always eat at school.

Yesterday was a good day. I got several errands run and some cleaning done. I also got some reading done. So it's a win! IL met TWO milestones yesterday. He rolled over for the first time ever. I was cleaning the living room when I turned and looked at him, and he was on his tummy. He can't have been there long, because he hates tummy time and he still looked perplexed at being on his tummy. He tried repeating the feat with us watching, but it was a no-go. He also reached and grabbed for the first time ever. I was just about to say it'll probably be a while before he repeats that feat, too, but I just glanced over and he's reaching and grabbing as I type this. Maybe he'd already been doing it and I was unaware?

Today I kind of feel like taking it easy and spending time with IL. I might rearrange my schedule a bit and see if that's possible.

I only have two reviews left before I'm caught up on last year, so maybe I'll write one of those.

How big was his drop in BMI? I wouldn't have considered that a particular cause for concern, since pediatric growth charts show that that's expected in 5-6 year-old boys.

>26 The_Hibernator: Ahh, milestones like that are such fun! My mother caught my nephew's first time rolling over on video, and the expression on his face was priceless!

Hi Rachel!

Congrats to IL on his milestones!

I still feel bad, 27 years later, that I was the first to witness a friend's baby rolling over for the first time as she was in the kitchen making dinner. Not the end of the world for sure, but Tina was so disappointed...

>27 _Zoe_: Hi Zoe! It dropped about a point during the time that I have been tracking it, and he's down to 13.5 BMI (which is considered mildly malnourished by the feeding therapists we talked to). They set a goal to get his BMI up to 15. We are supposed to check his weight at the doctor's office every month until he starts gaining. But luckily his BMI has not dropped since December (or if it has, it has gone back up) which implies that our feeding therapy is actually doing more good than we thought. He WAS dropping.

There are a few problems with letting this continue as it is:

1) Anorexia runs in his family - and it would be nice to keep this from developing into anorexia or bulimia
2) He actually is stubborn enough to starve himself for more than a day (he did for an entire weekend a couple of times)
3) He enjoys a mild form of self harm (punching himself), and I think he has realized that this is a new, more effective way to self-harm

On the other hand, I'm starting to give up the fight. It's simply a losing battle. We had a long talk with him (well, 1 hour, which is long for a 6 year old) and tried to work out a plan that would get him to eat. He said there was no reward or punishment that would change his behavior. The effort of trying to get him to eat healthy has caused me and Aaron much grief, and it's not accomplishing anything. What's the point? Let him eat hotdogs every night. I told him that he'll have to make his own dinner every night because it's unfair to make me complete a separate meal for just him. So he has begun making his own plate.

In retrospect, I have no idea why the nutritionist and feeding therapist thought it would be a good idea to increase variety at the same time as increasing total intake. Both are issues that he needs to improve on, but he's simply not going to improve on both at the same time, and getting calories in is more important than eating a different type of meat every day. *shrug

The feeding therapist won't like that choice, which means we'll probably have to stop taking him to feeding therapy. She is the type of therapist who has a very fixed idea of what should happen, and if I tell her: "no, he really doesn't respond to rewards or punishments," she simply repeats that without a reward he will have no motivation. The conversation becomes circular, because she refuses to listen. But in the time I've known him, I've never seen him respond to rewards or punishments. Pay him 15 minutes of screen-time to flush the toilet and wash his hands? Nope! It's more important to him to try to sneak into the bathroom and sneak back out again without flushing. (But at least he's terrible at stealth. He tiptoes with exaggerated care, which changes his gait and makes him noticeable out of peripheral vision.)

>28 foggidawn: How lucky to have caught it, foggi! I wish I would have seen his first time, too, but knowing he did it will have to suffice. :)

>29 karenmarie: Hi Karen! I was the one who saw both of my nephews walk first. My sister was so disappointed! I guess I would be disappointed, too, but I don't think it would bother me too very much. The fact is, I can't keep my eyes on my kid all the time...

Oh, milestones, how wonderful!

My brother was super lucky and managed to film my nephew standing up for the first time (pulled himself up from seated with the help of his walking chair). It's my most watched film clip on my phone.

I think you're doing the right thing with letting M cook his own food if he doesn't want what is served. I was a both underweight as a child and a "picky eater" (nothing like what you're dealing with, but I would hardly eat any meats and generally ate very small portions) and my mum said if the only meat I'd eat was meatballs then I'd had to cook them myself. And I did. And while there are still meats I simply won't eat, I eventually started eating more things and I've had a healthy weight since I hit puberty.

Hi Paws!

I'll have to hang around IL with a camera from now on. Right now he's sleeping. Am I safe?

I'm glad cooking your own food worked for you. That is very good to hear. How old were you when you started that?

February Wrap-up

The Merchant of Venice, by William Shakespeare
Summer Knight, by Jim Butcher
Ruins of Gorlan, by John Flanagan
Gulliver's Travels, by Jonathan Swift
Between the World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates
Now I Rise, by Kiersten White
The Tale of Emily Windsnap, by Liz Kessler
Rise of the Earth Dragon, by Tracy West
Citizen: An American Lyric, by Claudia Rankine
Saving the Sun Dragon, by Tracey West

10 books

6 audiobooks / 4 hard copies
5 male authors / 5 female
7 purchased / 2 gifts / 1 owned

>33 The_Hibernator: I think when he's sleeping you should at least be safe from him doing anything intentionally.

I was about 7 or 8 when I started cooking my meatballs. In primary school.

Rachel - with all the kids, it's amazing how much reading you did in February!

Happy New Thread, Rachel. Love the IL topper! Kid is cute. I started Black Leopard. This is going to be a fun ride.

When my boys were little they would only eat chicken nuggets, chips and vegemite sandwiches (or toast). They always had issues with the texture of things (not just food mind you), eventually we were able to get them to try other things but it took ages, since I had two at once screaming at me about their food I didn't push it too much, just happy they were eating at all to begin with. We don't have a history of eating disorders so I never would have even worried about that personally but I see where that is a big issue for you. If this food therapist isn't listening to you maybe you should move on to someone who will if you feel you need that kind of support. 6 is such a devastating age to have to worry about eating disorders.

When my boys were the same age they were reluctant hand washers too, until they did and experiment at school. They were learning about hygiene and why it's important to wash your hands after going to the toilet, so each student was given a slice of bread and told to wipe their hands across it, they then were sealed into sandwich bags with their names on them and pinned to the notice board in the classroom so they could watch the germs grow on the bread. It was pretty disgusting really but they loved it and afterwards I had no trouble with them washing their hands, flushing the toilet was another matter lol.

>35 PawsforThought: So a little older than M, but not by much. I had to direct him step-by-step how to "make" his hot dog. But he'll learn, as it's not a difficult process. And if he wants variety, then he can always ask to increase his cooking knowledge.

>36 BLBera: Thanks Beth! Actually M read two of those to me, but I counted them because I had to read along with him. One of the I read to D for night-night story. So I only finished one hard copy on my own. The rest was listened to while cleaning / driving / feeding IL.

>37 msf59: Thanks Mark! I'll eagerly await your review.

>38 fairywings: Hi Adrienne! I imagine at some level we're over-reacting, making the situation worse. He is, by nature, a stubborn child and he will win in a power struggle like that. Because what can we do? The more power struggles we get into with him, the more he'll realize how much power he has over us - since there's a limit to what we can do to get our way. Neither of us are the spanking type, and I don't think spanking would do any good, anyway. He simply does not respond to negative consequences. *shrug

That is an awesome idea to check how many germs are on the hands. Did they have a piece of bread that had not been hand-wiped? Because I'm sure that would have grown germs, too. Probably not as fast, though. So the key is to catch it at the right time.

If it is any comfort, Rachel, my two were picky eaters. Most especially our eldest, who was at one time in the 10th percentile for weight and the 40th for height. I think I described our eldest a bit earlier in the thread, but seriously, he really did not like a lot of things. I think we stuck to pretty plain kid stuff for a long time. Raw carrots, grilled cheese sandwich, milk he liked and if he wanted chocolate milk, no problem. Yogurt, shake and bake chicken , Hamburger Helper ( ugh! ) tater tots, canned corn, white bread, pizza pops, you know the drill :-) I am sure if I cut up an apple he would eat it, and he'd drink orange juice. They liked McDonalds too and one of the funniest times I ever had with the kids - in retrospect- was going through McDonalds Drive through. Daniel and William wanted a cheeseburger but no condiments ( as always ) and fries and so instead of saying two cheeseburger with no condiments, I said - cheese burgers with just the cheese. So I was handed what I thought were two burgers, but it ended up being two buns with cheese in them - no burgers . LOL!! The kids weren't pleased, and neither was I , but I guess that was what I asked for - or they did, silly creatures. If I made lasagna, I would mince up a bit onion into a zillion small pieces, hoping to hide in the ground beef, but of course my eldest could find those tiny pieces. So he'd dig them out and eat the rest. I have no idea how he even found them. When I made shephard's pie, one kid hated the tiny carrots pieces - from Campbells vegetable soup , no less, and the other guy picked out the carrots, though he liked them raw.I just got used to it. We ate a lot of deli meats, pizza pops, kraft dinner etc. Of course they loved milkshakes, ice cream , that sort of thing. They did love it if I made a roast with gravy , or homemade chicken breaded chicken tenders with fries, - that sort of thing. Daniel hated most veggies til maybe he moved out on his own at 22 ? It likely helped me that my sisters and brothers were quite picky eaters and so I kind of took it for granted. I recall my younger brother wanting spaghetti with no sauce - as in just a pile of spaghetti noodles with butter. I'm not sure my dad really worried much , and my mom would just roll her eyes and go for it. Being one of 5 kids in 9.5 years, I think my parents were just kind of overwhelmed and my mom just wanted to do what was easy. It's great that M is making his own hotdogs. My younger son announced to me at the age of 15 or 16 - not sure - that he was going to become a vegetarian. I thought - oh no!!! But he had a friend who was vegetarian, so I thought okay then. My main worry was that he got enough protein and calories, so he and I went shopping together several times and he showed me what he would consider eating and I told him - I will purchase the food, but you will have to cook your own food. So it was a lot of lentil soups, almonds , nuts, yogurt with no gelatin ( horse hooves are in gelatin ) Carnation Instant Breakfast which has a lot of vitamins and extra protein in it, milk. He was less of a vegetarian and more of a non - meat eater. He did eat some veggies and fruits , but he was not really a big veggie eater . We found a lot of soy products that looked like hamburgers and lasagna and that sort of thing , and he'd eat that. Anyway, he started dating his now wife just after grade 12 and after a year of dating her - she let us know that William was eating meat and fish again. I think he was too embarrassed to tell us. Now he eats far more widely than I do, having married a lovely young woman who is originally from Hong Kong. So now he challenges me to eat what he eats - Pho, sushi, all manner of seafood, fish, - you name it, he eats it. My super picky son,, he got into weight lifting at around 18 or 19 and bingo - he wanted so much meat and protein etc etc. I just mean there is hope. Both of my guys are normal to slim , and one guy is just over 6 feet tall, and the always small Daniel is 5' 7' and but has a lot of muscle. My picky brother is 6'4 and he eats spaghetti sauce now. And he has 4 kids of his own to contend with . Karma!

Kids, you love them but they drive you crazy at times.

Instant Kraft dinner became a go to for our eldest in his teens. I purchased flats of them at Costco.

Hi, Rachel.

I loved that Ranger’s Apprentice series by John Flanagan back in the day. I’m glad you’re reading it. I thought Claudia Rankine’s Citizen: An American Lyric was a knockout.

When my brother was little my mom tried to make him eat green beans and he proceeded to deliberately get sick at the table. Mom never forced him to eat anything again. Our dinners were family style. If you put it on your plate you had to eat it, if you didn't put it on your plate no harm no foul.

I like the idea of letting M have what he wants but have to make it himself. Getting the calories in sounds more important than variety right now.

>39 The_Hibernator: Yes the teachers piece was clear of hand wiping, and there were a couple of kids who had just come back from the toilets and had washed their hands so theirs were fairly clear of germs while many others were almost completely covered. They looked pretty disgusting but the kids thought it was great, made them all start using the hand sanitiser every lunch time before they went out to eat.

I don't think your over reacting at all, having a history of anorexia in the family can be a scary thing to contend with. If he's feeling that the only thing he can control is his eating this could be a step in the right direction, if nothing else it's definitely worth trying, you never know, he might surprise everybody and thrive with his own choices.

I think you're right on the mark about not getting into power struggles with M. My mother, who has worked with kids 0-13 years old for nearly five decades always says to never get into a power struggle with a child because no one will win. Her rule is to diffuse the situation if you can or just leave it.

>43 karenmarie: A friend of mine did that (made herself deliberately sick) with the split pea soup she was forced to eat in primary school. They stopped forcing kids to eat up what they didn't like after that incident.

>40 vancouverdeb: Hi Deb! It's good to know things improve with time. Re: pasta, D wants her spaghetti without the sauce, too. And I hated cooked carrots when I was a kid, and liked raw ones. In fact, I like cooked broccoli NOW and don't like raw. So there are always going to be preferences. God forbid M becomes a vegetarian without first increasing the number of things he'll eat! There's no way I see him sitting down and eating lentils or quinoa any time soon!

>41 vancouverdeb: I ate a lot of that when I was a teen. :)

>42 jnwelch: Hi Joe! I'm really enjoying Ranger's Apprentice, so far. As for Citizen, it wasn't what I expected. I didn't read the description before getting it - just knew it was about race, and I didn't know I was going to get nonfiction poetry. It was certainly very good, and it's probably nice that I listened to it on audio rather than reading it. I much prefer hearing poetry aloud. Once I got what was going on, I found the book very creative and powerful.

>43 karenmarie: Hi Karen! The feeding therapist said to put the food on M's plate, because he needed to get used to it being there. So until recently, we were putting a little bit of everything on his plate. Now, he needs to prepare himself a "complete" meal with a hotdog, a bun, and a fruit or vegetable. He'll eat carrots, apples, and cantalope so all is not lost. lol.

D got sick after stuffing an entire boiled egg in her mouth, but that was because she stimulated her gag reflex. I really should have told her she had to TRY the egg instead of eating the whole thing, because we had taught her a "stick it in your mouth, chew, chew, chew, chew, swallow, drink" strategy for things they were worried about eating. I haven't tried a boiled egg on her since. And we don't actually force the kids to eat the food except those two days that we got into power struggles with M. Usually we just say "no finished power portion, no reward." They can choose to forego the reward if they don't want to eat the food.

M, for instance, loves pork chops (it's the other meat he'll eat - but I won't let him cook because he likes them fried). Last night, we had pork chops, peas, and a bun. M chose not to eat any of it except one or two bites of porkchop. (Despite telling me that he wanted pork chop and peas rather than fixing himself a hotdog.) He knew he wasn't going to get his reward, because otherwise he would have to eat his peas, so he didn't bother eating anything. *shrug

>44 fairywings: Hi Adrienne! That's great. I'll try it out. Thanks! D is actually getting pretty good about washing her hands. We started paying her a quarter to do it. She responded so well that it seems to have formed a habit for her (although she "forgets" every once in a while). For M, it seems to be a control issue.

>45 PawsforThought: Hi Paws! Yes, I was surprised that Aaron was willing to get into the power struggle (as it was he who initiated it on both occasions). I am very careful not to do that simply because I am afraid of losing (knowing that the kid can simply not do what I say, and then I'd be at a loss as to what to do). Aaron, it seems, didn't think it through. I supported him in the power struggle, but was the one who encouraged him to end it when it became clear it would accomplish nothing. I tend to compromise - I'll say, if you do this, you will get such-and-such negative consequence. Your choice. M usually chooses the negative consequence once he's made up his mind. Then I accept his choice, and move on with life. (Maybe with a little whining to the adults in my life...) Luckily, he has not yet altogether refused to go to school. I don't know what I'd do! lol.

Well, IL woke me up at 4:30 with his fussing. I let him fuss a while, hoping he'd go back to sleep. Finally, I got up and made a bottle. By the time I finished the bottle, he was asleep, and I was too awake to go back to bed. So here I sit.

Today, we'll get 5 inches of snow. Luckily, I have very little that I need to do today. In the afternoon, I need to take the kids to meet with their mom after school, and then it's just IL and me till Sunday morning. Since I'm "behind" in my listening to audiobooks (yes, I have a calendar of goals to help me estimate how many books I'll finish in a month), I'll get a bunch of housework done while listening. In the evening, Aaron and I will eat spaghetti and watch LOTR.

2018 Book 52: The Soul of an Octopus, by Sy Montgomery

Summary: The author got to know a few octopuses in a New England aquarium in order to study and write about the intelligence of octopuses. But her story ended up so much more than just a description of intelligence. It was one of friendship and grief as well.

My thoughts: Loved this book. The author was so heartfelt in all she said – it was obvious that she really loved her friends, the octopuses. There was a good mixture of facts about octopuses and her personal experiences with them, making the book both intellectually engaging and personal.

'Morning, Rachel!

Early morning babies and snow. I hope you have a good day.

Luckily, he has not yet altogether refused to go to school. I don't know what I'd do! lol. Don't even whisper the words in the house - it sounds like everything with him is a control issue but fortunately he hasn't figured out that one!

Good morning, Rachel and happy newish thread!

I've been lurking, but haven't commented.

Can you change the emphasis during mealtimes? Maybe you could make it about family together time instead of M sidetracking it into a control issue. Maybe sharing the best thing that happened, or the funniest, or a random act of kindness. Plans for the weekend, favorite books, what I'd take if I was packing for outer space, telling a story with each person adding a line. The kids could take turns "talking" for IL which could be hilarious.

Have you tried smoothies - maybe late evening? Everyone could rotate choosing ingredients and everyone would have to taste at least a spoonful. Just make VERY small amounts until you know what combinations work.

Sounds like your food therapist has control issues of her own. LOL.

Hi Rachel! I really feel for you with the food/power struggle. Good luck! I agree, it's a little nuts to do both the increase intake and variety at the same time. I might consider looking for a new food therapist. It sounds like what you are using is a form of CBT - he knows his options and he is free to choose food or consequence and then he gets to live with it. That takes away from the power struggle, which is good.

I really enjoy Sy Montgomery. Have you read The Good Good Pig?

>49 karenmarie: Hi Karen! Yes, good idea not to even say it. Luckily, he's not actually a difficult child most of the time - it's mostly just the eating and the flushing/washing hands. He was pretty poorly behaved when I first moved in, but his ADHD meds helped so much on his impulse control. It was like night and day. He went from an angry horror to a sweet kid overnight. I don't usually expect miracle meds, but this was one. I've unfortunately been focusing on his worse traits on this thread lately because of the difficulty of feeding, which I'm trying to let go.

It's hard being a step-mother and dealing with this sort of stuff because I have to work harder to get the authority that Aaron has. However, I love the kids and the kids love me, so I'm in a pretty good place. I'm a member of a step-mom group on Meetup. They just sit there and complain and complain and complain about their stepkids and how they can't stand it when the kids come over to their house. It's a supportive group, but it makes me realize how lucky I am that I am able to think of these kids as my own instead of thinking of them as "others" who come to my house and disrupt my life. That, of course, is why the eating thing bothers me so much is because I am worried about his health because I care. I'm not sure some of these women in my support group would care so much. *shrug

>50 streamsong: Hi Janet! We HAVE been trying to focus on good things during dinner-time, and ignore his not eating. I'm a little better at it than Aaron is, and it only takes one parent to drive the whole conversation towards a less savory topic. I fail at cheerfulness too, sometimes, of course, but I make a strong effort to steer the conversation away from M's eating habits. Anyway, now that he's making his own dinner and his BMI has stopped dropping, I think both Aaron and I will be able to let it go a little.

>51 nittnut: Hi Jenn! I agree about looking for a new feeding therapist. Or just making do with what advice we already got and seeing if we can keep his BMI up with the cook-your-own-dinner-if-you-want-something-else rule. I'm not sure it really needs to get up as high as the nutritionist suggested. He's naturally thin and not athletic in the slightest. He probably COULD get toned muscles, and it would be nice if his ribs didn't stick out quite so much, but he'll never have much mass.

D is pretty thin, too, but I don't know if her ribs stick out like M's do.

I have not heard of The Good Pig. Wasn't aware of any of her other books, to be honest. But I really enjoyed the octopus one, so would be happy to read another.

Stopping by to get caught up, Rachel and sorry to learn that you are facing feeding challenges with M. That is hard. I am always amazed at the will power some kids have, and how concerning that can be when they are determined to engage in activities like refusing to eat. I think you are doing an amazing job doing all that you are doing to try and address the issue.

Happy new thread!

>50 streamsong: I should have known you were already working on that, Rachel.

Ok, another suggestion you may have already thought about, but it's been on my mind. I still use my old WII fit which has quite a few games that kids would like, but there are more updated game systems with action games. My nephews had a system several years ago with a game that involved running and jumping while doing a quest. We (grownups and kids) all had a lot of fun with it the Christmas that that was their big gift. You could probably find an older used game system. Sic Aaron on finding one. :)

Rachel, it sounds like things are under control at your house. I can tell that you love ALL your kids and are working hard to keep them happy and healthy. I think you are brilliant to have M preparing his own hot dogs. He may tire of that soon and join in on the family meal. *Fingers crossed*

I am a fan of The Good Good Pig and will be on the lookout for the octopus book. Personally, I think I could engage with a pig more than I could an octopus. Lol.

>53 lkernagh: Hi Lori! Yes! I wish I had M's inner strength in keeping myself from overeating. lol. Thanks for the encouragement. It's much appreciated.

>54 ChelleBearss: Thanks Chelle!

>55 streamsong: Hi Janet! The kids actually do have one of those game systems, and every once in a while they'll go through a spat of wanting to play with it. But then they'll get tired of it and want to sit passively again. It's a great suggestion, though, I'm sure they'd enjoy starting playing again...

>56 Donna828: Hi Donna! We cross posted. I think most people feel that they could engage more with a pig than an octopus - after all, pigs have fewer tentacles. :D However, I'm not going to knock the octopus friendship thing until I try it. :)

Well, today was a busy day. I had a feeding therapist appointment for M - and she actually seemed to appreciate that we've moved to trying to get in more calories and forget about the variety right now. She also wants us to have appointments more frequently than once a month - which may help a lot because it will provide more guidance. So we're going to stick with her a while longer and see how she interact with M.

After that, I stopped by my dad's house to drive him on some errands. When I got there, I found out that earlier that day he had fallen down in the snow while raking our roof, hadn't been able to get back up again, and decided to take a "5-10 minute" nap. It was approximately 0 degrees F, which is about -18 degrees C. (I'm sure even those of you who are not from colder climates know that you can die of hypothermia that way.) Anyway, he luckily DID wake up again and crawl to the sidewalk, where he could stand up and walk into the house. I went home and got Aaron and we raked the rest of the roof for dad.

Tomorrow I have a meetup with Morphy planned. We meet once every month or so to discuss books that we've been reading.

Hi Rachel!

Sounds like things are going pretty well with M's BMI increasing and the decision to keep on with the feeding therapist.

You're lucky your father's okay, and glad you and Aaron were able to finish raking the roof so he wouldn't be tempted to go out and finish it.

I'm complaining about a hard freeze at 20F here tonight and tomorrow night, and you've got 0F. *smile*

Have fun with your monthly Morphy meet up.

Happy new thread, Rachel! You are such a busy, busy lady! Yet, you have time to read a ton of books! What's your secret?
Hope things settle down for you a bit, you must be exhausted, then again, you're young you've got way more energy that I.

>59 The_Hibernator: Oh, jeez. I'm glad to hear your dad's alright - that could have easily ended very differently. Freezing temperatures are a serious matter. Has he gotten any frostbite? Could happen very quickly in temperatuers as low as that.

>60 karenmarie: Hi Karen! Yes, I AM lucky my father is ok. And I hope he realizes that they may not be able to continue living alone for much longer...or that he has to quit trying to do things he can't handle. He needs to learn to ask for help if he's going to live at home. Hope you have a great day!

>61 Carmenere: Hi Lynda! Yes, I feel that I have been a little too busy lately, and it's starting to wear me down. Perhaps now was a bad time to start that training for the texting crisis line. But I'd really like to do it.

As for the reading, I listen to audiobooks while feeding IL, driving, or cleaning. I also read to the kids, which adds to my reading time.

>62 PawsforThought: Hi Paws! Yes, my dad knows better than to "rest" in that sort of weather. But then, he was probably very tired and out of breath, so he may not have felt he had a choice. I don't think he has any frostbite, but he has diabetes so he might not notice if he had some on his toes or tips of his fingers. I should check next time I see him. I assume he was wearing gloves and warm socks, so at least there's that.

Hi, Rachel, and happy newish thread! Great job with all your February reading! Ahh, the milestones! I didn't see my baby roll over for the first time because he did it for my aunt my first day back to work after maternity leave! There have been so many times I wish I had my phone handy for a picture of him doing something for the first time (the look on his face the first time he pulled himself up to standing was priceless, and I missed it!). Hope things continue to go well with M and glad your dad is ok. Enjoy your meetup today!

Happy Tuesday, Rachel. I hope you are staying warm & snug. It is still very cold here but I am enjoying the day off. I will only venture out, briefly.

The Soul of an Octopus sounds like a good one. I will add it to the list. I am not just a birder, ya know...

>64 aktakukac: Thanks Rachel! I wish I had seen IL's face when he turned over for the first time. He's got it completely down now. He's also got the reaching and grabbing down pretty well, so I'm waiting for him to laugh. :)

>65 msf59: Thanks Mark! It's actually much warmer today than it was yesterday. Up to 11 degrees! I will stay indoors today as I have Morphy and I have decided to postpone.

Well, today started out better than yesterday...My headache from yesterday finally went away. Today IL and I have his endocrinology appointment, and then I will work on cleaning house, on my crisis hotline training, and reading.

Hope you all have a great day!

2018 Book 53: Vaccine Race, by Meredith Wadman

Summary: In this fantastic example of journalistic research, Wadman wrote about the crippling effects of various diseases, especially of birth defects. Diseases covered included rubella, polio, rabies, chicken pox, measles and hepatitis A. She then described the scientific efforts put forth to find vaccines for these diseases, as well as political roadblocks and legal/moral failings of some of the scientists.

My thoughts: I really enjoyed this book. It was well-researched and interesting. I didn’t realize what kinds of political roadblocks were present in the development of vaccines. She mostly avoided the topic of vaccine deniers and the misconception that vaccines cause autism. That’s probably for the best, because the book was already rather long. However, I do feel that the story is a tiny bit incomplete without covering it a little bit. Despite this omission, I loved this book and understand why it was on the Wellcome Book Prize shortlist.



And that's the last of my 2018 reviews!

Reading about how devastating falling can be on older folks. Glad your Dad came out of it OK.

Would never haver thought that "feeding therapist" was a thing. Glad you're getting the support you need.

>69 magicians_nephew: Hi Jim! He fell into the snow, so the fall wasn't so bad. He HAS slipped on the ice and broken his hip before, and I'd hate to see him doing it again because he's mostly sedentary as it is. That would probably be the end of him walking around much.

Yeah, M's doctor suggested feeding therapy because she felt that he was malnourished. I didn't realize it was a thing, either. Hopefully the feeding stress will calm down now that we've started focusing on calories instead of variety.

Nice review of The Vaccine Race, Rachel. I enjoyed it as well.

>71 kidzdoc: Thanks Darryl!

2019 Book 43: American Overdose, by Chris McGreal

Summary: In this heartbreaking work, McGreal covers a detailed history of illegal distribution of opioids by doctors, immoral advertising and drug pushing by big pharma, and the failures of the DEA and FDA in regulating prescriptions. He described how the careless over-prescription of opioids led to addiction, and too frequently to a switch to heroin and/or to overdose.

My thoughts: This book was utterly tragic. I am horrified at the failures of these powerful people who are responsible for keeping us safe. I already knew about the opioid epidemic and how people were switching from prescribed medications to heroin, but I had no clue how careless the FDA and DEA had been. I had no idea about the magnitude of immoral advertising by drug companies and of the illegal prescribing by doctors. I realize, of course, that most doctors prescribe as they see best, and that this book spent a lot of time focusing on a few doctors and pharmacies who did their best to make fortunes off of illegal prescriptions – so I’m not trying to say that all doctors are to blame. That was not McGreal’s point, either, though he did point out that even doctors who are prescribing as they see best may be working under misinformation about how well opioids work on chronic pain and about the addictiveness of these medicines.

This is by far the most powerful bit of nonfiction I’ve read in quite a while. I would highly recommend this book to everybody – it’s a book that should be read. Especially for people who blame the “addicts” rather than recognizing the failures in the system that led to their addictions.

Well, only another 14 book reviews to go before I'm caught up. lol Maybe if I review one a day for two weeks? Think I can do that?

I gave up on Alan Turing: The Enigma this morning at 4:30 am. I was feeding the baby and realized I simply couldn't concentrate on the audiobook. It is too long and I wasn't learning much. I'm sure I would have learned more as the next 24 hours progressed, but I simply wasn't enjoying it. And that's a long book to read if you're not enjoying it.

So I've now moved on to Brave New World on audio. I'm also reading The Earth Moved for my bookclub with my friend Liz and husband Aaron, How to Read the Bible, and FINALLY finishing the last 50 pages of Washington Black. (I'm hoping I'll finish that up today.) I will also do some housework and de-stressing today.

Chris McGreal just retweeted a link to my review. More evidence that I should be careful what I say in my reviews! Not that this one is bad, I just like to remind myself that the authors do see the reviews sometimes.

>75 The_Hibernator: That's happened to me a few times (or something similar -- the author commenting on a blog post, etc.), and it's always equal parts thrilling and horrifying.

>75 The_Hibernator:, >76 foggidawn: that's happened to me too, though thankfully only for books I really enjoyed

Sweet Thursday, Rachel. Great review of American Overdose. I will have to track this one down on audio.

I also highly recommend The Fall of Wisconsin, if you are looking for a good audio.

Read a Heyer, Rachel! It will make you feel good. *smile*

A couple of great reads, Rachel. I'd love to read The Vaccine Race. We have a little bit of an outbreak in my area, Vancouver area, and maybe about 14 cases have been identified. Measles travels so fast and is so contagious. It's too bad that some folks are so concerned about vaccines. Part of the problem here is that we have a lot of international flights here from places like Vietnam , the Philippines entering the country and those places are having a terrible time with measles right now. And then there are the anti vaxxers. Anyway, I've not heard of a new case in quite a few days - so maybe we have it contained. Crosses fingers.

The American Overdose sounds interesting too. I'm concerned that medical establishment can get overly anxious about prescribing opioids for those that need them . my husband was put on morphine for his rib and " transverse processes " fractures in his spine back in December, and Dave had no problem discontinuing the use of morphine a couple of week later. Of course, he began to take less as soon as he was at home for a couple of days. My nephew, who is a cop, was hit by gunfire ( really unusual here ) at the end of January and as the bullets went through one hand and shattered the ulna in his other arm, he was put on hydromorphone for a while. He is just 27, but once again, he was off the medication very quickly.

Myself, I very much about harm reduction - that is to say, we have Government sponsored Injection Sites here in Vancouver where one can inject an illegal substances, and a registered nurse will watch over you and will intervene if you overdose. There is no pressure to go off your drugs, but rather during the day, MD's , addiction specialists , rehab people are available to those people on their request. I think that is great way to handle things. The police do not bother people who are using places like Insite.

>76 foggidawn: >77 norabelle414: Yeah, this isn't the first time an author has noticed my blog...it just makes me want to double check to make sure I didn't say anything foolish. lol

>78 msf59: >79 karenmarie: Bah! I only have one Audible credit, with which I can not buy both of your suggestions. *rocks back and forth hugging self while trying to decide

>80 vancouverdeb: Hi Deb! Yes, we had an outbreak here in MN recently - it was about 20 kids in the end, I think. It is tragic that these anti-vaccine people are promoting their misinformation with people (in our area) that are culturally less likely to trust Western medicine.

I'm glad your relatives were able to get off opioids fairly easily. I was prescribed oxycontin when I got my tonsils out, as well as tylenol 3. I used up all the tylenol 3 and didn't use the oxy the first few days, and then when I called and asked if I could have more tylenol 3 they said no. So I had to use the oxy for a few more days until the pain subsided. I hated how it made me high, and I was afraid of addiction. Probably if I'd read American Overdose at that time, I wouldn't have used the oxy at all.

As for government sponsored injection sites, I know that several states are talking about such things, but getting pressure back from the US federal government not to allow it. I'm not certain if any states have actually legalized it. (My quick search shows that in 2017 there were injection sites in Seattle, I don't know if they are still legal there.)

Great review of American Overdose, Rachel. I haven't read Dopesick yet, but your comments ensure that I'll read both books very soon.

Physicians and, hopefully, dentists have become far more knowledgeable about the role we and they play in the opioid crisis. It was common for all of us to write prescriptions for opioids for our patients in greater quantities that were required. This wasn't a problem for the vast majority of patients, but some people were at greater risk for developing addiction, for example teens and young adults with personal or family historires of opioid abuse who received strong opioids from physicians after they underwent surgery, or from dentists after wisdom tooth removal or root canal surgery.

Our prescribing practices changed with the institution of state Prescription Drug Monitoring Programs, which I believe are in place in all 50 states. Whenever I prescribe an opioid, benzodiazepine or other potentially addictive medication I am require to query the PDMP for information about the patient, to ensure that there isn't a pattern of overprescription of these medications, unless I write for a limited supply of them. Our electronic health record system is set up so that I have to indicate what action I took before it will let me print the prescription (these cannot be called into a local pharmacy or e-prescribed). I don't write for many opioids for my patients, and the most common potentially addictive medication I, and probably my partners, prescribe is Diastat, a rectal gel that contains Valium which can be used to stop seizures in young children, which would not be a palatable medication to take by mouth. However, I'm much more thoughtful about the amount of an opioid (usually a milder one like Tylenol #3, Lortab or Norco) I write for, and the number of doses I prescribe.

I do know of at least three former Children's physicians, including a former prominent staff member who worked in my hospital for many years, who were caught operating "pill mills", facilities which illegally distributed strong opioids to "patients" who frequently weren't examined by the physicians. The doctor we all knew well is currently serving a 10 year prison sentence, and he was the subject of a sting involving the NBC affiliate in Atlanta and the Drug Enforcement Agency (https://www.justice.gov/usao-edky/pr/former-georgia-doctor-admits-unlawfully-prescribing-pain-medication-thousands). In addition, one of my former medical school classmates, a pediatrician in a small town in Pennsylvania, was busted for providing her much younger heroin addicted boyfriend with prescriptions for oxycodone and Xanax, along with $50,000 in cash and a car, which he promptly wrecked while high. She was married with two children and lived in the small community in which she was raised, and thi news was widely covered in the local press and television stations (https://www.attorneygeneral.gov/taking-action/press-releases/attorney-general-josh-shapiro-two-pa-doctors-charged-in-separate-schemes-to-illegally-prescribe-opioid-pain-pills/). Becky's case hasn't come to trial as far as I know, but it seems likely that she will have to serve a lengthy prison sentence, and even if she doesn't her career in medicine is over, due to an amazingly stupid decision. I'm minimally sorry for both of these physicians, but I wasn't particularly friendly with either, and no one I know who knows them thinks that they have gotten a raw deal.

Thanks for posting about American Overdose glad to see this story getting the exposure it deserves.

When you're young poor and black and sell drugs that mess up people's lives you go to prison.

When you're rich white and politically well connected and sell drugs that kill people they name the wing of the museum after you.

Sorry the Turing book did not connect with you - I loved it . It is a bit of a doorstop, even in audible.

>82 kidzdoc: Wow, I am astonished that physicians would behave like that, Darryl, even when circumstances put them under pressure.

Hi Rachel!

>81 The_Hibernator: Decisions, decisions, decisions! Either choice will be a good one as long as you enjoy the book.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

>82 kidzdoc: Hi Darryl! I hope you enjoy American Overdose as much as I did! I also have a copy of Dopesick and want to get to it soon.

Doctors around here have become much more careful about how they prescribe opioids in the last couple of years. Especially after Prince overdosed. At least, that's the excuse they keep giving the patients (I have a friend who works as a pharmacy tech, and she gets to listen to people complain about not getting opioids all the time). Incidentally, the situation in which I had to make a HIPAA complaint a while back actually had to do with not giving my friend (who is an addict) pain meds after his surgery. I didn't tell my friend, but I agreed with the assessment that opioids were unsafe for him to take. The reason I filed the complaint, of course, is because the nurse announced in front of all the surrounding patients in the surgery ward that so-and-so (by name) was a drug seeker. He may be an addict, but he has rights. And that's one of the points that American Overdose makes. That people blame the addicts rather than the system that created the addict.

A few years ago, I knew a psychiatrist who was undergoing scrutiny for giving out opioid and benzo prescriptions to addicts. I didn't really feel much sympathy for her situation - but then she was a person who thought she was above the law (right down to "I'm a doctor, you can't make me pay $20 for a missing parking stub" and "I'm a doctor, you can't make me walk my dog elsewhere just because the park is closed." Literally. These are things she said.)

Thanks for the links about the people you know. It makes a story more real that way. And more sad, somehow.

>83 magicians_nephew: Hi Jim! Yes, it is good to see this story getting out there to the general public. I'm also interested in reading Dopesick, as I mentioned to Darryl. And totally agree about the racism in the prison sentences. That was brought up in Beyond These Walls. Berg, the author, suggested that we'd have much less of a mass incarceration problem if we started putting rich white guys in prison too. They'd fix that system up quick.

I'll probably try the Turing book again once I finish Brave New World. I may not have been in the right mood for nonfiction. I am very interested in the topic and have heard great things about the book.

>84 PaulCranswick: I agree Paul!

>85 karenmarie: Lol. Well, I'm listening to Brave New World right now, Karen. And as I just mentioned to Jim, I'll probably try the Turing book again when I'm done with that. Or maybe I'll pick up a Heyer and THEN move on to the Turing book. I feel like I didn't give the Turing a good enough try because I wasn't in the mood for nonfiction. I'll pick up Mark's suggestion at another time. Unfortunately, it's not available on audio at the library yet...There are plenty of Heyer books available at the library on audio - just not The Unknown Ajax.

2019 Book 25: Between the World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Summary: In this open letter to his son, Coates discusses how black people in the US have lost their bodies – first to slavery and now to statistically disproportionate murder, imprisonment, and threats.

My Thoughts: This was a short work, but a powerful one. Coates makes the point that “race” is a false way of categorizing humans and that people who view themselves as “white” in the US have built their empire with the blood of people they view as “black.” It is a very personal account of how Coates feels that he and his friends have lost their bodies to this empire. I think it was the personal nature of his letter, combined with intelligent points, that has made this work touch the hearts of so many Americans. This is a must-read for everyone, no matter their race.

Well, it’s Saturday again, and another winter storm is about to hit the Twin Cities. Apparently 6-12 inches of heavy, wet snow is expected starting around noon today. Maybe this will be the last storm? Maybe?

This week was uneventful. Partly, that’s because we forgot to take D to her Pinewood Derby weigh-in on Thursday, so she didn’t get to race on Friday. I guess it was partly her responsibility to remember as well, but I do feel pretty bad about it. Oh well, at least she enjoyed making her car.

Feeding therapy for M has been going well, finally. Now that the stress is off eating a variety of foods, M is eating more regularly again. At least he did THIS week. We’ll see how long it continues.

IL has, of course, stopped rolling over. I think he figures he has that skill down and he doesn’t need any more practice.

Currently Reading



I’m getting back into the habit of reading a lot of books at once. I generally keep that up for a while, and then taper back off to one nonfiction and one fiction. But for now, I’m reading 5 books and listening to one.

Completed



I finally finished Washington Black and American Overdose. I’d set Washington Black aside months ago only 50 pages from the end (it was the end of a reading-a-lot-at-the-same-time era). I’m not sure what took me so long with American Overdose, as it was excellent, and I’d been reading it since before it was published, lol. M read the 3rd Dragon Masters book to me, and I read the second Emily Windsnap book to D. I’m reading the Ranger’s Apprentice Series for my own amusement. It’s excellent so far.

Happy weekend, Rachel!

>83 magicians_nephew: Truth.

>84 PaulCranswick: Unfortunately far too many physicians, at least in the US, think that they are God's gifts to mankind and, as Rachel mentioned in >86 The_Hibernator:, that they are above scrutiny and the law as it applies to common folk. As far as I know neither Mike nor Becky was under any sort of pressure to do what they did, and I presume they participated in acts which they clearly knew were illegal because they didn't think that anyone would notice, in a heightened sense of arrogance. Mike and I had a friendly though not warm relationship when we both worked for Children's, but Becky was frosty to me and many of my classmates, and had the personality of a stereotypical radiologist or pathologist, fields that tend to attract medical students who don't interact or play well with others. One of my closest medical school classmates was friends with Becky, and when I told her what had happened to her, after I read about it on a social media platform (Doximity) for physicians, in which media stories and journal articles that mention any of my medical school classmates are sent to me in a weekly e-mail, Jill was shocked, as she had not been in touch with Becky for over a year despite repeated attempts, but she was unsympathetic to the plight that she had created for herself. She practiced medicine in her medium sized town, and because the local media (television, radio and newspaper) reported the story widely and prominently Becky brought shame and embarrassment to herself, but also to her husband, school aged children, parents and siblings. Even if she doesn't spend one day in prison, which seems highly unlikely, she has paid a very heavy price for what she did.

>86 The_Hibernator: You're right, Rachel. I understand that one sequela of the state Prescription Drug Monitoring Progams is that people with chronic pain who require opioids to remain functional and are not addicted to them are having a harder time finding physicians who will prescribe these medications at the doses they were previously taking, which is causing them anguish and desperation. There was an article in The New York Times about this growing problem earlier this week:

Good News: Opioid Prescribing Fell. The Bad? Pain Patients Suffer, Doctors Say.

I remember you mentioning what had happened to your friend in the hospital, which was a clear HIPAA violation, and a very inappropriate thing for that nurse to do. Hopefully he or she was written up for that unconscionable comment.

The arrogance of some physicians, such as the psychiatrist you mentioned, is astonishing. Attitudes like hers is rare, but not unheard of, in pediatrics, and a former head of my group, who thankfully is no longer working with us, is completely full of herself.

>87 The_Hibernator: Nice review of Between the World and Me. I'm ashamed to say that I still haven't read it, although I did read his subsequent book We Were Eight Years in Power.

>89 richardderus: Thanks Richard!

>90 kidzdoc: Yes, I've heard that some specialities are more likely to think too highly of themselves. The psychiatrist I knew had a pretty pronounced case of bipolar disorder and may have been having visions of grandiosity at the time that I knew her. It's hard to figure out whether she was like that all the time or if it was merely a symptom.

Well, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm starting to get post-partum anxiety. My meeting with Morphy last week was postponed because of anxiety and I've been getting progressively worse this weekend. I can't think of any other explanation for the strange increase in anxiety. Today I had to leave church before it started. *shrug Now I'm sitting in the car waiting to take my parents home from church.

The winter storm, like the blizzard a couple weeks ago, turned out to be very mild in my area. We got several hours of rain, followed by 1 inch of snow.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having problems with anxiety, Rachel! *hugs*

>93 karenmarie: I'm feeling a little better now after a nap. 😊

I'm happy to hear that you are feeling better after a nap, Rachel. Take care!

Hi Rachel--Sorry your anxiety is increasing. Hope you can get it under control soon. Glad M's eating is easier at the moment--may that last!! How fun that IL has rolled over. Love your analysis that he is done mastering that move and is waiting for the next big thing. Interesting discussion you've started on doctors and opioids. You've had some great reads (and reviews)! Phew--caught up again. At least here. For the moment. ; )

Sorry to hear that you are having some anxiety! Hope it improves

>92 The_Hibernator: Sorry your anxiety is increasing, Rachel, that is hard to cope with :-(

Hooray for Between the World and Me! I loved this book and keep a copy on shelf. I still have to read/listen to his last essay collection. Bad Mark!

I hope you are feeling better today, Rachel. Keep us posted.

Well, I took an anxiety med yesterday and have been crazy tired since. Hopefully that means the anxiety wave broke, and this isn't a new symptom of post partum. Today, even moving off the couch seems a monumental task. I'll try to motivate myself to read, at the very least. And to look up ways to subdue post-partum before it gets worse. I haven't, at least, had any irrational thoughts.

I also have to take mom to a neurolgy appointment today, so I have to get up at some point.

I have a phone interview today with a biomed company that is trying to bioengineer cellularized kidneys and livers for transplant purposes. It would be exciting to get back into science, though there are some cons: 1) I looked up the salaries, and they are not very high. I'd just be breaking even on childcare and lost medical assistance. 2) It's a Th F Sa Su M job, so I'd lose a lot of quality time with friends and family. 3) It takes away the flexibility of being a stay at home mother. 4) Lost reading time! Of course, there are benefits too: 1) Using my PhD again will help my self esteem (not that I have a low self esteem, but it could certainly be higher). 2) If I get back into science, there is potential for me making more in the future. 3) It's intellectually stimulating. 4) Audiobooks on my commute.

>95 vancouverdeb: Thanks Deb! I am feeling better today. :)

>96 Berly: Thanks Kim! You did a good job catching up. When I get far behind, I just skim to get an idea of what's going on, and I'm sure I miss a lot. You didn't miss a thing.

>97 ChelleBearss: Thanks Chelle! Like I said to Deb, I'm feeling much better today.

>98 FAMeulstee: Hi Anita! Yes, anxiety can be exhausting to deal with. And I hate taking my PRN meds because they make me so sleepy. My anxiety would probably be a lot better if I'd take my meds more frequently, but if I want to drive mild anxiety is better than moderate sleepiness. But then, extreme anxiety is difficult to drive through. I once drove about a mile in a panic attack, and I think it was the most distracted driving I've ever done. Every time I approached an intersection, I'd freak out that I was going to hit someone. Luckily, that hasn't happened for quite a while.

Well, as I said in the message above, I'm feeling much better today. I'm still a bit sleepy - but I think that's related to IL waking up in the middle of the night and wanting a bottle. He hasn't done that for a while. But he's gotten to the point where he's chugging a couple 6 oz bottles in a sitting, so he must be growing. I guess that's what baby's do.

The job interview went really well. What an exciting company! That is IF they succeed at what they're doing. If they don't, well, it'll just be another biomed startup that goes under. lol. Either way, if I got the job it would get me back into the science field, which would be a delight for me. I have decided that if they pay enough, I'll take a job offer. I have an in-person interview coming up on Monday.

>99 msf59: Hi Mark! I missed your message when I was replying to people. Not sure how I did that. Between the World and Me is the only book I've read by Coates, but I've heard good things about his latest book.

>102 The_Hibernator: Oh, how exciting with a possible new job. Hope the interview goes well!

I'm glad things are smoothing out!

And your new job prospect sounds fascinating - good luck with the interview!

>104 PawsforThought: Thanks Paws! I'm excited about the job, though I'm a little over-qualified, which is an impediment. However, I can't lie about my PhD because I may want to move up within the company, so I don't want to omit important info.

>105 streamsong: Thanks Janet! Besides a little bump caused by M's practicing some calculated provocation this morning, I am feeling much better about my anxiety and about M's eating.

Yes, the company would be an exciting one to work for.

Well, I have another phone interview tomorrow (same company) with a scientist that will be on vacation on Monday for my in-person interview. Aaron thinks that's a good sign, but it's pretty standard to have hours of interviews for a job like this.

I know that working the weekend when everyone else is off can be an adjustment.

>107 The_Hibernator: I'm with Aaron. I'll cross everything I can still cross for a good result.

>108 magicians_nephew: Hi Jim! Yes, working on a weekend can be hard. I have worked weekends before, though, so I know how frustrating it can be to not be able to hang out with my friends and family. This would be the first time since getting married and having a baby, though. I think the bigger adjustment for the family right now would be losing all of my free weekdays, however. If I get this job, I'll have two weekdays open in which to clean my parents' house, take mom for walks, take both parents to all their appointments, take the kids to all of their appointments and relax. And who knows when I'm going to clean my own house. But at least, in theory, I have Aaron to help me out on that.

>109 richardderus: Thanks Richard! The second interview went really well, and I'm looking forward to the in-person interview. There's still a good chance they won't hire me because I'm over-qualified, making me a flight risk. But I told them I wanted to stay for about 5 years to make my resume look stable. :)

Well, this is why it’s hard for me to post reviews anymore. This is me trying to write my review of Scarlet Letter, which never got finished. I had to wedge IL between my tummy and a pillow against the table in order to prop him up so I could type.

This week was M’s first grade concert and art show. Unfortunately we were way in back, so my pictures of him are very zoomed in. But there he is in front wearing the purple shirt.

Also, D got her report card yesterday, and she did reasonably well. About average to slightly above average in all subjects but writing (where she still needs lots of improvement). We are wondering if she has ADHD (like her brother) and she would do better in school if she were diagnosed and treated. Her teacher and psychiatrist seem to think it's an issue. And I'm willing to get it checked into, even though average to slightly-above-average is perfectly acceptable.



And here is his self portrait, which had been chosen to be displayed in the district office.



Here is the rest of the family waiting for the concert to begin.







Currently Reading



I’ve already cut down the number of books I’m reading to 4. Not pictured is the audiobook I’m listening to. This is rare for me, but I can’t decide what to listen to next (because I’m waiting for several holds to come through at the library and one has been “any day” for about a week).

Completed in the last week



M pounded out 4 of the Dragon Masters books aloud to me this week. I also finished Brave New World. No others, since I gave up on two books last week.

I'll get around to the theads hopefully a little later. I'm already behind on my scheduled tasks for the day.

Hi Rachel!

I love seeing pics of your family and the one of IL peeking out of his blanket is precious.

I like seeing M's smile in his self-portrait, too.

Lovely to see the photos, Rachel. Your trying to write the Scarlet Letter review cracks me up. M’s self portrait is excellent.

Lovely photos! IL has grown so much.

>113 karenmarie: Thanks Karen! I think M's self portrait is quite cute, too. He did a good job. I bet it was the smile that got him chosen to be displayed in the district office.

>114 jnwelch: Hi Joe! I still haven't managed to get that review written. I'm SO far behind on reviews, I'm tempted to start over from where I am, but that would be admitting defeat. :)

>115 banjo123: Thanks Rhonda! Yes, IL certainly has grown quite a bit. I guess that's what babies do, though, along with pooping, eating, and sleeping.

Well, today's the day of the interview! As Jim said above, working weekends is quite the adjustment. So, last night, I discussed with Aaron what he REALLY thought about me working on the weekend, and we agreed that the job might be a strain on our new marriage. But we came up with a solution: He could potentially work from home on Saturdays and take Tuesday or Wednesday off in order to have time to spend with me. That made this job seem much more doable. We'll see if that works out. :)

So on my agenda for today - This morning I'm going to my parents' house to meet with my contractor about getting dad's basement fixed. After that will be the interview, followed by taking mom for a walk and to the library. I'll take the evening off after that. I'd say I'd go to visit people's threads, but I'll probably just relax and read. There's always tomorrow for thread-hopping!

The interview went well enough, though I can't even guess about whether I got the job or not. *shrug* Unfortunately, though, M has been having escalating thoughts of hurting/killing himself and others (including IL) so I'm considering whether now would be the right time to take a job. On the other hand, it's such a great opportunity. *sigh*

Well, good news to offset the bad news of the post above: Miromatrix requested I send them my references today. I feel that probably puts me as one of their top candidates, because they probably don't want to spend time calling the contacts of all the applicants. I have good contacts, so I think I have a pretty good chance at the job.

Well, it'll be another day without finishing any reviews - last night Aaron and I took M to the ER (at the suggestion of his therapist) for a psychiatric evaluation. It seems that his depression is getting worse and his thoughts are tending towards the scary. After hours of questions, the social worker decided to keep him overnight and reevaluate in the morning. She thought the reason he pretended not to pay attention to her questions was because he was feeling the effects of his ADHD, and that it would be better in the morning after getting his meds. However, that's just him. He pretends not to notice a question if he doesn't like it. Especially when there isn't a parent around to tell him he has to answer the question. And we were in the other room when she questioned him.

Anyway, I'm going to wait until Deirdre gets up in the morning, and then immediately shove off to beat the social worker to the room. Hopefully they don't come at like 7:30am! People in hospitals have such inconvenient timing sometimes.

don't ever take a child talking about suicide lightly

Oh, Rachel! I'm so sorry about M. I hope things are better today.

*hugs*

>121 magicians_nephew: Agreed Jim! A lot of people seem to think that children only say things like that to "get attention." I'm sure that works for them until it doesn't. Even if he has no real intent to harm himself or others, the fact that those thoughts are in his head is scary.

>122 karenmarie: Thanks Karen!

Well, last week the whole family went into crisis mode. It started out well enough, but then M started having very dreary thoughts indeed. I don't know how long his depression had been lurking, but it definitely reached a crescendo last week. We ended up in the ER twice, and we are all exhausted now. Luckily, things seem to have calmed down a bit, and we will be starting him in an intensive outpatient therapy program. Unfortunately, the one we want to put him in (which won't make him miss any school) isn't covered by our primary insurance. Luckily, we have supplementary state aid (unless I get a job offer) so we should be fine for that program. Why is it so difficult to get insurance to cover stuff? He'd have to be held back a year if we put him in any of the other available programs. Of course, it IS possible that a 3 hour, 4 day per week after school program will be too much stress for him with his ADHD, and that's why all the other programs are during the school day? I guess it's a no win situation when a child gets this depressed.

As for the job, I haven't heard back. Which is ok at this point, because, as I said, we'd lose supplementary medical assistance if I had a job. And there's no way we would be able to pay for intensive outpatient therapy out of pocket. Also, driving M around from school to the therapy, and just the added stress of working weekends when the family is in crisis - it's probably best that I didn't get an offer. There are some obvious benefits to being a homemaker, and this incident has brought that to light.

I haven't read all week long, but hope to start again today - and maybe even write a review. It's spring break for the kids, though, and I have to focus on keeping the baby quiet so he doesn't upset M too much. (I can't make a long-term habit out of stressing about the baby fussing, but while the family is in crisis mode, I guess that's what I'll have to do.) Plus, I need to clean the house before Aaron's mom gets here on Wednesday. So it'll be mostly audiobooks while cleaning today. :)

If I do have extra time, I'll go around and visit threads. But somehow I am feeling not-too-very optimistic that that will happen until after Aaron's mom will come around. So bear with my absence.

Hugs to all of you, Rachel. Hang in there.

Sending love and support to you and all the family, Rachel.

Sending hugs to you all Rachel.

Woo, what tough times, Rachel. Kudos to you for keeping strong during it. Sending more hugs.

Sending many hugs your way! Hopefully, things calm down a bit.

Also sending hugs to all of you.

Don't worry about us or your absence - you have mega on your plate right now!

I do hope you get some time to read and relax a bit, though.

Thinking of you Rachel.

Take care, Rachel. So much going on. We'll keep your thread warm.

Thanks everyone! We've been in less of a crisis mode this week, though we're drafting IEP request letters and looking for an intensive outpatient therapy program for M. Aaron's mother has been in town, which is nice because she watches the kids while I do stuff that I can't do with the baby - such as take a bunch of books to Half Price Books, go to Goodwill, and make a trip to our recycling zone so that we can drop off some old paint and electronics. So the house will be looking much better today, after I complete the second two tasks.

Yesterday, I stubbed my toe, and I think I broke it.
o, D's hamster died. So, RIP Una. She doesn't want another hamster because this was a lot of anxiety for her, so I'll have to list all the hamster stuff on Craigslist and see how much of an offer I get for it.

However, a nice thing is that we will all be going out to lunch with my parents today, so that will be fun. :)

Sounds like you're really going through it at the moment, Rachel! Best wishes that it all works out soon.

IL is such a cutie. It's hard to believe that he is over three months old now. Good luck with those fussy spells and all the other drama going on in your life, Rachel. Malcolm's behavior is vexing I'm sure, although it sounds like you and Aaron are getting him the help he needs right now. Ouch! Sorry about the broken toe on top of everything else. I hope next month brings calmness to your spirit and your household.

>134 SandDune: Thanks Rhian!

>135 Donna828: Thanks Donna! Yes, I am shocked at how quickly the time has gone by and how much IL has grown. :)

So sorry about your toe! I've broken each of my pinky toes by stubbing them on things and it sucks!

Hi all! Real life has been a bitch lately, so I think I will go for a fresh start. I have 15 book reviews that I’m behind on, but I think I’ll narrow it down to only a few that I really want to write a review on. That will make catching up much easier. I therefore will work on reviews for Scarlet Letter, Gulliver’s Travels, Much Ado About Nothing, and Brave New World over the next couple of weeks.

We’re currently working on getting IEPs for my two stepkids, as they have both been having a lot of stress lately. What a confusing process! The school’s social worker talked us out of doing one last year, because it was “too late in the year,” and he talked us out of doing one at the beginning of this year because “let’s see what happens.” So now that things are bad, we don’t have IEPs! We won’t let him talk us out of it again!

One fun thing I did in the last two weeks is go on a date with Aaron. We went out to a brewery for dinner and to a comedy club at the Mall of America afterwards. Here’s our date-night picture:



I also snapped a good picture of my mom with IL. Her Alzheimer’s is getting a lot worse lately, and dad has been talking more and more of selling the house and going into assisted living/memory care. I have been working hard on cleaning out the stuff in their house so that it is easier to move when the time comes. It’s shocking how much stuff one accumulates in a lifetime. I found some boxes of old pictures and am thinking of scrapbooking with the kids this summer.



Here’s a picture of IL “enjoying” the first really sunny day we’ve had this “Spring.”



And a picture of D holding IL:



In other news, I have decided to change my diet plan because, since January, I have simply maintained weight and have not lost any. I am now doing calorie cycling. I will eat 1150 calories on each weekday and 2650 calories on weekends. Theoretically, this is supposed to discourage long-term leptin changes common in low-calorie diets, blah, blah, blah. I am skeptical of diets which don’t have a lot of research to back them up…but I figure this plan gives me days that I keep low calorie count and days that I can cheat without cheating. That’s my main problem with a normal diet is that I cheat on a daily basis, because every day seems like a good cheating day. 🙂 Obviously, I intend on supplementing with exercise. Now that it’s spring, maybe I can save up to buy a hiking baby backpack! He’s just old enough that I’m willing to try him out in one.

currently reading



Due to real life getting in the way, I haven’t read anything except the IEP guide recently. But hopefully today I can get back on track.

Today, I plan on reading, doing laundry, and catching up on threads...assuming IL lets me.

>137 norabelle414: Thanks Nora! My toe is feeling a little better today. So I think it's healing up properly. :)

Nice photos, Rachel, thanks for sharing! Especially the date night with Aaron.

Hang in there.

Nice family photos, Rachel!

Good luck on your weight loss plan. Please let us know how it goes.

>138 The_Hibernator: Lovely photo's, Rachel!
What is IEP?

>140 karenmarie: Thanks Karen! I had a great time with Aaron. :)

>141 kidzdoc: Thanks Darryl. Already it is difficult because I was hungry for a couple of days (started on Monday). I'm also going to give plasma today, and am concerned that the low calorie diet isn't a good idea on a plasma donation day. So I've decided to move one of my high calorie days to Wednesday and keep the other on Saturday. The sad part is, here I am up at 6am, and I'm not hungry yet. lol But I'm going to try to keep the diet up for a while and see if it works.

>142 FAMeulstee: Thanks Anita! An IEP is an Individualized Education Program. There is a federal law in the US saying that children with special needs (autism, learning disabilities, psychiatric disorders, etc.) have the right to "free and appropriate" education. The problem is, there's some variation from school to school and state to state how to interpret "free and appropriate." So if their special needs lead to a problem in school (either academic or social in Minnesota, where I live), then they may be eligible for an IEP, to get help overcoming their issues.

D, for instance, has terrible anxiety. She also has a lot of trouble writing, and we suspect she may have dysgraphia (which is a learning disability of writing). She has anxiety attacks several times a day, and (hopefully unconsciously) uses those attacks to get out of work that she doesn't want to do, which simply reinforces the anxiety. Lately, she has been reluctant to go to school and was even sent home because she was "feeling like she was going to throw up." She feels like she's going to throw up a couple times a week, because it's caused by her anxiety. The evaluation process for an IEP will check to see if she has a learning disability for writing, and will see if they can put in place some actions that will solve the problem without special education. If those actions fail to help, then we will start writing an IEP, which will get her a tutor in writing (for instance).

(Un)fortunately, M has not had any problems at school - not since his problems last year, and not until his depression hit a few weeks ago. And because his problems are not consistent enough, he will probably be denied an IEP.

Phew! I just typed up that whole message above and it disappeared. I refreshed several times and I thought it was gone, and I would have to explain what an IEP was all over again! But there it is!

Well, I didn't get around to the threads yesterday - I think IL may be teething. Or he just misses his grandma, who paid constant attention to him every time he made a squeak or a coo. I won't have much time today because I am cleaning my parents' house today, then going to Morphy's to hang out with her while her husband is out with friends, and then going to sell some plasma for quick cash. (That's our "for fun" budget.)

Today is also an eating day (as I told Darryl above that I am changing my diet to have a high calorie day in the middle of the week and one at the end of the week). I'm looking forward to eating. I already consumed 5 cups of olive oil popped popcorn, for 275 of my allotted 2650 calories.

There's always tomorrow! At least things have settled down on the M front.

Wow, Rachel, so much going on!

A nasty educational secret: IEPs are a lot of work for the school staff, which *may* add to their reluctance to start them for the children. I know you’ll continue to advocate for them, and just wanted to let you know that I’m cheering you on from a distance. As both a patent and a (former) teacher, I understand your concerns. You’re doing a great job.

>145 Matke: Hi Gail! Yes, I read another IEP book and that's one of the first things they pointed out - it's a lot of work and the schools don't really want to do it. But they're at least going to start the intervention process for D, so at least we have that. While I am frustrated by the process of getting an IEP, I do appreciate IDEA and the help that it provides many students.

Well, yesterday went well, except for the fact that they still wouldn't take my plasma. I have not yet had a successful trip to sell plasma because one thing or another got in the way. I'm beginning to wonder if the process is worth the $70 a week it pays. But I'm hoping to raise some money for scrapbooking with the kids this summer. I have plenty of old pictures of me, but I'll have to pay to print off pictures of the kids, plus money for the scrapbooking supplies. But it should be a fun summer project.

Today I will be taking some of my dad's books to Half Price Books. Mom isn't really thrilled by my efforts to declutter her house - she doesn't really understand that dad may need to sell the house soon to put her in memory care. :( But I guess this is a time when I just don't tell her that I'm getting rid of certain stuff, and she probably won't notice. It feels wrong, but it's what I have to do, I guess.

I also have a 1 hour interview for a clinical study on the effects of a certain app on relapse of symptoms in Bipolar I. The study pays about $100 over the course of a year, so it's really doing the work almost for free, but I'm curious to try out their app.

Hi Rachel!

Glad to hear that yesterday went well, sometimes it's just one day at a time, right?

Have you checked abebooks.com or ebay.com in case any of your dad's books have intrinsic value? I need to go through my books and identify the ones that need to be appraised. Bill and Jenna have no clue about what's of value on my shelves. Another thing to add to my list.

I hope today's a good one for you, my dear.

>148 karenmarie: Hi Karen! For now, I'm just working on the books that probably have no real value other than what I can get at Half Price Books. Though yesterday I got more than $100, so HPB isn't a bad option. I will certainly check the value of books that look like they have some.

Yesterday went well. I have decided to volunteer for the clinical trial, out of curiosity for what their app is like. I'll get some Amazon gift cards as payment in a couple of weeks, and I plan on using them to buy a hiking backpack for carrying the baby. That way, I can get some good exercise in. :) Yay!

The diet is going well so far, and I may finally be losing weight. It's hard to tell, since my weight varies from day to day so much. But I got the lowest weight I've had in quite a while this morning, so I'm guessing some small amount was lost. :) I like the diet because I'm much better able to keep to it when I have days where I can eat a little bit of junk food or cheese or something like that without going over my calorie budget. Another good thing I've noticed is that I feel much more motivation to exercise - because the more I exercise, the more calories I can consume that day. And that's a big deal on low calorie days.

Today, I'm taking D to the orthodontist to get her retainer, and then taking both kids to swim lessons later in the day. I will also rake some leaves that Aaron left in the yard all winter. I don't want them to kill the grass. Aaron will make chili for dinner, so I'm saving some of my calories for dinner! Yum!

Hi, Rachel.

Love all the photos, especially happy you and Aaron on date night. :-)

Sorry you seem to be going through so darn much recently; kudos to you for your positive attitude. I hope things start falling into place and easing up on you.

Enjoy Aaron’s chili dinner!

>146 The_Hibernator: Speaking for myself, the reason not to go into formal evaluation for special education disability as the first step in many cases is to be sure that the problem really is a disability as opposed to lack of education, poor education, transitional emotional crises (divorce or bereavement) or other outside factors. Stress by itself, especially when due to transitional factors such as divorce, remarriage, baby in the family, etc., does not constitute a disability. However, a long-standing condition (such as an eating disorder) predating those factors would be more compelling. Prior to an assessment, the school should have provided regular education interventions and documented both their provision and the results, which also takes time. Just because a special ed evaluation is not going on should not mean the school is not working to meet the child's needs.

Now, besides learning disabilities, emotional disorders are also eligible for special education. The question becomes a) what is the impact on education and b) what level of interventions are needed to provide equal access to that education. Both of your children have documented emotional disorders and are under the care of medical health professionals, who presumably have done some evaluation. What you go to the school with is this documentation, your data on the degree to which D is missing out on instruction due to her anxiety disorder, and a request for a plan to remediate this. This could be either a 504 plan (requiring accommodations, and I think you have said in the past that they have provided some--examples are increased time, using a keyboard, reduced writing output requirements) or special education--requiring specialized instruction for her to be able to learn and make progress. If she is still making progress and getting decent grades, a 504 may be what is offered. But you can also request a BIP, a behavioral intervention plan. If M is still having problems in school, I would definitely recommend a BIP. All of this requires evaluation by qualified school professionals. Behavioral evaluations usually have a time component to see if the school can come up with a plan that provides the child with equal access to education, as in a plan is developed, implemented with specific timed goals, data is collected and the goals are evaluation.

Even though M is not displaying problems at school, you can request a school conference with the principal, teacher, counselor AND the school psychologist, acquainting them with his diagnosis and the severity of symptoms at home. He does not have to be a behavior PROBLEM to be considered for special ed services, but the issues must be affecting his ability to profit from his education. And given the severity of the symptoms you've been describing, I cannot imagine that they aren't even if it is not obvious like acting out would be.

Finally, you have the right to request in writing a formal special education evaluation at any time and the school, while it doesn't have to do it, has to respond in writing as to the reasons why they don't feel it is appropriate if they decide not to. If you disagree, you can take your case to a hearing officer for mediation. But if you go into the staff (and NOT just the counselor) with all your data and a cooperative attitude, they are likely to be open to your input.

Have you checked out the Wrightslaw.com website? Also be sure to be familiar with your state's dept of ed website,
https://education.mn.gov/MDE/dse/sped/mon/prog/list/

And MOVE. The end of the year crunch is a real thing for school staff and fitting in additional evaluations is a real problem as usually the calendar is already full. Point out that for an emotional disturbance, they don't have to do cognitive testing, they can accept the outside professionals' data, and really, an evaluation of impact on education (not just grades and scores, mind you, but completing work and feeling safe and open to learning in the classroom) is what would be required.

Happy Friday, Rachel. Thanks for keeping us updated. It sure sounds like you have your hands full with RL. Good luck with everything, my friend. You date-night sounded like a lot of fun. You need more of those.

Rachel, I'm awe of all you do - so much on your plate. I'm happy that your diet is going well.

Hope you have a restful Sunday, Rachel. Looks like you probably need it!

Just stopping bye to wave and say "hello"

Rachel--Delurking again to let you know I am here and keeping up. Goodness! Job, toe, IEPs, depression, diets. I do NOT know how you keep it all together. So glad you managed to fit a date in there!! Love the photo. Hugs.

>153 msf59: Hi Mark! Yes, I had such a fun date night! I can't wait until the next one. :D

>154 vancouverdeb: Thanks Deb! All diets are hard, of course. The key is to find one that makes sustainable changes that can be maintained even after the weight is lost. I'm hoping I've found that system for me.

>155 PaulCranswick: Thanks Paul! Sunday wasn't too shabby. :)

>156 magicians_nephew: Hi Jim! Thanks for stopping by!

>157 Berly: Thanks Kim! I need hugs about now. :)

Hi everyone! April Snowpocolypse 2019 has begun! I had thought it was supposed to begin tonight, but we've already got maybe an inch of snow. The real storm is supposed to be tonight and tomorrow.

Things are calming down a bit here, though I still haven't gotten back to reading or catching up on the reviews that I still plan on catching up on. I've been busy trying to figure out therapy for M and swimming for D. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but D wants to swim the English Channel. Gertrude Ederle is her hero. D didn't really start learning how to swim until I married Aaron, when I told him they needed to 1) have swim lessons and 2) learn how to ride bikes. Learning to ride bikes still hasn't happened. But they ARE in swim lessons, and D now wants to train competitively. She's no Gertrude Ederle, being rail thin and not athletically inclined. But she is built for speed if she works hard. I found a team for her to join, but she has to be able to swim butterfly for 25 yards and dive into the deep end of a pool (neither of which she can do at the moment). So we have some catching up to do. I THINK she knows the butterfly stroke, but the stupid swim school I have her in teaches them silly names like "the pizza stroke" and "the pillow stroke." So I'm not certain. If I'd known they would do that to the kids, I'd have put them in a different school! They should know the names of the strokes!

Anyway, I'm going to try to sit down and read some of the Ranger's Apprentice tonight. Some light reading will do me good. :)

Trying to work out what the pizza and pillow strokes might be...

Never mind the dumb names, at least they are swimming, and clearly enjoying it if D wants to swim the channel - I call that a win!

>160 charl08: Yes, Charlotte, I agree that it's a win. :) I am mostly happy with with swim school that they are in, and it clearly produced a love of swimming in D. It was just a bit disconcerting when I asked her if she'd learned the butterfly and she couldn't tell me. It didn't help that I haven't done the butterfly in so long that I don't remember how to demonstrate the stroke. lol

>152 ronincats: Not sure how I lost you, Roni, as I read your message when you posted it! But thanks for all of the information. I hadn't heard of a BIP, but perhaps that would be a good place to start with M. I am also looking into a 504, which isn't as much of a process, thank goodness. Is a BIP part of a 504?

As for the interventions, we have started that process with D. Her problems are longstanding at this point, and it would be a good idea to test her for a learning disability since her writing is terrible and she is ahead of the class in all other subjects. And it's not just her spelling, her handwriting (although much improved this year) is so bad she often can't read it herself. Plus, she stresses out SO much about composing something that it's clear that something else is going on as a barrier. At the very least, she needs a 504 to more formally address the anxiety that she experiences. But things are only going to become harder in the fourth grade!

Even though M is not displaying problems at school, you can request a school conference with the principal, teacher, counselor AND the school psychologist, acquainting them with his diagnosis and the severity of symptoms at home. He does not have to be a behavior PROBLEM to be considered for special ed services, but the issues must be affecting his ability to profit from his education. And given the severity of the symptoms you've been describing, I cannot imagine that they aren't even if it is not obvious like acting out would be.

I agree with that. It CAN'T not be affecting his schooling, though (as I'm sure you know) the school doesn't have to have him working to full potential, only benefiting from education. At least, that's how our school seems to be approaching the issue.

Thanks again for all the information. It is so helpful to know someone who will be upfront and honest without an agenda.

>151 jnwelch: Thanks Joe! I missed you, too! I DID enjoy Aaron's chili.

Hello, hello! I STILL haven't finished any books. But I did go to Barnes and Noble yesterday and buy Black Leopard, Red Wolf and Warriors: Into the Wild (as well as the new Wimpy Kid book for D and two Minecraft chapter books for M). I have to finish the third Ranger's Apprentice book, which has patiently been sitting on my bedside table, and then I'll start Black Leopard, Red Wolf. :) The Warriors book is for an online class that we're putting D in over the summer. It is a class for writing fan-fiction (for 9-11 year olds) and is based around the Warriors books. Her 3rd grade teacher wanted us to get her tutoring over the summer, but that's SO expensive! So we decided this fun little class would be a way for her to practice her writing skills.

M is still having suicidal and homicidal thoughts, and has directly threatened D now. We just got on the waiting list for a program for kids his age with those sorts of problems. I didn't realize 6 year olds could get so depressed that they felt this way! Poor little guy.

After the threat to her, D has started to "hear voices" threatening her. We think she's just hearing thoughts and not actual voices, but it is unclear from her description, even when asked directly. When I asked her this morning if she was feeling safe at home, she said no. So I think she just feels unsafe and it's coming out sideways. We've been making conscious efforts not to ignore her feelings when all this stuff is going on with M, but what we perceive we're doing and what she perceives we're doing could be two very different things.

Also, my mom fell, hit her head, and lost consciousness the other day. Dad didn't bother telling me until the evening, and said it was all one faint. But the way he described it, she said "ow," and clutched her head after hitting it, and THEN lost consciousness. That doesn't sound like one single faint to me. The neurologist asked me to take her in for a CT scan because she's on blood thinners, and there could be bleeding in the brain, but dad wouldn't let me. :( Luckily, she seems fine.

So I'm STILL super duper stressed.

Today: I'm participating in a clinical study in which people with bipolar I get an app on their phone to track their moods, etc. Then they track our symptoms and how long it takes to relapse.

Maybe I should have some pictures, to sound more cheerful:







ETA: That's sunblock on his face, by the way. We went to the zoo. In fact, I just bought a lovely jogging stroller on clearance and will be training with Aaron for a walking marathon. Yes, we plan on taking the baby. We're that crazy. :)

Hi Rachel! Such a rollercoaster with the family issues. Sending peaceful easy feelings vibes your way.

Sorry to read about the ongoing family stresses, Rachel.
Lovely pictures, walking marathon ?? !!

Hi, Rachel. Sorry to hear about your Mom. It sounds like you have your hands full there. Love the kid photos.

Glad you picked up Black Leopard. Hope that snaps the book funk.

Great family pictures, Rachel. You have so much going on in your life. I hope things calm down and you are able to get some help for the kids.

Hi Rachel!

I'm so very sorry M has suicidal and now homicidal thoughts - if you mentioned the homicidal ones before I must have missed it. Poor little guy for sure, but personally I wouldn't leave D alone with him.

I hope Black Leopard Red Wolf jump starts your reading, too. Do you ever reread books? That's one fairly certain way for me that I can snap a reading funk.

And the pics of the kids are great. That last pic of IL is particularly adorable with his halo of hair.

Take care of yourself as well as taking care of all your family. The bipolar I app sounds like something right up your line, too.

Oh, Rachel; you’re juggling so many people and emotions, plus all the dreary routine of housework and appointments. No wonder your reading is a bit stalled.

Sending you my very best energy.

Happy Easter weekend, Rachel.

Happy Easter, Rachel, and hoping that things calm down for you and your family.

Love the pictures! I is getting so BIG.

Hi Rachel. I am taking advantage of a rainy Easter Monday to catch up on threads. Wow, you have an awful lot going on with the family. Sending you strength to deal with everything.

Thanks for the kind words Richard, Anita, Mark, Karen, Gail, Barbara, Rhonda, and Lori!

Things are going much better today. I got a lot of errands done yesterday, and I am feeling very productive. Today I will be running more errands, doing laundry, hopefully going for a walk, and stopping by the dentist. I also started writing a deployed man in the army as part of the Soldier's Angels program. I thought D would enjoy baking him cookies and the kids could draw him pictures. He says he likes to read, too! I just wrote an email today (which he answered already) and am working on my first letter.

I am currently listening to Pride and Prejudice, and reading The Icebound Land (hopefully moving to Black Leopard, Red Wolf soon. I am also reading a boring book about IEPs.

>173 The_Hibernator: Nice to hear things are good with you today.

You always have so much on your plate that I keep wondering how on Earth you manage to do it all. A time-turner, is my guess, because you must have more hours in a day than the rest of us.

I've just finished listening to Sense and Sensibility (very good) on audiobook, and would like to listen to the other Austens I haven't read already. I've already read Pride and Prejudice, but I might do re-read it as an audiobook once I've finished the others.

>174 PawsforThought: Hi Paws! Mainly I get everything done by not taking my walk today! :( But that's ok, there's always Thursday. Tomorrow I clean my parent's house while the kids are at school, so it can't be that day.